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Thread: Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010

  1. #1

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    Default Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010

    Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can throw up many challenges and in here you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.

    I know that many of our regular members of this thread are having very difficult times at the moment - I hope we can continue to be supportive & hopeful in times that sometimes are very difficult. Welcome to our new members - it is always wonderful to have new members to share this journey.

    Janie we are all here supporting you as you welcome Daniel home after his early birth & Lisa recovering from birthing her new baby daughter Natalya we celebrate this wonderful time with you both! Mako it is with heavy hearts that we also support you through the loss of your Angel - our prayers, thoughts & friendship are with you & yours...

    If you have any concerns within the thread please email/ PM any of the following Moderating/Admin team for this forum (all emails & PM's are treated equally & confidentially) :-

    Niliac
    Mistyfying
    Inanna and
    Spring Angel

    Their email addresses can be found here.

    Please note - To receive thread notfications click the "thread tools" button at the top of this post and click "Subscribe to Thread" there is no need to post in order to get notifications.

    Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!




    You will find the previous thread here.
    Last edited by Inanna; March 28th, 2010 at 12:20 AM.

  2. #2

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    I'm HUNGRY!!! I know it is going to take some time to get used to the correct portion sizes but I'm blinking hungry.

  3. #3

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    Spring - poor babe - your body will adjust to the new regime, the first week is always the hardest. Hang in there, it's well worth it - food is over-rated anyway By the way I am RIGHT NOW eating my last piece of chocolate...... as of tomorrow I'm on Tony Fergusson! Thanks for your kind words lastnight - I have to see the infant nurse this week for Flynn's 4 month check up, and I'll ask her about a good counsellor. I would ask my GP, but I don't like him much, I think I'm at the point I need to bounce things off a wise neutral party.

    Oh girls - for those of us, and it's most of us - who have babes that don't sleep all night - you will laugh at this - my MIL is VERY French - which also means VERY opinionated (spl???) it's always a case of me sacrasticly thinking "well tell me what you really think" lol.......... for me with all of my experiences, mostly it's water off a duck's back iykwim, not much gets to me anymore, especially what others think.......... anyway today's latest 'opinion' from her is "all French babies sleep through the night at 4 months old" - ye gods, sometimes a comeback is hard to muster - well my kid is half french and he wakes once, sometimes twice.......

    Anyway, not much to report, I think I got through today without crying, which is a nice change........

    Hope you are all doing well and had good weekends.

    Lee xoxoxo

  4. #4

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    Sweetheart... I getcha!
    I've been keeping quiet but I am also on the weightloss "treadmill" scuse the pun!
    I've lost 13.7kgs & I have another 7.3kgs to go to be back to 57kgs... (that's what I was when I got married & I figured I've gone full circle! )

    It's tough in the beginning. Now, I truly find it hard to eat too much... Every Sunday I have a treat day & tonight I had a Magnum that I couldn't even finish...

    You will get there my darling. It's all going to come off & you're head will get in the right place. When you're really hungry drink a big glass of water (not cold)... A cuppa tea (but I'm a cuppa freak - I believe it solves many of life's woes!)

    I have thrown away all my size 14's... I am back to size 12-10 (if I breathe hard!) we will get there...

  5. #5

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    Deb: you go girl!!! 13.7 is freaking awesome. I'm very proud of you. Do share your secret babe. Good advice on the water and tea. I just had a cuppa. Why Is cold water bad? 57kgs is insane, I think I was born 57kg

    Lee: if only your French MIL could hear how loud I'm laughing. Doesn't she know that in the Aussie baby manual they are required to give their mummies snuggles through the night for a long while after 4 months. Well at least that's the manual my boys came with. On a serious note, I'm glad you've had a better day.

    ETA: I've got the ticker now, I guess that makes it official.

  6. #6

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    My secret is low low carb... I haven't had a slice of toast in so long...
    I honestly don't crave them any more. I have followed BodyTrim... I was on Atkins and lost some weight well with that. But BT gives me more flexibility. I don't do well with meal substitutes as I am a bit of a foodie and I love fresh food/organic produce... I've tweaked the BT to suit myself. But truly it's been great.

    The key is something that best suits you. All of us have different needs & finding the one that suits you is important.

    Cold water can give you cramps if you're hungry...

  7. #7

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    Lee, I wish that I had something insightful to say. All I can offer is and my own experiences. I had a stepdad when I was a teen. He didn't take much interest in me. I know that it must have been hard on him too. My mom made the mistake of never encouraging a relationship there. All I know is that even with all of the conflict in our house I did still want him to take an interest in me. I think the fact that he didn't made me argue with him more. Maybe it would be a good thing if the whole family saw a councilor together.

  8. #8

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    Lee - Massive hugs. I think it's a great idea to go and see someone. I hope the infant nurse can suggest a good councellor for you. Well done on taking the first step. As for your MIL... what can I say to that.. my god!

    Deb - Holy cow.. 13.7kgs is brilliant!! Hope you're doing ok hun. Hugs.

    Spring - Well done on making it official and good luck hun.. it's not going to be easy but you can do iit!!!!

    Jayne - You go girl.. you're weight loss so far is brilliant.. that ticker is speeding along!!! Hope your sister is doing ok.. has she heard from 'him' yet?

    Laney - How are you holding up? Hope you're doing better than I am!!

    AFM - I'm trying to hang in there. Honestly, I've been way too tired to think too much about it all, which is good I guess. Yesterday was terrible, I couldn't keep my eyes open and just felt yuck. Then had a bad night last night, just couldn't sleep and felt a bit yuck. Didn't help that DH was up at 4am to get on a flight to Brisbane.. he'll be home late tonight. So today I have HEAPS of cleaning to do in preparation for my MIL arriving tomorrow avo, so that will be nice! Then, we have our first scan on Wednesday! Oh god.. it all starts again from there really... very, very scary! DH was saying last night that he thinks I've got more symptoms this time and he even went as far as to say that I'm more like I was when I was pg with DS.. so that's good to I guess. Don't want to get my hopes up though and don't know if he's just trying to calm me down or if he really means it... or if he's trying to talk himself into it all being ok... god it's hard.

    Kel xx

  9. #9

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    Spring we are all here to cheer you on hun. I still don't believe it when you say 25kgs still has you in your healthy weight range though. But anyway you know what is best for you and I'm going to support you to your goal
    How are your boys doing? Is DH's back healing ok?

    Deb Woohoo on your weight loss too. You must be feeling proud of yourself How is everything else going?

    Jayne OMG look at your ticker hun. You are doing so so well too. Not long until you are on your holiday. I bet the girls are excited.
    Sending a for your SIL too. I hope things work out for her.

    Lee Sending you a too hun. I hope your health nurse can point you in the right direction to chat with someone to help you face the challenges you are facing on a daily basis. Oh and I had to giggle at your MIL's comments too. I'm sorry your visitors aren't helping out as much as you'd hoped.

    Kelly I have absolutely everything crossed that all is ok at your scan on Wednesday.
    How is L going with his TTing or have you given up for a bit?

    Willow how is your Nan babe? I hope the sleep is slowly improving at your place.

    Bek,Bun,Laney,Rach,Megsmum,Lisa,Janie,Michelle Sending you all a too. Hope everything is ok at all your houses.

    AFM Feeling like utter total cr*p atm. I wasn't too bad the day after the D&C but since the bleeding increased it has been doing my head in and I'm finding it all very hard to cope with everything.I'm feeling like such a failure (sp). Our weekend away was cr*p too and wish I'd stayed home cos atleast I could have rested like I should be but anyway.

  10. #10

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    Oh mako.. sending you so many massive hugs. I know it's hard.. you sound exactly how I felt after the last one and it's just not fair. I wish I had something inspiring and insightful to say that would help even just the tinest little bit but just know that I'm thinking of you ALL the time and praying things start looking up for you soon. I hope the bleeding settles down, I think I've been lucky with my D&C's and haven't really had a lot of bleeding, only ever on the day of and day after, then it settled down and I just had lots of brown cm (sorry if tmi).

    As for the TTing.. thanks for asking.. I've just been letting Luke determine what he wants to do and it's really up and down. Overall we've had lots of accidents but since I relaxed about it all, it's been much easier to deal with - LOL. Late last week he turned a big corner though (probably becuase I've been spending a lot more time at home).. and he's pretty much there now!!! The last four or five days have been accident free.. he's even telling me when he needs to go now and just last night he started telling us we weren't allowed in there with him!!!! Soooo funny. Problem is that he doesn't push his willy down enough and sometimes we get a big fountain of wee going everywhere!!!! But at least he's going and doesn't have a problem doing poo on the toilet either so I'm rapped!! It's wonderful. He gets distracted when we're out though and the other day did a poo in his undies at the park... but usually I still put pull ups on him (which is probably why he poo'd, coz he's normally got the pull ups on).. not ready to stop that yet but we'll get there!!

    Must go and keep cleaning, have the MIL coming over tomorrow. Should be good.

    Kel xxx

  11. #11

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    Hi Ladies, i have my internet back.

    Mako: I'm so sorry for your loss

    Not sure what else has been happening i've been trying to keep up on my Blackberry but it doesnt always show me everything that's said in the thread.

  12. #12

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    SPRING _ I have just realised, that we must be the same starting weight cos I too needed to lose 25kg, but I'm still gobsmacked you need to lose 25kg! I honestly, honestly, honestly don't think you need to lose that amount - you won't be visible to the naked eye - but you know yourself better than anybody! Also, WTG on the ticker, you're setting yourself up for success in a really positive way - good on you. As per the Jenny Craig, if it's an extravagance that is going to help make a healthier you, then I don't see how you can put a monetary value on it. I do WW online & I find that keeps me honest, as I religiously log my weight, but I am hit & miss with my points counting, but it is clearly working for me. That's the biggest decision - finding a solution that works for you. I can't wait to start this journey with you. I'll be cheering you on.

    SWEET MAKO _ Thanks for asking, we are jetting outta here on Friday night. I'm ever so excited & have started packing!!! Disneyland look out is all I can say!!!

    AFM _ I'm working, so must pop back on here tomorrow when I'm at home!

    Love to you all!

    Jayne

    PS _ DEB what a hot mama you are being so close to goal!!! Also, I had a little chuckle with the full-circle thingy! LOL

  13. #13

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    Hi folks! I lost the new thread, thought it had been ultra quiet Will try to catch up somewhat. Sorry I am so slack with personals, so so busy.......I really do read and keep up with what you're all at, and quietly cheer, cry and send out virtual hugs to you all as required .

    Big WELCOME HOME today to Lisa and her new little princess

  14. #14

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    Just a flyby, subscribing. Feeling sick at both ends (this bloody getting sick thing never ends for us *sigh*) so Im ditching Uni to sit at home and feel sorry for myself (and do an assignment due tomorrow). Hopefully its just something I ate.

  15. #15

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    Freya - Hope you're feeling better soon And winter's on it's way...awesome time of year for illness Last year wasn't too bad for us but the year before was a SHOCKER.

    Spring/Jayney Jayne/Deb - Well done on all the weight loss stuff. I have to say though I think 25kg is a massive amount for both of you girls and I hope you don't end up looking like lollipops I have managed to lose a few kg (about 4-5kg now I think) but it wasn't really intentional. I have joined the gym but my motivation wasn't to lose weight - I just needed some time for me and something to focus on that was just about ME. Of course I hoped to drop a few kgs along the way so I'm happy that's happening. I have a few weddings coming up and a killer outfit in my wardrobe that I can't wear with a bum this big so I might focus a bit more on what I'm eating in the next few weeks and see if I can drop some more weight. Jayne - I have always had lots of success with WW. Love it. I was going to join online but figured that money could go towards the gym - actually getting out of the house and doing something positive rather than spending more time in front of this damn computer!

    Mako - You are not a failure and this is not your fault. When do you next see Dr S?

    Janie - Great to hear from you. Looking forward to having you around more again when life settles down a bit for you guys.

    Lisa - Thinking of you and hope you are recovering well and settling in with your newest princess

    Lee - Sounds like you are doing it tough. It must be such a difficult situation to be in. I have also had counseling in the past and found it immensely helpful. I hope you find the same. Oh, and given your MIL's latest pearl of wisdom, I'm moving to France so my baby will sleep through the night too!

    As for us, things are OK. My nan hasn't been so good the last week or so. She is losing a lot of weight, generally unwell, in a lot of pain and not eating Things are not as bad yet as they will be, so I am seeing her as much as I can (which is hard with two very busy boys) and trying to enjoy this time with her and also be there to support my mum. Mum has gone home now for a break and will be back the week after Easter.

    DD is doing really well at school and distraught at the thought of the coming school holidays - there were actual tears

    The boys are well but DS2 has still not gone back to the wonderful sleeper he was and I've just accepted that probably won't happen now and am trying to work at improving things. Won't bore you with the details, most of us have been there unfortunately, but last night there was only one wake up so I'm feeling a bit better today after a decent nights sleep. He is cutting another 4 teeth that I can see sitting in the gum, so I think it's going to be an interesting few weeks.

    Better go. Off to a morning tea/playdate/birthday thingo this morning. Starts at 10am but I brought the boy home for a sleep because there's no way he's missing a nap atm.
    Last edited by Willow; March 30th, 2010 at 12:08 PM.

  16. #16

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    MAKO _ Thanks for remembering!! Yep, we jet out of here on Friday night, I can't wait, but after counting up that we have 20 hours of flying time coming up in the next 3 weeks, I kinda lose faith. LOL. We go to Beijing for 8 nights, then over to Hong Kong for 6 nights with 3 of those nights at the Disneyland Resort - so we have lots of flights coming up but lots of fun as well. I'm super-excited that my man flies in tonight as well. Only second time I have seen him this year! The kids don't know, because he won't get in until after midnight, I haven't told them, so tomorrow morning there are going to be squeals of delight! I have started packing & right now am downloading 640 pics from my camera so I can have a clean memory stick. So sorry that you're feeling crap, we are all here for you, so vent away!

    I better get my baby girl to Kindergym!!!

    BBL

    Love Jayne

    PS _ Lisa, can't WAIT to have you back!

  17. #17

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    Evening ladies....

    Just wanted to run something by you all. I could be posting this somewhere else but don't want a whole separate thread about it and I respect your opionons...so now I'm rabitting on and will just get to the point:

    I posted a few weeks ago that I'd made a friend at school, one of the other mums. Was pretty happy about it at the time because I was getting the cold shoulder from everyone else (even the mums we'd been to preschool with for 2 years ) and it's really nice to have someone to chat to every morning and afternoon. She has been to my house once and done some really nice things for us. But I'm finding every now and then a red flag will pop up. She will say things that don't quite sit right with me. For example today... We found out one of the mums at school is pregnant. Lovely. This afternoon at school she said to me "I don't know how she managed to get pregnant. She is SO ugly.' Ultra sensitive topic for me I know...but am I over reacting?? Here's another one...we were walking out the gate and she said to another mum "Hello! I didn't recognise you!" then as we're walking away she mutters to me "I can't believe the way some people let themselves go after having kids".

    Do you agree, that these are just really nasty, mean spirited things to say? Just totally uncalled for??

    My dilemna is this - do I take a massive step back and decide that I don't want this person to become a friend of mine because of a few nasty comments she's made? Or am I over analysing things like I normally do - this is just a mum at school who I chat with in the mornings. She doesn't have to be my bestie iykwim?

    What do you guys think? It's been playing o my mind for a week or so. I guess I'm really thinking about it because we're supposed to be organising some play dates for the girls during the holidays so I kinda want to make up my mind whether or not I should pull back a bit. I can be a bit judgemental and it's something I'm trying to work on so I've lost a bit of perspective on this one
    Last edited by Willow; March 30th, 2010 at 07:34 PM.

  18. #18

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    WILLOW _ Is this school mummy super-hot & super-good looking to be able to pass judgements like that in the first place? I would def be seeing red flags as well, maybe next time she passes a remark about the mother 'letting herself go', you could say something like 'don't we all?' because quite honestly, don't we all? LOL. As with the thing about the mummy getting pregnant & her saying she is too ugly to be having sex, that is just downright rude & I have no comeback for that one. Does V really like the child? Is the child nice? It's a really tough one, like you said, it's just a school friend, she doesn't need to be your next best friend, but if the kids are playing happily & she doesn't give you the red flag ALL the time, I'd probably just roll with it for a while longer. Does this make any sense?

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