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Thread: Its been and 3 a half years.... I am half way.... And it's scares me.

  1. #1

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    Default Its been and 3 a half years.... I am half way.... And it's scares me.

    So I realised tonight that I am only 3.5 years away from 40.... 40 is my cut of date I guess you could say...

    One pregnancy announced at work today, and another one saying she is trying at the moment.... Plus my BFF has just taken out the implant and is starting to try again as well...

    Im still struggling to get my first, and struggling the lose the weight that will probably make all the difference.... Sigh....

    So what have I gone and done.... Applied for a new job... Wtf am I thinking. If I get it (and I have already been called for interview....) ... I can't say no, as it is a promotion and a pay rise, its too good an opportunity to say no.... I really do want to give the job a try... But really I just want to be pregnant. I want to be a mum, I want to stay at home and enjoy mothering. I don't really want to work at all....

    I just am getting scared it won't happen... It's been three and a half years since I have been trying... I was 33... Thought I had heaps of time.... It's been 2.5 years since I tried clomid... It's nearly 2 years since we stared IVF...... I am feeling hopeless tonight....

    8 cycles... 2 of those FETs and the rest stim cycles.... I'm tired.... I am scared to even use the frosties I have left.... I know its a good haul I have left.... But I am feeling really worried abut using them at all.

    I don't want to wait, but I don't want to start... Sigh....

    I guess I just need some support, and feeling like I am not alone. Maybe a new job would be good for me... Maybe....

    Tears dripping down my cheeks


  2. #2

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    I have no words just lots of positive vibe.

    I was in a similar position 2 years ago although we were about to start ivf and i fell pregnant naturally.

    When ttc i was also comtemplating on what to do but in the end i decided to go for a new job as i really cannot predict when i would fall pregnant and didnt want the world around me to stop just because of my obsession with wanting to be pregnant.

    In turn the job would not stop me ttc either.

    I was only in the job for 5 months when i fell pregnant.

    I hope it happens for yoh soon

  3. #3

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    Huge myturn. I truly understand how difficult putting your life on hold can be. We had been trying for 3.5 years also before a miracle happened. I say go for the job, it will be a great distraction for the time being. I really hope it is your turn soon xx More

  4. #4

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hopefully you get the job and then have to go on leave shortly after to have your baby xxx

  5. #5

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    That's crappy.

    Go for the job. Get the job. Ace the job. You never know what the change in your life could bring. Some teeny shift in the fabric of the universe that'll make things different this time. Maybe it's nonsense. But it's worth hoping for.

    I've got my fingers crossed for you.

    Oh, and sending you all the strength in the world for dealing with PAs. It all just seems so unfair.

  6. #6

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    Oh Hun. It just sucks in a big foot- stamping, sweary, shaking-fist-at-the-universe kinda way. And one that well and truly merits a big cry. I wish I had wise words. Or even ones that would inspire optimism or peace. But I fall short here and all I have to say I wish it were different for you, I'm here if you need a friend and I'm crossing absolutely everything that those frosties become a big fat belly and a beautiful bundle or three in your arms.

    As for the job.... go for it. You deserve to be rewarded. To feel like you're still moving even when LTTTC is holding you in one spot. To get a kick out of being the amazing and capable woman that you are.

  7. #7

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    myturn I could have just about written that post, but I am also single on top of the age thing. I also think 40 will be the cut off for me.....time will tell I suppose.

    Anyway, back to YOU lol, have these , that's about all I can offer. Other than, when I was lamenting to a group of friends recently, they (all with babies btw) were trying to convince me that women can have babies well into their forties now, perhaps that's something to consider.?

  8. #8

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    Default Its been and 3 a half years.... I am half way.... And it's scares me.

    Oh my beautiful friend I am here for you and sending you a hug. It is a hard road, hopefully your new job, if you get it, which i know you will :-) will be a good distraction at the moment.

    Hearing everyone around you having babies is hard and never gets easier. But look at the positive you have some frosties waiting for you, I am jealous ;-) and I am soooo hoping one of them is the special little one.

    I can't promise u it will happen and I know how mush I hated people saying it to me but just remember its not over yet.

    Some days it is all just to hard but know you are not alone and i am always thinking about you and wish I could give you a big RL hug xoxoxoxoxo

  9. #9

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    . Take comfort in knowing that your have 7 snowbubs waiting for you hun, I hope that at least one is a take home bub xoxox

  10. #10
    vd74 Guest

    Default senger epiloe

    This is such a hard and draining process. You and I seem to have been trying for about the same amount of time - me 3years assisted with 8 clomid and 8 fresh IVF cycles- so I understand what you mean about feeling so tired of it.
    The positive for you is that you have been smart enough to start earlier! I only have 6 months left until 40 - also my cut off- and no frosties Try and take comfort in the fact you still have time and at least 7 good opportunities. You still have lots of chances and hopefully the next one will stick... although ... I hate it when people tell me to 'think positive' because 'hope' can be exhausting so if that advice was completely unhelpful then I get it, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself. We all wish we could smash that damn ticking clock!!! This process would be hard enough without it.
    Regarding the job- I took a promotion 4 yrs ago just before starting the process (and delayed starting assisted fertility for 6 months which I regret) and have now have decided to resign the position- I loved it and my CV looks great but after coping well for the first few cycles I am now finding this process is taking so much of me that I just can't think straight anymore. Base your decision on how you are coping personally- remember to look after yourself!

  11. #11

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    It sucks and it's not fair and it just plain sucks (yes, it sucks so much that's it's worth repeating).

    I don't see you walking away from this journey empty-handed; I still see you getting the happy ending you have worked so hard for, however improbable it feels right now.

    I think this job will be a welcome change for you, something to get you out of that rut and renew your energy!

    And if Murphy's Law has any say in the matter, you'll be pg within a few months of starting so that you don't quite make it to 12 months to be eligible for maternity leave...

  12. #12

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    Thankyou so much ladies. I didn't get the job, but did get an interview and really enjoyed the process of going for it.

    I am feeling better, still freaking out in a way, but I guess I just have to suck it up and keep trying.

    DH was saying the other day that it seems the people who keep going seem to be the ones that eventually get there... Not everyone can keep going, so its not always possible... But I guess for now we are still able to. So hopefully they increases my chances.

    And yes juniper... It sucks... and that is definitely worth repeating. It sucks. Thankyou for giving me extra hope that you see me with a baby. I hope so. I really do.

  13. #13

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    Sorry to hear you didn't get the job. The application process does seem to have given you a new vibrance though? Will you be applying elsewhere or was that a unique position?

  14. #14

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    That position is pretty rare. Ill continue to look, but probably won't really actively apply for things at the moment, I will reconsider later in the year and if I am still unhappy with my boss I will probably look for a change next year.

  15. #15

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    Myturn, just wanted to send you a few giant big

    FWIW, it took us seven years. I don't know if that is of any comfort to you but it CAN happen after years of trying, hoping one of those lil frosties is destined to be your take home bubba. Hang in there hun xxx

  16. #16

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    Thanks gorgeous. I really appreciate it.

  17. #17

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    Default Its been and 3 a half years.... I am half way.... And it's scares me.

    So sorry you didn't get the job I was so hoping for you.

    I am crossing my fingers and toes for all those frosties that one is your tale home bubba xoxoxo

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