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Thread: How can i get her to understand it's not ok?

  1. #1

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    Default How can i get her to understand it's not ok?

    Lily has been toilet trained for 6 months or so. About 2-3 months ago she started wetting the bed at night which she had never done before so i decided to put her back in nappies of a night time. Most mornings the nappy is dry. However during the day now she is wetting her pants or even worse is going to the toilet and weeing all oer the floor and all over the toilet seat. At first i thought they were her not getting there in time but now i am unsure. She does not seem to care either. I have had to start punishing her for it, putting her in her room for a time out when she does it but she just thinks it is funny. She will cry in her room as she knows then she is in trouble but it still does not stop her from doing it. She does it like 5 times a day. Most of the time i will put her on the toilet myself so that at least to toilet is not a mess but she is still wetting her self, usually on purpose i have now found. Sometimes it is her not making it and it will only be a little bit and she will tell us but other times she will just wee without even trying to go to the toilet and without even telling us. I have found her a couple of times when she has wet herself obviously sometime like an hour before i have noticed because she has not told me. I just don't know what to do. I have tried ignoring it, teaching her, punishing her, nothing works. She knows how to go to the toilet, she can reach it herself, she is not scared of it. It is like she just does not care anymore, like she does not care she will get into trouble. As i said, she thinks it is funny. I will ask her WHY she does it and she will just say 'yeah'. Iu don't think she knows how to answer WHY but that is for another post i will do after this one. Anyway, we need help!


  2. #2

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    I really know nothing about such things...like really - nothing - but I had the thought that maybe its an attention thing? Is Charlie still in nappies? Maybe she is seeing him in nappies and betting changed and things and is just trying to get a bit of attention, or reverting back to being a "baby"
    Having said that I have no idea what you would do about it, hopefully someone can help

    good luck!

  3. #3

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    Hi Antheia,

    I havent had to deal with toilet training yet- sounds like heaps of fun!!! LOL

    I was sort of thinking maybe once she wass "trained" did you stopped rewarding her when she got it right ?
    When she was being taught what to do she probably got a lot of praise for doing it right, and then when she went through the stage where she got it right all the time, did that praise suddenly stop or sort of not become so important? IYKWIM??

    I am thinking its definalty an attention thing of some sort... Lime slice might have an idea there too regarding charlie too....

    Oh the joys i have to look forward to!!!!

    Sorry i am not much help!! Good luck!!!!

    SB

  4. #4

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    I think this can be normal. Certainly I know that Jack does it too. It is most definitely deliberate. It is always on the days that he also does other naughty things. On good days he doesn't do it. On those days when he just won't do as he's told and deliberately does things he knows he shouldn't, he'll wet and dirty his pants and usually not even say anything. The other day we had friends over and he didn't want to go down for his day sleep - he pooed his pants and threw the poos onto the floor outside his room.

    I think it is about asserting dominance. Could there be anything else going on that is upsetting her? Or maybe it's just a phase that they go through. I'm not sure, but I don't really think it's related to TT as such, more just part of a general behavioural pattern.

    I am not really much help, if I knew the answer I'd be doing it too! But the advice I have had about it so far is that ignoring the behaviour is the best plan - don't give her attention for it. Don't even comment on it, just clean it up and get on with things. If you do find something that works, please let me know!!

  5. #5

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    I would suggest ignoring the mess & rewarding the good times. If its for attention she will learn that it doesn't work that way. If its just lazy, then maybe putting her on a time system. Reminding her every 30 mins or so & actually taking her to the toilet to sit for a few minutes. Let her know that if she can show you that she will do this her self with out Mummy nagging her, she will get more time to play etc. The toys will be there when she comes back.
    Bed wetting I would just leave. Glenn started wetting again at night & he is happy to wear special undies just in case but most nights he wakes dry.

  6. #6

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    Grace went through a phase of doing this, I know how very frustrating it can be! To be honest I don't know why she did it, although I think it was probably an attention thing, and there was no thing that I did that made her eventually start using the toilet properly. I did start constantly asking her if she wanted to go to the toilet, and of course made a fuss over her when she went to the toilet properly. Eventually she just stopped doing it. Still has the occasional accident, but I know it is actually an accident because it rarely happens now.

    Sorry I know that probably doesn't help you much! I wish I could give you a solution, all I can say is keep an eye on her, remind her often about going to the toilet and physically take her and place her on it if you have to. Also emphasise the "big girl" thing. I told Grace that Matilda may wear nappies but that is because she is just a baby who doesn't know how to use a toilet - but she is a big clever girl who does know how to use the toilet and one day she can show Matilda how.

  7. #7

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    My daughter also done this, but none of the boys did! I eventually found that she only stopped when she had a "punishment" as such. When she stood and wet all over the floor, deliberatly, I said " oh no, since i have to clean this up, I dont have time to have a tea party now". A few days of this, and a few tea parties, painting,etc when she was good about toileting, she learnt that if I had a mess to clean, no fun with mum, but when she was good, she got lots of praise and special play time. It only took a few days and she realised there was no pay off and she was missing out. HTH.

  8. #8

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    Well she just came up to me and said sorry for wetting and gave me a hug after daddy got home. At least she knows it is wrong!

    I thought it was an attention thing too. But she gets just as much attention as Charlie does and it has not changed since she was going to the toilet properly. Still gets praised for going properly etc. So i dunno.

    With regards to Charlie being in nappies having something to do with it, i doubt it. She hates nappies.

    I hope it passes soon, its been going on for so long now.

  9. #9

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    Sounds like it might be time for a star chart. She is old enough now that would work. Get 10 stars for weeing in the proper manner and she gets a free ????? whatever is her fave toy/food etc...
    That way she can tangible results for her effort when you make a big thing of putting the star on the chart next to theother stars. Also it means that she is getting the attention she is craving but for doing the right thing not the wrong one.

    if she does wee in the incorrect manner do nothing (don't take off stars off like some people do because that is still attention) - just clean it up in a fuss free manner but don't give any extra attention to her at this time. In this way she will quickly realise that to get the extra attention she is craving she has to doo the right thing.
    Just a thought from an ex-teacher/psychologist

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