Parenting After Loss or Miscarriage November 2010

Jayne :rofl: thank you for that image :D You have seen Greg so you would understand that those long fair chicken legs in a fairy skirt and him wearing a tiara is a total crack up!! But one I have no doubt he and his brothers would have ended up wearing at a girl party some time in the future :lol:

Thank you Mako :hug:

Well, in typical Caitlyn fashion it is raining. And I am happy. Considering. Almost exactly 5 years ago I gave birth to our beautiful sleeping daughter. I thought that was my hell but how wrong I was. This year I remember her birth without the one person who truly understands her loss (to us - not generally) and I am, in fact, quite numb. I don't think it is possible to hurt any more than I already do so today I have been able to smile in a weird way.

I have been able to remember with fondness her penchant for clouds and rain and floods around important dates. Remember the blessing she gave me - the blessing of you. I was given this group for love, support and healing after her death. Without her loss I would not have you. Without you I would not be surviving the loss of Greg. Out of darkness comes light and you are my light. I thank you every day for being my light and guiding me through this really, really dark time in my life journey :grouphug:

So today my firstborn is 5. Time truly does fly by.

Happy Birthday Caitlyn

Michelle, after I wrote what I did I had a bit of a panic & have been in here a few times to edit it, but I just haven't been able to. I'm so glad you are ok with what I wrote, but I just have an image in my mind of Greg with a fairy skirt & tiara on & holding a cupcake with a strawberry on it & trying ever so hard to look 'harrassed' but in actual fact, he's enjoying it immensely. I know it probably makes no sense whatsoever, but it's just the image my little mind has conjured up. xx

****Happy 5th Birthday darling Caitlyn****

Michelle, you have been in my thoughts all day. I can't believe she managed to pull the clouds and rain in after the hot weather we've been having. Clever, clever girl. :hug:

Laney - Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy!

Things here are crud, sick boys, no husband around to help, sleep deprived, stressed about the move (or moreso lack of progress on the move because I want my family back together :() you get the picture...

Michelle: happy 5th birthday to your firstborn child sweet little Caitlyn. Your post was so beautiful. You are one very special woman :hug:

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Michelle, after I wrote what I did I had a bit of a panic & have been in here a few times to edit it, but I just haven't been able to. I'm so glad you are ok with what I wrote, but I just have an image in my mind of Greg with a fairy skirt & tiara on & holding a cupcake with a strawberry on it & trying ever so hard to look 'harrassed' but in actual fact, he's enjoying it immensely. I know it probably makes no sense whatsoever, but it's just the image my little mind has conjured up. xx

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My image actually has Greg holding a wand with a star on the end too :rofl: He would have loved it - and I know a few others who would have joined him too :D

Hugs Willow

Michelle you are such an amazing person and I feel so very lucky to have met you here and irl. your support is wonderful and I also cherish your friendship. I have to say your description of Greg and his chicken legs cracked me up along with Jaynes post lol.

Willow How did you go last night babe? I'm sending you a big :hug: and please know you can contact me anytime for whatever reason.

Thanks for the support girls..I'm not going to post anything about my op on FB as mum is on there and I don't want her to see it iykwim? As for my step dad I think his conscience got the better of him and he actually called a couple of days later and said how sorry he was for his comment. He said once he saw the look on my face he knew he'd said the wrong thing :rolleyes:
Anyway I'd best be off..I need to have a blood test done this morning and I've had to fast for it and I need to try and get this house cleaned up at some stage today as it really does look like a bomb has gone off..Sage decided it would be fun to tip 3 boxes of toys over the lounge room floor.

Wow Mako. He may have been incredibly insensitive in making that comment, but to ring and apologise takes alot of guts. Good on him. I hope it helped you to feel a tiny bit better :hug: Good luck today xoxo

Mako - Good luck today hun... thinking of you.

Michelle - You are incredible and I'm so glad you've found the support you need in here... we're all so lucky to know you!! It's funny how things work out, isn't it. We're all here for you.

Bun - Wow, sounds like things have been pretty crazy for you... I can't believe you'll be back in Perth soon... I must say, I'm a little bit jealous but know what you mean.. it will be so hard moving back after making so many wonderful friends... I think I'm going to struggle with that... come the time (but I think I've got a while before I have to deal with that)!!

Jayne - I just LOVE hearing from you hun!! I miss you on FB but I'm so glad you're able to post in here still!!! Yeah, I'm just LOVING my new little man, he's a dream come true and I'm treasuring every single moment. I can't beleive how amazing it is. I really didn't take it in and enjoy it nearly as much when I had Luke.. it's so strange. I struggled quite a bit with the 'baby' stage last time and thought it would be the same again but it's completely different. It helps that he's a much 'easier' and more settled baby I guess!! LOL. I guess it also helps that we've been through it before and we're much more relaxed this time.

Janie - It's been so wonderful having you around and visiting us. I can't ever thank you enough for your friendship!! I'm glad we've been able to share some special times with you.

Lisa/Bun/Janie - I would LOVE so much to catch up. We don't have much on atm (obviously).. so should be able to make anything work. Ryann's on holidays too so I can leave Luke home with him and just come out with Campbell!! Or, you're all welcome over here??

Hope everyone else is well... sorry no time to go back and catch up on what's happening!! I'm just sooooo glad to be home and am LOVING Campbell. It's fantastic. My Mum and Stepdad left today for a week of travelling.. they're going to do the Great Ocean Road and then visit some friends... so we've got a week of just 'us' as a new family... which is wonderful. Campbell was so good last night too... for our first night home. He had a feed at 9.30pm before we went to bed, then woke at 12.30am and again at 4.30am, then at 8.30am... and each time, he fed really well and went straight back to sleep. Amazing. Luke is loving have a little brother too.. he's so gorgeous and has been 'helping' so much!! It's the cutest thing!! The feeding is going ok too.. much better than with Luke. I still have way too much milk but it doesnt seem to be as fast flowing this time. I'm having a few 'attachment' problems and one of my nipples is absolutely killing me.. but we're getting through it. I hope we can make it work a bit better this time!

Well must go.. am trying to rest up as I'm a bit sore from the c-section still (and it certainly doesn't help when a 3.5 year old stands on the c-section cut - OUCH)!!!!

Kel xxxx

Kelly, I'm just loving hearing about Campbell! It makes me incredibly clucky, but I know there are no more babies on the horizon for us, at least not without some massive changes to my health!

Michelle, Caitlyn always does such a wonderful job with the weather. I'm loving the images of Greg that everyone has and I'm so sad that I never met him, but at the same time I feel as though I have. That probably makes no sense.

Things here are still really rough. I'm hanging out for the methotrexate to start working again as it feels as though I'm just getting worse and worse. It's exhausting being in so much pain and Sam is still really too little to understand that mummy hurts and can't do as much as daddy does and please don't climb all over me because it hurts, just leave me to rest please and play with your duplo. *sigh* Poor kid. :(

BW

Any Mako news?

I'm still here Jayne..My op is tomorrow and I'm quietly $hitting myself about the whole thing now :( I have to be at the hospital at 11am so who knows what time I'll be done.
I think the worst part for me is the fact I know I'm going to be sitting in the same waiting room on my own again and all the memories of my D&C are flooding back and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it..I just wish this was over already.
I'd best be off and get the washing in and Sage's bag packed as he is having a sleepover at the IL's tomorrow night and we have some strange man ;) that Willow is related to coming for dinner tonight (I so wish Willow was coming too but one day very soon that will happen) ;)

Oh Mako... good luck for tomorrow hun... I'm thinking of you. I'm sure it's going to be an extremely tough day and I wish there was something I could do to make it a bit easier for you.

xxxx

Thinking of you mako and holding your hand. :hug:

Spring xx

Oh Mako, I'm so sorry you are doing it alone. Can DH not wangle some time off work? I wish I could be there for you. :(
I'll be thinking of you all day, please update somebody so I can read that you're alright. xx

Just popping in to again wish our beautiful friend Mako the best of luck tomorrow! You'll be in my thoughts, wish I could be there with you babe :hug: And yeah, 'strange' is right! LOL Hope he doesn't eat you out of house and home ;)

Jayney, I will send you a txt when I hear from her if that's OK with Mako or she doesn't send one herself ;)

PS I was just looking at pics of your gorgeous girls on fb...missing you, not the same without you!

Hi my loves. Things are really tough for me at the moment. I just wanted you to know I hadn't fallen off the planet. I'm here - just struggling. I'll come back and fill you all in soon. xxx

Michelle - I hop eyou've received my messages. xxx