Congratulations to you and your DH on the birth of your little girl.
My son was born via emergency c/s at 32 weeks and was in the NICU/SCN so I totally understand where you are coming from. It was easier to deal with when I was still in hospital with DS for 5 days due to the c/s but as soon as I went home without him my heart broke. Please dont think your a horrible mum for crying, you have to remember not only are you giong through a journey you werent expecting, but your body is also going the post pregnancy hormone re-adjustments. My DP was like yours was just so focused on the practical side of things, its a mans instinct, ours at this time is to protect and nurture. It's totally natural to be upset when you can do that.
Being told your not the best person for your child to be with was the worse thing to deal with, but try to look at it from the point that you cant be there for her the way you imagined, but you can be there in other ways, expressing is liquid gold to your little girl, its the best gift anyone could give her and your the only one that can give it to her. Concentrate on the next feed, then the feed after that. If you get to change bubba girl, ask the nurses if you can take her shirts home to wash and bring back, same with cloth nappies if they are using them, it will help that need to nest and feel like a mum. If time allows try staying there between feeds and just read and talk to her, if your hands are allowed in the humicrib hold her hand. It will do wonders for you and for her to have that small comfort.
In terms of getting her home, talk to all the different nurses that are caring for her, they will all have different opinions. I wish we did this earlier. I went back at midnight on about day 6 because I just lost the plot and needed to see my little man. That nurse asked why we said he couldnt have finger feeds, we never did, it was just assumed we didnt. But it was the first step in getting him to suck properly. We also agreed to let him do bottle feeds, as it allowed him to get learn to suck, but still get food without the exhaustion of breastfeeding. When he got good at that we did breastfeeding. Its all about small steps towards a bigger goal.
its fantastic that she is doing well enough to come to a hospital closer to home. Keep a daily journal of all her milestones, when she opened her eyes, feed and weight increases etc, it helped me realise the real progress my little man was making.
I hope she is home in your arms soon :hug:
