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Thread: Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #4

  1. #19

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    Just sending you some hugs optimist .



    Regards,
    Dianne

  2. #20

    Default to Dianne

    Dianne

    Oh thanks for the hugs and sympathy. It's amazing being in touch with people who have been through it before. Sorry I didn't respond earlier - I don't have a smart phone and enjoy being outdoors. This weekend spoke to a girlfriend who'd been through an abortion. It's only the people who have experienced a similar event who really understand what it's like, like you.

    Others mean well but have no idea of the legit grief or depth of feeling women have for babies who aren't born yet. That's what I'm finding anyway.

    ... Thanks! ahh a monastery on the top of a hill in China would be great right now (to have my own space I mean)....

  3. #21

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    Your so right optimist. People who haven't experienced a loss want to help, but simply cannot understand the depth of your grief. I'm glad you found someone to talk to in real life. The only person who got me, was my mum. She has 2 angels from her babymaking years, one of which was my twin!
    Enjoy being outdoors the fresh air and sunshine can only lift your spirits!

  4. #22

    Default to Preggoeggo

    That is amazing! Being part of a twin pair of babies. I wonder if knowing you had a twin before your birth makes any difference. Sorry that your mum lost a twin though, that would be bittersweet I imagine.

    It's really inspiring what women go through to make babies. I had no idea. My sister-in-law had 8 m/c (IVF) but has become so matter-of-fact about them it didn't help to talk to her much.

    yay thanks for lifting my spirits.

  5. #23

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    Hi everyone. I'm sorry that we are all here but I hope we can all get strength & support from each other.

    I apologise if I'm in the wrong thread but I really want to get everything off my chest but don't want to burden anyone who doesn't understand. When I was 21 I had my beautiful girl, there were no major complications & I ended up marrying her dad & trying for more kids. We actually got pregnant on our honeymoon! But at 12wks 4 I started spotting & was sent for u/s which showed a 9 wk bub with no heartbeat. The next day I had a d&c & 4 mths later we conceived again. The GP I saw to confirm the pregnancy was matter of fact & didn't seem to understand my fear. At 9wks I developed sharp pain & spotting & an u/s showed no baby but a lap confirmed an ectopic & I lost my left tube. I was a mess. It took its toll on my already fragile, emotionally nonexistent marriage & we split 3 mths later -19 days after our 1st wedding ann. Fast forward 10 yrs later & I'm in a much better place emotionally, with a loving partner & my DD who's 12 this week & we're TTC & I am excited but also very petrified! I want to share my life with this fantastic man & each month when I O I get excited that this might be it! but this month my heart is pounding, I feel so anxious & want to cry. We're currently in the 2ww so I have another 10 days or so of this emotional roller coaster. What happens if we do fall pregnant & the pregnancy isn't viable. I don't want that loss, that stress. I know I'm being unreasonable & that my story is nothing compared to what so many of you have experienced but I don't know how to snap out of it. Please tell me I'm normal???

  6. #24

    Unhappy Hopes crushed

    Hi Ladies,

    Sorry for everyone's loss.

    I was so excited and looking forward to joining this forum and sharing my journey, but it all seemed to come to a crushing end on Monday. We went for our first 10wk scan and to our horror and what my gut feelings had been telling me for the last week, bub stopped growing at 5wks Doc was soooooo kind and caring. He wants me to wait till next Monday and have another scan to make sure we havent got our dates wrong and that bub hasn't grown before he performs the d&c on Tuesday. I know the dates aren't wrong cause my last period was the 10th Jan and 3 days after my period didn't come I tested positive to a home preg test. He doesn't think I will miscarry naturally cause it's already been 6wks since bub stopped growing and my body still has all the pregnancy symptoms. It's just heart breaking knowing my body still has to go through this and knowing there will be nothing at the end of it.

    Doc said it was probably due to a chromosome not joining properly, BUT I can't help think was it something I did? Like did I exercise to much and over heat the bub? Was it because I had a massive boozy night and had a kebab the week before I found out I was preggers? Is there something wrong with me or my eggs?? The list could go on!

    My question is, after a d&c how soon after can you start trying again? I'm 35 (first child) and don't want to wait too long cause of my age and am hoping for 2 kids before 38.

    Sorry that this is so long.

    Trinkles xx

  7. #25

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    Glad you found the thread, optimist. Lovely you have found someone you can relate to IRL

    Welcome TickToc. I am so sorry for your losses You are so very 'normal' to have those fears and anxieties after having miscarried in the past. IMO thinking the worst is a way of protecting ourselves. Almost like if you expect the worst any 'bad' result cant be any worse ITMS!

    Welcome Trinkle- Stein, Im sorry your little one didnt stay but dearly hope your dates are a bit out and there is a little heartbeat next week Limbo is such a tough place to be. My body did something very similar when I miscarried.
    FWIW nothing you you did cause this to happen. It happens far too often and mostly for undetermined reasons.
    Depending on what your Doctor advises as to when you can start TTC again, It varies from person to person, Dr to Dr. For us there was no recommendation, in which case as long as you and your partner are ready than thats what counts.

    to all

  8. #26

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    Well we had our second scan on Monday and unfortunately the scan showed the same as last Monday, bub hadn't grown which resulted in a missed miscarriage, so went in yesterday for a d&c. Out little angel is now in heaven with its poppy

    The staff at Murdoch were absolutely wonderful and caring and I couldn't ask for a better Ob! He is so caring!

    Is it normal to feel numb and empty? I just don't have any emotions right now! Is this my body or brains way of protecting me or will it hit me tomorrow?

    Rest in peace our little angel xxx

  9. #27

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    I am so sorry Trinkle- Stein Take time, there is no right or wrong way to feel but do be kind to yourself

  10. #28

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    Hugs TS - I was very numb after my angel babies left, I remember clearly being in the shower the night before my d&c (1st m/c, 2nd pregnancy) & letting out this howl of pain that was so deep & loud but was also utterly silent. I say just sit with yourself, let your thoughts wonder & know that sometimes life just sucks. I hope one day you have a sticky baby that brings you all the joy that your life is missing at this time. Xxx

  11. #29

    Default sorry to hear your loss

    oh I'm so sorry Tinkle Stein.

    No advice but just my experience - if this doesn't fit with you just ignore it - I had a mc at 10 weeks, spontaneous abortion. It stopped growing at 6 weeks.

    I'm a lot better now but still emotionally a bit touchy. What I wanted to say is, it felt weird when my body felt pregnant but I wasn't. Swollen boobs, hormones still preggers, beaut skin. That was after I'd lost the baby.

    We haven't tried again (for other reasons as well as mc) yet but I felt SO much better after my first period. I'd ovulated, had a period which felt cleansing, my hormones were back to normal again. JFYI.

    The loss affects me in strange ways still. Find it hard to congratulate friends when they become pregnant, get choked up when ppl ask if I have kids (can't really say, oh I tried but it didn't work!).

    I've just come to the conclusion that having babies is like Russian roulette! I just don't have any control over whether a pregnancy is successful or not, besides taking care of myself.

    Hope that you can find support and grieve, we had a ceremony to say goodbye, which was a huge relief, to say goodbye to a baby that we wanted so much.

  12. #30

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    So ive just come back from my OB office. And was giving a 98% chance that this pregnancy will be a miscarriage by my next scan which he booked me in for in a week. He would not book my D&C untill he was a 100% certain.

    He saw "movement" or sound.. not sure.. on the scan that didn't match my own heartbeat. For that reason he wasn't 100% sure that the pregnancy wasn't viable.
    Making me wait for the dooms day next week.

    Third miscarriage.. and a flippen, drag me on for ages one to boot.

    Ive been told to hold onto the 2%.. I am sick of holding onto little to no hope. It just breaks my heart again and again.

    Thanks for listening.

    (I should be about 5 weeks gestation today)

  13. #31

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    Hugs tascha - I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have supportive people in your life who can be there for you. Life's cruel & unfair at times

  14. #32

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    I just wanted to pop in and recognize that today was my angels EDD. Reading through my posts, it seems like a lifetime ago that I felt that way. I knew today was coming up ofcorse but I really had no idea how I was going to feel when it arrived. I mentioned to DP what today is and he said "oh well, we've got Henry now" - he's due in 9 weeks and ofcorse I am thrilled but he certainly doesnt replace our lost one. I still miss the first, wonder who he/she was and wish we had a chance to meet. I think DP just meant for me to not dwell on what we cannot change and focus instead on the joy that we do have. Its a weird day.

  15. #33

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    I received confirmation today (at 9w2d) that my pregnancy was to be no more. I have spent the entire day being really angry.

    I dont know how to cope with what i'm feeling and everyone else is trying to get me to look on the bright side. ie, at least i know i can fall pregnant (this being the first time) it doesn't make me feel any better at all....

    i'm at a total loss...i want to be alone but not alone, if that makes any sense.

    my little angel left me over a week ago but i have had no cramping and no bleeding...i dont even know what to do, who to talk to or where to go.

    I'm sorry we all had to meet under these circumstance.

  16. #34

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    I'm so sorry Wrangalove, we are here if you need we understand your pain. Be kind to yourself, time will heal xoxo

  17. #35

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    Being angry is normal wrangalove, you are going through a loss & grief has many stages. I got my hair cut very short the day after my d&c, I wanted a physical reminder of my loss.

    Please be kind to yourself & know that you are not alone .

  18. #36

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    Just reading over the posts again. Sorry for everyone's loss.

    Peace I know how you feel, Wednesday was my EDD and I just tried to keep myself busy and not try to work myself up to much for the sake of my new bubba growing - 12wks (i struggle to feel relaxed and excited tho) and so far everything's going well. I think of my little ones everyday and have a cherub pendant that i wear everyday in honour of them.

    All I can say is take one day at a time and look after yourself x

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