Most definitely OP, I would loooooooooove to meet you!
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Most definitely OP, I would loooooooooove to meet you!
I wish I could give you great big hugs right now :cry:
what you're feeling is so valid, and so honest and so raw ...
I wish I knew something which could help the pain now, rather than being some platitude about how well you're doing (which you are) or how things will improve (which they will) ... but something which would make *now* less crap and painful for you.
I pray you have a good balance of privacy and intimacy with your friends, colleagues and acquaintences.
I pray you receive healing and recovery at just the right pace ... nothing rushed, but nothing delayed.
I pray this morning was your first and last panic attack.
I pray your questioning and seeking continues - and produces clarity and answers.
I pray you and your DH can make some key decisions soon about your work and your nanny - and that you have a real peace that those decisions are the right ones, and that they will be blessed and fruitful.
And I pray that you continue to draw strength from family and friends and God, and that you are being very, very gentle with yourself while everything is in flux, and while you adjust.
:hug:
hugs hun- i will give you a hug IRL from all the gals on here as well!!!
a tree is a good idea- we planted a magnolia called little gem in honor of our angel
a friend also gave us a rose - i think it was called baby heart or something like that!!
We put the rose in a big wine barrell and when boof was born, we planted his placenta in the barrell with the rose!!
It has come with us when we moved house too!
still going strong~
You have all these plans and have it all set how its going to be, and then it has all come tumbling down. You are grieving for what was suppose to be as well as your angel!
take baby steps
and remember to breathe !!!
hugs
Ahh OP, I could write a thousand posts about the ripples, and the fallout. (from both my mc and live birth). The after effects will last a long long time. For me, it was 3 long years of soul searching. I knew the only cure for my broken heart was to feel life growing inside me again. I didn't want a replacement baby, but desperately wanted to be 'back on the path'. Back on the path to motherhood, on the path to a happy life filled with all things baby. The joy of being a parent. I felt so cheated, like it was ripped away from me as some kind of punishment.
The time up until Shelbys EDD was excruciating. Every week I was living an alternate reality. I would be X weeks pg now, I'd be taking leave now, etc. It didn't help that my work planner was full of.popup reminders for dates and milestones. And yet I could never bring myself to delete them. Every day I poured salt in my own wounds, just to feel a connection to my babe. My pain and grief was that.connection, and I nurtured my sadness. It was all consuming. Now, it feels like a nightmare I have thankfully woken from.
I can also relate to the work issues. I think a change of department will do you good. I opted to do this also, as I was unhappy in my original position, and needed a change. Something, anything to focus on other than darkness and despair. It was the one glimmer of hope I had for a better future.
Today, I look back on all of this and I still wonder what might have been. I still see the fork in the roads, and still remember how it felt to go down the dark path. I felt like I was being dragged, day by day, kicking and screaming further and further from the 'right' path. Further and further from my baby. The sad fact is that everything does not happen for a reason. Not for me anyway. I refuse to believe there is a reason I was chosen to endure the things I have. Because the only reasons I can think of are all negative.
May all our angels play together amongst the stars until we're reunited. :hug: Keep pouring out your hurt and anguish here, hun, lest you overflow with grief and despair. :heartbeat:
Oh OP, its totally unfair, sending you lots of hugs, I wish I had the words to offer you some more healing
Hang in there, one day at a time xxxxx
OP I am soo very sorry. I wish that I could take away some of your pain. I pray you can find comfort and peace.
Will give you a hug tomorrow when I see you
OP, you've been able articulate what so many people feel & go through well.
I wish there were words or something that could take away the hurt you are going through. I hope that this forum provides you with some comfort.
Take care of yourself & I wish you luck for all you want in the future xx
Hugs hun be gentle on yourself, take each day as it comes and never be scared to cry.
I think planting a tree or plant is a lovely idea.
Here if you need to talk.
xoxo
'the fallout' so well said. I think that's what people who haven't walked this part don't get. I also feel that men don't 'get' it as much.
It's like the brakes are slammed on then when they start again your on a different path and there is no way back.
It's devastating. My heart breaks for you. If it helps I totally know where you are coming from.
Keep talking. We are all here to listen whenever you need us.
:hug: OP.
The biggest hugs and love huni. Take time to heal and remember we are all here for you. :hug: :hug:: xxxx
Sent from my GT-I9000 using Tapatalk
Thanks everyone. The support on here has been amazing.
Forshelby - :hug: Yesterday I deleted all the reminders in my work calendar. I only really had in there how many weeks I was each Friday but seeing it was like a little stab to the heart again each time I looked at my work week on the calendar.
One day at a time seems to be working well ATM.
It's the way to go hun.:
I too had to return to work and delete the reminders out of my calendar.
Thinking of you daily :hug: :heartbeat:
OP, I can relate so much to how you are feeling. :hug::hug: I still go through many of those emotions and probably will for who knows how long.
I am thinking of you xx
Who knows? I find it still hits me for six some days 6 yrs later ;(:
It's such a pity do many of us understand but we do and we are all here for you.
Oh OP :( I haven't been on here lately and had no idea. I'm so sorry :( big cuddles *hug*
Op :hug: I wish I could say more.... Xoxox
I am sorry you are feeling like this I too have been there. I have felt better then worse then numb then happy it's a roundabout. Thank you for writing this as it has captured what I couldn't have gotten into words myself. Hugs x