thread: I feel like I'm in limbo...

  1. #19
    BellyBelly Member
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    Feb 2005

    Big hugs. I didn't feel I was really DD1's mum until I got her home, for the 4 weeks she was in the hospital were sureal where people other than me had complete control of my child. With DD2 I was more forceful of what I would do. I was luck I had family to take DD1 while I could spend most of the day at the hospital and to prepare before bringing her home. DS was born on his due date, I came home with a 2 day old baby and was absolutely petrified of my "giant baby" who was the combined weight of his sisters birthweights

  2. #20
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2011

    I feel like I'm in limbo...

    ((hugs)) chody,
    It's not easy being a NICU/SCBU mum. I didn't feel like DS3 was truly mine until we knew we were going home (even then it didn't seem real). Everything you are feeling is normal, even feeling abnormal is 'normal'.

    For me when I felt like I could cope as mummy I decided to 'nurse' my baby to health. I took over as many 'cares' as I could. Told the nurses I want to be the one to feed DS3 all the feeds I was there for. Including gavage feeding, made them show me how to do it. Got them to explain what monitors were for and what were the safe zones and danger zones for each reading. Basically got them to teach me as much of their job as they could, so that I was the one caring for bub. I realize you might not be able to do all of it, but tell the nurses/midwives you are looking for ways to bond with baby and they should help you.
    Another thing that helped me was the parents support group in the hospital. It's good to know you have other people there who have been through and are going through similar times.
    Have you seen the social worker? They can help you talk with the doctors and come up with a flexible plan for how things could go.

    Also a quick little tool I just came across today: little treasures NICU WORDS app. Designed to help you understand what's going on.

    I wish the best for you and your bub. May your baby grow quickly and healthily, and be home soon.

  3. #21
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2010

    Thanks everyone!

    Just so you know, when I'm at the hospital I do do everything for DD2. I just find it hard because she can't be out the humidi crib for long (and I know I should be grateful she CAN come out) because we want her to put on weight.

    We do have lots of help with DD1, but she is so clingy when I'm around that I feel extremely guilty each time I leave her so don't visit DD2 as much as I could which in turn makes me feel more guilty.....

  4. #22
    BellyBelly Member

    Apr 2010
    Brisbane, Australia

    Wow- I could have written this exact post 6 months ago. The guilt that comes from having to choose which child you are going to spend time with is awful! also, the guilt that comes from the lack of bonding as well. I went through the same thing when DS was in the PICU. At one stage he was so ill I couldn't touch him for two weeks, I think part of the lack of bonding for me was self preservation as well- if things don't go well, maybe I'll cope better if I'm not 100% bonded. Not logical but I think subconsciously that was what was going on.

    I agree that dd1 will be fine during this time while you are with your baby. My DD coped amazingly well and she was left almost daily for the 9 weeks we were in hospital. You and your baby need each other.

    I am sending you huge cyber hugs as I know exactly how you feel. It's an awful situation that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. x