thread: How many is too many?

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast
    1,153

    How many is too many?

    Would you be happy with an older (albeit very sprightly) person minding a 12 yr, 11yr, 3yr, 2yr and a 1yr old by themselves?

    Would you be happy leaving your 2yr old with 4 other kids to be minded by a single grandparent?

    TIA

  2. #2

    Mar 2004
    Sparta
    12,662

    Depends on the grandparent. It also depends on how responsible the older children are but if the Grandparent was competent and the children were relatively well behaved and mature then I'd be ok with it.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Victoria
    7,260

    Yes.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise
    15,272

    yeah it would definitely depend on the person. My mum looks after DD a couple of days a week and often has my brothers 3 kids after school as well - the eldest of bro's kids is a very mature 10 year old, so it really doesn't worry me at all. Mum could have a few extras there easily and not worry about it (mum is an ex-FDC carer too, so maybe it's cos i know she can cope!)

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast
    1,153

    Yeah, its not so much the 12 and 11 yr olds, its the 3 and 1 yr old who are also there. It just seem like a big ask of a 65 yr old for 8hrs

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2005
    USA
    3,991

    I think a 1, 2 AND 3 year old would be hard work for anyone! Depends how much the older kids can help I guess.

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006
    11,633

    would the 11 & 12 year olds be helping with teh younguns?
    That's a lot of kids for one person, but I think it really depends on the kiids and grandparent.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise
    15,272

    my aunt is 64 and still working in Early Childhood centre in the toddler room where (from what she has said) it is one adult to five kids. mum used to have one adult to 4 pre schoolers and tthen three school aged kids as well.

    it really depends on the person. if they are used to it, it's not that much of a stretch to think it could be managed. and competently. i don't think i'd be saying "is it too much for a 65 year old" - age is just a number. i'd be looking at the particular individual and see if it's too much for them. maybe observe them being responsible for all three kids and make your decision from there.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast
    1,153

    Yes, the older 2 are very responsible and lovely.
    MIL has cracked the ****s at me because when I dropped DS off for his scheduled monday last week, I knew she was having the older 2, and was completely fine with that (DS loves his cousins)
    Whem I got there, she tells me that BIL is now dropping off his 2 kids as well.
    Now, I raised the issue of her taking on too many kids in the past ie, I am not so comfortable with it. She told me she would never do it without her hubby being there to help. Last monday, her hubby was away.
    MIL never informed me that she would be having all of the kids until I arrived, even though she knew about it the night before. She just sprung it on me when I got there.
    I told her I wasnt happy,that she promised me that her hubby would always be there, she responded that miss 12 was there and she thought that would be good enough.
    Anyways, I left DS there while I went to my appt but picked him up early.
    2 days later she stood me up on a seaworld trip (DS first) that we had planned for ages.

    I know she has the right to have as many kids in her house as she likes, but does this just mean that I have to suck it up. Especially as I think she tells me at the last minute so that I just have to smile and go along with it.....

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2006
    Melbourne
    3,737

    Depends on the person! My mil regularly watches our three 3.5, 2 and 8 months but I wouldn't let my mum. Having the older independent kids would help as long as they listened to the grandparent.

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Dec 2007
    1,794

    I think it is wrong that she sprung it on you at the last minute when she knew earlier.. That would annoy me to, especially when she knows the way you feel..

    FWIW, I would leave those age kids and that many with my inlaws, even MIL on her own, especially when the older 2 are well behaved and help keep the younger ones entertained if she had to be out of the room, changing a nappy or the like..

    But since my parents separated, no I wouldn't leave them unless it was an emergency.. Dad just wouldn't be comfy, and Mum is a bit scatterbrained at moment, so not worth the risk..

  12. #12
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2006
    Melbourne
    3,737

    But I do think it is irresponsible of her to let you know last minute if you have had previous concerns.

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise
    15,272

    i agree - being ambushed like that is crap - the situation is probably totally fine - but as the parent, it's up to you to decide what you want to do - NOT her.

  14. #14
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria
    8,924

    I know she has the right to have as many kids in her house as she likes, but does this just mean that I have to suck it up. Especially as I think she tells me at the last minute so that I just have to smile and go along with it.....
    Would you have been more pee-ed off if she had rung the night before and said she couldn't look after DS? You don't have to suck it up but you might have to find other care for your son.

  15. #15
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast
    1,153

    Thanks, The ambush is what bugs me.
    I think she thinks if she tells me infront of others (the older kids) that I wont be able to say anything.(this is the 2nd or 3rd time this has happened)

    Sneaky is the word that comes to mind, and I am peeved that she put me in this position, and really sad that she stood us up.

    I kind of dont know where to go from here. Thankfully yesterday and next monday are holidays here, so I dont have to worry about it he wouldnt go there anyway.

    GRRR, LOL if it was my mum we just would have yelled at each other on prolly told each other to F off and just gotten over it. Damn non blood family!!

  16. #16
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast
    1,153

    Would you have been more pee-ed off if she had rung the night before and said she couldn't look after DS? You don't have to suck it up but you might have to find other care for your son.
    No I wouldnt have, things come up, I totally get that, what bugs me is that she knows it is something that worries me and she chooses NOT to tell me so that I wont make alternative arrangements KWIM?
    She doesnt give me the option of making a choice.

  17. #17
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast
    1,153

    FWIW, I am self employed and work from home DS is here with me tues-fri, anyway.