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Hi Ladies,
Meg, Im sorry you had such a hard day yesterday. I was saying to my husband last night that i just dont have any room in my head for anything else at the moment. I go to work everyday and do whatever it is that i need to do to the best standard but i am just not interested in it anymore. I find it very hard to concentrate on anything else for a long period of time so i cant imagine what it must be like to do your job. I think that you deserve a really big pat on the back and a huge hug for being strong enough to get through each day. You are an inspiration to me. Feel free to hang out in here with us anytime meg.
Bec, really nice chatting with you yesterday..... Hope that you are having a good day today. Secondly you were not raving on :) we have written way longer posts than that! It really helps to put things in perspective when we "talk" about them like this. Thanks for the reminder that we dont know what other people have been through. I know it sounds bad but i see other pregnant women and i just think that they dont know how lucky they are. Maybe they do.......sadly alot of people lose their babies and i must remember that.
Well hopefully talk to you both later.
Love Sarah
Bec,
How did you go at your appointment today?
I hope that you got all the info that you needed and that your doc was nice to you today!
Hope the BP has gone down.
Talk to you soon
Sarah
Hey Sarah, appointment went pretty well. Will try to catch you online for a chat...
ahhh feeling so much better after our weekend away and now we are on holidays, hooray!
Becc, sooooooo pleased that you have someone in your work who knows what you have been through. Even if she does have a child now, she sounds like she will be sensitive to how you are feeling. I have thoughts when I feel down and really don't want to see other pregnant women or people with babies, is that maybe they have had a journey that is much harder than me, and who is to say that someone who has had an easier journey to motherhood is any less deserving, because we often don't know people's stories. It is sometimes a little bit of a reality check for me when I feel a little hard done by, when you hear stories like that. Was Monday your first day back?
Sarah- hope you are well.
Hi Meg,
Very glad to hear that you are feeling more relaxed (and better in general) now that you are on holidays.
Enjoy every minute of quality time with your hubby!
Bec, Wondering how you are going today??? Thinking of you.
Love Sarah
Hi Bec,
I got your email from work today and i replied.
Just wanted to let you know just incase you didnt get my reply.
Sarah
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sending you enormous :hugs: becc. That would be so hard with someone beside you who is going to give birth soon. It is a constant reminder of your loss right now. I know I have had those feelings many times about"I shouldn't be here", that I should already be on maternity leave. It is very hard to focus on work as a result. I know I am thinking about moving jobs and I know it sounds silly, but part of it is that we have all these young women in the building who are recently married and I know it is only a matter of time before it is a baby boom. I find it hard enough as there is one woman who is due a week before our moonbeams EDD was, a constant reminder. I know what you mean about having to hold it together. I ended up taking a more time than I expected off after our last loss as it just took too much strength to hold it together and to not cry all day, it can be very draining when you really need to let it out. How flexible is your work about you starting part time- I know I went part time for a little while b/c I didn't have enough strength to hold it together for five days, that if I held it together for 1, I then needed to have another day at home when I could just cry if I needed to. Maybe you should see how you feel in a day or two, but maybe if you have an understanding boss you could change desks away from the preg woman and maybe do flexible hours. Do you have a job where you can do some work from home? I think you should be so proud of your efforts, that you have now made it through two days work, and don't be hard on yourself if it is hard to handle. Just take the steps that you are ready for, and if you find it is all to hard, take a step back, because you do really need to take care of yourself or it will take you so much longer to put things back together again. Please do ask for help from your boss if you need it- it is sometimes surprising how supportive and accomodating people can be. I sincerely hope tomorrow is easier for you and I am wishing you great strength to meet this challenge. Take care, and be kind to yourself. Once again, huge :hugs:
Sarah- how you do there, still hanging on. Hope you get your BFP this month.
Bec,
Huge :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: your way matey, can you feel it?
Well done for making it through your first day. That is such a huge and very difficult step so a big pat on the back coming your way.
I cant believe firstly that they would sit you anywhere near a pregnant women (about to give birth or not) and secondly she could be so insensitive to mention her baby at all! Im so angry at them for you right now!
I know exactly what you mean about suppressed emotions, in the poem that i keep meaning to bring in....it says that "my surviving mum wears a smile for others, a smile of disguise" it is so true.
Know that i am with you in spirit and please email me when you need to. Is there a quite place you can go off to at work for 5 or 10 minutes where you can be on your own and let a few things out. Just giving yourself a little bit of time might help.
When you said that you had to face the reality that this is your life now - i know that i said a very similar thing a few weeks ago. That is a very hard adjustment and the home becomes such a safe place.
Well i will email you also as i know you wont get this until tonight. I am assuming by the way that you wrote to me that we need to keep our email kind of secretive?
Wishing you a better day today Bec
Meg, How are the holidays going? I totally understand why you would want to think about changing jobs. Part time has definately helped me to "keep things together" lately. Well hope that you are having a very relaxing time at the moment and enjoy every minute of your time off.
Love Sarah
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Hey Becc,
I just wanted to pop in and say how proud you should be of yourself for returning to work and getting through a rough time. The first day is probably always going to be the worst and it clearly took its toll on you, but I'm glad you let those pent up feelings out as soon as you got outside. I'm pleased to hear that your 2nd day back was much better and I hope that it's a continuing trend.
Love and slobbers,
Hi Bec,
So happy to hear that you had a better day at work on Tuesday!
IKWYM about wandering eyes. Luckily my computer now faces a wall that and i sit in between it so nobody can see what i am up to!!!
I had a really bad day about Katelyn yesterday. It didnt really matter what i did (it was my day off so i was at home) i just seemed to cry and cry.....i guess it is just a really bad day and i am not reading to much into it. It just didnt feel very good that is all. But i am sure that you understand where i am coming from, it always feels the same on the inside its just how you show it on the outside that is different.
Meg, You around?? Hope you are still making the most of those holidays!
Well catch you guys later
Love Sarah
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Hi bec,
I emailed you at work this morning....thinking you were there, hope that wont get you into trouble.
I am feeling better today (even after bumping into my newly pregnant friend down the street!), i guess its just one of those days!
Yuk to nightshift - i agree and i havent even done it!
Im so so happy to hear that you feel you are going better at work! Do allow yourself to have some "down" time if you need it though.....you know what i mean, just thinking of you and the whole mask thingy.
I would love to say to everyone that i feel crap too and sometimes i do, depends on who it is, mostly though i just say that i am trying to get through it the best that i can....people just want the happy answer because they dont want to see you sad!
I cant believe that people dont quite recognise you. Everyone looks different when they are full term pregnant so i wouldnt take it personally. And as for what that guy said i would take it as a compliment! The ww must be going well for you then!
Im glad that you are going to pop into ttc today. I have been wondering how you are going on that front? How are you feeling about it all? and do you think you are in for a chance this month?
Well chat later, i am on here all the time today because i am kind of freaking out. Read my post in TTC and you will understand.
On a very positive note though, my dad's partner decided to give me a pay rise the other day as a suprise!!!!$5k a year!!! So i felt really happy (then felt guilty for feeling really happy!) for a change. It was a big compliment to my work and i hadnt asked for it!
Love Sarah
Hey Sarah
Congrats on the pay rise. Yay!! =D> It's nice to be recognised for your work. It's good to hear you are having a better day today too.
The email to work is fine. I will just get it when I go back to work next week.
I do know what you mean, and will allow myself the down time if I need it. There are places at work I can go and hide for a few minutes if I need to. I won't try to be too tough, LOL - it's just that I can be a bit stubborn sometimes and (depending on who I am around) I tend to keep my feelings private IYKWIM?
I have read your post in TTC and will reply to it there. Am thinking of you and sending :bluedust: and :pinkstick:
Bec,
So when are you back at work again. Even though night shift must be a pain it must also be nice to have the 5-6 days off i saw you mention elsewhere.
I know exactly what you mean about keeping your feelings private. That is so me, unless people ask i wont say and even when they do ask i usually give the one line answer i told you about before (unless it is someone on here asking LOL). Losing your child is such a private pain that is made worse by the fact that people dont really understand unless they have been there.
I only said about the down time thing because you have made huge steps lately and it is still ok to feel sad....sometimes i dont even know why i say these things.....i know that you know all of this. Its just because i care and know how hard i am on myself sometimes and i just dont want you to do the same thing. I do cry at work if i feel i need to. The trouble is a few of the people are nosy.....kind of like the reading over your shoulder thing. Hope i am making some sense here?
Anyway, wishing you a relaxing couple of days at home and sending you lots of :pinkdust: too when you are ready for it.
Talk to you later
Sarah
Hey Sarah
I do know what you mean. And don't worry, I know you say these things because you care! O:)
I'm back at work next Wednesday for one day shift and two nights. So I've got a few days between now and then to keep up with things on here!