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Thread: Breastfeeding de-brief

  1. #1

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    Default Breastfeeding de-brief

    Please, no judgement, I just need to de-brief as I'm feeling very alone right now.



    It's 6.5 months, and Jazz is still breastfed. She's never had formula. She does have solids but mostly its booby or bust.

    And I love it. I do, I love that I can continue to nourish her, she loves it, and it saves a lot of bottle hassles (Preparing, feeding, washing etc). Its just out and on with it, so easy. I demand feed, which I personally think is important so nothing something I am about to stop (ie. I don't think feeding schedules would work for us at all, and I'm not willing to try...).

    But its irritating me.

    Not physically.

    But just the fact that she is attached to me, I feel so... I feel like such an object. Everyone treats me like a pacifier; as soon as Jazz cries they practically drop my top and attach her to my boobs themselves. Jazz wont take expressed milk at all, not in a bottle or a cup, so I feel like I'm just at her beck and call.
    At night I feel like she's ALWAYS attached to me. We co-sleep (ok, sidecar but she ends up in our bed usually anyway) and I would need like a booby-chastidy belt to stop Jazz finding her way to them!

    Every single day I say to Shel "I'm weaning her, she can have formula, I'm so sick of this".

    Shel wont even let me go out for an hour by myself because she's scared of Jazz getting upset because all Shel has ever done was point her at my boobs, so I can't even go anywhere to have time by myself just in case Jazz gets upset.

    Its not even that I want my body back. Its not that I want to separate from her, and I want her to have breast milk. I am so happy that I have been able to do this for her. And I want to keep doing it for her because I can. I don't really want to wean, a lot because it would be impossible, so I'm going to let her wean herself when she is ready.

    I just get so irritated with being 'the boob'. Some days I dread picking her up because its like "oooooh, i smell milk!" and she goes for it. Through my shirt!!!! I can't even cuddle her without her snorting around.

    Please tell me someone has been through this too?

  2. #2

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    Oh hun, I sure have.
    And it's so bloody hard.

    You are doing really well. I gave in, and I didn't want to I had to. Don't feel bad if you have to try to resort to something else. It is mentally debilitating fighting it off.

    Anyway, I know how you feel, I can feel the frustration. You are doing so well darl.

  3. #3

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    It is totally totally normal!

    I dont have a lot of advice, and I'm hoping some other more experienced feeders can help.

    My only suggestion would be to keep persisting with her taking a bottle or cup. Initially I am sure she will continue to protest, but keep trying. I think this will help you have a break.

    Hang in there! You are doing a MARVELLOUS job!!!

  4. #4

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    Yep! BTDT. Weaned then a week later regretted it. How would Shel feel about offering her BB when you aren't there? Might be a bit wierd but that is how male eskimo's settle their bubs when mum is not available.

    I often get the smothered feeling from someone, either DH or the girls, and that is the signal for me to take some time out. If I was closer I would happily look after her for you, and you never know she may decide to take the cup while you aren't there, or she will hold on till you get home.

    Hun. Hang in there, I dont want you to feel the way I did a week after weaning.

  5. #5

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    So so normal Leasha! I've felt like that a bunch of times.

    You really sound like you're doing a fab job, so just try not to put too much pressure on yourself and if you can keep doing it then great but if not that's absolutely fine too! You are a person, not an object so you definitely do need to think about your own feelings too.

  6. #6
    Matryoshka Guest

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    Oh I've just been through this Leash so i totally sympathise. It sucks, it really does, people palm them off because they know the boob will instantly fix everything. And somewhere within all this i totally lost myself, i became a feeding machine, and it played a huge role in my PND.

    The only advice i can give is that you have to try to get that space and time out for yourself, even if it means giving EBM. I will probably get slammed for this - but it won't hurt to let her cry a bit with someone else, and eventually she WILL take ebm from a bottle. As long as she's loved and comforted and offered the ebm she will be fine and take it eventually. Imagine if you had to go in to hospital or something? sometimes you just can't avoid that and it would be good for her if she could take some kind of feed from someone else.

    It's not harsh or cruel - gentle parenting is more than just being gentle with your children - its also about being gentle to yourself. A rested, happy, healthy mother is better than a mother who is stretched to the limits.

    I wish i had done a bit of tough love and added in the odd ebm or formula bottle before my pnd became so severe, because i ended up having to wean. I'm not saying this will happen to you, just sharing my experience of what happens when you lack that space, sense of self and rest.

  7. #7

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    Yep, I think most bfers go through this at some time. Hopefully you can find a solution or make peace with it.
    Will she take a sippy cup at all? DS refused bottles but then we bought him a bright purple sippy cup - he LOVES it.
    I think if boobies are your only "settling weapon" then there may be too much pressure on you soley. Have you talked to Shel about trying other things? When you get into the habit of always "boobing" to settle, it can get to the point where it seems like nothing else will work and you don't want to risk it by trying anythign different. But while Jaz may demand boobies from you, she may be quite happy to have something else - singing/rocking/whatever - from someone else.
    At her age also I guess she may not really need milk feeds quite so often, so you really should be able to take some time out. Why not arrange some time out with friends and leave her with Shel to get on with it. they'll find some other way to settle. (don't mean to sound blase about it, I really have been here and this is what we did with my DH & babysitter...and it worked).

    DS still does constant night feeds some nights and it drives my balmy at times.

  8. #8

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    Oh Leasha I have totally been where you are now. It is totally normally. It's frustrating to feel like you're little more than boobs with a body attached. I went through days- and especially co-sleeping nights- where bub felt permanently attached and it irritated me to end. i wanted my space!! i am, as a general rule, a 'personal space' kind of person and it annoyed me to have to give that up. It began to effect my relationship with dh as well- I'd had enough of someone touching me all day without him doing it too.

    This might not be a popular POV, but I think it is ok to refuse a feed every now and then, if you know they are not hungry and just sucking for comfort, and they don't get distressed. I found the older ds got the more 'distractable' he was and I could take his attention away from the boob with a toy or a book.

    Hang in there hun, this too will pass. You are doing a fantastic job.

  9. #9

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    oh hun I sooooooo remember that feeling

    It DOES get better, so hang in there... youre doing such a great job

  10. #10

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    Oh, Leash, you took the words right out of my mouth....I swear we must live in a parallel universe...I seem to stalk all your threads with "me too" and "same here", LOL.
    I particularly dislike the fact that DH can't get up during the night to Jack cos he can't BF him.Sometimes he only needs a cuddle to go back to sleep, but, you know, he has to work the next day . Jack also refuses to take a bottle, will take a sippy cup with water but not with BM. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped or stuck but when I think of the alternative (weaning) I wouldn't have it any other way.

    As you can see I dont have any advice (once again) but I am here if you need to talk cos I know exactly how you feel!

  11. #11

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    Thanks everyone.

    Same marlene, she will almost drain a sippy cup of water but not EBM it drives me completely batty!! I would love to just go and leave Shel but dealing with her (uh, her meaning SHEL) once I get back would be a nightmare. Which is why I haven't done it. The only time I've had away is for driving lessons, which are NOT my idea of relaxing OR fun! lol

    ARGH! And I want to sleep too. As a side vent. I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. lol

  12. #12

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    That makes me too Marlene, I always feel like I'm saying me too in Leash's posts!!

    I personally think Shel needs a bit of a kick up the bum. She is a parent as well, regardless of her ability to BF or not, so she needs to learn to console Jazz if she gets upset & you're not around. It's not fair for one parent to have to do all the work & not get a break. Yes you BF and that's a great way to calm your daughter down, but Shel should be able to look after her as well.

    If you go out for an hour without Jazz she will survive. Maybe feed Jazz then hand her straight to Shel and head out for a little while. Surely Shel can manage for half an hour (to start with) while you duck off to the shops for a coffee or something, if Jazz has just been fed I'm sure they'd survive for 1/2 an hour

  13. #13

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    I agree.. feed her, hand her over and walk away. No better way for the other half to learn how to parent the baby. Offer some ideas on what to do.. if she's tired, perhaps she can rock her to sleep in the pram, or going for a walk in the garden seemed to work for our kids. Shel's gotta find HER way of settling Jazz.

    It irritated me too when I'd get handed the upset baby to feed, but hey, you have to admit it's pretty special being the only one who can do that

    If you only go out for 1/2 a day or something, she can easily survive on water & solids until you get back, no real need to express or force her to have EBM from a cup or anything if she doesn't want it. It's really just a case of Shel working out ways of distracting/entertaining Jazz and possibly getting her to sleep until you get back. Sounds overwhelming I guess, but really, she just has to get in and do it.. it's not THAT hard.

  14. #14

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    I agree with Sarah . Shel is her mum too and is perfectly capable of soothing her. She just may need a bit of a push to learn this.
    make some nice plans, feed Jazz, hand her over and go out....

    I would like some sleep too.... if there's any going round

  15. #15

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    Oh Leash hun, I know how you feel too!

    When I was feeling like Punky was constantly attached I did just what the girls here have already suggested, I fed her & then left straight away. She suprised me the first time I did it by being a perfect little angel for her Daddy, so perhaps, or probably, Jazz will be the same.

    How is she when you have your driving lesson? To be honest, I have found that when boobie just isn't an option, it isn't an issue. Punky's not after it when I'm not here as she knows there is none to be had.

    I hope Shel steps up & helps you out with this, you need some you time & a bit of a break to recharge your batteries.

    Good luck hun, you are doing such a freaking awesome job. xoxo

  16. #16

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    I know how you feel. Myles is still on the boob and i just want my body back! I wabt to be! And like you I love it also! Sleep pfft its overated as Myles thinks

    I dont have much advice but just do what is right for you and tell Shel she needs to suck it up and let you go out! Jazz may cry but she will be able to amuse her with something! If Myles cries and he is with Geoff I get " can you deal with this"

    Your doing a fabulous job and you should be so proud

  17. #17

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    Leash you're doing so great and it's totally understandable that you feel this way! Just remember that Jazz loves you not because you're "the boob" but because you're her mum! Maybe just after a feed, nip down the shops - tell Shel it's just for ten minutes... and take a little (or maybe a lot) longer to get back... and accidentally forget to take your mobile.... I thought you said at one stage that Shel was planning to take a year off to look after Jazz too? if so she will need to know how to settle her and there's no time like the present to start! Hope you can get some time out

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