LTTTC Two Week Wait 2014 #5

Continuing on from here.
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...13-4-a-194614/

Okay, this is the bit I hate... The problem with testing early, is that you start obsessing about the darkness of the line... I did a FMU POAS this morning, and the line is still feint. It's not a squinter, you can see the line clearly, but it's still very light. I remember with the twins, the line was a bit darker on 7dp5dt, but I was expecting twins (didn't know that at the time though) and once I got my pos with the twins - although I kept POAS daily until BT to see if the line was getting darker, I didn't feel the stress and worry that I am feeling about this bfp? I'm not sure why I'm feeling like this?

I really wanted to take a photo of pee stick and send to DH. The photo worked, and you can see the second line... But something is stopping me? To all you lovely ladies that have been in this position.... Should the second line be significantly darker today - than it was yesterday? I feel like I cant compare with the twin pregnancy because my hcg levels would have been huber, earlier as a result if it being a twin pregnancy??!!!

Seriously, this is why myturn and others say don't test, I'm sure! I am so not sorry I tested, but I do just think when your mindset shifts to, okay I'm pregnant, but what if it doesn't stick - then there's a whole different set of concerns to 'did it work or did it not work'....

I guess I had just forgotten how each milestone is now stressful. The BT's, then the 7 weeks scan (OMG what if there's more than one again!), then making the first 12 weeks etc... Myturn I remember some of your posts early on, and I know it took you a while to be able to relax and trust that baby was going to be fine..... I am trying to be rational and instead of convincing myself that my intuition is trying to prepare me for it not sticking etc, I'm just trying to focus on "the way you feel is normal, everyone feels the same when they get their bfp etc" but the truth is I'm afraid!!, (I know this is normal as well) gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr.

Xx

Ttl - I think if you test at least every other day the line should be darker. Something about hcg taking 2 days to double... might not be that much difference in day to day tests. That's what I found when I got my bfp. And I tested probably twice a day & drove myself (and my dh) crazy with photos & trying to compare. I know it seems like a long time away, but just see what tomorrows looks like. ; )

Thanks Andie! Excellent point about the hcg doubling every couple of days... Also I think I didn't do myself any Davonte today... I did a wee at 2.30 am (didn't test) and then I did test at 4.45am when I got up.. So probably not really first morning urine as I drank water in between. Also I'm not using FRER's which I probably should be

I really appreciate you stopping by! Xx

Yeah I agree, the line doesn't get significantly darker every day. So don't stress hun!! Myturn will back me up in this I'm sure, but what I found really hard in the end, was peeing several times a day to see how darker the line was getting, I drove myself mad lol. I'm sure the line will be darker tomorrow hun, keep calm

AFM, I am officially leaving this crazy place lol. I had my BT yesterday but deliberately kept busy as I just didn't want THAT phone call, so I returned the call today and of course, BFN confirmed . I really don't know what to do from this point, I haven't spoken to my OH about it really. I know he'll go with what I want to do, I think part of it is his guilt from not trying harder earlier, he now knows how I feel getting the BFN one after the other and how it's affecting me. I'm sure the FS will tell me to keep going, he's now armed with the good AMH result, TBH, I'm just not sure we can find that good egg. But I know I'm not ready to give it all up, but also, I know I'll have to make up my mind pronto as every day counts now. So, goodbye for now, and good luck 3rt time lucky, I'll be of course stalking lol xxx.

My line was the same lightness for 3days then suddenly went darker on the fourth, don't stress x

Oh Miss B, I'm so sorry it was a neg. I know you were expecting it, but the phone call makes it all very real and it's crap. I don't know what else to say... It's such a personal choice as to what you do from here, now that your AMH is improved - I would much more positive about cycling again! I hope you do, I just don't think it's over yet.. But I know it's different for everyone. I'm so sorry and I'm thinking of you! Thank you for being the best 2ww buddy anyone could ask for... I know it must have been super difficult staying in here

I should have been testing on a FRER. Thanks Amy_jb for reminding me!!!! Grrrrr.

I had to gout for nappies for the twins so I grabbed some (such a waste of money!) anyway, quite a strong second line!! No squinting required I can see the line from 2 meters away (yes of course I tried). So that's it, I'm not testing again now. I'm going to wait for Thursdays BT.

Xx

TTL - I am crossing everything..... legs, toes, fingers that you have a sticky little embie in there!! Gosh you must be hanging out for your bt on Thursday, so cool

Miss B - so sorry, im sending a BIG virtual hug. I agree everyday counts so if you decide to start trying again then get back to it as soon as you possibly can, I think given your great AMH levels you have every chance of getting that BFP

Yaaaaaay!!! I was going to suggest testing on a FRER hun, these are super sensitive. I was also going to say, in my first bacth of embies (first cycle) we went with day 5 embryos, and I eneded with 2 blasties and both the first one took (fresh blastie) and the second one (frozen blastie). So my doctor always said that was a great batch. Seeing you've got two little girls from the first batch/transfer, you probably have got a great batch as well. So no wonder this embie is great too!! I have everything crossed for you hun, you've been so patient and positive, it ought to work!

Awww, thanks so much 3rd time lucky and Positively, you girls rock . Where would I be without you ladies

The others have said it all. It will suddenly go very dark... A week after BT mine actually was so dark it starts pulling colour from the control line and THAT freaked me out too! I stopped testing then. Tested messes with me, scares me more and makes me wonder too much - you are exactly right - that's why I don't test... But I seem to be a lone wolf on that one in here!!!

It is scary and each step you just don't know what will happen. I am hoping it all works out for you TTL - it's always good to see someone graduate xoxox

Miss.B.... As I hope you know, I am devastated for you. And sending you huge squishy hugs xoxoxoxoxo look after yourself my friend. I know where I am at right now just rubs salt in the wound. But if there is anything I can do (or not do!!) please reach out - I know its hard to do that. But if you need it. Anytime. Know that I will be there xoxox

Sneaking in...Sending you big hugs Miss B I'm so sorry for your result. Thinking of you and I hope your journey is not over and your happy ending is not too far away xx...Sneaking out..

I wish I could sleep past 4am. Seriously, the jokes not funny anymore!!

So I sent DH a photo of the pee stick. I knew he would be happy, I didn't expect him to cry! I think my DH is a pretty amazing guy - I don't think there are many blokes out there that would be happy to have 5 kids (well this one will be his forth - my eldest is from a previous marriage) but we have all four living with us most of the time. I think it helps that my ex husband is still my best friend, and he's good friends my my DH as well. I don't know many ex husbands either, who would be happy to move in to their ex wifes house for a week and look after all 4 kids (so that DH and I can have a holiday together once a year). I just feel really lucky to have such great men in my life (OMG the hormones must be seriously running wild hahahahahaha)....

Miss B, I think I can speak for everyone else when I say we will ALWAYS be here for you. No matter what. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, you are one of the most remarkable women I know (virtually, eg online). You always manage to find a kind word for others, even though sometimes you must not feel like it... You've also been dealt more than your fair share (hand) of 'crappy cards' - but you always hold your head high and keep moving forward. It's for this reason that I hope you cycle again... I really feel as though you deserve to get your bubba. I know everyone in here does - and maybe I shouldn't say this - but somehow ijust feel as though you 'extra' deserve it. I wish I could make it happen for you. I wish I could do something more...

Thank you for your beautiful comments about the embies from 'that' cycle! Yes, I agree with you - i think 'that' cycle for me produced amazing embryo's. I was really diligent in preparing my body for the one and only free cycle I've done. That said, I only had to do one (which I often feel so bad about, when there are so many long -termers, ladies who have been trying for years and years to have a baby). Sometimes I feel bad being here, because I feel like we have had it relatively easy... The only thing I can do though is try and be as supportive as I can to other ladies in here... And pray they get their happy ending.

Myturn - the day you got your bfp, I cried like a baby I was that happy for you, that i felt like I had got a bfp myself! Miss B, WHEN you get your bfp, I know I will be exactly the same.

I credit accupuncture with that cycle being so successful btw. I went religiously 4 times per week and I ate nothing but oily fish and green veggies for weeks. It helped that my FS and my accupuncturist worked together as well! They spoke once a week about my cycle for 8 weeks before actual egg retrieval and I'm sure that helped. The guy that I used to go to in Perth is well known for specializing in TTC accu. He had photos and letters from mummies and their bubbas all over his office wall which was kind of cool - just like an OB!

I am happy to report that I am no longer feeling anxious. I'm not worried about it being sticky, I just feel as though it will be (I hope I don't jinx myself by saying that!). I had a dream last night that I had twin boys... That made me feel a little bit anxious if it's meant to be, it will be...

Something funny I remembered last night.... About 12 months ago, I got one of those online readings done from a clairvoyant that was recommended by someone, somewhere on BB. I tried to find the thread last night, but I couldn't. Anyway, I hunt through my inbox to find the email reading she sent me (my question was - Will I have one final baby?). Anyway, I found the reading and I had forgotten it said that I would find out I was pregnant in April 2014! That's a bit of a weird one, isnt it!!

I'm just counting down until tomorrows BT now. I'm just hoping for an hcg result over 100. If that happens, I feel as though I will be able to relax somewhat. Strangely 2 people have commented to me in that 24 hours - oh your not pregnant are you?? (insert eyes like saucers emoticon). My ex husband came over last night - saw a chicken Kiev in the oven - and said it (I lived on chicken kiev's when pg with DS 12) and a girl in my class at uni said it yesterday afternoon! An 18 year old girl who I barely know - we were doing a Moot in my Torts class, and it was a medical negligence case, where the OB had done a forceps delivery, where he should have done a caesar and the woman was seeking damages because she had been told that any future babies would have to be delivered by cs. Anyway, 18 yr old girl says "what's the big deal? If she had have had a cs instead of a forceps delivery in the first place, then she would have to have had a cs for any future pg's anyway!" I was counsel for the plaintiff and I said "that's not true, plenty of women have a VBAC after a cs" and quick as a whip she said - "your very passionate about this subject - are you pg or something?" Needless to say I like her even less now, than I did before she made the comment.... (rambling rant over - sorry ladies I promise when DH comes home and I have someone to talk to, that I won't bore you with these incredibly boring comments)...

Counting down positively until you are PUPO and join this thread

Xx

My turn & Bunny feet - it is so nice to see you girls popping in to say Hi and wish those in the TWW well. Hope you are both doing really well. Not long for you Bunny feet how very exciting for you!!! I am still so thrilled for you guys

TTL - How amazing is that you finding the email reading and it says April 2014, that's pretty cool! do you have the womens details? I am very spiritual and would love to see a good clairvoyant, I have seen a few bad ones in my time sadly.
I want to jump and scream and get excitied so I am also counting down till your bt tomorrow, though I know you are already once the bt results come in it just really becomes time to celebrate

Looking forward to joining the thread soon, yay xx

3rd time lucky, now you've made me tear up you naughty chicken! LOL. Seriously, I really appreciate your beautiful and kind words, and I am truly happy for you because I know that now you will have that beautiful family that you've dreamed of. You deserve so much happiness, you yourself are such a kind and generous and supportive person, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me. I will continue to stalk you (whether you like it or not lol) and I'll always keep everything crossed for you that you have a smooth and trouble free pg. I have to say I had a big giggle about your twin boys dream Good luck for your BT tomorrow, I know you'll have great numbers. Oh and that clairvoyant lady wouldn't be sunfairy something???? xx

Myturn, thank you for your lovely words too, they mean the world to me. And believe me, I am so happy that you are pg, it never rubs salt in my wounds as I've been waiting for you to get pg for sooooooo bloody long, when you did I felt like I've won a lottery! lol. Now, if you were having your second one, it might be a different story, lol.

Bunnyfeet, you're amazing for dropping in to check on me and to support me, you are an amazing woman and I know that you'll be an amazing mummy too. Thank you hun

So much love in here - I just LOVE it! It makes me so happy when genuine people express genuine feelings

So it's BT day. I have a massive oral presentation at uni today and I despite working really hard on it, I'm not quite ready. I was so tired last night I had to go to bed before finishing my notes! I seriously considered not going for my BT today, and going tomorrow (cause I have nothing on tomorrow) BUT I feel like that wouldn't be very fair to you guys, so I'm going today

I'm a little bit nervous, but not too much. I'm going to ask my clinic not to call me before 2pm - that way my presentation will be finished and I won't be anxiously waiting for the phone to ring - before or during my preso. So I will be back to let you know the results (actually just typing that has made me a bit nervous now) as soon as I get the call. I normally don't take my iPad to uni, but I will today as my classes don't finish until 6.30pm and I don't want to make the stalkers wait hehehehe.

I had amlittle bit or a cry when I went to bed last night, about the embies I still have on ice. Hopefully my results are good today, and this pg will go the distance... That said, I still have 7 embies in the freezer. 2 x day 5 blasties and 5 x day 3 embies... I feel a little bit sad that they are never going to be used. So many times DH and I have discussed what we should do with them (he is passionate about once we had finished our family, he wants to donate them to science) - I understand his reasoning, and if it would help with research to aid other women in making IVF more successful, then I'd do it. However, there is so little information about what the scientists do with them and how it helps IVF research (eg does each clinic just do their own research or do they go to a central lab where all IVF research is done) - I've always thought it was the former, ever clinic does their own research.. And then I start panicking about whether there is an IVF 'black market' eg: what if someone inside the lab sold them to someone else etc - and because the couple had said they didn't need them anymore, and another couple used them?? (I know this would be highly illegal etc but so are many things that go on in this world... Theres such an high demand for embies, that the thought of this terrifies me! I can imagine some people would do anything to have a baby)... The one thing we agree in is that we could never donate our emboss to another couple. I feel quite bad about mybstrong feelings on this subject... But I could just never give one of my babies away, and to me donating an embryo would feel a bit like this for me. I also feel a bit guilty about this.... There are so many wonderful couple outthere that deserve a family, that can't do it by themselves...

One of my friends that had a FET 5 days before me on the East Coast, donated her 4 remaining embryo's to a close friend. I definitely couldn't do that - if the lady is successful in falling pg my friend will be around watching her genetic child being raised by her friends! I admire her so much for doing it - but we could never do it ourselves...

So we are probably going to leave our embies on ice until the 10 years is up and then let them succumb. Our clinic actually allows you to go in and watch as they defrost them and let them succumb. I dont know if I would want to be there, but I guess it's good you have the choice?

My DH gets home tonight (very late - so I guess it's tomorrow morning really). I can't wait to see him and I'm really excited that we are going away next week to spend 10 days with his family at their beach house in SA. We go twice a year and it's always good fun. It will be super tempting to tell his parents (he has twin brothers) so his parents have a massive soft spot for our twinnies - but it's a bit early... So I'm sure we won't say anything (they will be super suss however when I don't have a glass of wine) my MIL is pretty switched on, so I'm sure I will get hammered with questions

Now I'm just rambling.... I'll be back.

Xx

TTL - thanks yet again for another lovely post, you are a gem

All the best with your presentation at Uni today, I am sure you will ace it young lady

I am still so over the moon for you, you and DH are going to have an awesome break away and what a beautiful thing so go and celebrate after your wonderful news, it's just awesome and couldn't be more perfect

Tons of love for you today x

GL today 3rd time lucky xx

OMG - of course the clinic called during my presentation, even though I asked them not to until after 2pm. So I'm sitting in my class (post presentation) - I called them back as soon as preso finished...

409 ladies 10dp5dt I have no idea how many days post ovulation that is? Maybe 15 days post ovulation? Anyway... It's a high result... The nurse made a twin joke (I didn't laugh) and its the same nurse that rang me about the twins, which was nice

Thank you girls for everything. I'll stick around for a while..... Xx