A horrible day

I'm so sorry your precious babies passed away :hug:

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience. I can't believe what that dr said to you - how dare he!

I know there's no words that can provide the comfort that you need, but I can tell you that I totally relate to the sense of vulnerability you felt in the operating theater. I experienced the exact same feelings on Friday - you are so sad, feeling so empty and alone, and to top it off you have to literally expose yourself to many strangers. It is just horrible.

I hope you rest up and don't let that dr discourage you from trying again!

I am so sorry for your loss sweety, I wish there was something that I could say to make this time easier for you, but unfortunately there isnt, the only thing I can say is it does get easier with time. Let yourself grieve. I am so sorry that you had to listen to such inconsiderate words from the DR, it was just so wrong of him.
Can you get some testing done to see why you are losing, without them constantly blaming age. I find out after I had my first two m/c's that I needed to take aspirin, due to blood clotting. Maybe there is something that can help bring home your much wanted baby, without having to go thru another traumatic loss.
Please dont giveup hope honey. Lots of hugs and again I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My last m/c happened on my DS's b'day of all days, and the day I lost my twins, my dad passed away the same date, but different yrs. Take Care.. hugs again.

Ohhh and please dont let what the DR said to you make you question yourself, or even blame yourself. This was not you fault.

Such lovely caring posts, thank you all so much. Thank you too Csab, I will certainly look into whether I need aspirin. How did you find out you had a clotting problem, and how much aspirin did you take? Congratulations on your beautiful Olivia.

The doctors I have seen have not been in the least interested in finding out why these miscarriages have occurred. They just said that it happened all the time, what I could I expecte at my age? and testing wasn't done until you've had 3 miscarriages! I don't have the time or the emotional strength to suffer another miscarriage before something is done. This is appalling. How can they be so dismissive of the emotional and physical cost to women and their families of numerous losses?
I must admit that I do fluctuate between wanting desperately to try again and then sinking into despair, feeling that I'd be selfish at my age to do it and that i couldn't cope with another miscarriage, this usually happens when I'm lying in bed with my hands on my poor flat empty tummy..

Thoughout this whole awful journey I have been continually dismayed at the behaviour and attitudes of the doctors I have had the misfortune to consult. I know there are some good doctors out there but I haven't found any yet. They just don't seem to give a s**t.

It amazes me that for nearly 10 years after my son was born nothing happened, I did not fall pregnant, and now it has happened twice in 18mths. It's cruel in a way cause until it happened in 2007 I had sort of accepted that I could not fall pregnant again and would only have one child and had put it at the back of my mind. Now my dream of another could be a reality. I think this is my body's last ditch attempt to have another child before I go into menopause, it's trying so hard but just can't seem to do it. The rising and then crashing of my hopes and dreams on two occasions now has just been torturous. If its not going to happen then why torture me with hope? nature can be very cruel.

I went shopping on the weekend for the first time since the D&C and of course the place was full of pregnant women..one lady looked to be in her 40's and I felt dizzy and my hands started to shake when I saw her with her beautiful big belly..

Out of the blue the other day my son gave me a hug and told me what great mum I was, and how I should have had more children, not just him, cause I have so much love in me and only him to give it to (he didn't know I was pregnant or that I had lost the babies). It made me so sad but proud when he told me that. He has always wanted so much to be a big brother and I would love to give him the sibling he so wants. What a beautiful boy he is.

I obviously need to consult a fertility specialist but I was told by a doctor recently that due to such poor success rates, they do not take patients older than 44. Does anyone know if this is true? I just don't trust GP's to understand or have the specialist knowledge that I obviously need to increase my chances of success.

Builej, your words of comfort and support when you are going through your own such tragic and difficult experience are much appreciated. The way the medical profession deals with miscarriage leaves an awful lot to be desired, particularly with regard to mothers' emotional health. Please know I am thinking of you too and hope you are working through your grief and looking to the future to that beautiful BFP.
Wouldloveabubba, thank you too, your lovely posts make me cry and you are a special person to be able to offer such comfort to others when you are on such a difficult and painful journey of your own.

I would like to thank all the women who have posted their stories and offered their much appreciated support. All the brave and determined women on here are such an inspiration to me and I look forward to hearing stories of success in the future.

Tracie.

Tracie, I felt as tho I could not go thru another m/c also after the loss of my twins which was also my 2nd m/c, so when I found out that I was pg again I went to my GP and asked her who I could see as I didnt want to go thru another loss, I was already at breaking point. She gave me a referral to this ob/gyno in my area, so I made the appt. I did not want to lose another baby before the hospitals etc would look into why I was m/cing, as you said they wont check until you have had 3. Once I saw this OB, after hearing about my losses he had said that he would have me take injections to help the pgcy, but then changed his mind and decided to have me take aspirin (baby) instead. He believed that it would help and it did. I now have 3dd's due to the aspirin. It wasnt until I fell pgnt with my Olivia, that my local gp looked further into why I may have m/c, as before Olivia I had another 2 which I lost at 5weeks. I could not understand once again why I was m/cing so much earlier. I ended up finding out the reason I was to take aspirin thru his testing, as one of the Bt's he requested came back as ANA positive, which is a blood clotting disorder. So I count myself very lucky to have seen the first OB after the loss of my twins, as if it wasnt for him, I would not have had my DD"s, I truly believe that. I was told after I had my first 2 m/c's that my babies were starved, and that the twins were fighting each other for the nutrients and in turn killed each other.
While I know now the reason for the aspirin and my losses, it is always in my mind if only I knew that I would need aspirin so that I wouldnt have lost my bubs, yet I also know I wouldnt have had my beautiful DD's now if I did know IYKWIM. I feel terrible knowing that my body failed my angels. Yet I also know that I was also blessed to have had my angels for the time that I did, even tho so short.
Please have some tests done from your Dr, and dont wait for you to become pgnt before you do.
I thought this thread might help with some testing info that you could maybe ask your Dr to check out.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ng+miscarriage

I hope this helps hun. Good luck, and please dont give up just yet.

Ohh and another thing I realised that I needed was the extra folic acid. One Dr had told me due to my age that I needed extra folic acid. Thankfully I was already taking Fefol as well as Elevit, so I was already covered there. I also did that when I found out I was pgnt with my DD's.

What a lovely DS you have, I really hope that you get to give him that brother or sister soon. Take Care.

I haven't been online for a while and have only just seen your reply csab. Thank you so much for telling me your story and for the info on tests for recurrent miscarriage.Your story too is a very sad one and I'm so happy that you now have your beautiful girls. To lose twins is a very hard road.

I think I need to give myself some time to get over this whole experience, just when I think I'm going ok something will set me off and I'll start crying, usually in a shopping centre or work or somewhere really public and embarrassing. I'd love to try just once more but I'm so scared that it will all happen again.

I'm just waiting now for my cycle to sort itself out after the D&C and I will get myself tested. Hopefully a reason for the losses will be identified and I can do something about it.
When you think what an amazing and intricate process pregnancy is, every child born is such a miracle.