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Thread: Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February/March 2010

  1. #1

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    Default Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February/March 2010

    Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can throw up many challenges and in here you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.



    I know that many of our regular members of this thread are having very difficult times at the moment - I hope we can continue to be supportive & hopeful in times that sometimes are very difficult. Welcome to our new members - it is always wonderful to have new members to share this journey.

    Janie we are all here supporting you as you welcome your baby earthside this month. There are a number of us facing challenges this week so now more than ever we are here all supporting eachother.

    If you have any concerns within the thread please email/ PM any of the following Moderating/Admin team for this forum (all emails & PM's are treated equally & confidentially) :-

    Niliac
    Mistyfying
    Inanna and
    Spring Angel

    Their email addresses can be found here.

    Please note - To receive thread notfications click the "thread tools" button at the top of this post and click "Subscribe to Thread" there is no need to post in order to get notifications.

    Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!


    You will find the previous thread HERE

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    Thanks mako Having a quiet day cause E had a terrible night with her breathing again last night, but it has been OK so far. DD1 was very excited to give me the card she had written on all by herself LOL and thought it was great that its my birthday. No presents though, I got a new car a month ago which was my present LOL its a long story. Glad you enjoyed the concert, stupid smokers though yuck!

    Janie - All the very best for tomorrow hun, although I will say that I think today is a great day to be born But seriously I'm sure everything will go great for you, so very exciting to be finally meeting your bub.

    Hi everyone else, hope you are all good today, sorry for no more persies.

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    Happy Birthday Lee and Megsmum. I hope you both have wonderful days.

    Willow - Miss L is up for sale atm. Her tantrums are beyond it and I dread every time we have to get in and out of the car. On the other hand she did a wee on the potty all by herself today.

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    Thanks for your support and excitement girls, it's helping to keep me positive!

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    Janie - wow, best of luck sweetie!! I hope all goes well tomorrow (I am sure it will) and I can't wait to hear of your little one's arrival. My money is on pink!

    megsmum & Lee - happy birthday lovelies! I hope you have both had a lovely day.

    Jo - how are you feeling?

    Lisa - glad to hear you are getting more movements now.

    Spring - I hope DH is healing up ok.

    mako - glad to hear you had a lovely time at ACDC. I am also a pet hater of smoking so I would have shared your annoyance!

    We have made some progress with the night bottle issue. For the last two nights we have let DD have her bottle as usual when she goes to bed, then have gone in and taken it away after she has fallen asleep and replaced it with a water bottle. Surprisingly she seems fine with this, I was expecting her to hit the roof when she noticed what we had done! However she is still getting us up just as often (four times each the last two nights) because she has lost a dummy. I think I may start to attach them to her at night and I am going to get air wrap to put around the cot so that they hopefully don't fall out as much. I had thought there was no point getting it as she would be a big girl bed soon, but the bed has been set up for a while now and she is showing no signs at all of wanting to actually sleep in it!

    I am getting a little worried about Josh. He is a wonderful baby, so gorgeous and has slept a five hour stint the last two nights which is fantastic but I am worried about other developmental issues. Although he rolled over while in hosp, he hasn't done it again, and although I once thought I saw him smile, he hasn't done it again and I am worried that he should be doing these things now? I have been trying so hard to make him smile, but he is just not doing it. He will be 6 weeks tomorrow - is that normal?

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    All the very best Janie.. thinking of you and can't wait to hear the exciting news. Hope you get some much needed rest tonight hun.

    Sorry, haven't had a chance to catch up on everything. Just dropped our friends back at the airport and I'm really sad.. there have been a few tears. Not really sure why.. we had a great time and I'll miss them heaps but I think the fact that my friend is pg and I've held it all in for the last four days, is probably the main reason. It was also so great to see the two kids playing with each other.. they're at a great age and I hate that they're so far apart again now and won't see each other for a while. God, I hate feeling like this, I just want to be happy again. Doesn't help that I have soooo much cleaning up to do and feel guilty for spending so much money while they were over. Oh well, was worth it, we had such a great time.

    Now just need to get through the rest of this week and my Mum is over on Monday, that will be amazing but god, if I feel like this after my friends leaving, how hard is it going to be when Mum leaves after two weeks.

    Kel xx

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    Bun - I think that's completely normal! I wouldn't expect a baby to smile until around 6 weeks really. I think DS2 did around 4 weeks but seriously, what's 2 weeks? I really wouldn't worry babe Also, DS2 is not much of a roller. He learnt to roll from his back to his tummy ages ago but never went the other way. He just loves being on his tummy. Hasn't slowed him down any and he is now in the process of learning to crawl - up on all fours and shuffling his way around the lounge room. He's also sitting up unassisted etc. Glad to hear you've had some progress on the bottle - well done One down, one to go! You know the other suggestion with dummies I've heard is to put a little soft hat like a beanie in the corner of her cot with a few dummies in it so that if she wakes in the night, she knows where to find one. Just thought of that one today. I don't know anyone who's done it but sounds OK in theory?

    Kelly - I feel so badly for you babe because I know what a really, really hard time this is. I hope you're feeling a bit brighter in the morning.

    Thinking of Janie and bub tonight in anticipation of the big day tomorrow - you are both in my prayers and I will light my candles for you tommorow as I await news of his () arrival.

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    Megsmum and Lee: ladies. I hope you've both had wonderful days.

    Mako: Yuck on the smokers, how inconsiderate glad you like the concert though.

    Lee: Hun, I hope you feel that you can share what is up. I'm worried about you, you don't sound like your usual cheery self. I am so very sorry for digging up terrible memories for you, I feel stupid for not thinking about the impact my posts may have had on you

    Kelly: so glad you had a good time with your friends. Let the tears flow hun, it is only normal. I hope the happiness returns soon.

    Freya: How is the first full week going? Hope the boys are better.

    Bun: DS has rolled once and hasn't done it again either. O didn't roll until 4 months so I wouldn't be worried at all babe. I can't talk though, got some worries of my own ATM but I'll explain below. Your little man sounds just perfect, I bet he is smiling up a storm before you know it.

    Janie: Hun, tomorrow is going to go perfectly. I will be waiting and cyber stalking to hear the news of the birth of your beautiful babe. Is someone on txt alert to post a BA for you? I'll be thinking of you tomorrow on your very special day.

    Well things just aren't meant to be easy are they? Went to the dr for 6 week ( a little late) check. I mentioned to the GP that I thought that B's testicles seemed a bit large and hadn't really gone down since birth. She had a look and I was right, she suspects either a hernia or hydrocele (sp?) which apparently is fluid. I've got a referral for an ultrasound and me being paranoid booked it for first thing tomorrow morning. Even if it is a hernia she assures me it is easily fixed but it means a GA. What is it with my boys and their balls? Some of you might remember the issues we had with O.

    Anyway, I'm trying not to stress, just want to get it checked out and see where to.

    Hi to everyone else.

    Lv Spring

    PS: B did 5 hours last night, sounds like all the little boys are stretching out their sleeps for their tired mummies.

    ETA: At the check today Ben came in at 6.26kgs! I had a look at O's book and he was 5.26 at almost the same age. How is that, exactly 1kg different. He is such a chubby bubby.

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    Hi girls,

    Thanks for the birthday wishes... had an alright sort of day, nothing special, but did take Remy to playgroup for the first time, and she loved it - think there might be some nice mums too.

    Spring - sorry your little man has balls issues, hope they are overcome without too much to deal with xoxo And, honestly, please don't feel bad - we are all here for each other, and need to be able to share whatever is going on..... that phonecall I had came at 9.15pm at night, my DH's boss, to say DH's helicopter was "unaccounted for", never forgot those words, and my reaction was to scream down the phone at him "WTF does THAT MEAN??" - I was home alone with a 2 and 4 year old, no sleep that night.......... and the whole next day as they searched for the helicopter in remote NT Arnhemland. Millions of phonecalls that day to family, searchers, police etc...... then about 2pm I had a call saying they had found the helicopter crashed, there were some survivors, and some dead, they couldn't tell me if DH was dead or alive at that point. I just had to sit there and wait for the next phonecall. I couldn't even describe to anybody how I was feeling at this point, it surely wasn't human. Then before the phone could ring again, I saw a police car pull up outside my home. I knew they wouldn't give me the worst news over the phone, so I had my answer. DH was gone. It was so horrible, and a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy honestly. Hope you don't mind me sharing, but don't go there very often........ so I do understand what a difference one phone call can make in your life.

    As for my other troubles - to be honest, I'm not quite sure - maybe it's accumulated grief, coupled with feeling so stretched with 4 kiddies atm......... but I know I've never felt so overwhelmed as I can get of late.... my DH's mum is coming from Rome on 14 March to stay for 6 weeks. She is really nice, and a great cook - so I'm hoping this time will give me a much needed helping hand, and hope to settle my moods and sadness. I really don't like feeling like this, but don't know how to shake it??? Open to suggestions!

    Janie - sorry to hijack your special time - I really hope tomorrow goes well, and that your bub comes out healthy and fighting fit, I'm sure you are in brilliant hands. Take good care xoxo

    Hi to the rest of you, hugs.

    Lee xoxo

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    Holy crud, just read my depressing post, and noticed I had been RAKd - talk about a lovely surprise, and talk about giving me a nice boost at the end of the day, thank you so much to the beautiful person who thought to do this

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    Lee, massive hugs hun thinking of you lots.

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    Lee, my heart was in the pit of my stomach just reading your post. My experience was but a glimmer into your reality and I want you to know that I respect for what you've endured and survived. I am so very sorry your DH was taken from you. I'm not surprised it is all catching up with you. I feel so very honoured you trust us enough to share your DH's story. I am here for you and want to help a dear friend navigate through this sometimes cruel life

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    Well it's been an eventful evening, cum night, cum morning!!!

    I take the kids "down the coast" for a swim and pizza and icecream every Tuesday - it's our "thing"... We had a lovely time & I called it for out of the water time and let's wash off and get icecream... I had Finn's friend with us & everyone was having a whale of a time...

    Lucy started crying & I looked down the path to the beach (I was ahead with Gloria (dog) & Immy...) & Lucy was on the ground... I yelled out "hop up and let me have a look"... She cried out that she cut her leg... I thought she'd knocked the top of a mozzie bite...

    We washed it off when I saw this laceration about 10 cm's long and so deep & wide I could clearly see the bone. Blood was everywhere as it is... So I tied it up with a towel & shouted for everyone to get in the car... Lucy fainted... She was bleeding quite a bit so I had to get Finn to hold the compress on her leg as I drove to Nambour (about 20 mins)... Ruby is absolutely hopeless in these situations - she panics and can't stand blood and vomits... So it was a fun trip... Oh and we had the dog too. So 6 kids & a canine in a busy ED - gorgeous!

    At around 9pm my friend came and picked up everyone & took them home & stayed until we got back half an hour ago... So I don't think school is happening for anyone tomorrow!

    We were seen immediately but then triaged as a major accident came in... Anyway they xrayed and the bone was intact thank goodness but they thought they'd take her to OT to suture as it was such a large gash & the skin was obviously left on the beach...

    But, it was decided after consults that sutures would suffice.. Thankgoodness. Poor Lucy, it hurt so much & she was incredibly brave... They gave her laughing gas that was just hilarious - we could hardly concentrate she had us in stitches... (scuse the pun! ) Then she told the Dr that he would be a nice husband for me & was he interested???? "she's very pretty & she cooks really well - she likes children & animals & sh'es smart!!!!!"

    It was hilarious!

    Anyway we are now home after 6 hours... Whilst she was resting after the suturing ordeal I found headlice in her hair.... Just to top it off eh????

    So, I might be a bit scare tomorrow/today due to tiredness!

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    Spring, i have just seen your opening post.....thank you, that means alot . Man, after being very zen about everything yesterday, i am now having a massive freak out! I think it's the combo of the cs plus bub going to scn. One or the other i could cope with, but both just sucks . I want to get past this in time to go back to being zen so that i can truly enjoy every part of this experience. I honestly feel very prepared, i don't think there's any more i could do in that regard. We have spoken to and seen just about every staff member/unit that is relevant to us in the hossy, yesterday was a busy day . The staff have been amazing! I think i will need to debrief with my lovely mid in the morning. Can i just say, i love what steroids do for my baby, but i hate what they do to me lol! Despite a sleeping tablet, only just had over 3 hours tonight. Guess it beats last night's 2 lol! Love to all xoxo
    Last edited by Janie; February 24th, 2010 at 03:39 AM.

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    Lee, i'm really sorry to hijack YOUR time of need. Please know i'm thinking of you, and go easy on yourself

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    Janie, I am impatiently waiting to read your news. You will get some sleep after the c-section. I didn't sleep at all before Grayson was born but I had a great sleep after. I wanted to stay awake and watch him every second but the drugs got the better of me.

    Deb, it sounds like you had a busy day. I hope that after a rest everything calms down. So do you have a date with Lucy's doctor?

    Spring, I hope your DH is feeling a bit better now that he has had a few days to rest.

    Bun, I think Josh is doing just fine. Grayson didn't roll over on his own until he was 8 weeks. I think he started to smile a bit around 6 weeks. I think that i saw a gas smile or two around 4 weeks.

    Kelly, I am glad that you had a great time with your friends. you deserve to spend a bit of money and have some fun with friends.



    Lee, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wanted to ask you to share your story a few times but I just didn't want to stir up any painful memories. You have had to experience both of a woman's worst nightmares. You have to be a very strong woman to get past such dark times. I hope that your MIL can help brighten your mood a little.

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    Thanks for all your amazing support ladies.. I know I've said it before but I can't even begin to describe how wonderful you all are and how much you've helped me.

    Lee - Massive hugs hun.. thank you so much for sharing your heartbreaking story about DH. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you and hope you manage to get a little bit of a break when your MIL visits. I'm really am so glad that you shared your story, I truely believe it helps to talk about things and get them out, so please do so whenever you need to.

    Janie - My gorgeous friend, I'm thinking of you constantly and can't wait to hear the news.. you're a lot stronger than you think!!

    Deb - OMG.. poor Lucy! Sounds absolutely terrible and not at all what you need right now! The saying certainly is true sometimes "when it rains, it pours". Sending you massive hugs too and hope things finally turn around for you soon! Maybe you need to give Lucy that happy gas more often.. she could score you some 'sweet' dates!! LOL.

    Spring - sorry to hear you're having more 'balls' issues with your boys. Not much fun and I hope it gets sorted quickly and easily. Great news about the weigh in though!!

    Bun - Hope all is going ok. I wouldn't be worried about the smiling yet either, it's still so early!! Give it a bit longer and if you're still worried, give your dr or health nurse a quick call to put your mind at ease!

    Willow & Bek's - DS has been doing some ripper tantrums lately too... he had everyone pointing and laughing at him at the markets yesterday... so embarrassing! Great news on the potty front though Bek.. Luke did two wee's in one day on the toilet and now won't go anymore.. so frustrating!

    Sorry.. poor attempt at catching up on everything.

    AFM - I'm still feeling a bit down (bloody story of my life atm). There were lots of tears yesterday avo and night. Still don't really know why but it does feel good to have a cry. I'm starting to wonder if I need to go and see someone.. it's really not like me at all to be feeling so 'down'. I hope I can turn it around soon. My mum is here next week, so I'm sure that will help. DH is away again today, flew up to Brissy early this morning but he's flying back home late tonight. Still sucks that he's not around. Also bought some OPK's. Have never used them before as falling pg hasn't been our problem, so that should be interesting. Might start using them today as I think O day should be soon... although I really have no idea about my cycle.

    Sorry to always be so miserable in here... I know my problems are a lot smaller than some in here and I really want my 'happy' self to return soon... and again, can't thank you enough for all your support.

    Kel xxx

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    Morning ladies, I am a bit nervous today for our beautiful friend Janie. I hope you are doing OK this morning, you are constantly in my thoughts. I think you have been amazing through this whole situation and will continue to be so. I cannot wait to hear that your beautiful baby has arrived safely

    Spring - Oh crap. Your post has freaked me out a bit because D's balls are the same. They were HUGE at birth (so much so that DH insisted on taking a photo of them ) and they are still very big. We often comment on it. I never had the thought that something could be wrong with them. Although now that I think of it, his paed has checked them quite a few times so I won't panic just yet, will just remember to ask him about it at our next appt in a few months. I truly hope B's are just fine and maybe he's just got big balls Ahh, the things we mothers endure!!

    Lee - Huge for you babe. You have endured so much grief in your life, it just doesn't seem fair that one person should have to endure so much. I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. I know I only have 3 but I do get it. I'm sure you're older kids present a whole new set of challenges that I haven't even contemplated yet having only small children, but you've got a one year old and a nb and that's a tough gig. I'm so pleased for you that your MIL is coming, I hope it's a well deserved break for you.

    Kelly - I know I've said it 100 times but I really feel for you right now. You sound very much the way I was after our loss and to be honest I was horribly depressed and in the end I did go and see someone. She didn't work out (and in the meantime I found you girls - my life line!), but I went back about 12 months later and it truly helped me to cope. I'm so glad your mum is coming, sometimes a hug from mum is all we need to feel better. Hang in there, it will get better

    Deb - Holy cow woman, when does it end?! Poor Lucy! How is she feeling today? What on earth did she cut her leg on???

    Lisa - How are you doing? How's bubs?

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