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I am so sorry for your loss. You are so right about appreciating every precious moment you're given after such a tradegy though. I lost my first baby and now have a 4 month old son and I pray for you and your husband that soon you too will know the comfort of your baby's cuddles and smiles.
:hug: I am soo sorry to hear of your loss :crying:
Goldilocks,
I understand all too well what you are going through. I had almost the exact same reasonings when it happened to me. I went on to have 6 pregnancies end in m/c and you are dead right that even after the first loss, you never go into another pregnancy thinking that it is all plain sailing. However, no-one is too lucky. And we are not punished by falling pg the first go and never knowing the heartache that others go through (I also feel pg first go). You didn't get dealt this rotten hand because you have it so good in other areas of your life. I know it's difficult, but try not to take away from the other great parts of your life. I too believe that things do happen for a reason - sometimes you may never know these reasons. But after 6 failed pgs, I can't believe that I was put through all that for no good reason.
People that I personally know sometimes hear my story by the by and they comment on how much Pup was a wanted baby. Yes, absolutely. But that didn't mean that none of the others weren't wanted either! Do I think that I am a better mum because of what I went through? Maybe. And you will be too.
I went through my first 3 losses without this support network. Rest assurred that there are people on here that totally understand and will support you in this time. I am so sorry for you and your DH. It is a confusing, emotionally draining time you are going through (both of you) and feel free to PM me with any questions about my experience if you want.
So sorry, my thoughts are with you. You sound like a wonderful, loving couple...good things will come, I feel it in my heart. Take Care X
Sweetness, my heart goes out to you and your dh. I feel so much sadness reading what you have gone through.
You are such a beautiful soul, may you find the strength within to move forward.
xox
Goldi- my simple words cannot express the heartache I feel for you.All the wonderful ladies here echo my thoughts and feelings.I am so srry for your loss.
Your post is beautiful and so moving.To the little one you had but never to hold in your arms only in your heart.
I too lost a precious baby and the heartache remains deep after 22 months and returning to the place of her birth this last week with our newborn sons has been hard.
The ultrasound will be etched in your mind (i too found out by ultrasound) and every other u/s I had during my recent pg I feared the worse.
Be gentle with yourselves, grieve and cry as much as you need to. I know there is NOTHING I could possible say to ease your pain.
Draw on your great personal strength as you continue this journey.
with hope
Trish
Goldilocks - I was also in tears reading your message. :crying: I don't think there's much more I can add except I know you and Anthony will make the most wonderful parents one day soon. Sending lots of love and hugs your way. :hug:
Take care,
Marg
xoxo
OOOH, Goldilocks...
I have no words to heal your heart... The girls have all said everything there is to say, my heart breaks for you & your hubby & your baby...
I hope you find a new place to begin the journey of life together... You are both blessed to have eachother!
Many hugs to you both!!!!
Goldilocks
I know your pain only too well- as do most of us here on BB. My 12 week scan revealed no heartbeat - bub dead at 6 weeks and 4 days. How do you put that into words and even worse how do you tell family and friends.
You are so right when you talk about the loss of innocence - i had never heard of anyone having such problems in my world until it happened to me and my BB friends told me of their individual experiences knwong that there was someone out there that knew how I felt helped. Plse dont feel alone it sounds like you have the love of a good man. If you need to move then do it, concentrate on making you both well again. The mental scars are worse than any physical ones. After my D and C I just sat on my couch for 10 days no shower no nothing ( poor DH) in my PJ's. Refused all those reaching into my void to try and help me with empty words.
I will be thinking of you
It does get a little easier as the months pass - allow yourself the time you require to grieve
Huge hugs to you both
XXXXXX
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
There is nothing that I can say to make it better. It's hard and unfair.
I hope you find strength and peace in this sad time.:hug:
Dear Goldilocks,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I cannot begin to understand your pain, but I hope and pray that life will bring you and Anthony a little miracle soon!
Goldilocks, I know exactly how you feel. We discovered on Tues during an emerg. ultrasound that I'd had a missed miscarriage. I can't get that image out of my head. I had a d&c on Wed also - a very long day. I don't think I have any tears left. I'm sure we will get pregnant soon - as soon as we're allowed anyway, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to be pregnant now! I would have been 12 weeks on Monday. To think that my baby died and I didn't even know it. I also felt that something wasn't quite right, but I didn't confide in anyone, not even my husband. I didn't get too attached, and I felt funny whenever someone asked about "bubs". I can't explain it, just mothers' intuition I guess. My poor husband has been wonderful too, we are so lucky to have them! Just take care of yourself and think to the future, it will all work out for you, I'm sure.
Your post had me in tears and its really hard for something to make me cry. I experienced this last year and its so devasting when you go for an ultrasound and there is an empty sac, but i was like you. Somehow this pregnancy didnt feel right from the beginning and we were having a hard time deciding whether we should announce it or not. Eventually we did, and the night we did, thats when I started bleeding.....thats when i knew.
I know you both deserve a little cherub of your own, and I know you will in the near future. I just want to let you know that im sorry for your loss.
Goldilocks, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and you DH. I wish there was someway I could take away all your pain. My heart always sinks when I see a new post about a much loved and wanted baby becoming an angel. Again I am so sorry.
Please know we are all here for you. :hugs:
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and Anthony:hugs:
Very very sorry to hear about your loss. I can relate to you when you said that you knew that something wasnt not right, I've been there and it's hurtful when people try and brush it off hoping it will make you feel better when deep down it doesnt. The only thing that will is when you hold that baby in your arms.
I can never fully enjoy ANY of my pregnancy til I get past that 12 weeks, it's a cruel blow when some can just take it for granted and enjoy the pregnancy from the get go. I never write a due date on my calender anymore, it's too heart breaking to even think that far ahead. Wishing you all the best on the next pregnancy :hug:
Wow, I am completely overwhelmed with everyone's beautiful and kind words.
This has been an extremely difficult thing to go through, as many of you unfortuntely have first-hand experience with, and I'm completely touched and honoured by the support offered here on BB. What a wonderful place this is! You truly have touched my heart ladies, and I'll be forever grateful :grouphug:
I'm feeling much better and the emotional pain is lessening. Physically, I'm doing ok (apart from losing 5kgs in a week). I haven't felt pregnant for a long time, well before the D&C, so at least I don't have any symptoms still hanging around. I know that would have made the journey much harder.
I hardly had any bleeding until about 7 days after the D&C. Now it's almost like AF! I didn't think I was meant to get AF until 4-6 weeks after the D&C, and it's only been 9 days so far...? :confused: Oh well, I'll just have to play the waiting game and see how things pan out. I guess your body goes into shock somewhat - one minute it's pregnant and the next, it's not!
I'm taking my temp again every morning, just to see what my body is doing. Needless to say it's gone haywire, my temps are up and down and all over the place! LOL
Anthony and I are very keen to start TTC again and the doctors said we can try again straight away. We're getting in plenty of practice in the meantime, whilst my body is sorting itself out :ttc: LOL
It's Anthony's birthday next Friday and I'm taking him away for a romantic long weekend in Brisbane (we're actually very keen to move up there!) He has been through so much lately...as many of you rightly pointed out, I'm not the only one who has suffered a loss. I know that his heart was broken too last Monday and I'm doing everything in my power to make it better for him.
Going through this experience has brought us so much closer together. I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again. Even though we've lost a child, we've gained a whole new level of love and respect for each other. We are more in love than ever!
And we have so much love to give to a child. Hopefully we'll be blessed with one of our very own sometime in the near future.
I apologise if I'm not around on BB as much for a while. I am honestly thinking of everyone all the time. And I'm always stalking my wonderful Jan belly buddies! LOL I feel so sad that I can't share the journey with them anymore but I am happy to be following their progress from a distance. I'll be celebrating just as much as them when their beautiful Jan bubbies are born!
And hopefully I'll have another little bun in the oven by then ;)
Happy & healthy pregnancies to all!!!
Much much love,
Goldilocks
-xxxooo-
Fantastic news that you are going on a romantic holiday! There is no better feeling in the world than falling in love with your DH for a second time round :hug:
Have a great time, relax and enjoy. We are all envious of you :hug:
awww you have the best time away with your hubby, a holiday sounds awesome! :)
You're just gorgeous Goldilocks. You are sounding much better - it's a tough road I understand...
I know just what you mean about falling in love all over again. My husband and I have been married for 12 years the loss of our babies has strengthened our bond immensley. I always knew we had a beautiful relationship but travelling the path that we have together has created an even more beautiful bond.
I am so glad you are going for a holiday. You both need it and you will recharge those batteries.
I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love and healing thoughts....
Awwwwwwww it's good to see that you are in good spirits. You're showing even more how much of a strong and amazing woman you are.
Enjoy your time away with hubby, it's good to see that out of your loss something good has come from it.
Lots of big :hug: to you.
I think that sums it all up sweety! I hope you have a great time away with DH - I'm so glad that from this you could deepen your relationship. Best of luck for when you start TTC again. I will be thinking of you!:
You're showing even more how much of a strong and amazing woman you are.
xoxoxoxo
I am so sorry, my heart just aches for you and I shed a tear reading your post. My advice is to stay close to each other, take each day as it comes and no more.
Shazz.
xx
Awww Goldilocks:hug: , I know to well what you are going through, the very same thing happened to us and i also was telling DH not to get his hopes up as i was not feeling good about this pregnancy, be strong sweets, you don't froget but the pain eases.:hug:
As Mr Goldilocks, first I want to thank all of you for your support you've given Belinda initially during our pregnancy and now during these tough times. :hug:
I've done what I can as her husband to keep her spirits up but I cannot offer her the female perspective. That is why, all your wonderful words of wisdom for her and the support which she received from her Mom has made the healing process for her easier.
I know alot of you have urged me to let my feelings out, At first I was doing what i can to be strong for Belinda cos I know just how devasted she was that we lost 'Gee Bee' (as we were calling him/her).
When we were at the ultrasound, and the image came up on the screen, I also knew what had happened but being forever an Optimist I was hoping that the bub was perhaps hiding away. (yes my naievity shows- where would it be hiding :p )
I kept looking over at Belinda and I could tell she already knew, She's done soo much research that she probably knew more than the Doctor did.
I can't tell you how much my heart was broken at that point. She would make the perfect Mother and I so wanted everything to be right for her. I even told her to quit work a few weeks prior so she can relax and make sure that the bub would be alright, I meant it. When she said she did not feel right, I should've urged her to go have an ultrasound, what I did was tell her that she should be positive about it etc. :angry:
Next time she tells me she doesn't feel well, I am dropping everything and make sure that we go visit a GP.
I feel like I have let her down in that department, not listening to her feelings..... Afterall, she's the one carrying the bub not me so she'd know. I promise that next time she will be pampered 10 times more than usual.
We both want to have bubs asap but I know that when the time is right, it will happen for us. It still doesn't stop the hurt from losing this one. :crying:
Wow, you are so lucky to have one another. I think that you are a wonderful husband to be able to come on here and acknowledge your feelings too - not many men can do that because there are not many men who know how they are supposed to feel when this happens. I know that you will get your perfect little baby and that you will both be very deserving parents.
I totally agree with Sherie. You both are awesome people and one day you will be truly blessed with an awesome baby. I agree that you will be fantastic parents and the baby that you do have will be very lucky to have you as parents :hug: to you both.
Captain Daddy aka Mr Goldilocks,
Firstly what an amazing couple you are! Your love and support for each other is truly inspirational!
Goldi's post had me in tears originally, now you have also!:crying:
I do not understand the pain that you have both been dealt, but I sure as hell hope that should my DH and I ever have to face something like this, that we can support each other half as well as what you both have. Really you are both truly amazing in your devotion to each other.
I hope and pray that both of you have the joy of holding a bubba in your arms before long, because you will make amazing parents.
I am sending you both as many :hug: as possible! Take care of yourselves
Captain Daddy ~ Like the other girls your post bought me to tears. You truly are an amazing couple - you have so much to cherish just in one another. You are going to be wonderful parents when the time comes. Please do not beat yourself up over circumstances that were out of your control. I think its amazing that you've come in here and posted - you are a great DH!! Best of luck for the future - I will be thinking of you both.
Captain Daddy and Golidlocks both your posts made me cry.
You are both such lovely ppl and are so loving to each another.
Always thinking of you Belinda you are such a amazing young lady.
Captian Daddy you never let Belinda down i think we always know in our hearts when something isn't right but we always pray that we are wrong sometimes we are but other times sadly we are not.
:hug: to you both.
Captain Daddy,
I am in full agreement with others - what a wonderful couple you two make and what brave man for coming on here and expressing your feelings. Much as I am sure it helps you to vent these, I also think it would help belinda enormously to see that you are so prepared to share in this experience rather than being the typical " strong" man. I know I would like to have seen my DH's true feelings about our losses but I am sure he tried to shield that from me.
Best of luck to you both and I am sure there will be happy news on the horizon soon enough
Captain Daddy - wow, your amazing!!! I agree with the other ladies and I sincerely hope that you and your lovely wife have a beautiful child together, hang in there! your relationship will be stronger than ever, if you can make it past this than you can face anything together. Have a fabulous holiday and best wishes for the both of you :)
I found this, I hope it brings you some comfort.
These Are My Footprints
These are my footprints, so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint, for now I have my wings.
These tiny footprints were meant for other things
You will hear my tiny footprints, in the patter of the rain
Gentle drops like angel tears, of joy and not from pain
You will see my tiny footprints, in each butterflies lazy dance
I'll let you know I’m with you, if you give me just a chance.
You will hear my tiny footprints, in the rustle of the leaves
I will whisper names into the wind and call each one that grieves.
Most of all these tiny footprints are found in mummy’s heart
Cause even though I’m gone now, we'll never truly part.
I am so sorry for your loss.
With love always, Celsie. xoxox
Oh Wow Captain Daddy... Beautiful man and a beautiful woman. I am sorry that this sadness is in your hearts. They will heal but you will always have a raw spot that is your GEE BEE.
The poem by Celsie has me crying. crying for the both of you and crying for my angels and my family. This is a tough tough trip but you know we are all better people because of our babies that flew away. We know we can survive and we know the pain that others can't see or understand.
Thankyou both for sharing and thank you Celsie for the gorgeous poem, it touched a nerve for me...
You see what a lucky girl I am! My husband is just too perfect for words! :heartbeat:
My family came up with the nickname "Captain Daddy" when they found out we were pregnant...we thought it was quite fitting with Anthony being a pilot and all! LOL :cool:
I'm so touched that he shared his feelings on BB...it really means so much to me. Now you see why I love him so much!!! :kiss:
I can't wait to make him a Daddy! :D
Celsie, thank you so much for the beautiful poem. It is very touching and had me bawling my eyes out again!
Love
Goldilocks
-xxxooo-