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Thread: Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage Jan/Feb 2011

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    Default Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage Jan/Feb 2011

    Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can present many challenges. In this thread you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.

    As always we welcome with sad but open arms new members to our thread & hope very much you find the support you need to parent after loss.

    If you have any concerns within the thread please email/ PM any of the following Moderating/Admin team for this forum (all emails & PM's are treated equally & confidentially) :-

    Rogue
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    Inanna and
    Spring Angel

    Their email addresses can be found here.
    Please note - To receive thread notfications click the "thread tools" button at the top of this post and click "Subscribe to Thread" there is no need to post in order to get notifications.

    Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!

    You will find the previous thread HERE


  2. #2

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    Well... Sam has gone to sleep again tonight with no dummy!

    We had a fairly horrific night with him waking up heaps even sleeping in with us, but he just flatly refused to take his dummy. He took it at day care today, but had a fairly rotten day there so I picked him up early. Poor kid is barely eating and finding it painful to drink his bottle... Day care think he may have an ear infection as he kept putting his fingers in his ears - but that's just something he does... But I've got him an appointment with the GP on Thursday to check him over just to be sure.

    We'll see how he goes tomorrow with us all at home and make the call then on whether the dummies vanish completely while he's like this and we just ride out a few crap nights and potentially even crappier day sleeps, or whether he gets them back as soon as he's willing to have one. It's just awful right now - he's so not himself!

    Meanwhile - even crapper news for me. I have an appointment with my rheumy on Friday, but my last blood test results were bad enough for him to ring me today with the STOP ALL MEDS NOW instruction I've been dreading. Weird thing is that I usually get pains in my liver before it gets to this point, so I'm just a little scared. I now have no choice - scary injectable drugs are my only option so we organise the application on Friday. I'm in so much pain now it's just not funny... and I know it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better! Hopefully the rheumy will at least give me some good pain killers.

    And afraid I have no connections to Perth! Best I can do is going to the same schools as Mako - albeit several years ahead!

    BW

  3. #3

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    You know what BW? I saw go for it!! Take the dummy away now, while he is already in distress - it can't make it any worse. The dummy is bothering you & you are concerned about his speech - right now is probably the best opportunity to take it away from him. I'm such a mean biarch I know it, lol. I'm so sorry to hear about your appointment & the results as well. I wish there was "SOMETHING" I could do to ease your pain. I really mean that. I hate hearing how much pain you are in, but not because I don't want to listen, it's because I hate not being able to help you.

    I hope ALL of you had a fantastic Australia Day. I had a champagne luncheon with the Aus girls here. We all took a plate, had a feast & watched the tennis while listening to an Australian Playlist on somebody's ipod. It was a really lovely day actually. I really enjoyed myself.

    Oh & you will never guess, I met a lady today who is Deb's separated-at-birth twin. Honestly she reminds me sooooooooooo much of Deb I nearly burst into tears when I met here. It was so welcoming & so comforting to find somebody that reminded me of back home. She even has her hair the same colour as Deb. It was really beautiful. Her name is Janet. I just have to remember her name is Janet, not Deb. lol

    Love Jayne xxx

    PS _ I am sooooooo Australian today, I am making hamburgers for dinner! Listen to me, too many champers at lunch I think.

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    My sister lives in Perth but that's where it ends for me

    Mako - So weird you asked about the night TT. I've finally decided to bite the bullet and start next week. DS has been toilet trained during the day since his second bday but I've been dragging my heels on the night time TT cause I have no idea how to go about it! DD just started getting up and going to the loo of her own accord if she needed to, so I didn't have to do anything. My biggest hurdle will be that he likes to go to bed with a drink of water on his bedside table because he's a hot, sweaty little man and wakes in the night to have a drink. Pretty sure that will have to stop. But he's also been asking about wearing no pull up to bed (he has his bath and gets his pjs on but doesn't put the pull up on till we're putting him to bed) so I need to just suck it up. I have no excuses left, other than I don't want to go back to being woken during the night!

    My mum was telling me today Aldi had the waterproof bed sheets last week so I'm hoping to grab a couple on the weekend. Will let you know if I find them. There's always Brolly Sheets or whatever they're called but pretty sure they're more expensive.

    Looking forward to seeing you guys tomorrow!

    Michelle - I think you're amazing. 'Nuff said.

    BW - I'm sorry to hear about the set back. I hope your rheumy can at least get your pain levels under control.

    Jayney Jayne
    - Posted at the same time! Glad to hear you had a nice day with your friends. We hung out on our own cause yanno...we don't have any friends here! haha. Apart from Mako and I didn't think to see what they were doing until it was too late. Was still a nice day, bloody hot though!
    Last edited by Willow; January 26th, 2011 at 07:03 PM.

  5. #5

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    Mako - We were very lucky with Luke, he really did the TT overnight thing all by himself. We didn't even try. I used to put pullups on him at night (they were called his 'special undies' and we just left it at that.. didn't really harp on the whole TT thing or wearing a nappy). Then after a few weeks of them being dry every night, I couldn't justify buying any more (they're expensive), so I just stopped and told him he had his big boy undies on now and made sure he did a wee before bed. I also noticed that he would wake in the morning and come into bed with us dry.. then I'd feel the pull up go warm.. so we just talked about how he needed to get to the toilet when he woke up. The whole waking at night thing wasn't going to work for us either.. Luke's a heavy sleeper and he would of lost the plot. So anyway, I also got a waterproof matress protector (just from Big W I think) and hoped for the best. We only ever had 2 accidents at night and that's it. We don't even worry about making him go to the toilet before bed now, he'll get up and go before he falls asleep if he needs to.. then sometimes he'll go ages in the morning before going.. so can hold it well - LOL. It was very easy.. which I'm amazed about.. not much happens that easily for us!! Oh and he even has water next to the bed too, it's crazy!

    Michelle - You are NUTS but good on you hun!!

    BW - Massive hugs... sounds like things are pretty tough right now. Hang in there.

    Jayne - Woo Hoo on your Australia Day lunch, sounds great!

    We've got my SIL here for a few days with my nephew who was born 2 weeks before Luke, so it's been nuts today. The two boys have been going crazy... I don't know how I'd ever cope with twins - LOL. I think we're off to the zoo tomorrow so that will be nice. Have a bit of a headache tonight, so praying for another good one from Campbell.. he's been a bit out of sorts today, so who knows. He woke at 3am last night, so still pretty good. Better get to bed to make the most of it!! I need all the sleep I can get atm.

    Kel xxx

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    Wow this little tread has been a chat-a-thon.

    Lisa - Did Af arrive.

    BW - So sorry about the pain you are in hun. My mum is chronically ill with pain all the time and it is so hard to watch let alone live it

    Willow - Sounds like you've got school and possibly kindy all sorted. You new life by the beach sound awesome

    Jayne - WTG on learning Chinese. Thanks for you kind words too. I actually feel a little silly telling you guys I've had problems because I haven't had any major life upheavals. My new line of work is booby wrangling (bra fitting and lingerie)

    Bun - Glad you got a place

    Spring - Did I read that B had a good night? AWESOME I hope it continues. How is O?

    Kelly - Your house sounds busy atm. Enjoy your visitors

    Mako - When night time toilet training Sara none of the wake up techniques worked and she was waking up each morning with a wet pull up. Then one night before bed she just told me that she'll get up in the night and go to the toilet from now on. I let her try and she has never had an accident since. She 4yo though. I invested in the 3 brolley sheets and they have been wonderful. I used on Sara's bed, and now on Loren's bed when she has a day time sleep and in Eva's cot, and when the girls are sick.

    Michelle - All the best with your study.

    Anna - How are you going with R?

    Hi to everyone else.

    My biggest girl starts school tomorrow. Reality has hit that I will be going up to that school for next 12 plus years, twice a day..yikes. Tonight I kissed S goodnight and felt sad that it is time for my to hand over the education rains to someone else No more kinda girl anymore.

    Re July 15. What are the plans? I can either come by myself for a couple of nights and stay in a hotel in the city. Or I can bring the tribe for the weekend, stay with family at Turarmurra (sp?) and take them to see the city whilst there. I understand that our meeting will be child free but are we doing lunch or dinner or both?

    Hugs to all

  7. #7

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    BEK _ Alan will be so jealous of you, being a fitting specialist at Bras N Things is on the top of his dream job list. No kidding! Bahahaah I can't wait to hear all about it. A girl can never have enough lovely pairs of underwear!!! I can't wait to see a catalogue!!! Yippee!!! Oh bless, let us know how Sara goes at school tomorrow. Is she excited? It will be a bittersweet moment for you, but you'll be in the swing of school in no time! I promise.

    I'm actually not sure if any firm plans have been made. I'm sure that there will be a big playdate somewhere with ALL the kids - I took mine along last time to Sydney, & then maybe a dinner for those who are keen? I won't have my kids with me but I'm sure there will be heaps of kids there and we all pitch in & help each other. So if you want to bring them, bring them, if you want to fly solo, fly solo. KWIM? I would have loved for my girls to meet yours though

    OH MY LORDIE, it's the 'Little Chinese New Year' tonight (it goes for 2 weeks & tonight is the start) & fireworks are going off at every street corner - including our security men having a ball in the carpark of our building lighting them up every 2 minutes. it's going to be a very long 2 weeks, with very little sleep. It's very exciting, but wears thing very quickly! I'm not sure how the kids will sleep tonight.

    Love Jayne xx

  8. #8

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    Bek, you've got an amazing range! I'm still impressed with the woman who did the party I went to actually managing to put me in a bra that first of all fitted, secondly was comfortable, and even more amazingly, gave this flat-chested chickie some boobies and cleavage! Jayne, you can see most of the stuff online, but I'm not sure I should reveal the name without Bek wanting me to.

    Night three of no dummy. He took it at day care yesterday and it came home with him when I picked him up, but he mostly wanted to hold it in his hand. He even had a nap today with no dummy... I still have to wrap and rock him to sleep for day sleeps - he's like me and has terrible trouble getting to sleep during the day - and he still went to sleep quite quickly, but I rocked more and had to listen to him crying a bit rather than just quietly drifting off to sleep in my arms... So looks like we are now a dummy-free house! Truth be told, they are still lying around, he's just suddenly not interested. He's been eating better today, but refused his bottle at bed time (but he ate his dinner, then ate some of ours when we ate, so he was probably quite full). I'm not sure if he's no longer in pain, or just happier because Daddy has been home today... But I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow, and I'll keep it and have him checked over just to be sure.

    I wonder if I have the only toddler to go cold turkey off dummies by their own initiative?

    BW

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    Sounds very promising BW _ I say try & stick to it whilst the going is good! Perhaps he has just 'grown out' of it of his own accord. I might be inclined to do a dummy-sweep though & get rid of them all JIC he decides to go back to them. KWIM?

    Oooh Bek, PM me or e-mail me the range. I am all excited now!!!!

    Fireworks are still continuing - I"m over it!

  10. #10

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    Oh my you girls can talk up a storm!!

    Jayne - so glad you had a great Aus day! Its nice when you meet a stranger that reminds you of someone dear to your heart. I dont think I ever told you guys that at Natalya's birth, a lady from the cord donor place was there - she was Michelle Im sure of it, looked the same and had the same beautiful nature, same eyes, well she held my hand through the whole thing, they didnt let DH in until after they put in the epi but she was there hugging me - I will never forget her and it was exactly like having Michelle there with me. Bizzare but true!

    BW - WTG on the dummy thing - Miss A asks for hers occasionally but then says 'oh no mummy its at the north pole with Santa!' - I took hers away only because she began having it all the time and she would talk with it in her mouth.

    Bek - Good luck for school tomorrow! Im sure it will be emotional but a beautiful thing. I would say we should do a lunch and dinner at the Syd meet up! OH and Bek, still no AF. I suspect my SIL is going to force me to POAS today when she gets here!

    Now, can you Syd girls recommend a good hotel? Have to start looking into flights too!!

    OK must fly, SIL is coming over to do her DD's baptism invites..

    Lisa

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    LISA _ I'm having kittens at your post about booking a hotel. We stayed on Darling Harbour last time we were there. I think it was called Golden Oaks or something like that? It was pretty nice - but no room service. (Have to get your priorities right!). Just a little cafe at the bottom of the building. Oh no you didn't mention about at Natalya's birth. I can just imagine how comforting it was to have somebody like that there for you. It makes the world of difference. It was probably Michelle disguised - she is freaking awesome that woman!

    Love Jayne xx

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    Bek How did you & Miss S go today? I have been thinking of you all day and even mentioned to Willow that I was thinking of you

    Lisa How did the POAS go today?

    BW How did Sam get on at the GP today? I hope he's on the mend now I'm so sorry you are having a really really rough time with your own health issues atm too. I hope things improve shortly for you
    You know you mentioned that we went to the same schools as each other and only lived a few houses away in the same street growing up..Well I've been "found out" on here by another girl I went to high school with :0 I'm not going to reveal too much cos I'm really not too sure how I'm feeling about it tbh but just wanted to put it out there.

    Willow It was so nice to see you today and do a bit of shopping together even if it was to buy Miss V some school clothes and Sage some bigger undies You know what though..I've looked at them and they are going to fall off his tiny butt I seriously couldn't believe your DD was wearing exactly what Sage told me she would be on our way to see you guys..That boy of mine seriously makes me wonder at times.

    Jayne I hope the fireworks stopped for you last night and the girls got some sleep. We too Sage to see some Australia Day fireworks at a park not too far from here last night..He absolutely loved it although it was sooo freaking hot..It got above 40 here yesterday and is close to that again now.

    I should get off here and get some cleaning done while Sage is having a sleep and before DH comes home..The poor guy is not well again..He used up all the medication the GP gave him and he's sick again..I really am worried about him and wish they would find out what is wrong I feel so helpless and want my man to be his happy well self back instead of this man who is feeling sick all the time and can't eat anything cos he's not feeling well.

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    Just stalking to see if any POAS has happened today...............

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    Hiya ladies,

    Bek - how did today go??

    No POAS yet today - will go and get one later although I feel AF is imminent, but Ive been feeling like that for a week now.

    Ok have to go pick up kidlets, may test tonight or tomorrow morning, but when I do, you ladies will be the first to know, probably before DH

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    Will be here waiting Lisa

    BEK _ Been thinking of you all day Chook, how did your big girl go? How bout her precious Mummy?

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    Oooh... That makes me feel a bit funny as well, Mako. Closer to your age or mine? Can you let me know in a PM, cos I'm going to stress about it!

    GP today was fine. No signs of ear infection, so signs of tonsilitis... it's a bit like taking your car to a mechanic though, cos Sam was happy and has eaten better this morning. Sleep has been all over the place cos the GP was running nearly an hour late so then he was over tired and couldn't sleep and he didn't crash until nearly 4. He took a dummy for a while when I was desperately trying to get him to go to sleep, but it didn't help. He let me take it away with no issues and is now currently sleeping without one. I'm about to do the sweep and find them all and put them away - not quite ready to throw them out, but it really does look like he's decided he's done with them.

    As for me - pain levels are increasing rapidly, just from missing the daily medication I was on. I haven't got to when my weekly dose would have been due, so I know it's going to get even worse. It's damned hard and it hurts and I'm exhausted and I just don't know how I'll get through! My fingers are quite visibly swollen right now, but that could easily be from the heat as well.

    BW

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    BW - I just wish I could take your pain away. You must be going through such a marathon atm.

    Thank you all so much for keeping Sara and I in your thoughts today. Sara was a little nervous this morning on the drive to school, as was Rob and I. But as soon as she got there she was fine and very excited. She was the first to walk into her class and she shook her teachers hand, introduced herself and gave her age lol. Loren followed her and did the same thing, so cute. Loren didn't want to leave either and she was a little upset when we had to go. I had to console my SIL who burst into tears the minute she walked her daughter into the room. I was fine until the gate closed behind me and I had to walk away I had a tear and lump in my throat for a bit. I was late picking Sara up because of roadworks and a 3yo who refused to get into the car, but that didn't seem to mind my chatter box who was going through syllables on the computer with her teacher aide. Then I had to wait 15 mins whilst Sara hugged each teacher and teacher aide goodbye. All in all she had a great time.

    BW - Sam is doing really well without the dummy.

    Lisa - My heart is skipping a beat for you atm. I actually thought about you this morning and I had a feeling that you may get a +ve and if you do I know everything will be fine!!! If I can do it, you can.

    Mako - You are so sweet. I feel for your DH. Please get better Mr Mako.

    Hi to all. I best go and do the house work and school prep

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    Mako - Yaaaah, that was a bit spooky really, wasn't it??!! Great to see you guys yesterday but next time, let's leave the kids at home with the boys! LOL
    BW - I'd get rid of them all together babe. Keep one and get DH to hide it somewhere so it's not a tempting quick fix, but it would really suck (ahem, 'scuse the pun) to have come this far and then go back to it again. He sounds like he is doing really well without one! I hope your Drs can get your pain levels under control asap
    Bek - Glad to hear Sara had a good first day! Was thinking of you guys. How's the new job going? Have been having delusions of maybe trying to get something part time towards the end of the year. One of the preschools here (which is a 5 min walk from our place) starts from 2yrs, L is on the waiting list and was thinking of putting D down too. But have just spoken to them today and L is likely to be on the list for at least 12 months, so would be even longer for D. So there goes that idea! L is starting in the preschool program at a daycare centre out of town next week and I could put D there too I guess, but with the travel, getting to work etc, all seems a bit too hard! LOL
    Lisa - I have a feeling we're going to get some big news
    Last edited by Willow; January 28th, 2011 at 01:08 PM.

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