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Thread: A different type of grief

  1. #1

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    Default A different type of grief

    I am grieving for pregnancy.. I tried for so long to achieve it, I didn't have it for long enough (although I'm so grateful I had it at all) and I will never have it again. I will never be pregnant again..

    It's hard to believe I will NEVER poas again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that DS will be my last and only living baby. I spent so long monitoring cycles, peeing on sticks, looking forward to the BFP, getting depressed when AF arrives. I experienced a whole range of emotions for so long. Parts of me are glad I don't have to go through all the emotional turmoil that comes with it, but part of me is sad that I will NEVER have another pregnancy. I will NEVER have another baby

    I have so much grief surrounding pregnancy. I hate the word..

    And before anyone asks, yes I am seeing someone. I haven't yet, I have an appointment tomorrow. Thank God, cos I need it. Desperately..

    ETA: I just wanted to add that although I have this grief, I am still happy. I am so grateful to have my amazing boy and I look at him everyday and know how lucky I am to have him.. This grief is new and I am hoping time is a healer.. I don't want to feel empty for the rest of my life although I do think there will always be something missing without my boys..

  2. #2

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    I'm sorry, I wish I had something I could say that would help.
    Sending lots of hugs.


  3. #3

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    I am so sorry that your having a rough time and I am happy your on your way to getting some help.

  4. #4

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    Sending you a big warm embrace, I hope your talk tomorrow helps .

    Regards,
    Dianne

  5. #5

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    So sorry hon. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you can feel some release after your chat tomorrow.
    xx

  6. #6

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    Sorry you're feeling this way. You have had such an incredible journey and it's so understandable that you feel this way. I hope talking about it helps you move forward with your gorgeous little man

  7. #7
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    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    Hugs so sorry you are feeling this way, I am glad to hear you have booked an appt for help. You have had a turbulant journey it is understandable that you feel this way xoxo

  8. #8

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    I can't even imagine how hard that must be.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by PumpkinZulu View Post
    I can't even imagine how hard that must be.
    Absolutely this. Sending you so many hugs xx

  10. #10

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    I hope tomorrow starts you towards some peace around the pregnancy thing.

  11. #11

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    Thanks for the replies.. Yesterdays counselling session went really well, but it's so hard bringing everything up again.. It's been a long time since I went into such detail about the twins birth, death and first year after death.. Even when I was in NICU with DS I put the twins to the back of my mind a bit, otherwise I never would have coped...

    I felt like absolute crap last night. That was to be expected though.. It was a long appointment and I really liked her, I am definitely going back. I am happy and wont let any kind of grief define me anymore.. I have lived like that for 3 and a half years, now I have DS and he deserves better than a Mother who is constantly trying to attain the unattainable. Although I would love more kids for many reasons, having another pregnancy/baby would never give me the 'perfect' experience I am chasing, so I have to get over it and accept this is how it is.. I have to work hard to not project my 'only child' issue onto him.. He might love being an only child.. I didn't though, so that's part of wanting more kids too..

    I'll get there. At least I am doing something.. Thanks for listening (reading)

  12. #12

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    I hope the counselling can offer you a bit more peace with it all. You have gone through soooo much


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