just need a vent!!!! sorry

Thanks so much everyone for your very kind and support words, you are all so amazing and i am very thankful to have you guys to lean on and look for when i need help.

i know that i should be focusing on the positives, but right now i cant see them, i feel sad and angry for the way this has turned out! i know tomorrow i will feel better about it all but today i just feel horrible.

i just had to do the hardest thing, i had to tell my dd who has been with me every step of the way through this ivf cycle, that it wasnt meant to be and now we have to pray to god and ask him to help us give her a brother or sister naturally. My little girl is amazing, when we told her that things hadn't worked out the way they were suppose to, she said to me " its ok mummy, we will just keep on trying and trying" i think i just fell in love with this gorgeous little girl all over again. I am so blessed and lucky to have her, she has held my hand every night for the injections and she crosses off the syneral dosage chart every morning and night, and when i was feeling sick she would lay beside me and we would watch tv or a movie or just simple sit and chat. she so desperatly wants a sibling and thats why today is so much harder, i dont ever want to see disappointment in her eyes

i hate feeling like this, i want to feel positive but just cant find those happy thoughts

Mummytochloe, ditto to Possums, Nic and BW.
It is so dissapointing hun, I know as I too have been there a couple of times. The PCOS girls will tell you how hard it sometimes is to balance the drugs and your response. Reducing the risk of OHSS is really important, and they have a duty of care to your health. I am glad you have the chance to do it naturally, you just never know.
They will have learnt lots from your cycle and will be able to adjust the drugs for your next one.

That all said I know how devastating it is and I hope you and DH are being kind to yourselves.

xx

ETA: Chloe is gorgeous. Your post made me cry, how absolutely sweet of her. Children are amazing creatures and you have obviously got a wonderful relationship with her.

had my trigger shot this morning, so hopefully the 2 eggs that i have will ovulate tomorrow.

dont know where i belong, do i join the iui thread?? well its not really a proper iui is it??

i cant help but think that tomorrow would of been egg pick up:cry: and i never thought i would miss having my injections, 8pm last night i felt sad cos i wasnt injecting and i miss the syneral spray, as much as i hated it and felt horrible from it i miss it.

i start crinone on saturday night, are they as horrible as what people say they are?? i had the little bullet shaped pessaries and they werent to bad but this is the first time i have had to use crinone. i dont really want to use them, but the ivf nurses yesterday said that i might as well use them. just worried that if there as bad as people say they are then i would rather not seen as though it doesnt really matter now cos we arent doing the proper ivf. it would be nice to be at work next week and not have to deal with any of the side effects.

Hi there M2C,

The other ladies have given you such good advice I don't know how much I can add to it, but I just wanted to say :hug: from someone else who has been there and knows how it feels having a cycle cancelled.

My first IVF cycle was cancelled and converted to an IUI (BFN :() and now I am on my second cycle and going to EPU on Thurs with 3 follies - hardly a resounding success :wall: I too have a DD who would dearly love a sibling, but despite all our efforts it just isn't happening - all I want to do is give my child a brother or sister :pray: Your DD sounds beautiful!

You will start to feel those happy thoughts again though, it just takes a while for the hope to come back but it does! Take it easy on yourself in the meantime.

All the very best and I hope you don't need the next IVF cycle x

thank you so much megsmum

best of luck with your egg pick up on thursday, i will be thinking of you.
hopefully the 3 follies you have will be 3 future brothers and sisters for your dd
it sounds like we are both going through the same thing when it comes to trying to give our daughters a sibling, its such a horrible feeling when you cant give your child what they so desperatly want. if you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me.

Oh my poor "buddy". I feel so much for you right now I wish I was there to give you a big hug - this is just horrible. I will write you a much more in depth email later on tonight but just so you know we are thinking of you guys and really hope that you get your BFP this cycle. There are 2 eggs there - you never know what could happen! Hugs to you, write down all your concerns and send the clinic an email/letter - not nasty just so they know how you feel and hopefully it won't happen again. We are rural too and it sucks not having anything close by. Lots of love K

mummyto chloe, chloe sounds so lovely, you are lucky to have such a wonderful daughter
I hope things pick up for you

Thanks for that M2C :) I hope we finally have some luck!

It is awful not being able to give your child what they want isn't it? I would do anything for my DD. Secondary infertility sucks :( Anyway, same goes here if you ever need to talk please PM me too.

Good luck again!