LT TTC and Assisted Conception Apr-May 2011

Hi girls,
I'm still around :hello:, not doing anything yet,but waiting for AF ( now on CD53) and paperwork transfer before I start an FET- hopefully not too much longer. I have never missed an AF in my entire life ( besides when I was UTD) so it is weird to have my body doing something so unusual. I have meds to bing AF on, but I really wish my body would do it itself, because I don't wnat to go into an FET with things off kilter. grrrrr.

Loops- wow you are at the time in the tww when everything looks like a preg symtoms, my sympathies- hopefully something ( ie a BFP) will give you a definate answer. :crossfingers: for you.

Meg- Really sorry you are in that situation- sounds dodgy as to me. My DH would have gone nuts about that, its never happened to me so I didn't realise they would still charge- rubbing salt into the wound hey. Greedy B@st@rds! I hope you get it sorted, we are well over the tww torture and never ending disappointments- I would be so grateful just to have one baby, then, I agree- time to enjoy life, no IVF!!!!

jayejaye-hi how areyou going?

hi anyone else!

Evening all!

Well, I find myself back in this thread...again....having not graduated from the LTTTC Two Week Wait thread :(

Not that I don't love you girls, but I was sort of hoping not to have to come back (other than to visit of course!!)

I had my blood test on Monday and my HCG was 2. My FS thinks implantation started but didnt continue. Sucks really. What sucks more is I am 40 years old in 21 days. That's three weeks for a miracle to occur. Forty seems like such a line in the sand. Even though rationally I know it doesnt mean my fertility is going to halve overnight.

Oh well... DP and I had a review appointment with my FS yesterday and she says we should keep on trying but to have a two month break. She says it takes an average of 10 embryos to be transferred for a successful pregnancy. I have only had four transferred so she said she is not too concerned yet.

In the two month break I have to lose weight. Ideally, ten kilos, but at least five. It will be tough going. I have put seven kilos on since starting assisted conception a year ago. But it really is not negotiable.

I also had to have blood tests this morning (cd 2). My FS is testing the following:
ANA - Anti-Nuclear Antibody, anticardiolipin ab, antithrombin 111, karyotype, lupus anticoagulant, protein C and S, prothrombin gene mutation, factor V leiden/APC resistance, CA125, Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, Prolactin, Progesterone, Oestradiol, Luteinising Hormone, FSH, SHGB, Glucose (fasting), insulin fasting, DHEAS, 17 hysroxyprogesterone, sensitive testosterone.

It only took six great big vials of blood!!! I dont know a lot about the implications of the results of these tests (other than the standard FSH, etc). If anyone knows, I would love to hear more!

My DP had to have a BT for Karyotype. Not sure if there was anything else...

At the moment I feel a bit disheartened. The more I read about IVF, the more I feel like it is not going to work. I am too old. I am too fat. Honestly it just really sucks. I know I have to get into a better headspace. Hopefully this time off will help...

Anyway, I know this is a 'woe is me' post. I am really sorry. Just a bit over it today. AF is shocking. I am bleeding huge clots. And, like I said, 40 is looming :( :( :(

And, I am bloody hungry :lol:

take care all x

:hug:i know how you feel n2l. i'm 39 in a week- not a mum yet and it seems like i will never be.
:boohoo: for both of us.
couple of sad sacks aren't we lol, but birthdays are not something to celebrate when you are lttc!!!!!

Hi girls. I know how you feel. I have been missing in action from this thread for a few months to get my head together, and last week turned 40. I agree, it seems like do not pass the maternity ward, do not collect a baby!! Have been following you all and wish you love, support and some freakin miracles - not too much to ask.

Meg-i would definitely follow up, that just doesnt sound right to me - agree it should cost something, but not the whole amount!!!

Hi saffy - iam good. Very upset after the last BFN - AF arrived 4 days after blasty transfer which to me just doesnt seem right. Had appt with FS yesterday, and he said that was quick, but just means it was never going to happen. He said it was a grade c blasty (which is the first i heard about it) and when i got preggers it was grade b. Glad they tell you this **** after the fact.

Anyway, in the past he has always been totally anti transferring more than one blasty, but this time he was open to it, which i suspect has something to do with my age, although he did say if they were grade a or b blastys they should only transfer one andfreeze the rest.

Hi loops and n2loose. I know we are all going to get there soon - as i said to FS yesterday, i know its a marathon and not a sprint, but sometimes i just wish it wasnt so trying both physically and emotinally.

So anyway, here's to us older gals getting knocked up. Hi to everyone that i have missed. AFM, starting next stim cycle in about 2 weeks when AF arrives, and trying (lots!!) for a natural miracle this month (ha ha even as i am typing it i hear laughing in my head). And if one more person says to me "oh lots of people have a baby naturally after having their firat by IVF" i will snot them!

Bless.

yea sounds like BS to me Meg, how can yo upay for something that you didnt get done?

*hugs to everyone else* Im not in a good mood...going to a baby shower tomorrow, thought i was fine with it, wasn until i was wrapping the pressie... now i'm in such a bad mood, the saddness has been over taken by frustration and anger...Dh is just shaking it off, just asked why im cranky i said 'i told you' and now he has gone to bed. I know there is nothing we can do but **** it!
its weird...this is all normal, its normal not to be pg, its normal to want something you cant have. so everything is just the same as always and normal...so even though i see babies every day, i touch them and help mums look after them. its all normal to have that smile on my face withouth one under neath. even though now its getting harder to fake that smile...
whats harder is every day im seeing more and more mums not appriate their babies...and these poor little ones become wards of the state just because the mums couldnt get a rats arse...makes me so angry!

Hi Girls,

Sounds like everyone is feeling crappy! If there's one thing I've learned through all this it's that you need to feel what you feel when you feel it or it comes back to get you in a big way later...

Nothing2lose- I think I had almost all of those tests before I started my first stim cycle. I remember being stunned at the number of BIG viles that were filled. My FS sent me for all of those because I was 32, healthy, ovulating every month, all the other tests came back normal etc etc but I'd been trying to get pregnant for 3 years with no success. This was before they realised how bad my endo was... I also feel your pain on the weight thing. I've also put on 7 kilos since this all started which has taken me from 60 to 67kgs. That might not sound too bad but it has taken me to the top of the healthy weight range and with another stim cycle around the corner I can't help but wonder if it will happen again! Admittedly, I haven't been doing any exercise and when I feel like crap I tend to bake... I want to drop at least a couple of kilos before starting again so maybe we can turn this into the weightloss thread!!

And n2l, Saffy and jayejaye, although I'm a few years behind you guys, the age thing is really starting to stress me out too. I have a particularly insensitive sister who when I commented recently about how I would be 35 this year and that my age wouldn't bother me except that I haven't had a baby, said "What? You don't need to worry about that till you're 40." Um, yeah that's 5 years away and we've already been trying for 5 years. She also has two beautiful healthy children with whom she fell pregnant on the first attempt. Both times. She also acts like they are nothing more than an inconvenience for her.

Hi Teirae- as I've just come back in I'm not up to speed on where everyone is up to. Do you have another FET planned?

Hugs to everyone.

M. x

Hi Lovely ladies
Although I'm feeling a bit better this week, I have to join you all on the feeling low and crappy train... I hadn't said anything on BB as I didnt want to depress everyone but since we are all sharing.. last week I had a lot of issues with family and friends saying I'm too negative and my dad feels I'm playing the sympathy card with the posts I do on Facebook (he's a councellor and also just worried about the implications) also my sister cracked it with me for announcing on FB how happy I was that I am going to be an aunty again and that she is pregnant (she hates FB). She had told all the family so I thought it would be ok. Anyway to cut a long story short these issues upset me so much, (especially that I thought my sister would have been very happy that I was so happy and excited for her), that I was saying and thinking that I just didnt want to be here anymore. The lowest of low points I think i've ever felt. Anyway im much better now and now I can share with you guys because you understand where my depression comes from, wont judge me and realise that I'm just needing to vent and seek encouragement - im not after a sympathy card. Thanks for allowing me to share.

N2L ~ yep I had to have all those test too - I wanted something to come up and nothing did -so I guess for us its just still the male factor issue.

Saffy ~ yeh I say every time I wont think about any symptoms next month and then what happens... I just can't stop it. I'm also thinking that perhaps one child will be better than none and just pray that one day we may get a 2nd miracle. But yes I feel like my time is getting shorter and shorter and I'm only 31.

Hope we are all feeling much brighter very soon, goodluck ladies and thanks so much for all your care and support xoxo :grouphug:

OKAY GIRLS.....

Thought it was time we do a round-up of where everyone's at.

Could be just me (probably is :lol:) but I am a bit lost...

Who is doing what? Who is cycling when? Is anyone having a break (other than me and Loops?) If so, when do you hope to start?

Happy to make a kind of list thingo if anyone wants...

Hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday afternoon :)

n2l x

:hug:Happy sunday to you all!!

Awwww, loops, big :hug: to you. I agree with what Meg said, if you dont let yourself feel what you need to feel, it comes back around ten fold. I told hubby after last cycle i just need to cry all day for a day and then i will be fine......so he left me alone, and sure enough i could pick myself up again! Otherwise i think i would still have it all inside. I hope you feel better soon - only you know what you need, so dont worry about family.

N2l, i start jabbing in approx 2 weeks when AF arrives. Excited but dreading it at the same time, i am sure you all understand.

Smiles to everyone!:D:D

Where we are all at!!

Saffy - Starting with new clinic, waiting for paperwork...Next cycle ??
N2L - Beginning next stim cycle late July. Testing for everything under the sun in the meantime! Trying to lose 10kg
Jaye Jaye - Beginning next stim cycle mid-June
Teirae - Waiting for AF to start natural FET
Meg76 - Waiting for lap to clear endo
Loops12 - Waiting to begin next cycle :)
Blossom76 - Two Week Wait :pray:

Hi Chicks!

Loops- you poor little thing- it all sucks and it's not fair! I would be ****ed right back at your sister! You are extremely evolved and mature being nothing but happy for her. Not me! I am jealous and bitter of anyone who falls pregnant at the moment! Fortunately my sisters are a fair bit older than me and their baby-making days are behind them. I do have an old friend who started IVF in October last year after 12 months of trying and fell on the first attempt. That ****ed me off too because I feel like she has no idea what it feels like when it doesn't work! Nice, aren't I? But you are right, you do have a safe place here to express whatever it is you are feeling.

N2L- great idea! Coming back in, I feel like I need to work out who is doing what. Unfortunately though, my next step is surgery to clean up the endo before another stim cycle. I'm waiting on the referral from my FS to the endoscopic surgeon because she doesn't want to touch it! That fills you with confidence, doesn't it?! Apparently he is the best in Australia which is great but worries me in terms of how long it will take to get in with him. Hopefully I will know more by the end of this week.

Hope everyone is starting to feel a bit brighter!

xxx

Sorry Meg!!!
I accidently put Jaye Jaye's update next to your name!

Even with a list I can't get it right :lol:

Fixed now!

Hope you don't have to wait to long to see the specialist.

hi all, yea i'm lost too..

went to a baby shower yesterday...wanst as bad as i was expecting, the worst bit was when i was catching up with some friends and them asking how the TTC is going, and having to explain the whole thing..same thing happened at the pub last night when chatting with one of DH best mates, tyring to to bore or drag them all down so just said, yea we are trying IVF, and leaving it at that...

so after all that, what do I do to cheer myself up?? I buy baby stuff! our town had a market day today, and everyhouse had a garage sale, so we were checking it all out and I was chatting to a girl who lives down the road who had a ring sling for sale, was in my fave colours, and was like 1/3 of the retail price...DH encourages me to buy all this stuff now when i get it heaps cheap rather than wait til we need it and getting full price, which i agree with, i'm getting as much 2nd hand/free stuff as i can, but yea...hes not good with the talking me out bit... so I was chatting to her about how i look at ring slings and dont feel they are secure, but she had triplets (!) and said she used to carry 2 in the sling and push one in a pram...so must work....so now I own 3 different types of slings and not a baby...

I dont recommend doing that to cheer you up...

anywho... where am i at..

I am just waiting for AF to come so i can start a FET (i think we will go with natural not stim cause i dont have a problem with Oing..they did say they can stim if needed), so I just O'd this cycle last weekish... so expecting AF in the next week or 2, then we can start again =) we have 2 frosties, so will use one of them I guess.


love to everyone!!!! sorry theres no personals again, im still lost...

Hi LADIES
You all brighten me up so much and are all very much appreciated! The nice sunshine we are having at the moment helps too!

N2L ~ thanks for the list - good work! I get totally lost too. All the best to you with your weight loss and the lead up to your next cycle. :pray: the next one is the one for you (4 us both)!

Jayejaye ~ thanks so much hon, your support means everything. 100% agree with that too and I do feel I need to do what I feel is best for me not worry so much about what the family thinks. Excited for you about starting another cycle - :crossfingers: for an up-coming BFP for you! Goodluck with the jabbing.

Meg ~ thanks hon for the shoulder to lean on. Believe me I do get a little bitter occasionally, I think it is only natural for us having been TTC for so long. I'm pretty close to my family so I guess thats why it hurt so much as well - but when it comes down to it I just don't want any of my family or close friends to have to go through what we have. Completely understand why you'd be upset with your friend though. Thats why its so great we have each other in here - hugs!

Tei ~ baby showers do tend to be hard - I can't wait for the day that mine will come.
I think we should be proud when we face our friends and families' baby-showers. Goodwork. I get tempted to buy baby stuff all the time and I do have some things but I do tend to stop myself. The further we get along I start to say why though, perhaps I should buy stuff - it may jinx us in a good way :lol:
Hope AF comes soon so you can get started - all the best for your FET, I've heard natural is the way to go if you can. :pray:

Saffy and Blossom ~ hope you're well. Goodluck with everything

:pink-babydust::bluedust: for us all and :grouphug:

Hi girls,

Loops- sorry your family can't give you the room to vent without passing judgements, that must have been hard for you. We are always here as you know and we understand xx

Teraie- hmmm, babyshowers...difficult. I get the same thing at work with questions all the time " how are you going with your IVF", what can I say? "good thanks"!?! without going into the whole details, its hard to just brush people off.

meg- my acupucturuist said you (as in everyone,not just you) put on 2 kg with each stim cycle so it is a losing battle!! I am trying really hard to keep my weight under control too before it gets out of control. Did you have any progress on the payment issue?

N2L- thanks for the list, hopefully i will have a more definate timeframe soon. Are you feeling any better??

jayejaye- that sucks about your last cycle, sounds very strange to get AF that soon, I wish FS's would have an answer for things like that rather than "i don't know why that happened". The same thing happened to me when i did an FET earlier this year. How frustrating, no chance of embie implanting when the lining is shedding straight away!!!
I would have been really annoyed if I were you.

Blossom- hope the tww is treating you well.

AFM- went to acupuncture this am to try and bring my AF on, been cramping since so fingers crossed!

Thanks Saff ~ I know you ladies are the best! And I'm always here to listen as well and offer my support where I can of course, xoxo
Goodluck - really have FX'd tight AF arrives within the next couple of days!

Hope everyone is well today!

I just spoke to my nurse about when the next rounds will be that I may be able to do. If I started the pill now I could do the July cycle. Bummer we dont have the money. So looks like it will be September. So now I'll be hoping it flies around. I'm happy to have a trarget time :)

Tei ~ hope AF arrived and you are getting started.

hi everyone.
I'm still around. but I go through phases where i'll be on bb every minute and spamming the boards, and other times just the thought of it makes me sick.. I think I'm in the latter atm. So I might not be around much, but remember I'm thinking of you all, I always do. and I'll deff. be back when AF arrives and things start happening again I'm sure, I might even be back before...but we will see. I'm sorry, I know it is selfish of me to only be here when I need it. but I do still think of you all.

Loops ~ the fact it costs money bites so hard! so much money spent (and wasted?) on something that should be so easy. I'm sorry to hear you have to wait a bit longer. *hugs*. although it is good to know something will be happening at some point. I take it that means your hubby is better? and ignore your family =Poh and I'm currently cd20.

Saffy ~ whats the accupunture like? is it worth a shot? I actually work with a woman who has her own bussiness and does it. I have heard so many good things about it from different people. I just havent done it. Can you just go for ****s and giggles, or do you need to have a purpose? like when would the best time for me to go? When is your next step? whats happening once AF comes?

Hi N2L, Meg, Blossom (how you feeling any signs?!? when do you POAS??) Jaye Jaye

*big hugs everyone* (altho only a cyber one cause i have a cold =( )