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Thread: The fallout

  1. #37

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    Michelle - im so very sorry this has happened to you and your family ... My heart is breaking for you
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

    xox


  2. #38

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    Much love and hugs to you Michelle. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious children x

  3. #39

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    Michelle like many girls have said there are no words anyone can say to help..
    I hope you can find some comfort in writing in BB and know that everyone is here when you are ready.

  4. #40

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    Wow, Your post really got to me...
    I cant even begin to imagine the physical and emotional pain you are going through right now. You may not feel like you are being 'strong' BUT you are still there for your children, they are still getting the care they need and most importantly you are still nurturing your little bubba inside you. Even if you are only 'just' being able to do it, it still a lot more than some people would be able to handle right now.
    I will also agree with the other ladies, there are NO rules..
    If you need to break down and cry - do it.
    If you need to scream - do it.
    If you just need to sleep - do it.

    Please try not to bottle things up and put on a 'front' as you mentioned. People need to know your not ok!! It will give everyone a chance to help you out and also help you through this extremly difficult time.
    My thoughts are with you
    Last edited by Muffy; April 19th, 2010 at 10:08 AM. Reason: remove sig.

  5. #41

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    xox

  6. #42

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    Michelle. I cannot even imagine how you feel and I don't have any answers at all.

    All I can offer is a cup of tea and some leftovers, if you don't feel like cooking. I guess the one thing you really want/need is not something any of us can give.

    This just absolutely sucks.

  7. #43

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    I am sorry I couldn't reply last evening.

    Firstly as always you have shown enormous & unfathomable courage & strength throughout these past weeks since Greg passed over. I know we humans have an amazing ability to rally unknown resources in terrible crisis but you my friend are that way by nature. It's a beauitful gift.

    I understand that when we are the ones used to dishing up the support it can be very challenging & foreign to receive it. Please open yourself to that right now. This is your time again to be supported in love...

    I also understand that it can feel like everyone else has taken over your life. Others are stepping in and doing the things that you did only a few weeks ago automatically and without thought. It might feel like someone else is completely in the drivers seat & you are not "allowed" to make decisions or own your own home etc. Someone else folds the washing differently or cooks spag bog with a foreign taste. I know those things alone can feel like you have lost complete control of your life. If that is so, just remind yourself that this is your time to receive & it will pass. It truly will honey.

    Everything that happens in our lives is a teaching and learning experience no matter how horrid. I say this as as you are the beautiful Mama of Oscar & Lily you are teaching them how to grieve. It's important to cry with them - it shows them that tears & crying are very okay & part of our living experience. It's important to say: "Im just really sad as I miss your Daddy so much"... Then teach them that there are beautiful things, happiness and joy yet to experience also. Look at that beautiful butterfly! "Isn't iggle piggle silly!"... It's a way to show them that sadness, grief is very real. But there is a yin and yang & there is much that will still be here. In time if it hasn't happened already they will dream about their daddy perhaps being home or hearing his voice. Its importatnt to hear that as they see it & affirm their experience. It's important for them to know they can talk to you & you want to hear all about their feelings about this. Even though this will be so painful for you.

    It's not static & it will change. In time & I so hate that saying, but in time gradually the grief won't be as physically debilitating.

    I think the way you grieve - in honesty teaches your kids that death is a sad & lonely part of life, but we do survive it. We survive it with the support of our friends, our family, our kids. With the balm of time & dealing with it in process. You really need some professional support now darling - a good solid psychologist who specialises in grief who will gently lead you through this.

    Those two children of yours that are Earthside have lost their Daddy & the pain is intense and so very very sharp. But they are learning that emotions, that sadness is okay to see and feel. That is a gift that many don't receive. They are also seeing how amazing it is to be loved so deeply as you love Greg & he you. They are witnessing this outpouring of loving support on you because you are so incredibly important to so many of us. What a wonderful wonderful thing - they are learning how to support others, how to be supported. It's all happening around them.

    So, don't you think twice about crying, about sobbing, about sitting in the middle of the floor and letting go.

    The hard part is that nothing can salve this for you - that this is a journey of time, support & love that we can only hold your hand in.

    Just know that your beautiful beautiful heart is safe with us - & it's broken pieces will eventually merge again - always leaving a space for your Greg.

    Your heart is growing bigger with this & I don't know why this has happened to one so beautiful but I am sure your amazing beautiful Being is meant for wonderful things. For you are a woman who through so much loss has so much to give, so much knowledge and compassion. Look at those stars & know that in them dance those two beloved Souls who left too soon - but also know that you are still here. You and Oscar, Lily & Omar - you are here & you can do this. Some days you will need a wheelchair (figuritively) to walk this path, and we will be there to push it. Other days you will dance along.

    This is the start of this painful leg of your life journey & your beautiful loving Soul will lead you with a little help from us.

    I love you my sweet & my tears are crying with you - so very often.

  8. #44

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    I don't know what to say so sometimes it better not to say anything but just offer a hug

  9. #45

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    Michelle honey, of course you feel alone, you have just lost your soul mate, lover, best friend and all of your dreams and hopes for the future have gone with him. Creating a whole new life plan is not easy my sweet, take your time and plan one day at a time. You will survive, even if its in a haze for the first little while, and your children will make sure you carry on day by day. The little people are forgiving and so long as you give lots of hugs you will still be their wonderful mamma even if you feel you are not giving them your 100%. Grieving takes a long time my darling, so little by little, bit by bit and piece by piece you will learn to live a new life, and love and parent a new way.

    Dont be hard on yourself you are a wonderful mother always so do what is in your heart each day, if you feel like sitting in the corner in silence, then put the kidlets down and do just that. There is no right or wrong.

    You have to grieve alone and together as a family. Know that Greg will be there, he will be the wind beneath your wings and one day when you look back at this time, you will be able to see just how Greg carried you through.

    My love and thoughts are with you always

    Lis xx

  10. #46

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    i'm so sorry you're going through this michelle.
    i'm thinking of you and your beautiful babies.

  11. #47

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    Last edited by Cassius2; April 20th, 2010 at 04:21 PM.

  12. #48

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    just wanted to post and send my love and tell you that you are often imy thoughts! I have no great words of support, but others before have filled that gap!! Much love to you and you family! hugs. xx

  13. #49

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    Michelle I also don't have any words that can change what has happened but I do want you to know that you have my support. Sending you many many more hun.

  14. #50

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    6 weeks have passed by and the pain is still as fresh as it was yesterday. Today it is anyway.

    I was feeling better after a healing session and some acupuncture in the past few weeks but today has been a pain like I thought had passed. I ache for him to hold me, to tell me it will all be ok. I feel so alone despite being surrounded by loving words and support. It just isn't Greg and I am so lost without his love to guide me. God (or whoever is out there watching over me) please give me the strength to get through this. I hurt so much

  15. #51

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    Hun there are going to be so many ups and downs during this journey. Celebrate and relish the ups but also allow yourself the downs. I'm sorry today is a bad day, I pray with all my might that tomorrow is a little easier.


  16. #52

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    Michelle,

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I had to reply, as I have experienced this, except in the role of your 16 month old. My father was killed in a car accident when he was 36. My mother was left with 4 kids, all alone. My eldest sister was 14, brother 12, sister 3 and I was only 21 months old. I don't remember a lot about the years to follow, except for asking where my daddy went, and why he couldn't come back.

    I don't really have any advice, as I was the child in that situation, but i do want to offer you some hope. Even though my dad is gone, he has been a great inspiration in my life. He symbolizes everything i want to be. Strong, hardworking, honest, loyal, successful. I was not deprived of love, or of material things as a result of his death. I did feel his absence, but at the same time, being so young it was easier for me than the others. Your children will be alright. I can promise you that. You seem like a very strong woman, even in the face of such a terrible tragedy. I know solo parenting isn't the path you chose for yourself, but so many of us were raised by single mothers (or fathers). It really isn't as uncommon as you think.

    I grew up knowing the value of a person's life, right from the beginning. I understood that the things and people we love can be taken away in an instant.

    Like I said, I can't offer any advice, all I can do is offer you my support, as the child of a father who died too young and left us in the same bewilderment you're facing now. Life is cruel, and I am so so sorry you have to face parenthood without your wonderful husband. May you forever see your beautiful husband in the eyes of your children, and may they bring you the strength and courage you need to carry on. He will live on in their hearts, and yours.



    xoxo

  17. #53

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    Michelle, I'm just so, so sorry.
    I think if you often and wonder how you're doing.
    Sending you love and energy, I wish I could do more
    Take care

  18. #54

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    forshelby, that's a beautiful post you wrote for Michelle - and I, too, am taking some heart in/from it - I lost my husband, aged 36, eight years ago. At the time my children were 2 and 4. Isn't it strange that all these 3 men were all 36 when they died - Michelle you were right what you said to me the other night about this age. It does help to know that you (forshelby) are a compassoniate and loving person, and that you are inspired by your Dad and his memory and his legacy, thats so beautiful, thank you for sharing.

    Michelle, sweetheart, there's going to be so many rough days like these, just get through them as best you can, and as unscathed as at all humanly possible. Tomorrow is most definately a new day, you just can't tell in advance how you are going to be feeling, or when the next tidal wave of grief is going to knock you down again. So glad you're doing some healing things, allow yourself some time away from the grief, it's just too exhausting to sit in it all the time babe.

    Hugs all round, Lee xoxoxo

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