Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010

Hi girls - it's 4.30am and I can't sleep, despite being extremely tired - but I know I'm not the only one with this trouble at the moment. Michelle, I'm thinking of you sweety xoxo

I think it's a case of everything thats happened the last week, also as you know Luc's inquest went public this week, so that has been on my mind - you did well Bun to read through all 12 odd pages of that - it's a horrible story - and when I read it, sometimes I just have to shut down and believe it is someone else in it, not me. I'm so ANGRY at that hospital and doctor, it was one mistake after another.......... but I just direct my anger at the lawyer now, although I feel like screaming and ranting out loud. But none of this brings my boy back......

Anyway girls - it's been a huge week for all of us in here - wouldn't it be great if we could all get together in a nice peaceful place and share a few glasses of wine, some nice Tassie cheese..........

OK, I'm going to TRY and get back to sleep, just in time for one of the babes to wake up no doubt :wall:

Michelle - I pray for some periods of peace and calm for you this week - I know the seas will be stormy most of the time, but hopefully a bit of respite from the tremendous grief from time to time. I imagine the game was emotional, good but so sad, hugs xoxo

Lee xoxoxo

Hi everyone,
I am sorry that I haven't been sharing much lately. I just need you all to know it's because things are really really heavy here right now. There have been multiple issues with DD14. She has been diagnosed with depression & not gone to school for 6 weeks. Sleeping, grumpy, not eating or drinking well. I have been very worried. She ran away last Wednesday stating that her dad is right I don't love her and never have & if I loved her I wouldn't have had her diagnosed (yep me I diagnosed her :wall:) with ASD or now depression..

She was caught by my neighbour who bless her took her in. She attacked me physically leaving a lovely bruise in my back and scratches... :cry: We had an intervention on Thursday that she refused to partake in... Her father and I did though where I sat through hearing how I was to blame, I didn't care about her or love her... He doesn't want to have her living with her (he told DD at approx the time she began to sleep a lot etc that he was moving in with Sloppy - a woman who was once a very close friend of mine - who I nursed through her divorce, through pregnancy and birth & we spent lots of time together and were extremely close so close she used to say I was the sister she'd never had.. :cry:).

I believe this is a way to manipulate her father into giving her time - but it hasn't worked of coures as instead of spending time with her she's been sent to spend time with friends... I have had no contact and FWOTY did not turn up at the scheduled meeting with a psychologist last Thursday that Ruby has been referred to. He states she is pefectly fine now she's not with me & needs no help. She has stated some very very troubling things to the psychologist she saw on Wednesday prior to her breakdown that would seem to suggest very complex issues. FWOTY cannot be contacted and the people where DD is staying (family friend of FWOTY) are not answering the phone. The social worker tht did the intervention has not been able to reach FWOTY & was shocked he didn't turn up, & is sh****ed that a girl that was in such a mess is now perfectly fine'... FWOTY phoned the police last weekend allegedly stating that I intended to cause physical harm to Sloppy... So I needed to explain to my kids that the policeman might come. So now FWOTY is not returning calls from the social worker, the school chaplian or his new solicitor (he has now fired his second solicitor and engaged another one...).

I could get a retrieval order but I didnt' want to traumatise DD. But I have literally not slept since Wednesday - my sleep just doesn't come. On some sleepers I got 4 hours the other night and that felt like bliss.

So, please know I am here, I am reading, I am supporting but I am in a real mess. I can't explain the pain at my own daughter not wanting to be with me. Believeing I don't love her.

I returned home to find all the easter eggs I sent with her father for her in my driveway. He said she doesn't want anything from me...

Deb, that's just horrible! :hug: I can't even begin to imagine how one goes about dealing with that sort of thing. I do just have one thought, though - can you really trust FWOTY to be telling you the truth where Ruby is concerned? Past behaviours have me thinking that he may have put her up to it... that he may have just left the easter eggs without taking them to her and told Ruby that you didn't send any. :(

BW

oh Deb - Things sound just horrible and very messy. :hug: I can't do much but to pray that this is sorted out quickly, especially for your daughter's sake and yours. FWOTY not returning calls is a very clear sign that he has some thing to hide. Do you believe that your daughter is safe where she is? If you know she is ok, then maybe give her a few days to reflect. As hard as that sounds it may be the only thing you can do.

Lee - I hope you got some sleep. A nice peaceful place away would be great.

oh Deb, you are in such a difficult position with no support at all from your ex. It sounds like your DD is having a very difficult time right now too.
It is almost like they are going to force you to have the police go and get her. If a family friend wants to help out and takes on the responsibility of your DD then they also have to talk to both parents. You are really the only one that knows your DD well enough to tell if she is "just fine". She will come around Deb. :hug:

Deb Sending you :hug: hun. FWOTY needs a good slap (not that I condone violence) but far out how can this guy sleep at night knowing what he's doing :shakehead:
I hope your DD1 comes to her senses sooner rather than later and she realises you are there to support her and that you do love her and have her best interest at heart :comfort:
As for FWOTY does he have a limit on how many solicitors he can hire and fire or is it open slather?

Lee I hope you have managed to get some sleep last night. I too am so sorry to read about Luc but can only hope with having the hospital named along with the DR's that things have improved and hopefully no other family will have to go through the heartache and hurt that you and your family have :comfort:

Bun I'm pleased you arrived in Perth safely and that your DD loved the flight. I hope she is the same on the way back for you too :) Poor DS though.

Bek How is Miss E doing?

Willow How is L's head? How is D going with his sleep?

Michelle I'm thinking of you and your little darlings constantly :grouphug:

Laney How are you going? I'm not sure if I've said this already but I love your ticker :)

Kelly I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. What time is your scan?

Hi to everyone. I hope you are ok.

:lol: Mako you made me laugh! I know he has had more lawyers than Ivan Milat!!! :rofl: Hopefully this one will pull him into line. I would be thinking she's none too happy about his evasive behaviour.

Well Deb my job is done today :D I'm pleased I made you laugh :hug: Surely these lawyers get jack of people chopping and changing all the time :wall:

Thanks for asking about me Mako. Things are going okay here. How have you been feeling?
I have my next ultrasound next Monday. I am trying not to think about it too much but i am nervous.

I have been having some issues with Grayson taking naps during the day this past week. We have always had a beautiful routine. He would take a 2 hour nap in the AM and then a 1 hour nap in the afternoon. I would rock him for a few minutes and then put him in his crib, he would put himself to sleep. This still works at night and he sleeps for 10 or 11 hours. He wont take a nap at all right now unless I hold him through the entire thing! I can't do that for 3 hours a day! He cried for 45 minutes the other day and I just had to give in. I don't know what to do. I think he is having some separation issues all of a sudden. Any sugestions would be a great help.

Deb - Oh hun... big hugs. You've already been through so much and now this too.. FOTY certainly needs more than a slap (not that I condone violence either)!! Praying DD1 come to her senses.

Mako - My scan isnt' until 3.30pm tomorrow but thankfully my brother is flying in from Perth at lunch time, so it should make the day go a bit faster and then we can leave DS home with him! How are you going? Have been thinking of you a lot lately. Hugs.

Michelle - So gald to hear the footy went well.. what a special tribute to a special guy. Hugs.. last night and this morning must of been hard for you.. thinking of you.

Lee - Hope you managed to get some sleep. Hugs.

AFM - I'm not feeling so good.. have managed to pick up a bloody cold and feel like crap. Not happy but hoping that my scan tomorrow make me feel a whole lot better. I'm getting extremely nervous now.

Kel xx

Hey Michelle - I've been thinking about you a lot over the last 24 hours. ((hugs))

Kelly - Get better. Praying that all is just fine on Wednesday hun.

Laney - How old is Grayson? If he has been a good sleep generally I would say that he may be going through developmental stage or separation anxiety. When my older girls changed their usually good sleep habits I just made sure I kept the routine consistent and road out the tough time. I found they soon went back to routine. Do you think he maybe dropping off a sleep? Atm I am not authority on sleep because I still can't get Eva to sleep without lots of tears etc.

Mako - Miss Eva is fine when I am not trying to put her to sleep lol. She had a temp yesterday so didn't try anything with her sleep challenges. She seems fine today but we were up 2 hourly last night.

Oh Deb, I'm so sorry you have been through so much already, my goodness, I am speechless. I'm thinking of you & sending you tonnes of hugs & strength.

Michelle - how did the game go?

AFM _ We are in Hong Kong, just waiting for the Disneyland park to open. We are staying in the disneyland hotel & it's just brilliant. Last night at dinner we had pictures with Mickey, Minnie, Tigger & Piglet. This morning Pluto came & helped the kids butter their mickey shaped pikelets & also Daisy Duck was there. I'm surprised, but Claudia chases the characters around the restaurant! :o I'd have thought for sure she'd flip her lid. The weather is nice & warm, which is a nice change, as Beijing was only about 5 degrees when we left. So I have to do some market shopping for some cooler clothes for the kids & myself, Oh what a shame!

Oh & they are travelling beautifully on the flights. I'm very surprised, but flights from now on are on my own, so that is when they will play up. They sleep & play on the flights, I have stickers, colouring books, Alan's nintendo DS, my little pony figurines - basically the works to keep them entertained. Curly is so very tired so she sleeps a lot during the flights, yesterday was a shorter one, only 4 hours, but on Saturday, we leave at 1pm & don't touch down in Perth until 5 mins til midnight, so it's a long day of flying - I just hope they will both be kind to me! Alan is flying from HK back up to Beijing.

BUN _ Yes, I'd love to catch up with you, I'll pm you my mobile number & we can sort something out. Where abouts are you staying? I'm off work for another 2 weeks, but Jess goes back to school on Monday, so I can do during school hours?? Or weekends??

Love Jayne x

hi girls,

Miss A has gastro - vomitting stopped now its coming out the other end!! Any advice?? She has had some bread and diluted apple juice this morning and she is finally asleep.

lisa xx

Lisa, when DS had gastro we ended up in the ER. I was advised the best foods are bread, apples, bananas and rice. I also give the Heinz baby juice for him to drink, I don't allow juice at any other time but this is the exception and he will drink this more willingly than plain water. I hope she is feeling better soon.

:

---

Surely these lawyers get jack of people chopping and changing all the time

---

It's like any other service, plumber, electrician etc, you can hire and fire till your hearts content. Although if he keeps going, it will get to the point no one will take him on because they'll see him coming a mile away when they find out how many firms he's been through.

Deb :comfort: I truly don't know what to say other than you are in my thoughts and I hope these issues are resolved asap for your sake and Ruby's.

Just popping in quickly to say I have shut down my FB account again so you can reach me here, by txt or email.

NOT a fun day here, renos in full swing and I cannot wait till they are done :wall:

BBL...

Thanks Bek, Grayson is 10 months old now. I was already stating to think that he was going to drop the afternoon sleep. His Am nap has been slowly moving to a later time. I am just going to stick with the routine for a while and see what happens. It was a change that happened over night so :confused:

Laney I was going to say the same thing about dropping a sleep. Anyway I'd just go with it for a bit and see what happens but stay consistent kwim?
All the best for Monday and your scan. I hope everything is just perfect :)

Kelly I'm thinking of you today and will be "holding your hand" and can't wait to hear how wonderful bub is doing :hug:

Jayne I hope your girls behave themselves for you on the flight home. It sounds like you are having a fabulous time and can't wait to see some pics :)

Well girls I'm feeling like such a bad mummy atm. Poor DS fell off a friends little boy's loft bed into a wooden toy box last week and he screamed but he seemed to be fine after a few minutes of screaming and cuddles etc and then he went on playing as normal.
Now my problem is this..last Wednesday night I washed his hair in the shower and he screamed(he never does this as he loves a shower and it doesn't bother him having his hair washed) so I didn't think anything of it(forgot about the fall he'd had earlier :redface: ) anyway he complained for a few days about having a sore head at different times ie drying him after his bath, general conversation etc) and FF to last night DH was playing with him and noticed he has a massive egg on the top of his head towards the back of his head. Now I'm not sure whether to take him to be checked out or just leave it. He didn't vomit or anything when he did it nor has he since and he seems to be his normal little self. I'm not sure if I should take him to be checked out or just leave it. Anyone got any suggestions??
On a funnier note DS decided it would be good to call me "babe" instead of Mummy last night and he's done it a few times this morning :rofl:

Mako - I just love that DS is calling you 'babe'... so precious!! As far as the fall goes, I wouldn't be too concerned if he's been fine. I don't know if you remember but Luke had a really bad fall at the pool a while ago and I was really worried. He vomited and everything but was completely fine. From memory (I did lots of research).. you only need to really worry if they vomit more than once and don't go back to their happy selves. I'm sure all is fine so please don't feel bad.. it's part of being a mummy.. we can't protect them all the time!! I'm sure his head is still just a bit tender from the big bump. Keep an eye on it and if you're really worried then it doesn't hurt to get it checked out.. but if he's been ok for a few days, I'm sure all is ok. Thanks also for thinking of me today.. I certainly will be needing you to 'hold my hand'.. I'm freaking out just a tad but I'm also thinking of you too - hugs.

Laney - I was also going to say the same about dropping a sleep.. I can't even remember when DS dropped his sleep.. now that I think about it.. I wish I'd noted those sort of things down for next time.. oh well.

Willow - Good luck with the renos... I'm sure it will all be worth it!

Lisa - Hows Miss A this morning? Hope the worst of it has well and truely passed.. not nice.

Jayne - I'm so jealous.. sounds like you've had an amazing time. I can't wait to see photos. I'm sure the flight home will be ok.. you're girls will be soooo tired, they might sleep for most of it!!!

Michelle - Thinking of you in the lead up to Thursday hun.

AFM - Well I'm quietly sh*ting myself and am still feeling like crap. This damn cold is a good one.. hardly slept last night and can't breathe. My head is so blocked up that I can't hear properly either.. its so frustrating. My brother arrives today too.. I'm so glad he's coming over for a holiday.. Luke is VERY excited but I feel terrible that I'm sick.. oh well, can't be helped. I just hope I don't spread the germs. Not going to playgroup this morning either and I feel so bad for Luke, it's really all we've got over here and now he can't go because I'm sick. At least he'll have his uncle here this avo to play with while we go for the scan. Oh god, the scan.. I'm so incredibly nervous and can't even remember what it's like to actually see a bub growing away inside.. I just can't imagine it anymore and it's scaring me. I can't bear the thought of bad news today and am trying to stay really positive but also don't want to set myself up for even more disappointment.. just can't win and I know you all understand. Sorry for all the babbling.. I'm stressing!!

I just have to get through the next two and a half hours until we head to the airport to get my brother, then time will go faster. I'm too sick to go anywhere and can't bear the thought of cleaning up.. I'm sure my brother won't notice the mess - LOL.

OK.. must let you all go now.. sorry for the long post.

Kel xxx