Lost my baby at 12 weeks

You're in the right spot :hug:

We had a loss at 12 weeks too. mrsmac made some great points about not discounting your baby because it was a BO. If it helps you to think of it that way, then do. You'll know the right thing to do.

I was also really upset by how much people avoided us. Some of our friends called DH's parents to see how we were going, but didn't contact us at all, which was doubly upsetting. One particular couple (admittedly, pregnant, 6 wks ahead of us) didn't contact us until 7 months later. It's a great leveller, and you certainly know at the end of it which friends are worthy of keeping.

If you want to share more with others who have experienced a loss, the TTC after loss thread is pretty god, even if you're not TTC - we had to wait 6 months before we could try again, and I still hung out in there anyway.

:hug: I hope you're OK.

Thankyou Audax and Mrsmac for sharing your experiences with me, it means a lot. I had such a lonley weekend that I was desperately reaching out into cyberspace hoping someone would hear me. I have been so dissapointed with people who are meant to "be there" IRL and have watched my husband run around trying to keep on top of the basics while I have been alone to overthink everything. I keep tying myself up in knots and can't help wondering, where are the casseroles???? Why am I always the bringer of support to others and even immediate family could not show me the same? Why is my poor husband running himself ragged trying to keep the day to day stuff going instead of being here with me trying to process what has happened? Oh my beautiful boy, thank goodness for him. I feeling like it should be raining, this Melbourne weather is all wrong. I really don't think I can enter the TTCAML forum, I don't think I fit there, I don't know if I will ever be ready to go there, not sure where I fit really.....

Oh CheekyMonkey, I am so sorry that you are going through this all alone. Sounds like your DH is doing a great job (maybe using up some emotional energy too - I think sometimes men try to keep themselves busy as their own way of grieving). If I didn't live so far away, I would make you a casserole :hug:

Sorry about your loss Cheekymonkey *Hugs*

I was in the same position as you when in hospital waiting for my first D&C.
I was all ready waiting to go into theater when the doctor said I have to 'wait' because there was an emergency c-section! So when I was in recovery waiting to go in, the lady who had just had the caesar came out was saying 'omg I just had a baby girl' and everyone was congratulating her. I just started bawling my eyes out and wished it was me coming out of there instead of her. I just wanted to curl up and vanish right then and there.

I hope your doing ok and you get some more support from the people around you xo

Thanks Apes and Just Me xox The lactation consultant that I had lined up called today, I had to interupt and say, Um, won't be needing you, I lost the baby. I need to think of it as a baby, I feel stupid enough as it is, that my body had me believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had no cause for concern. We went to the park today for some fresh air, DS was drawn to a lady feeding her baby, he just sat right next to her (almost on top of her) talking to her and the baby, he is such a neurturer.....

You lost a baby - even if the baby didn't develop beyond the blastocyst stage, you had a life there that you prepared yourself to welcome. You are letting go of the baby in your heart, even if your body let it go a long time ago.

Much peace to you - I had a blighted ovum at ten weeks that I had no clue about, I didn't even realise I was pregnant. But, I've had a miscarriage before where I've had to "recover" on the post natal ward and that's just cruel.

Whereabouts in Melbourne are you? PM me if you like.

Yes, you're in the right spot, in answer to your earlier question, Cheekymonkey. My first m/c was a blighted ovum while my second was a missed m/c at nearly 12 weeks. I grieved the first and after the second loss, I felt such a failure. It helped coming in here to read the stories of others and then there was a thread, Waiting for AF after M&L which was home for me for the eight weeks I was waiting. I don't think the thread's running anymore but it was a good place to be after a D&C as I didn't feel like jumping into the TTCAML thread straight away.
Fresh air and a walk in the park are great. And your DS sounds like a little darling. Big hugs, Cheekymonkey. Lean on BB for a while. It does help. Much love. :hug: :hug:
Kerry

Thank you cheekyfrog. BBL

Oh your story is so heart breaking. I dont think that any of us could go through that and feel ok. You need to take your time and process the feelings as they come up. I am so sorry that your little man asks you about the baby. That must be very hard, You are a very stronge women!

Take care and again i am sorry that you have had to go through this. I am also sorry for your DH and beautiful son!