Just popping in to see how you are going Butterfly.
Please phone!
:hug:
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Just popping in to see how you are going Butterfly.
Please phone!
:hug:
I know it's frustrating to make everyone wait... but I think I'm just going to accept my circumstances and wait this one out.
I've realised that everything about this whole infertility thing is teaching me to be more patient... and those times when I try to fight it and regain control and do things on my terms, is when I wind up in trouble... like my hideous experience with the provera.
In trying to deal with the anxiety problems I've had over the last few weeks, I've realised that being calm and accepting, rather than fighting things is the best way to be.
Every time I have had problems with my health, it has seemed that God is wanting to teach me something. With having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I learned to take time out and rest with God, with the arthritis troubles I've had for so long, I'm learning to do things with God's strength and not mine. I feel that the infertility is teaching me to be patient and accept that things happen in God's time, not mine... and these blood test results are just one more little drop in the whole big lesson I have to learn.
Accepting it, giving it up and moving on I feel so much calmer and able to focus on things that need to be done right now, so I shall wait... and I hope I don't sound too much like a fruit loop there!
BW
Nope - you don't sound like a fruit loop. You actually sound like you have reached a place I am aiming for. A place of acceptance that this life path in not one you control and there is a reason for everything - even if you don't understand it (or agree with it :rolleyes:).
The results will not change if you got them yesterday, today or tomorrow ... so we will wait with you and support you no matter what the results say :hug:
I'm glad you understand, Michelle. The fact that I'm accepting today, does not necessarily mean I will be accepting tomorrow... but I think that's the place we all need to aim for. It's a place of peace and not fighting with the world, but simply allowing yourself to bend rather than break.
It's times like this I have to remind myself of what my names mean - this is where the screen name Butterfly Warrior came from, and in so many ways it fits.
BW
Ahhh ... now that is an interesting secret. Your *real* name and the meaning behind BW :D
Ah yes... being a teacher, I really, really don't want to be discovered on the internet by my students, or parents of students... Thing is, I've probably given out enough information inadvertently for someone who knows me to figure out who I am here, anyway. One day I might just step out from behind the mask (probably not until I am pregnant), but for now... Butterfly Warrior comes from what my first and middle names mean. It's something that I have on many occasions taken to heart and used as a source of strength.
When I first met my DH he would talk to me about butterflies - how they start out as caterpillars and then go into a cocoon and emerge as a beautiful butterfly... and there's nothing they can do to make it go any faster, and trying to get a butterfly out of its cocoon before it's ready just results in a crippled butterfly that can't fly. I thought it was interesting as at that point in time I hadn't told him about what my name meant, but butterflies keep appearing in my life at different times... I now take them as a little reminder of who I am, and what I am becoming, and that the process isn't always easy or quick, but rushing through it, trying to get to the other side without enduring all of it means you get there without all the beauty and wonder...
BW
Butterfly - you have brought tears to my eyes... What a beautiful story. Those beautiful wings of yours will spread and one day soon they will wrap around your very own baby.
If you choose to wait then I will wait with you too... I understand what you mean about patience. These types of journeys do teach us more patience. You are obviously learning that lesson with great wisdom.
Lots of love and patient thoughts,
:hugs:
Wow, BW, you have just made my day. What beautiful words... both the learning and acceptance words and the butterfly words. I wish i had that kind of strengh in me.
WalkingArt, at the start of the year I didn't have that strength in me. The trials we face in going through this is what develops that strength. You get stronger because you have to, it's either that or collapse in a heap and don't go on with life... which isn't really an option.
You will find that when you need it, you too have that strength inside of you. It can be hard to find some days, but it will be there when you need it. :hug:
BW
I seem to have missed lots of posts from yesterday and I know they weren't there! Does that ever happen to anyone else?
Butterfly - I hope today is the day you learn your progesterone is sitting at a nice healthy level.
Michelle - I know it doesn't really help to hear this but I ALWAYS get cramping in the first trimester and even the second. With ALL of my pregnancies. Before I began the journey of the past 18 months it didn't faze me at all. I just accepted it as normal. Now of course it sends me into a clammy sweat - I am imagining that is how you are feeling. Just remind yourself those ligaments are stretching, your uterus is expanding, that relaxin is doin just what it should and the result is that awful feeling in your lower abdo and back. I am so looking forward to your appointment next week.. :hug: Did you get my email?
Debbie - Has ovulation happened for you? I am thinking of you and sending lots of :fertilise: vibes to you. :hug:
Pollyanna - I am glad your specialist was good to be around. Awful about the bloods. Try to have lots to drink for the couple of hours before hand and keep your arm nice and warm - that can help. Thinking of you...
Chelle - Are you out there?
Sorry to all I have missed. Have a lovely Friday. It is cold and wet here today - it's nice to see the rain go into our tanks...
love to you all...
Deb - the cramping has settled again so I am a little more relieved. I haven't got your email - when did you send it??? I have just checked for the last few days but there is not one there :(
I think I missed out a letter in your address. I have just resent it.
So happy that you are feeling a little better today. :hug:
Hello ladies
Well this is my first post in this thread. I thought this would be a good place for me as I have just finished my first cycle on Metformin. Me and DH have been trying for number 2 for 2 and half years. We had 3 M/C's last year and I was diagnosed with PCOS a month ago. I also had a lap in September which revealed Endo around right ovary, fallopian tube and uterus. I have one more cycle on Metformin then my FS will start me on Clomid. I have met a couple of you ladies on another thread and look forward to getting to know a few more of you. Any advice on Metformin/Clomid would be fantastic and I hope I can be of some help to you aswell. :help:
Take care.
Michelle - keep your chin up! Thinking of you.
Deb - "O"ing right about now!
Best wishes to you all,
Debbie
Thanks Debbie :hug:
Deb - I got the email and sent one back too!!
I just want to let you girls know how much I appreciate your ongoing love and support. This pregnancy is a *little* nerve wracking, especially with DH being away until Monday (away for my birthday too :() but knowing you are here makes it easier to manage. Thank you.
Willow - I haven't seen you around lately. Are you OK??
Okay Debbie - so you get to that bedroom woman and GET JIGGY WITH IT!!!!!!
I am imagining a nice healthy sperm meeting a gorgeous egg!!!
Lots of love,
Deb
Ok, I know you've all been waiting patiently for a long time... I've only just got home from my acupuncture appointment which was an hour later than normal... and boy did I need it!
My prog. results are bad... 1.5 :crying: I feel sorry for my acupuncturist, as my specialist finally called me as I was walking up the street to the clinic. His phone call went along the lines of "I'm sorry, but you haven't ovulated, repeat the blood test next week if you haven't had a period, but you may want to start thinking IVF as you have a problem and your husband has a problem and the risk of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities increases as you get older so you don't want to waste time on this" Understandably, I walked in and collapsed in floods of tears.
My acupuncturist is a lovely lady and managed to pick me up and put me back together and then did lots of calming, relaxing acupuncture points. Her theory is that the stress I've been under is extreme and would throw anyone out of balance and with PCOS, ovulation is very easily thrown off track anyway. I've heard of women responding to clomid, but still not actually ovulating without HCG trigger shots, so I want to find a better specialist who is actually going to do follicle scans and see if there's some sort of response before the even rather than waiting until CD24 before you know that the cycle was a complete failure. The other theory that my acupuncturist came up with is that because I've been so sick with the sinus/chest infection that my body may not have been able to keep up the right hormone levels post-ovulation.
What ever the real reason behind things not working is, we'll never know... but I'm off to bother a few people with questions, look up names of specialists, compare IVF clinics yet again (although we are both determined to try everything else possible before full on IVF) and get myself prepared to go see my GP with a name for a referral next week. DH and I have decided that there's no point waiting until his varicocele repair is done before we join the queue and start waiting for an appointment, as I'm going to need a new specialist anyway.
Long post, I know... but the one bright spot in my day was that my principal came to me after our second observation lesson and said "I don't need to talk to you at the end of the day, that lesson was perfect, I couldn't fault anything." :)
BW
Wooo hoooo BW - at least the principal has sense!!!
Yep - ovulation is such a finicky process that any number of the stresses you are facing could have impacted on you. Start the process to find other options (or at least higher levels of monitoring). I have a lovely gynae / OB who (I think - he was going to for me) will monitor the clomid and possibly manage the injectable types as well. He is Castle Hill way if that helps. He is lovely if nothing else and prepared to listen and refer when he is out of his depth. Email me if you want details. You could call to check if he does that type of management before seeing him too.
Here's hoping you get the right management ASAP :hug:
Michelle, a specialist in Castle Hill would be fantastic! I'm not overly fussed if I can't find a specialist that can deal with the fertility problems and the birth, but it would certainly be nice to find one who can. There's no contact information in your profile, so I can't email you, I'd certainly be interested in getting a name that I can look into.
BW
Hi girls.
BW, so sorry to hear of your blood test results. I'm not really sure what else to say....certainly nothing will make it all better for you, but big hugs anyway.
Deb, sorry it's taken me a while to reply to your question (see below for why). No, I'm not having any folli scans. Maybe because i don't live anywhere near my OB and the scanning equipment is not that great in our town. Also, before going on clomid, it was obvious I was Oing based on temps and OPKs. It's just been since being on clomid that the temps have not been clear for O date. But OPKs have worked ok.
I am now CD 13 and we started BD fest last night. I have been on three different brands of the clomid drug - the first was clomihexal, the second was serephene and this time I was on clomid. This time, I have NO feelings whatsoever in my ovaries. The last 2 times, my ovaries felt like when I was on IVF and ready for pick up. Like they were full of eggs. But no feeling this time....strange.......
I have been run off my feet for the past few days. We took cows to the show and we have done nothign else but wash them, clip them, move them around, bed them down, wash them again, brush them and then show them. Oh, and then get them home. But it was all worth it. We got 3rd in the calf class and 2nd in the senior 3 yo class and second int eh best udder section for the 3 yo class. This is especially good seeing as we have never shown cows before and we really just picked a cow out of the herd and decided that she would do. And the calf was a fluke. I am VERY pleased (and it has managed to take my mind off the dreaded TTC roundabout too, which has been a good thing).
Hi Girls.
Yes Michelle, I am here and I am OK. Thanks for asking after me. I've been MIA for about a week for a lot of reasons - nothing really happening with me on the ttc front, had all my family here for my brother's wedding and we just went away for the weekend. Was awesome! We stayed in a cabin in Leura (Blue Mountains for those interstate) and it was just perfect. It was quite cool so we had the fireplace going and I had a good soak in the spa. A few glasses of wine and some fantastic food, browsing through the antique and craft shops etc etc and I was a very relaxed, happy girl! Was just what I needed. We got back late this afternoon.
As for ttc, not much happening at all. I'm about 6dpo and have absolutely no thoughts of being prg. I just know I'm not, I feel it in my bones. I don't think i've felt this 'un-pregnant' the whole 6 months we've been ttc. I think that obviously something else is going on that clomid is not going to fix. My lap has been confirmed for 21 November so I am nervously awaiting the outcome of that to see where we go from here. I am fairly convinced it will be IVF. I don't know why, again, just a 'feeling' that I have. I am OK about that at the moment. 3 of my closest girlfriends have ivf babies so I am very familiar with the pros and cons and the process itself. I think I am probably more prepared than a lot of people are so that can only be a good thing.
BW, sorry that clomid didn't do the trick this cycle. I have posted in your other thread.
Deb, glad to see you are continuing to do OK. Your strength and determination are really to be admired.
Debbie, keeping my fingers crossed for you this month!!
Hayseed, I had been wondering where you'd gotten to. GL with the bd fest - hopefully this month will be the one.
Pollyanna - we are having the same procedure only a few days apart. Hopefully we'll both have a great outcome and get some answers!
Sorry for everyone else i've missed, I've had a lot to catch up on. Hope everyone else is doing well.
***ETA: Deb, you and I posted at the same time. Michelle, hope you had a great bday!! I will check in tomorrow to see how your appt went. Good luck sweetie!!
Butterfly: :hugs: I am sorry if I am asking you something I should already know - things have gone over my head a bit in the past couple of weeks. Did you get a positive opk? If not those results are indicitive of not ovulated but perhaps it could be as you are yet to ovulate? Trigger shots are needed by some women in order to ovulate you are absolutely right.
I am sorry if I should have known the above - but just reminding you that my progesterone level at cd21 was less than 5! That was because I ovulated on cd21 and I conceived my darling Eggbert. So...
Michelle - HAPPY BIRTHDAY for yesterday. I haven't been near my computer all weekend so I didn't realise your birthday has been and gone. I am sending you happy birthday vibes! Tomorrow is the obs day and I am going to be stalking this forum until I hear from you!!!! :hug: to you, I will be with you in spirit!
Hayseed - yes of course if you are in the country it is not as easy. I am in the country but only 40mins to the coast where all the obs and the hospitals are. This makes things much more doable.
Are you having a cd21 test? This will give you a good indicator if you ovulated or not. Remembering we ALL have annovulatory cycles even on clomid. I hope that you did ovulate this month and that this month is YOURS for good news.
Debbie: Thinking of you... :hugs:
Deb, I didn't get a +ve OPK at all. I started doing them, then gave up in frustration and decided to just watch CM, not that there was much! I'm sure I had done them up to day 14, and my chart is still quite frustratingly showing ovulation on day 13... with my major anxiety freak-out over work stuff starting on day 13 as well. It was at that point in time, when I realised just how much extreme stress I was under that I figured I had no chance of ovulating at all, regardless of how much clomid I had taken. Although, getting that magic red line on my chart kinda got my hopes up. My prog. level was 1.5, so I can't really even think it was delayed ovulation at all. From day 14 onwards my CM switched from being minimal to being creamy and a lot more obvious - there was a definite point there that divided the two parts of the cycle... But I shall press on, I'll chat to a friend of mine and see what she thinks, then chat with my GP and get him to monitor another clomid cycle in the holidays while I'm waiting to get into a new specialist. The only thing I'm definite on so far is that the new specialist has to be a reproductive endocrinologist... but I feel like I'm making progress in sorting through the massive amounts of information that's out there.
Feeling a little stressed and anxious at the moment... got home from church and found our internet connection had died! Came back two hours later, but in that time the panic of no BellyBelly, and not being able to check my work email really had me in a state. Concentrating on trying to remember to breathe properly now, and hoping I can get it under control before bed.
I'll chat more with you lovely ladies tomorrow.
BW
Hi ladies,
Sorry I haven't been around much lately the last three weekends I have been away from home so I am looking forward to a weekend at home. You guys have been busy there was so much to catch up on.
Lou- Welcome. I really hope this is your month and you get your BFP really soon.
BW- Sorry to hear about the rough time you are having at the moment. I hope it all picks up and you find yourself a fab FS.
Hayseed- Good luck keeping everything crossed that you get your BFP this month.
Michelle- Happy belated B'day.
Sorry to everyone else that I have missed.
Well for me I am back on CD1 again :crying: I really thought last month was the one because since starting clomid I haven't had a LP longer than 12 days now last month it was 14. Not that I am comlpaining about having a normal LP but comparing to my usual cycle lenth I thought I was already 2 days late for AF. But no she showed her ugly head this morning. We start our 6th and last cycle of clomid tomorrow. If this one doesn't work then I think it will be IVF but we are going to take a break for a couple of months. I am trying to keep myself positive but this morning I am finding that a little bit hard. Thats all for me now but I hope everyone is feeling well today.
Big hugs to you all.
Hello:hello:
Ktgirl, I'm sorry to hear that the dreaded af has arrived. I hope she is kind to you this month. Keeping my fingers crossed that this will be your month for a bfp.
BW, I'm sorry that the clomid didn't work for you this month but I have a friend who started on 50mg and no "O" then her specialist increased the dose and she did "O". Maybe you need to ask your new FS to increase your dose???? Anyway keep yor chin up and I'm sending you a great big :hug:
Michelle, I hope you had a great birthday, sorry I missed it anyway:happybirthday:
Chicken, How are you?
Hi to everyone else, Sending lots of :bluedust: to everyone. I think we need it.
Hi Butterfly,
Sweetie, I just have a hunch that maybe the ovulation hasn't occured yet. If you didn't get a positive opk (or a prominent second line) then I would go with that more than the charting especially given your stressful time. Stress can, will and does delay ovulation. So, this could have happened. I am really happy that you are seeking out a FS. It is wonderful that you have got a recommendation from Michelle. I always feel personally recommended care providers are better than ones we pluck from the book. If you get your gp to fax the FS a letter requesting you be seen ASAP you will get in much sooner. ALL specialists have some appointments set aside for this purpose.
If you are only on 50mgs of clomid you may need more - many women do! Clomid does alter CM in some women so this could have been a little of what happened to you. When you are using clomid it is not as helpful just to rely on CM signs for this reason. On clomid I had fertile mucous on cd12 and cd13 and got negative opk's. I knew I hadn't ovulated as I haqdn't had a positive opk and kept testing. My obs queried this so we did the cd21 test. It proved that I had not yet ovulated and on that very day I got my positive opk. I woulld give some thought to requesting a follicle scan and an increase in doseage for your next cycle.
I am really feeling for you. This is a really tough time. Try to remember there are LOTS of tricks we can pull yet! Beginning with maybe an increase doseage, follie scans. I hope you slept okay last night... Big Big :hug: to you Butterfly...
Michelle - I am right there with you today my friend... :hug:
I am stalking, stalking, stalking. Looking, looking, looking for Michelle.
All my love and thoughts are with you today my Sweet :hugs:
I am patiently pacing, pacing, pacing.
I am still right there will you Michelle... :hugs:
More pacing.... Are you there Michelle?
Butterfly: How are you today?
Im really sorry if I missed something obvious....whats Michelle up to today?
I'm feeling ok... no more anxiety attacks since last night, nearly had one this afternoon, but I managed to avert it (taking the line of "stuff it!" in relation to job applications is amazingly therapeutic. I've decided to fight for my job, and if I lose, well, I'm taking a break before finding another!).
Deb, I don't think ovulation will be delayed in any way, I really think it's just not going to happen. I want to get a little more through the review process at work and the report writing and all that jazz, then I'll go see my GP again about the referral and what sort of monitoring he can organise for a 100mg clomid cycle during the school break. Rushing me in to see a FS isn't necessarily going to be a good plan as my DH isn't being rushed in for his varicocele repair, so the time factor isn't really a huge issue - apart from the frustration I'm feeling, but I think between me, my GP and a friend who is an OB, we can work through some of the issues between now and then.
Michelle? Any news?
BW
Danni,
Michelle has an obs visit today...
oh fantastic! Im sure she is off celebrating :)
Not celebrating but not not celebrating either!!! Sorry to keep you in suspense girls. We had an appointment at 3pm (which Alec was running late for) and at 3.45pm he runs out the door and I here him say to the midwives in the clinic - theatre. As is always going to happen in a public hospital, he gets called away for an emergency c-section and we are waiting, waiting, waiting with the rest of the (very) pregnant women. See him at about 5pm!!!!!!
Due to the subchorionic haematoma we are holding back on the aspirin and clexane until after the NT at 11-12 weeks. Soooooo ... another 3-4 weeks of torture and crossed everything until we see *alf* again. He figures if we get to 24 weeks with everything OK I will be a *normal* pregnancy (yeah right!!!!)
Thank you for stalking me Deb :hug: And BW, thank you too.
Michelle, I can imagine that it wasn't quite what you wanted to hear... but it's also not what you really didn't want to hear either. I think that makes sense.
I think I'm finally reaching a calmer place about the clomid... certainly not quite so freaked out about things, which is good!
BW
Glad to hear things went OK today Michelle.
Here's hoping the next few weeks until your u/sound fly by uneventfully!
I continue to keep everything crossed for you and alf!!
Well I am celebrating YIPPEE!!!!
I have decided we need to celebrate all we can! Alf is growing fine and that is a good thing! I know it is a torturous wait these next weeks. I do understand but baby steps to your destination and we are all going to hold your hand!
:hug:
It's good news Michelle! (Sorry girls, have been stalking too waiting on your news Michelle. Please don't mind me)
You can stalk me Sushee :D It's nice to know you care too!!
I agree Deb - it is good news. I have no bleeding and Alec isn't concerned about the subchorionic haematoma. He said it was tiny, the size of a pea!!! So all in all I am dealing with the persistent cramping and thinking the positive thoughts that this is normal. And I think I can deal with the waiting to inject myself business ;)
BW - I understand you prefectly (is that a reflection on you or me :eek:)
Willow - you aren't allowed to have everything crossed!!!! But thank you anyway :hug:
OH PEA SHMEE!!!! That's wonderful! (I say that very seriously ) - that is teeny tiny Michelle and from my experience you would expect it to cause no probs and it most likely will be gone by your next visit...
Sleep well tonight and keep believing in Alf and you and remember you are not alone on this long journey... Especially since it would seem you have some fans!
:hug: