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Thread: Parenting After Miscarriage or Loss - February 2010

  1. #1

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    Default Parenting After Miscarriage or Loss - February 2010

    Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can throw up many challenges and in here you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.

    I know that many of our regular members of this thread are having very difficult times at the moment - I hope we can continue to be supportive & hopeful in times that sometimes are very difficult. Welcome to our new members - it is always wonderful to have new members to share this journey.
    Janie you & your baby will continue to be in our prayers, thoughts and hopes this month... And Michelle we are all holding your hand as this month gives you answers to the questions that have been raised about Omar.

    If you have any concerns within the thread please email/ PM any of the following Moderating/Admin team for this forum (all emails & PM's are treated equally & confidentially) :-

    Niliac
    Mistyfying
    Inanna and
    Spring Angel



    Their email addresses can be found here.

    Please note - To receive thread notfications click the "thread tools" button at the top of this post and click "Subscribe to Thread" there is no need to post in order to get notifications.

    Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!


    You will find the previous thread HERE
    Last edited by Inanna; February 3rd, 2010 at 12:05 PM.

  2. #2

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    Hi girls,

    Lisa - those sharp little twitches are totally normal, bubs is getting bigger and bouncing off your pelvic floor - I found they even hurt at times, like electric shocks - could get worse before it gets better, but it shouldn't be painful iykwim. Congrats to your SIL, I pray they have a healthy happy babe.

    Hi to everyone - not feeling that chatty, as mentioned b4 my big girl started high school today - she went fine, no problems, it's me thats really feeling it, just feel flat and cheated tbh - pondering why things are such smooth sailing for some, but for others, well we know only too well...............sigh sigh..... be back later when the black dog is gone...

    Lee xo

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    Oh Lee big big cuddles darling woman.

    I truly do understand but for different reasons... Just to qualify... My ex husband had "episodes" where he just walked out. The first time was when my DD14 was 4 months old... He was gone a year. So her first Christmas, First Birthday, First Easter etc etc was a sad affair... He walked out when she was 3 again for over a year. So again the first preschool etc etc... I find things really really tough when I look back at her life & how hard she has done it. Now she is dealing with the permanent breakdown of her family as she knew it. At least for my other kids they have no other "bad" memories except the recent ones. (which of course is hideous ) However, with Ruby I feel so guilty and responsible that her life has been so difficult.

    Why does stuff happen... Well of course none of us know definitely do we! However, I believe that we all come in with a "contract" - lessons that we elect to learn... We are given those to help us to grow and develop to our best potential. Through the sadness of loss we learn to appreciate life, empathy... We learn to let go - even when it's forced on us. Through my other personal struggles I have learned other things. I have learn resilience. I've learned that you never know what's going on behind someone's smile... Nor their nastiness. We are all struggling & battling.

    You Lee are an amazing & beautiful Being! I am sure your struggles have grown you to be so amazing. Your daughter chose you as her mother because you are her strength... I am so sorry that you are feeling like you are - I wish I could give you a cuddle. I am sure her Daddy is watching his little girl & I am sure he is as proud as punch.

    Big cuddles again gorgeous...

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    Lisa WOOHOO on your SIL's BFP. I wish them the most amazing pregnancy journey

    Jayne You are important to me too. I value your friendship and support and most of all your humorous little stories you tell about your gorgeous girls lol. How did DD1 go yesterday and today at Kindy? Did she atleast give you a kiss goodbye???

    Michelle 2 more sleeps hun. I'll be "holding your hand" hun. What time is your appt?
    As for your sister do you think your parents might not have told her whats going on? I only ask cos my mum has a terrible habit of calling us to tell us the most unimportant things but never ever calls to tell us the most important things kwim?
    Anyway know that you have all of our love and support no matter what

    Janie How are you doing today? I hope you're resting up on the couch and making the most of all the offers of help

    Willow Happy half birthday to Mr D. Can't believe how fast the past 6 months have gone.
    How is DD enjoying school?
    As for TTing I just leave Sage's nappy off after breakfast and let him go around in just a t shirt or whatever and no pants at all.I also ask him every 15 or 20 mins if he needs to do a wee and 8 times out of 10 he'll say yes and run into the bathroom and sit on the potty(he doesn't like the toilet even with the little seat/step thing we have). Anyway he'll start to wee and stop and empty it into the toilet and then sit down and do another lol. He does this about 3 times before he's finished completely (I think he likes the cheering and hi 5's cos he often gives himself a little cheer and a clap )
    On the days I'm at work though I just wait til he wakes up from his afternoon sleep and take his nappy off then. I just have a plain little potty I bought from Target so nothing too fancy lol. I don't think he'd ever stop weeing if it played music

    Bonham All the very best for your scan today. Hope all is going beautifully.

    Lee How did your DD go going off to high school today? I'm sending you a huge I can't begin to imagine how tough days like today are for you all.

    AFM I'm struggling a bit again today. Not too sure why but anyway. Just feeling down in the dumps.
    I'm starting to worry about my appointment with DR S next week. I just have no idea on what to even say to this guy. So if any of you who have seen him please help on letting me know where to even start. I'm not good at doing 2nd opinions
    I have my Ob appt this Friday and I'm not even sure what to expect from that one either.

    BBL to check up on you all. Hi to everyone else I missed.

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    Lee I'm sorry hun. We posted at the same time. Just sending you lots more

    Deb

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    Just checkin in to see if Jo's back with news.

    Man, Im still wondering when all of us in here are going to get a better run of things.

    Ive discovered yet another rash on Jett today. On his arms and legs. Big patches that are almost like bruising but arent.He's not complaining; he isnt sick or has a fever. Just these patches of rash. Im starting to get really panicky now that there is something wrong with him; maybe immune disorder or something. It cant possibly be normal for kids to get rashes constantly without being sick. He's had a strawberry mark-like rash on his arm since he got sick with double ear infection at 9mths old and its slowly grown up his arm as he gets older; fades if you touch it but if he is sick, hot or upset it gets redder. So weird.

    So now I have to try and get a GP appt sometime in the next million years and try to convince her to send him for testing or even allergy screening.

    And Uni starts in 2 weeks and we want to try and move to DHs house as an interim til we get a new one.


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    LEE _ You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel ripped off about DD & you are rightly so to feel ripped off - you HAVE been ripped off & DD has also been ripped off. I know it's not the same, but Alan has missed so much of both my girls lives. Jessica was almost 3 & Claudia was only 6 months old when he went away. This is his 3rd year working away & never once has he been here for the girls birthdays or their parties, he has been home for my birthday once & funnily enough he re-arranged his schedule to be home for his fathers 50th late last year Why couldn't he 're-arrange' sometimes to be home for his own children's birthdays??? It really leaves me . I know he works away to better US as a family, but it's so not fair. He has never seen Jessica go off on her first day of school & misses out on the kids when they pass a swimming stage or just the little things. I am very lucky that he does get flown home for Christmas. I'm not trying to say I have it as tough as you, just that I can completely understand how you feel.

    FREYA _ I hope Michelle (AKA Meredith Grey), can shed light on the rash thing, but it doesn't sound right & it doesn't look right either to you, so it must not be right. Do you think he has an allergy to something really simple at home? Like washing powder or something? Or it could be to medication? The rash from the ear infection when he was 9m could that be from the medication? & did they give him medication this last time for the 'chicken pox' episode? Just clutching at straws???

    MAKO _ THanks for asking, yes, I have got kisses the last 2 days when I dropped her off at Pre-Primary, she has settled in like I would never have imagined (She was separated from her bestie that she made last year), & she is singing songs that her teacher has taught them & LOVING the craft/collage table & bringing me home some very 'unique' pieces of artwork. Love that Sage is getting the hang of the TT & I love especially that he prolongs the hi-5's & cheering to the enth degree!

    Love Jayne x

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    He is allergic to penicillan so he doesnt have it; hasnt had any antibiotics in months. Im wondering if its a food allergy or something like that. Someone mentioned ringworm to me; it looks a bit like the photos I googled but not enough for me to think its that. Plus we arent anywhere around cats and the like. And they havent been outside anywhere other than kindy and I bet they are pretty stringent about cleaning & the sandpit and stuff.

  9. #9

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    OMG Jo, THANK YOU!!! You wonderful wonderful woman, you have just made my year! I hadn't even realised I had been RAk'ed yet and I just can't thank you enough! I feel so very undeserving though, why me? Surely there are way more deserving people here?! Thank you again lovely, you have just brought a huge smile to my face. I can't seem to find you on FB though! How did you go today? I will be checking back in later to check up on you. I have to admit I am also a snapfish addict and have also just sent off my last order. i love to have all my photos sorted in albums where you can see them anytime, seems such a waste to have them on the computer only where you don't really look at them. Once my order arrives I am going to be VERY busy updating the albums as I have gotten quite behind! DD also likes to look at pictures of herself but unlike Sophie she doesn't realise that the baby pics she is looking at are of herself!!

    michelle - not long to go now sweetie, I hope you are still keeping busy. I am confident that all will be well though. I just hate that you're going through this, as if you haven't been through enough already. I wish there was something I could do to make everything ok.

    Lee - it must be so difficult for you at times like these knowing what your first DH is missing out on. I can only imagine how sad it must make you and how unfair it must seem. For what it's worth, I think you have done an amazing job of bringing your kids up after going through losing your DH and I have so much admiration for you.

    Jayne - I wanted to let you know that I also think you are important! I love your posts, they are always so upbeat and funny and you always have lovely things to say to all of us, so don't forget that you matter to us!

    Lisa - I am so happy for your SIL, that is fantastic news, and I will be praying for a sticky little bub for her. How are you feeling now? I hate all those uncomfortable niggles and the constant worry if it is normal or not! I felt heaps more pressure down below with DS and found that a lot of pains started earlier than with DD. I can't believe how close you are now, that seems to have flown by!

    inertia - big big coming your way sweetie

    freya - wow, the countdown for uni is on now - not long to go at all! Sorry to hear about the rash. DD has also had a strange rash lately and I have no idea what caused it. She also isn't in any pain, has no fever etc and it goes away quickly. I may also need to visit the GP soon to see what is going on.

    Janie - how are you going today? Thinking of you constantly sweetie and hoping that gorgeous little bub of yours stays in there as long as possible.

    mako - hehe on Sage wanting as many high fives and cheering as he can get by going potty multiple times! DD has asked to sit on the toilet a couple of times lately, even made us shut the door and leave her in peace the other day, only she doesn't do anything!! I think just run through your history with Dr S, maybe have a good think about exactly what you want to say before you go. I remember being sooo nervous before my appointment with the specialist when I wanted some recurrent m/c testing done. I was a wreck and came across like a total basketcase, so I am sure you will do better than me! He even referred me for counselling after my appointment!

    Well after having the best intentions to finally write out my birth story today it is still not done! I had forgotten how much work newborns are and was stupidly thinking that with DD at daycare today I would have plenty of time to do a massive list of things that need doing and I hardly got anywhere! Sigh... will get there eventually and hopefully will prove cathartic. My parents arrive tomorrow night so it will be great having them to help out for a few days and hopefully I will be able to hide in the study for a bit and write up my story.

    Hi to everyone else

  10. #10

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    Just stalking Jo... desperate to know how the scan went!!

    DH is out tonight.. so after we do the whole 'dinner, bath and bed' thing.. I'll be back!!! LOL.

    Kel xxx

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    Hi ladies,

    I'm not sure what to think of my scan, i'm trying to process it in my head not having much luck though.

    Bun: you are more than welcome and very deserving you are all very deserving i would have loved to have RAK'd everyone in here

    I'll BBL once DD has gone to bed

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    Oh Jo... massive hugs... I hope all is ok. What happened today.. do you feel like talking about it.. we might be able to help?? It's such a scary time. Are you having another scan soon?? Please let us know what's going on... I'm worried.

    Kel xxx

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    Oh... ok... sorry, I didn't take all of your post in... just read that you'll BBL once DD is in bed... sorry.. didn't mean to put the pressure on - LOL!! Looking forward to hearing what's going on and praying that its good news!

    Kel xx

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    DD is in bed, earlier than usual but she didnt have a nap all day so was overtired, i dont care what time she wakes up tomorrow i just need peace atm.

    So my scan, well i'm not sure how my scan went, i'm rather confused and more scared and worried than i was before.

    It took several attempts to get pictures & measurements and i had to completely empty my bladder.

    She said the yolk sac is of a early pregnancy between 4-6weeks and intact and she couldnt find a fetal pole but that might be because it's too early.

    The report will be sent to my Dr overnight and i'll ring tomorrow after 2pm to make sure they got it and see what the doctor wants to do from here.

    I just want to bloody cry, i dont know what to think it certainly wasnt what i was expecting.

    Sorry for the selfish post

  15. #15

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    Oh, Jo... Is there any chance your dates are out?

    Work is... rough this week. So tired.

    BW

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    Jo - big big sweetie. So they didn't say how far along they thought you were? Is there any chance you could be not as far along as you thought? You poor thing, sounds very very confusing. Did they suggest another scan at a later date or do you have to wait until you speak to your dr tomorrow to know where you go from here? Try not to stress hun, as hard as I know it is, there is every chance that all is ok and you just need to wait and see what the dr says tomorrow. Hun, I wish it had gone perfectly for you today and I hate to think of you worrying and stressing about it. I wish I was closer and could give you a real hug! Will be thinking of you and I will check in after 2 tomorrow to see what your dr says.

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    Oh Jo Please dont lose hope; I had almost the exact same situation with Stellan. I prepared myself for a miscarriage, I was so devestated. Turns out he was just a slow grower and 2wks after my initial ultrasound there he was, a little bean with a heartbeat! He measured super behind until 20wks when he was measuring exactly to the dates I thought I should have been; and then arrived on my original EDD! So please just hang in there til its 200% certain you should give up hope ok? We're all here for you no matter what, remember that!

  18. #18

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    Oh Jo... massive hugs. As the other girls have said, please don't loose hope yet. I was the same with Luke, I thought I was 8 weeks and when we went for the scan, he only measured just on 6 weeks, so of course after already having a missed m/c before that, I was shattered and thought we were going to loose another one. Two weeks of hell later, we arrived for the scan that I thought was going to tell us we'd lost another one and low and behold.. he was fine!! So don't give up.. just wait and see what the dr says. I hope they organise another scan for you soon. It's such a scary and horrible time and I wish there was more that we could do to make it easier for you. Just know that we're all here for you, so vent as much as you like.. you certainly deserve to be selfish right now. Take care and try to rest up and as hard as it is, try not to analyse everything. Massive hugs.

    Kel xxx

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