Support Thread for Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) Sufferers

:comfort: Oh Willow, its such a rough time. My heart is breaking for you. Bugger the house, don't do embarrassed, its not worth the little energy you have :hug: Please try not to feel bad, you NEED your meds. It really is a matter of your life that you are taking them for. Stay strong, you have done this and you can do it again, hun!

Im sorry, ive only just seen your previous post. I took zofran till 20 weeks when I went back to what I would deem 'bad early pregnancy m/s', basically I stopped cause of the guilt (hence why I say dont buy into your own guilt in this situation) :wall:

Oh love :hug:

I didnt even know this thread exsisted or I would have been in here much earlier than now!!! I know just how you feel! I'm 25 weeks and still suffering with horrid morning sickness, at least now I manage to have good and bad days.

I got to the point between weeks 6 - 15 where I was admitted twice to hospital because I was so dehydrated and literally couldn't even get out of bed. As for the constipation, I know exactly how you feel! As I said in the other post, give the Mircolax a try, it was instant relief for me after not going for 17 days!!!

As for food etc nothing for me was better than anything else, I tried every old wives tale etc that there was and nothing worked. I was on Zofran from weeks 6 - 16 and then my body started to become immune to it and it stopped working. My ob then told me to start taking Phenergen which is not recommended during pregnancy :rolleyes: Honestly some days I was awake for about 5 hours out of a whole 24 hour period because it makes you drowsy. I still take it occasionally when feeling off. My bub is happy, healthy and measuring a week ahead even though I have lost 8.5kgs! I know sometimes you feel guilty but I think its better to have some food and fluid in your body for the baby than worrying about taking the tablet.

Aim xxx

Thanks ladies. Amy_jellybean I wish this thread was here last pg it would have been a great help when I could get to the computer again I know I need to be on the meds, I actually think I am doing a bit better and would like to try cutting my morning 8mg Zofran down to 4mg and see how it goes, but I'm terrified it won't go well. I'm taking Restavit which is an antihistamine like Phenergan, I'm not sure the difference, but I know it helps a lot. For those that Restavit doesn't help much they usually try Phenergan. The conflicting advice when it comes to meds is terrible too, some doctors and pharmacists scare the crap out of you and make you feel guilty, but like you guys said dehydration and malnutrition isn't exactly great for the baby either.

I'm just having a down day I think, I'm sick of being useless, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, or at least I'll have a better attitude. I don't think waiting on the results of my 12 NT screening is helping. Oh well patience is a virtue.

I have HG too. I have managed to wean down to 4mg of zofran. yay!

Hi 2cheekyboys :hello: I only just saw your post now. I've weaned down to 4mgs too! :D I still take the Restavit 3 times a day but glad to be down from 12mgs of Zofran.
I actually think mine is on the way to resolving :happydance: Just don't say that out loud I don't want to jinx myself :shhh:

Last night I ate a meal :o Chicken, mashed potato and vegetables :o and it tasted good and wasn't a hint of it trying to escape again afterwards :D I can eat chocolate again, and have even felt hungry occasionally the last week. I have not felt hunger for months. Only that feeling of you need to put food in now or your stomach will turn it's self inside out and claw it's way out of your mouth! Then make sure it's the right food or it's either not going in or coming straight back out :sick:

How are you going? Can you eat now? Gaining any weight? Is this your first HG pregnancy?

Hi Willow, this is my 2nd hg pregnancy. thankfully i can eat pretty much normal now. thank goodness! But if i don't eat regularly then i have the random vomits. I still either vomit bile or just dry heave every morning when i first get up. although even with my non hg pregnancies i have that - until delivery. My hg started at 6 weeks. I'm going to try and wean off the zofran with my next script. Hopefully i can go off it! I am still nauseous alot but it's better then vomiting all day. I am grateful that the zofran worked enough so that i only had 2 hospital visits. I know some women have many many more. And i only lost 5kgs. I joke to my dh that i could stop eating for an entire year and i still wouldn't lose weight. lol I could of afforded to lose much much more. lol I have regained those 5kgs and some more but my scales have a flat battery so i don't know. before the batteries died i was 2kgs above my pre-preg weight. But my belly is huge. i look full term already. lol This is my 4th and last baby. I just can't do HG again. This time has been worse then last time(i was bed ridden for weeks) and it's just SO hard on my kids and dh. and me of course! And i'm scared if i have another baby that it will be worse then this time and i don't think i can face that.

This is my 4th pg and second HG pg. There will be no more!! I have had success with meds this time too. A Restavit and Zofran combination has made it so much more bearable, not easy, I'm still useless for the most part but better than last time. I got onto it pretty quickly this time, I'd lost 6kgs by 6 weeks, found the right med combo by about 9 weeks and the weight loss stopped. That weight loss was with out vomiting! Extreme extreme nausea where you think you could die and aversions to pretty much all foods, motion was a terrible trigger along with smell :( I've weaned down from 8mg Zofran in the morning and 4 in the evening, to 4mg in the morning. I was doing so well I thought I'd try no Zofran at all as of yesterday, I'm not sure that was a good idea. I had not so good day yesterday which was hard after a really good one the day before. Today seems a little better but I can tell my stomach is not doing so well with no Zofran. I am still taking the Restavit, it helps a lot with the nausea, but the Zofran helps more with the vomiting, which I feel is near with out it. I'm hoping it's a hormone surge as I've noticed feeling worse coming into a new week which I just have. So we'll see I guess I don't feel anywhere near as good as the other day when I was eating chicken and veg dinners and going outside.

Hope you're doing ok.

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I have not felt hunger for months. Only that feeling of you need to put food in now or your stomach will turn it's self inside out and claw it's way out of your mouth! Then make sure it's the right food or it's either not going in or coming straight back out :sick:

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This is EXACTLY how I felt - never hungry or never looking forward to a nice meal, just that you HAD to eat. Both times about 3 seconds after the girls were born I almost murdered the midwife for some food, after 8 months of not feeling hungry I suddenly get all that hunger in one hit. Actually I tell a lie with DD1 I had an epidural and that killed my nausea (weird eh?), so I was in transition screaming like a banshee (I don't think the epidural worked fully, I still felt pretty much everything) but also demanding they feed me :lol: Do you think they would consider an epidural in the first trimester to help with HG? (Just kidding of course)

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Do you think they would consider an epidural in the first trimester to help with HG? (Just kidding of course)

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Ha! I was just thinking if that works hook me up! :D kidding too, but how tempting. I remember asking my GP last pg if maybe they could just sedate me, or put me in a coma until the pregnancy was over so I didn't have to feel the sickness any more.

Hey girls

Ive been staying away (no offence) in attempt to tell myself that HG wont happen to me again.....pretty sure Im kidding myself :( Im sitting here nauseous and about ready to spew. Im hoping it doesnt actually happen but I am absolutely gutted. I really hoped to be the person who never suffered again (stupid I know). But at worst, Id hoped it wouldnt be on the severe spectrum it was with DD. Poor me post, Im sorry. im just really stinkin scared.

:hug: to you gorgeous, brave women

ETA: And my HCG levels are pathetic in comparison to my HG pregnancy so that isnt even helping.

Oh NO! :hug: I know how you feel about staying away. I found this thread quite a while back when I was only talking about ttc. I thought it might be good to join and talk to others who'd been there too hear success or tip that helped etc. Well I think I posted once and got scared. I wanted to be an ostrich and just not know about it because it bought back so many memories. :(

I hope it is just m/s for you :crossfingers: Do you think it could be? I just knew, the feeling was distinct for me I knew it wouldn't get better.

Have you got a plan with your doctor already for just in case? :hug: :hug: So sorry you might be joining the HG nightmare again :hug:

How far along are you now?

I have no idea :( With DD I had nausea at 6 weeks (February 14th) at 10am by 11am I was head down the toilet and never came back out until 37 weeks. Atm it is nausea but it is getting a bit more 'gaggy' for want of a better word. It does feel different but Im wondering if it's just starting more slowly given my HCG levels (they are 1/3 of what DDs were at thsi stage).
Plan is in place and I have scripts in my hand ready to go. I dont know that the plan will get followed through but at least I have the scripts, which was more than I expected him to provide. Havent had scan confirmation but going by O, 6 weeks today. LMP dates 6 weeks 2 days. I guess on the upside I made it to the same gestation without throwing up....yet.

Thanks Willow, I know you'd get it :hug:

Yay for not spewing! You know you still might not. I haven't spewed at all this time. Even so the nausea can be a killer. Good you have the scripts. I was really torn, not wanting to take anything if I didn't have to, but I was also terrified of the HG. I really put me doing so much better this time down to early treatment.

What do you have scripts for? I can not speak any higher of the huge positive effect Restavit has had for me!!!! Zofran stopped vomiting for me but once I added the Restavit the relief from the nausea was huge. You could even try Restavit alone first, it may work wonders for your nausea without needing heavier stuff. I was still constantly nauseated on the Zofran and had a lot of trouble eating and drinking, but the Restavit eased it enough for me to eat and drink more and all my weight loss stopped. It is OTC so you don't need a script. It's the Restavit for insomnia, not the 'nausea' formula (which is just vit B) A Restavit and vit B combo helps a lot of people too.

I know you'd rather have to take nothing, and here's hoping you don't. I'm not sure there's hard evidence of HCG levels playing a big part in HG, but it definitely does for some. Maybe you're just going to have the odd gaggy day and leave HG in your past :crossfingers:

Lily Dust hope you're doing ok xx

Sorry hun, just getting online now......

That's exactly where I'm sitting, trying to wait it out but so scared if I do, then I will just crumble :(

Ive heard of the restavit and will give it a try too. My scripts are for zofran wafers. Im taking B6, Im trying to believe it's working but meh, I dunno. Really bad morning and pretty much ate a piece of fruit all morning, by lunch was ok but back to feeling blergh. Still no spew but I came close this morning. Im thinking Ive blocked a lot of DDs pregnancy out but i dont recall the nausea like this. No wait, actually I do. That was really dumb. I guess Id get nausea, spew, get relief for 5 or 6 minutes and it would start again, over and over. The fact Im even on the computer is more than I was capable of with that pregnancy.

Thanks for thinking of me again :hug:

I couldn't use the computer either last pg, or watch TV or read a book nothing. Sometimes I would have the TV on low volume and listen, not watch.

You're doing well waiting to see how it goes :hug: Just make sure you don't let yourself dehydrate, if you can at least keep hydrated you may avoid vomiting, or at least the unrelenting vomit cycle. HG really is evil! Even when you're not sure you're there yet you still feel terrified :( It really sux.

I'm so hoping you skip it and just have gross m/s for a little while, then feel fantastic!! :crossfingers:
If you do feel you're sinking into HG again I can also give you the link to an Australian facebook HG support group. It's got nearly 100 members now I think, the lady that started it is now setting up the Australian branch of the Help HER Foundation. I think Dr Phil started it in America a few years back it's a great resource if you haven't seen it before. So I can PM you the link, whenever you feel you might need it. I have learnt heaps from the ladies in there soooo many tips and advice on treatment options. Also recommendations for HG friendly doctors if someone near you knows of one. A good doctor that knows about HG can make a huge difference.

Just let me know, even if you want to have a look now just in case, or so you can get some more ideas for later if you need them. Up to you let me know if you want the link :hug:

Hang in there :hug:

If anyone would like the link to the fb support group just let me know! I know we have each other in here which is great, there are so many in the other group that there is a wide range of ideas, advice and experiences which is good too.

Thank you willow :hug: I woke up this morning fine. Am feeling blergh now but Ive had a reasonable day. Choked on my folate tablet this morning :rolleyes: yeah, its the size of a pin head, I know! Got me gagging but no throwing up, probably cause I wasnt nauseous already. Im 2 days past the time HG started with DD :leap:

I was a member of that FB page (think its the same one), hardest part for me is Im in the country and no one is within a 3 hour drive of me!

:happydance: Woohooo!!! So you might be just going to have the odd off day :happydance:

It's hard when you're in the country when it comes to a choice in doctors. I know quite a few of the ladies in the group have to travel for medical care. I don't know how you do it! I thought I had it tough when my old doc was a 20 minute drive from home :o that was bad enough with HG but hours I don't think I'd cope. I think there is one lady that found a good OB and he even suggested he do the majority of appointments with her on the phone so she didn't have to endure the long car trip. Great score I thought!

So glad you woke up feeling fine!!!!! :D

I had a good day today, so good that I started to worry something was wrong with the baby :( you'd think I could just enjoy not feeling like death, but nooo the paranoia kicks in almost straight away. I'm pretty sure I've felt a couple of little kicks which help put my mind at ease now.

Hi just checking in :hello:

LilyDust - Are you still HG free? :) :crossfingers:

Amy Jellybean - How are you going, you must be in your final weeks of pg now.

2cheeky boys - How are you? How's the weaning going?

I have been Zofran free for a week now :happydance: and doing pretty well. Still taking the Restavit. My appetite is really good now, too good I think lol I've gained more weight 3 1/2 of the 6 I lost so that's good. Today I almost feel normal, I'm hoping it lasts!! :crossfingers:
I did pull a muscle cooking dinner on Tuesday night though :rolleyes: The one right under your boob so when you breathe it feels like you're being stabbed through the chest OUCH!!! I can't wait to get all my strength and fitness back, who pulls a muscle cutting pumpkin :wall:

Hi Ladies!

I was just wondering at what stage should I be seeking out my doctor? I spewed for the first time at 3w4d and now at 4w2d I've thrown up in total, about half a dozen times. The nausea is almost constant and I get maybe a couple of hours per day that I'm "ok" . I'm finding it really hard to eat anything except during my couple of hours I feel ok early afternoon. I've already lost nearly 2kg.Should I give it another week and see if it settles? I really don't like the idea of medication :-( this sucks. Such an exciting time but I haven't even told my mum yet because I want to tell her to her face, but for the first time in my life I'm getting car sick. Plus I have uni exams in the next couple of weeks and that is 1.5hour drive away.....

Hi Caz Congratulations! Butsounds like you're having a rough time already :hug: I think if you've lost 2 kgs already and you're only at 4 weeks it could be time to see the doctor. I let things go too long with my last pg, I put doing better this one down to getting to the doctor early and getting the right meds. I hate taking anything but a
malnutrition and dehydration are not any good for you or your baby either.

You could wait a bit longer if you want, you may just have bad m/s and it might settle but it can't hurt to be prepared if it gets worse. Are you taking any Bvits? Sometimes that can help, if you can keep them down of course.

You might even find a short dose of something will help you. I had a friend who was really sick around 7 weeks threw up every time she went in the car and most of the day at home for a few days. The doc gave her Maxolon which she took for a week and she's been happy and healthy ever since with no meds at all.

One of the main markers for diagnosing HG is rapid weight loss, losing more than 10-15% of your pre pregnancy weight and still not improving.
So if you're happy to wait a little more then you, can just try to stay hydrated. That's really important.
I hope you don't end up with HG but keep a close eye on yourself and see your doc if you don't start improving.

Maybe some ginger tea will help if you haven't tried it already? it made me sicker lol but I tried everything before I went to meds the first time :goodluck:

Yah you willow on being zofran free and before half way!!! :leap: That is awesome!!!! It doesnt take much to lose your strength with sickness but with HG it just disappears so fast :hug:

Caz, I had a really hard time getting meds with my last pregnancy and I had been throwing up 12- 15 times a day for 7 days. Id lost 11 kgs in 2 weeks. Have you tried the 'normal' suggestions yet? eg acupressure bands, B6, small frequent meals, ginger etc etc. Just a thought before medicating especially if it is m/s and doesnt hang around too long iykwim. Not saying it isnt HG just that you try alternatives so you dont have that guilt of medication if other things are working :hug: sick sux.

Sooooo, the spew began :( BUT and is this weird....it doesnt feel the same as it did (and I knew as soon as I threw up) :dunno:. Really hard to explain but Im guessing perhaps severe m/s???? Could that be possible?? Ive only thrown up a few times but am down 1.5kgs, which is insane but with the debilitating nausea Im struggling to get the calories in iykwim. I have better days and oh crap this might be HG days but all in all Im not in a panic (just yet) When I wake through the night Im nauseous. But I do have a question.....I have that shaking/ jelly thing going on (like when you have been sick and get up after a day in bed) why?? I had it with DD too but i assumed it was the vomitting. It's pretty severe, you can see my hands literally shaking all the time :dunno:

I know what you mean about not feeling the same LilyDust. HG seems to take over your whole body it's a very distinct feeling. Funny you should say about being shaky. I remember being absolutely exhausted, shaky and breathless with DS2 and I thought it was all from the vomiting for so long, but I have the same this time even though the meds are stopping the vomits, so I think it's just part of the HG. Maybe your shaky/jelly is how your body reacts to being pg even with out the HG, hormones maybe? It will be interesting to see if you lose the jelly feeling when your hormones settle after 12 weeks. Glad you think it's just m/s :D

Caz88- how are you going now?

Turns out I was kidding myseld. HG is kicking my butt :(. Started throwing up blood as well today. Am on some meds to attempt to minimise the amount of stomach acid I have but its causing more pain. Bloating from the zofran is really painful. What can I say, feeling very stupid and sorry for myself right now :(

OH NO!! :( :( I thought because you hadn't been in you had escaped it :hug: The Zofran bloat is terrible :( I was able to reduce my Zofran after taking Restavit for a while. I hope the acid meds kick in soon, I know they help some HG ladies a lot. Don't feel stupid, you had to stay positive and hope it was going to leave you alone this time. But definitely feel sorry for your self, it's just horrible! :hug:

Hi, i haven't been in here for a while. i'm sorry to see there are new sufferers :(

I'm doing pretty well. i was able to wean off zofran at about 31.5 wks. I still have morning sickness and nausea most of the time though. It's normal for me to have it the whole time, even in my non HG pregnancies. sucky but it's tolerable. I still have days when i feel overwhelmed by my ritual morning vomit though. i just want it to be over!

Hi 2cheekyboys, glad you've gotten off the Zofran but sorry you're still not 100%
I'm off Zofran now too, I'm 21 weeks it's about the same time it resolved for me last time. I actually had my first day back at work today. I still have to take the Restavit every night though, I tried to stop it but after one night without it the next day was not good.

I hope you're doing ok Lilydust?

I tell you I've never been compared to a princess before, but returning to work the day after Kate Middleton's announcement and hospitalisation, every second person was saying she must be the same as I was. Poor Kate :( I feel for her, but I'm also glad that someone high profile has it. There may be more awareness now leading to better education and better treatments.

Hey 2cheekyboys, well done on weaning off zofran! Quite the achievement, hun :hug: Hang in there, you are nearing the finale :hug:

Hey willow, Im here. Not great, my baby girl is suffering badly from the lack of stimulation and emotional support :( She is just an absolute mess, huge thing for a 3 year old to go from being the centre of the world to me barely being able to get her food. So yeah, feeling like a really great person here. WTG on heading back to work, you are a legend, hun :clap: Yah!
Poor Kate, indeed! Im glad she is able to receieve the treatment so many of us are not though. This caused a massive run in with my family yesterday, long story but I realised just how far my family have their heads stuck, well you can guess where ;)

I'm sorry Lilydust :( My 3 year old did really well while I was sick but I think it's catching up with him now he is absolutely horrible at the moment. I think it might be from just having his routine and primary carer upside down then coming back again and he is like feral child :( Poor things, but I must say I am struggling with his behaviour at the moment :(
I'm sorry your family aren't being as supportive as they should too :hug: So many women have the same problem, I just don't get it :shakehead:

How's everyone going in here? Very quiet, I hope that's a good thing.

Hey willow

Tried to wean myself of meds last week. Result- BIG mistake! Am a little better though, weight has stabilised, still have severe nausea and woozy feeling. Cant do much but vomitting lessened. Had a scan yesterday and bubs is certainly doing better than DD at that stage, she looked so gaunt in comparison, so that has to be good!

How are you?

Anyone else about?

Hi girls I am still here. 37 weeks still feeling foul... Haven't vomited since Saturday yay for me! I have not taken any meds I know I am crazy but I kept thinking it will pass. I know it won't now lol! Weight is dropping slowly but bubs seems happy enough in there.
I had a bit of a sob today and asked the ob why meeeeeeee??? Lol he was a little shocked at my outburst!

I think I tried about that time too LillyDust and didn't quite make it, But it was not long after, not long at all that I weaned off all but one Restavit at night. So you might be on the way out of HG hell soon seeing as you're a little better :crossfingers: Glad to hear bub is looking good and doing well :D

Joeve yay for no vomits since Saturday I hope it's a continuing trend for you. Good to hear your bub is doing well in there too! 37 weeks you're in the home stretch now not long until you are HG free. I hope the time goes really quickly for you :D ... Yes I think you''re slightly crazy :p

I'm still HG free :leap: But I am now anaemic which is making everything a struggle work especially. Exhausted, weak and breathless, better by far than crippling nausea and vomiting, but I am well and truly over it already and can't wait until the pg is over. I've never felt that way about a pregnancy before (except in the thick of HG) I was so lucky last pg the HG went around 20 weeks and after a month of getting fed and strength back I cruised through the rest of the pg. Not this time :( I have stopped my Restavit the past week, which has gone ok. I don't really get hungry and have to remind myself to eat and most foods don't appeal to me, but the nausea is only a little and I can still function so that's good. I really stopped it because I have never had low iron before even when pg so thought maybe it was inhibiting iron absorption or something :dunno: Worth a try anyway. As long as I can manage the nausea and remember to eat it should be ok.

Oh Joeve, my heart breaks for you sweetheart :hug: I rememebr finally finding out I was pregnant after LTTTC only to have that excitement crushed by HG. I asked the 'why me' so many times. I didnt want to say anything incase I was thought ungrateful and something went wrong, I had (still do) so much guilt on being medicated. Heck, between 4 and 6 weeks I cried I wasnt throwing up and then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt so stupid for having wanted to be sick! :wall: You have done amazing getting this far without meds! Down hill run for you though, hun. Yah for no throwing up since Saturday :leap: Mine stopped with DD at 37 weeks and I had the 10 most glorious days as a 'normal' pregnant woman, I hope you get a few days at least. Hang in there, you are doing fabulously :hug:

Argh, Willow damn anaemia but yah to HG free!!!! 40 weeks is such a long time to be sick it really does play with ones mental state :hug: I hope you are able to get some rest and get on top of it before bubs arrives. I stopped zofran at 20 weeks with DD but was till throwing up 3-4 times a day but I could deal with that then, being a reduction from the 15 times but the nausea this time is unrelenting. I wonder if because I threw up SO much with DD the nausea barely had time to build :dunno:

I threw up a lot with DS3 and it made no difference, the nausea was still crippling :( No relief at all after a vomit.
I pretty much go to work, come home, and do nothing. I haven't had any energy left to do anything. Poor DS3 must think he now has the most boring mummy ever :( I did seem to have a good day today though. I actually didn't need to sleep when I got home from work and then went grocery shopping with DP too. Everything is aching now and I'm well and truly ready for bed. So I'll see if I pay for my efforts tomorrow as well.

Hi, just thought I might as well stick my head in here. I had HG with my DS2 and have a strong feeling this one is going to follow suit. Told myself I wouldn't whinge this time and that I wouldn't get sick but that didn't last long. Constant all day nausea and vomiting took affect pretty early and I kept telling myself it would ease at 12weeks. Now I'm telling myself 14weeks but my head is slowly coming out of the sand, I still have hope though ;-)
Have been on meds most of the pregnancy so far but only for work and Tafe (so damn expensive, I need to hoard them lol). Has gotten to the point now though that I'm crying nearly every time I vomit due to the pain. Been bringing up blood recently as well, that brought back DS2s pregnancy alright. My poor DS1 has learnt to run when ai call for my bucket (if I move at that point it will go everywhere) and seriously don't think I've ever seen him move so fast for anything. He has been a great help with his lil bro as well. Feeling very grateful to have made it this far as well so who knows, maybe it will ease

Hi damprye, sounds like you've been struck with the evil HG again :hug: What meds are you on? I have found Restavit to be my saviour this time, I didn't know about it last HG pregnancy and wish I had. But I didn't have proper treatment last time at all :) Did it last the whole pg with your DS2? I have been lucky with this one and the last that it had pretty much resolved at about 20 weeks. I'm 38 now and as long as I take my Restavit each night I am ok just a bit of nausea from about 11am which is completely manageable.

Hiya, guess I belong here now. Im 15weeks and still vomiting daily if not more. Im so over it I just want to cry.
Plus this constant headache. I took 2 panadol and a maxalon befor cooking diner and threw them and the rest of my stomach contents, up 3 minutes later.
:cry: I dont wanna do this anymore.

Hiya, guess I belong here now. Im 15weeks and still vomiting daily if not more. Im so over it I just want to cry.
Plus this constant headache. I took 2 panadol and a maxalon befor cooking diner and threw them and the rest of my stomach contents, up 3 minutes later.
:cry: I dont wanna do this anymore.