Is this harsh?

I have no idea about any of this so sorry if I'm way off point here, but found it really interesting reading.

Just wondering.....if making it a big deal means he fights it more and more......maybe don't make it a big deal?

Someone else on here said don't give him options and that seems right to me. What about having a grown up chat with him and laying it out once and for all and then leaving it alone completely? Letting him come to you? You know like 'Ok buddy, mummy & daddy have decided that you are doing so well that we'll let you use the toilet from now on.' Same thing with the nappies, show him the remaining stash and explain that 'this is all we have left, once this runs out there aren't anymore nappies for you'. 'Now mummy and daddy will let you use the toilet yourself if you want to, or you can ask mummy or daddy for help anytime'.

Again I said I've no experience in this at all, so sorry if this is completely wrong, but I just think kids are funny ya know.....the more you try to tell them somethings good for them....the more they fight like all hell to avoid it.

Maybe making it sound like it's a privelage and something special you're trusting him with might click with him??

Anyway best of luck! I have no idea what you're going through but it sounds terribly hard and stressful so I hope he comes round really soon for you :hug: :hug:

:yeahthat:

I know it's more complicated than this and you've been given some great advice about all the ins and outs by the PPs... AND, though I've done TT with lots of kids through work, I've never done it with my own.... AND you know how he ticks best of course....

But my feeling is that he knows what the expectation is, he knows what he's supposed to do and when, but he's not responding well at all to the pressure or attention. So maybe just making it clear one more time and then giving it no more attention or 'air time' might make him feel less self-conscious about it. It also seems like he's got something here he can control - you want him to, and he can make sure you don't 'win' as such. But if there's no sense of pressure from you then there's nothing for him to fight against IYKWIM.

Dunno. :dunno: Good luck. Lots of TT vibes being sent your way. xoxo

I just wanted to confirm that i don't pressure him at all. I have asked only once today if he wants to use the toilet, he said no so i left it. However, i did take your advice lissy and i said that it'd be much easier if he used the toilet and that nappies are not to be used at home during the day and to tell me if he needs to go. Then i left it at that. But he refused to even listen to me. He crossed his arms and turned away from me. I asked him to face me and he did but he refused to make eye contact. So i gave up.

Santosha, you are right. He does understand what is expected. But there is hardly any pressure and im not giving it any attention. So im not sure why he is resisting?

This morning i said come on its toilet time. I went and then said ok now your turn. He just walked away... *shrugs*

He finally did a wee, in his pants, on the lounge. He didn't even tell me, DD told me when she found it was wet. So i asked if he did a wee, he wouldnt answer. So i just said ok lets find some new pants. He then asked for a shower which DH gave him.

He just seems really embarrassed by it all. Even though theres never been any real pressure and i have never forced him to sit on the toilet or anything. I really don't think he is trying to rebel or trying to obtain power over us. I just think its pure embarrassment/anxiety. And i really don't know how to overcome this. I have reasured him that it is safe, it wont hurt him, etc. But he just doesn't want to hear it.

Well he did another wee in his pants without telling me. I just casually said next time tell me if you need to do a wee. He said no, Hmmm... Just really don't kow how to get around this.

Ahhh cool. Sorry then. Guess it just seemed that way as you've mentioned asking him if he needs to go etc. a bit here. As far as turning his back on you... well I'd guess his ears still work so he heard you, just wanted to communicate that he didn't really want to listen!

Oh it sounds so tricky and I wish I could help more but I REALLY don't know! GL again.

Have you asked him where he wants to do a wee apart from in his nappy.. he should be able to talk to you..

It must be so hard but I think you are doing very good. And maybe having accidents is a good thing. He might feel embarrassed but hopefully he will just go to the toilet next time..

Well at least he's not holding it and doing any damage :hug: Maybe get him to help clean it up??

Im starting to think theres more wrong here. I'm adding everything up and it seems really unusual.

aussienic, you say he should be able to talk to me and you are right. But honestly he hardly ever talks unless it is to DD. He hardly answers any of our questions whether it is to do with TT or not. He will come up to us and ask us for things like food, drink etc. Or mention if he's watching a really good tv show or playing with a toy he loves or sees something he likes or whatever. But if we directly talk to him he just shuts down and doesnt repond or it takes us 5 times of asking before we only get a yes or no answer. For eg. He just came up to me said daddy is making a cake. I said really that sounds yum. then i asked if he wanted some later and i got no answer, he just sat there. It's weird.

I should probably go get some professional help but im not even sure what im saying. Maybe its all in my head?

Ok Anth.. we're half way there now!!! He's not holding it in anymore! Let him pee all over the place, least he's not doing any damage kwim?? i am pretty sure that the issue of peeing his pants is going to become alot more embarrasing for him than using the potty. I know with DD she wasn't the least bit interested in weeing on the potty (and i mean shes not a pro yet) until she saw other little kids doing it.

:

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I should probably go get some professional help but im not even sure what im saying. Maybe its all in my head?

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I'd highly recommend an outside opinion. That's why I asked about developmental concerns before. If he's not very communicative this could be partof a bigger issue someone can help you with.

If you decide to go back to nappies in the meantime then just explain how there are still some left so he can use them till they "run out". Leaves you with the option of coming back and him knowing you haven't just given up.

I agree with Meow, get a professional onto this. Maybe he can't actually feel when it's time to go?

He can, Lu. He held it in for the whole day yesterday and waited for his night nappy. I get the feeling he's afraid of the toilet.

Right now he is crossing his legs, he needs to wee. DH just took him into the bathroom but he had to carry him because he was holding onto the door frame...laughing. Hmm. Now he thinks its a game? His behavour is so confusing.

ETA: He just ended up fighting and kicking/hitting DH when he tried to get him to sit on the toilet.

Yeah now i've read your other post in here about his talking and stuff im a bit confused too lol... maybe it can't hurt to take him to see someone?

You're his mum, if you think there is more to it, I'd be trusting your instincts and getting some professional advice. There is no harm in asking. If there are bigger issues then understanding them may help with the TT. :hug:

Just reading your recent post so I probably wouldn't do this but something I was thinking earlier, if he can hold on like that all day. I wouldn't put a nappy on him at all ever... I would tell him that its such a good thing he can hol dit like that sohe doesn't need a nappy at all.

Of course he is likely to just wet himself & you need to be prepared to deal with that. But I wonder if he just had to go to bed with out it & out to the shops etc with out. He wouldn't have something to hold off weeing for. Like if he knows I can wee & poo at bed time as the nappy goes on then... What is he going to do when it doesn't go on?

But yeah reading your recent posts. I would seek some professional help before trying anything too drastic like that.

T, I'd be writing all of that down and then making an appointment for a Dr and talk it over with him. There is every chance that there is nothing wrong and Charlie is just one very stubborn little boy but maybe if this refusal to go to the loo is a sign of a bigger problem then you can have it dealt with.

In the meantime I did think of one other thing you can try. Is your loo in the bathroom or a room on it's own? If not, you could put a potty in the bathroom and do this too. When you know he is busting, just take him into the bathroom, don't mention anything at all about doing a wee or anything and turn the tap on. The running water should tip him over the edge and then you can quickly get him to pop on the loo or potty. And close your eyes so you can't see him - if he gets embarassed he might be better if you don't watch him.

havent got any other advcie after reading all the new posts, i think your doing great, sounds like your having a really hard time,just sending support and hugs. if you feel you might need to see a doc or something id definatly do it!

This morning just before he got up he did a poo in the nappy and he asked if he could have a shower instead of asking to have his nappy changed. I guess that is progress?

Our toilet is in the bathroom, so if i took him to the bathroom he'd know what i was trying to get him to do. But i will give it a try anyhow.

I think he is starting to realise that we're serious now. He isn't chucking any tantrums about having no nappy on now which is good. Just need to get past this fear of the toilet or whatever it is.

I'll make an appt with the dr soon. Its just hard cause im going through all this to get a diagnosis for DD. It's so draining for just one, i hope i dont have to go through it with 2.

just wondering how it was going for you!?

Depends on how you look at it. We've gotten rid of day time nappies. But he still won't wee on the toilet. He just freaks out everytime we try and i have exhausted all options. GP says to just persist but its not working.

I have no idea, but it may be time to see a paediatrician or child psychologist, especially if there are other communication issues.

Big :hug:

If you said to him that hecould sit on the toilet but he doesnt have to do a wee what would he say? I am just wondering if he wouldnt feel as much pressure then and end up doing a wee anyway. Lots of :hug:

Yeah we've suggested that but he still said no.

I don't know if someone has already suggested it, but there are these things that hang on the side of the toilet (I think they're called "Weeman"?) and it becomes a mini urinal type thing...so he can stand up to pee like a big boy, and doesn't have to sit on the toilet. I know that doesn't help with poos, but maybe it would be a start?
It must be hard for you. :(

I also don't know if someone has suggested putting food colouring in the water? You could take him in and show him the colour, and just see if he'll stand there calmly to start with? I also suggested the ping-pong ball in the toilet - makes it something fun to aim at...

Any progress Antheia?

How ru doing? With Julia is was such a lengthy process, she held on too until her night time nappy for poos and wees. In the end we said no nappy at all even at night or going out and that worked.

Nothings working. He goes through 5-10 pants a day because he keeps wetting them. *sigh*

How about telling him that he has lots of options as to where to wee - the shower, the bath, the back yard, the potty, the toilet. You don't care which he uses. And while he's at home how about no undies and no pants?
And maybe put the potty in a really private place - does he have a tent or something similar?

Oh how frustrating for you! Do you have a plan of attack? Persevere and try to wait it out, or go to see someone about it (gp/paed...)....I don't know what else!

Jsut wondering how you are going

Still the same. No improvement at all. I mean he doesnt wear nappies during the day but hes just weting his pants without caring.

Doctors don't seem concerned. Think he will mature more in the next year and will eventually learn. Well they don't have to live with this! It's getting on my nerves.

Now that it's warm could you get him to pee outside on the grass? Or can you put something in the loo for him to "aim" at?

No, we've tired all that many times. He just refuses. :(

:hug: hun. I can't imagine how frustrating this must be.

Do you make him clean up after himself and change himself? Maybe if you're giving him the attention thats why he's not worried about wetting? Because there is something kind of positive for him out of it, kwim?

how frustrating for you, i'm sure he'll get the hang of it sometime, ds still wont poo in the toilet, even though he's been wee trained for 1 year now, and i ask him everyday if he will, and he still asks for a nappy. i don't stress too much though, i figure it'll all click into place some day, hopefully in the next year though, before big school...

If it is a concern for you then it is a concern fir your family. I would go to another doctor and demand to be taken seriously . xxx

Oh man, that sounds so awful for all of you :hug:

I've heard someone talk about a continence helpline (I think it's this one) where you can talk to a continence nurse - maybe they'll be more help than the GP?? Dunno, but it might be worth a try. I think it's awful that the GP is just brushing you off like that :shakehead:

How are you going Antheia? Been thinking of you!


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have you heard of the 3day potty training method? that does what you'[re talking about (and they have books on it).

the concept is to have the child nappy free totally for three days.
you spend the whole time home, roll up any rugs, spend more time in noncarpetted rooms, put picnic rugs down on the floor, mattress protectors on the sofa.
i didn't use this method so don't know more details, but my friend used the method with both of her kids at two. apparently it can be done at older ages too.

i think part of it is BODY AWARENESS. so that instead of nappy catching/containing his waste, he will get the sensations and see the results, smell the results.

we had potties in various rooms, potette for outings.

best of luck, goggle 3day potty training for more info.