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amaryllis...love the name! ... I do EXACTLY the same!!! sometimes I barely glance and actually avoid all eye contact etc etc around wee ones out and about, other times I must feel more secure and in a 'happy place' and I can enjoy the wonder that is a little being without anything more than a wistful afterthought when i walk away.
Possums..I feel for you re. the lady coming in with her baby...sometimes it just throws us hey? I wish there was a higher level of understanding amongst the sisterhood out there that it's not easy for all, and sometimes it's damn hard for some of us to share others' happiness...but there's flippin' good reasoning behind it. I for sure know, that I apologised to my girlfriend because way back in my 20s (:redface::rolleyes:), she told me she was trying and whenever I saw her I asked if she had any news for me. If I knew an eighth then what I know now I'd not have done that to her or anyone else I may have inadvertantly upset re. the subject of having children. As it turns out, she was blessed with 2 pretty close together and had her 3rd last year.
Wow hindsight...
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oh absolutely...hindsight...I have been guilty before my losses of saying the dreadful comment "it obviously wasn't meant to be..blah blah"...noone ever wants to hear that. All people want is understanding that its awful and a hug.
i have also been guilty of saying nothing when i didnt know what to say. another bad move. say something that shows you care. when my friends say nothing i feel hurt.
anyway, I guess we are more sensitive understanding people now!
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I totally hear where you're coming from. I went to a 2 year old birthday party last week and a very large proportion of the mum's there with 2 yr olds were due to have another in the next few months. It's so hard!!!
The thing I try to hold at the forefront of my mind is something I read in the paper recently from a chinese accupuncturist who said that you should try to encourage into your life that which you seek or wish for yourself. Easier said than done sometimes, but I'm trying to work with that idea at present.
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Hi girls, I'm in a slightly different situation to most of you, but similar in that I know I'm ready for a baby but can't do it yet. (waiting for the all-clear to TTC again after a molar preg)
I find general preg bellies around the place not so bad, although they seem to draw my eye more than they used to. People I know are a bit harder; at lest with strangers, you can imagine that they've had a battle far worse than your own, and that's their miracle, and that maybe your own miracle is out there somewhere.
Friends who are just having a baby to try and save their relationship, or who have massive credit card debt, and breed anyway are a lot harder to deal with.
Our counsellor gave me some great advice as far as dealing with friends, which is to tell people what you need before an event. So I do. I give the host a phone call beforehand, and say "Here's what's happened/where I'm at. If I have to leave early/step outside/whatever, it's not because I'm not having fun, I just don't want to ruin your night."
Once I've done that, I find it takes the pressure off me trying to make things seem normal, and put everyone t ease by over-acting that everything is OK. Which was really draining. But this way I fare a lot better.
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I can totally relate to what you're all saying - sometimes I dread going to do the shopping because I know there are going to be pregnant bellies and babies everywhere, but other times it's kind of nice to be out and have a little kid stare and smile at me (I take it to mean I mustn't have turned into a bitter and ugly person, despite feeling that way sometimes!)
I'm about to visit family (including two nieces and a nephew under the age of 5) this weekend for the first time since we learned we'd need IVF (and told them), and I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I want them to treat us the same, not tiptoe around us or make us feel like a sad case, but by the same token I feel a little bit fragile and know I'm going to be pretty sensitive to any unhelpful/overhelpful comments. Contradictory I know!
I think I might email them with instructions on how to treat us :lol:
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communication upfront, or before events seems to be a key thing to making everyone lives easier...us and our family and friends.
hope it goes OK
