-
Whilst trying to conceive for 2.5years to finally have my 1st bub in my arms at 40 ... i just simply could NOT ever get an image out of my head for those whole 2.5years in trying & my heart breaking day by day ... I saw once on the train going home one late night after work in the city ...
Was about 8pm & the train was packed of passengers ... and there for ALL to see was a Mother i'm guessing about 30's so drugged up that she kept passing out whilst holding on to a Macca's shake & sloppy burger ... yes, you guessed it with a toddler in a grotty stroller looking at us all seeming very protective of her Mother (almost like a wild cub) as someone quickly moved to stop the milkshake spilling everywhere on other passengers :wall:
I looked at this little girl and thought 'WHY' can't she be my daughter ... this sweet little innocent child living a life with a Mother who is obviously a drug-addict & she can't provide adequate care that her child so rightly deserves !!
It was a full train ... BUT a very silent trip ... I think many passengers where having many heartbreaking thoughts for that little girl and wondering what life lies ahead of her :pray:
-
Thanks Dusty and Alloy. Dusty your words made me cry, thankyou from the bottom of my heart, and as cuddlepie said Possums - thanks for starting this thread. :thumbsup:
-
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. So many of you have put into words how I feel about TTC. It's something I have to keep reminding myself - it is a "means to an end" but the underlying emotions are something you just don't want to drag people down by talking about it. It is hard to keep smiling when others just don't understand.
Thank you girls - you understand.
-
Hi Girls,
I thought I might jump on the band wagon too. I'm pretty angry and sad with TTC at the moment too.
Also having secondary fertility issues, like jodie, I feel a little out place, feeling bad that I am so angry and sad at the moment when I have been blessed with a DS. Unfortunately each month of BFN, a loss to an ectopic pregnancy (with the removal my left tube) and a totally erratic cycle makes the pain very real.
I feel as if I'm still only at the beginning of a very long TTC #2 journey.
Last week, a very close work colleague confided in me that she had an abortion last year. That was absolutely heart wrenching :cry:
Thanks for the thread.
-
Oh ladies, I just want to give you all a big hug and say I am sorry you are in this boat with me...but thank you for sharing...this thread feels like a chance for lots of us to exhale and vent a bit, and that's got to be a good thing! It so so helps knowing I am not alone, and can talk to ladies who understand me...and to know I am not the only one to bubble over with anger sometimes, either at the situation or at other people, after which I often have a good old :cry:
I think something that I think it was Dusty said, struck home with me...and that is that while LTTTC we are in a grieving process...sad for the loss of so many things...and with that comes the anger and the tension etc I hadnt really viewed it that way, but it's so true.
And on top of that, some of us sadly are grieving the loss of one or more babies.... no wonder we get mad!
plus we also have lives to live and other people in our lives to love and care for too...and jobs to manage etc etc :juggle:
Anyway, I know a few of you thanked me for starting this thread, but I am just so glad you have all responded.
And I am also quite sure secondary infertility must be very hard also.
:pray: that soon we can have babies to help soothe our souls
-
DH and I have been TTC for just over 2 years, and I find that its mostly a way of life now. I have mostly good days, interspersed with a few bad ones. DH is great at supporting me, but doesn't quite understand why I can get so upset over something that is not going to happen for us - he's a very logical man :)
Recently, the thing I've found the hardest is when friends get pregnant and say 'I feel so soryr for you, because I didn't even want this baby'. My sister (ticker below) is about to have her baby boy, and when she first fell pregnant she kept offering her baby to me, because she didn't want it. I understand where they are coming from, but I just don't wanna hear how much you don't want your baby - believe me, I appreciate the irony!
I decided to start spending MORE time with my yummy mummy GF's - they have all been so supportive of us, and we babysit all the time, and sometimes have sleepovers as well. Whenever I start aching, I call one of them up and ask to visit, or borrow their kids so they can have some time to themselves - nobodies said no yet!
Offering all of you yummy-mummies-to-be and big :hug: and the promise that when you're turn comes, I'll be one of the first to throw :confetti:!
-
Possums - great thread idea :hug:
I always thought that I had worked through all my issues of anger and "its not fair" by the time we started TTC. See I have always known that falling pregnant was going to be an issue for me. I have never had a proper cycle. When I was young the doc's just put this down to me being underweight (I was a ballet dancer), but just before my DH and I got married I was finally properly diagnosed with PCOS. I was a bit of an atypical case as weight was not an issue (which also meant that I could not help my fertility by losing weight) and testosterone was not an issue either. But needless to say I was going to have problems falling pregnant naturally.
I thought I was fine with accepting all of this and when we started TTC with OI I just threw myself into it and thought "this is just my cross to bear - I will get pregnant". Then my younger sister who had just got married fell pregnant. They were not officially trying, but they went off the pill and she fell pregnant straight away. I was obviously happy for her (she is a wonderful sister) but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was devastated, I couldn't talk to her without crying, so I just avoided her as I did not want to upset her at a time when she should be rejoycing (although I know that hurt her just as much).
We then found out that we had to move to IVF. I was just so damaged by this time, angry, upset... I withdrew from everyone, my family and my friends as I just could not handle anything. BB was really my saving grace as it was the only place where people actually understood the pain that I was feeling. After our first cycle was a BFN I was obviously devastated, but something happened inside me. It was like I let go of all the negative stuff. I suddenly was able to feel excited for my sister and reconnected with people. I don't know how it happened, but it did and I felt at peace with my journey. It was after this that we got our BFP on our FET cycle (I'm not saying that me making peace with it all made the difference - but that is how things worked for me).
To all of you still going through hard, emotional journey... I admire everyone of you, I feel your heartache and I am here cheering you all on every step of the way. You are all such amazing women who will be the most incredible mothers. Each time one of you achieves your BFP - it brings back the feeling I had when I achieved mine.
Janie xxx
