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omg, what an absolutely disgusting article.
mrsmac I think you should write a letter. I don't have any fertility problems that I know of (I hope!) but am offended as a fertile person that she has represented us in this way. I do not wish to be like her in any way and I hope that people with fertility issues don't come across many people like her :(
Yes that would be nice, but how many people would see it if we all boycott the magazine & noone buys it. I am certainly not going to buy it and I will be telling everyone else I know as well.:
BTW those are all fantastic letters
Ok i have done no work this morning except read this thread, and im shocked and disgusted by the article, although very very proud to be part of BB and know all you strong couragious woment TCC via AC or otherwise you are all beautiful goddesses!
Ok Gotta go back to work on my career so i can drive my merc and wonder why i left AC so late starting at 20! And Poor DH and his dodgy sperm he was so old at 23!!!!
Shan
I can't help thinking the author is relishing her notoriety. While I am upset too and understand the need to get our stories out there, so that those who have no experience with infertility aren't lulled into believing the rubbish she's spewed up, but I am also concerned that this gives the magazine and the author what they're looking for: an audience.
The fact that so many women, fertile or infertile, has posted with positivity in this thread reassures me that as a whole, the public know the silly woman is talking out of her ar$e. She obviously wrote the article to get a rise, and that's exactly what she's got. She will never know how strong, how wonderful and how deserving every single one of you are, of not only her respect, but the respect of all those around you. So please, stop wasting your anger with her, start celebrating the amazing people you already are, and that she will never be.
Sushee,
Well said - i was only thinking that myself. It does not matter how one gets to IVF or not - everyone has there own personal story. I thought about writing in but i too thought i am not going to waste my energy on it, the author or the magazine. I am comfortable with who i am and what i am doing and basically i don't give two hoots what anyone else thinks anymore. I was only watching the last episode of Future FAmilies last night - it was about two men having babies, i have no judgements on this, i think anyone that truly goes to these lengths to be a parent deserves it , and one of the men said something that struck a cord with me, he said that he was disappointed in some of the reactions his family and friends took but he was not going to let that stop him having a family, cause even though they may have their opinions they will go on with their own lives so why shouldn't he. Unfortunately there are people out there that will always say and think things without being put in our shoes for a day, one thing i know for sure is IVF has made me a very UNjudgemental person now - it has taught me patience, and strength i did not know i had. It has taught me to be a fighter in the midst of dispear but mostly it has taught me not to judge others, alot of people have judged me thru this journey and alot of people say things that hurt - and thats okay - its a free world - but i know in my heart this is the right journey for me.
And you are a perfect example of why I say that as difficult as this journey is, you are a more beautiful person for it, Lissie. :hug:
All of you are.
Oh wow - I just read both articles.
When oh when will the media stop creating artificial divisions between women! If its not stay-at-home versus "career mom" or breast versus formula its now "natural" vs IVF!! FFS!!!!
I am so sick of this media cr@p! If I didn't know better I'd think it was a right wing conspiracy designed to keep women fighting eachother in order to prevent us from facing the real problems we ALL face as women. You know the ones - the fact that we, as a group, get paid less than men. The fact that we are more likely to be killed by our husbands/partners than anyone else, and yet men who do so often get off on "manslaughter" instead of murder. The fact that a female Deputy Prime Minister is actually big news.
I could go on, but I know I already sound like a mad-ar$ed leftie pinko femmo.
Sorry for the thread hijack - I just hate seeing women being pitted against eachother when there is no need.
I've not commented so far because this is just so stupid - the artificial divisons and the stupid article writer. Not the feelings of upset displayed here, I think the writer is beyond contempt and I can understand people being upset that anyone would think like that.
But I agree, Aurora, if the sign of a good husband is one who doesn't beat or kill us (my mum's definition yesterday when I mentioned I'd been up all night and DH had done nothing) then we really need to get together as women, no matter what sort of conception, labour and parenting we subscribe to.
I don't think IVF is "cool", I don't think IVFers should be penalised by stupid people, I think stupid people should be sterilised and then, when they get brains, they can have the IVF. But then anyone actually needing IVF would be branded as insensitive and unable to think before they speak, so maybe not the best of ideas from me.
I read that article too and was repulsed by it.
"The new black" indeed. I'm 30, started ttc at 26. We have one car, its over 20 years old. My "career" involves caring for my partner who is ill. Doing IVF was a financial stretch for us.
I have been intending to write a letter to the editor since I read it a week ago, but I'm waiting to calm down enough.
would it make a difference if we all boycotted Safeway as a supermarket as well, or is that unrelated?
For the author and publisher, their ignorance must be bliss.
I too read the articles and posted an enormouse vent on my blog, before being pointed over here. It is comforting to know from what people have written in here that fertile and infertile women don't distinguish their support for each other - that is so important to be united in empathy for each other, regardless of our issues.
I have written a letter to the editor. What you said is very true Sushee, i think it is also important to educate the public on matters of importance. Media thrive on printing rubbish and communities thrive on the superficial opinions of some too. Like the breastfeeding forum at parliament that Kelly took all our thoughts too, I will at least have a small attempt at letting some big media mogul know that parents don't want this, they want educated, informed opinions that assist with conception and parenting. It will also help with the healing to get it off my chest - my personal reason, just for me.
this is my letter to the editor:
RE: Goddess V Goddess in Australian Parents Feb/March 2008
I am writing to express my deep concern over the contents of this article. As a parenting magazine I expect to find informed and well researched articles in regards to the matter of infertility. I also expect that any ‘opinions’ expressed would be by people with experience in a particular area (referring to Allison Rushby), especially relating to infertility. What both sides of your article fail to mention is that infertility and the need for couples to look to IVF is for the MAJORITY of cases due to a ‘medical problem’. Hence, this article has penned what appears to be a healthy and normal condition (ie fertility) against person’s with a medical problem. I have yet to see published in any other magazine articles drawing to our attention healthy able bodied people ‘having a go’ at people in wheelchairs, with breast cancer, diabetes etc, also classified as medical conditions.
I am afraid I am completely astounded at the insensitivity of this article towards couples undergoing IVF. Statements such as
“I feel terribly for women who want children and suddenly find themselves in a place where it’s looking like an impossibility. I have to admit I was shocked, however, to find myself the spring chicken of the private obstetrician’s waiting room at what I thought was the grand old age of 29”
are extremely insensitive to those undergoing any kind of fertility treatment. I myself was in the obstetrics waiting room at the grand old age of 27 after 3 laparoscopies, drug treatment for severe endometriosis (my medical condition) and finally a successful pregnancy. Therefore, age is not the defining factor for those requiring IVF or medical treatment for infertility. I can cite many more examples of young couples requiring intervention for this very purpose.
I would like to say to Allison that I would never expect a person to apologise for their fertility, but in this case I am asking for a personal apology to myself, other women with infertility and those who are fertile who are deeply offended by your cruel comments.
Allison, infertility is not about you (surprise surprise), it is about us and the ways we try to deal with it. Until I became ‘medically infertile’ I did take my fertility for granted, as I did the ability to walk, be cancer free and have stable blood sugars. This is what ‘healthy’ people do and it is normal to feel this way. Part of my journey through infertility has been to deal with the grief of my fertility ‘dying’ and yes this does include envy of pregnant women, but because I wanted to be you, not take something as precious as a baby away from you. How could you even think that?
And to Jodi Panayotov, I am an Occupational Therapist too and well aware of the stages of grief related to death and dying. The death of our fertility is not something to apologise for, it is something to be explained to help people empathise with what we may be going through. Thankyou for having the guts to say what many of us feel. If someone was dying of cancer and in a moment of envy or anger had a go at a healthy person for being alive and well, you know what? They would probably understand the desperation that person felt at their personal loss. Don’t underestimate the sensitivity and empathy of fertile women to do the same for us. For many it is necessary to go through this process in order to come out the other end with some resemblance of healing.
Thankyou to my wonderful sister-in-law for her sensitivity towards me during her second pregnancy when I had been trying again unsuccessfully for our second child for two years. I am grateful for the beautiful niece I now have and the empathy you showed me.
So Australian Parenting, I cannot with a conscience continue to patronize your magazine. If you wanted media sensationalism, you got it, if you wanted to try and divide women on yet another parenting issue, you got that too, if you wanted reactions you got that one. You also got less patronage as I will tell as many parents as I can about this. I have only wasted my time writing this letter for myself, to get it off my chest and to then get on with life, together with other infertile/fertile women, my friends, so that we can continue to support each other through the ups and downs of conception and parenting.
I will be forwarding this email to your advertising sponsors and I can only hope you have the heart to apologise to all the fertile and infertile people you have offended through this superficial and cruel article. It is so important that women stick together to help each other through the journey of parenting with validity and empathy, not tear each other apart.
Yours sincerely,
Michelle Wellard
An excellent letter, Michelle.
Fantastic letter, Michelle :)
well done to all of you for such great, heartfelt and considered letters :)
Wow, I'd missed all of this. I figure it's not too late to send an email myself, as they're still advertising it on the website. Mine's certainly not as well written as some of the others:
"To Jody Scott
I'm writing to express my disgust at the recently published article, 'Goddess v Goddess'.
I find it incredibly tasteless attempting to pit women against each other over the issue of fertility. Surely you could not believe this to be an example of quality journalism? Frankly, the quality of this article ranks amongst the worst of television current affairs programs.
I am a few weeks shy of 32. I'd always envisioned myself starting to have children at the age of 24, but that's not the way my life turned out. I didn't 'put off' having children. That wasn't my choice. My new husband and I are keen to start a family, but at this stage we have no idea what our chances are of conceiving or delivering children. I hope that whatever our outcome, I'm lucky enough to never encounter people as ignorant as Allison Rushby, nor as insensitive as yourself in choosing to publish such a piece of rubbish.
If your aim was to create a controversy to generate sales, I can only be thankful that I didn't waste my money buying your magazine. Be confident in the knowledge that I won't be making future purchases.
Sincerely,
Michelle Jones"
In all honesty, I really don't know what our chances are. We're hoping for the best, but who knows how it's all going to turn out? Either way, it's not a case of fertile vs infertile. What do they think? That there are two camps out there, waging war against each other? We're all in this together. We're all human beings.
(With notable exception of Allison Rushby, apparently.)
Have there been any responses yet?
none here - i doubt we'll get one - but i sure as hell hope the message got through that we weren't happy!
I was hoping for something back to one of us, but didn't expect it, either... have to keep a look out in the next months issue and see if anything is printed....
I doubt it, though :(
No response here either.
I haven't had a response yet either. Interestingly, I have finally started to enjoy my pregnancy this week (22wks). I have found it really difficult to let go of our infertility and it actually helped to write down how infertility has affected me the past few years. I didn't realise just how much the fear, dissapointment etc of infertility had been affecting this pregnancy until the clouds cleared. So thankyou to everyone for your comments and for listening.
Hugs,
Mich