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Thread: Feeling so sad for DD..

  1. #1

    Default Feeling so sad for DD..

    I'm sure all mums feel this but its such a sad feeling. Bub #2 is due in 4 months and DD (just turned 2) is starting to get really clingy and I feel so sorry for her. I"m sure that she's feeling insecure about the new baby and doesn't really understand what it means but knows that there are changes happening around her.



    I dropped her off at occasional care this morning for an extra day this week. She normally goes to occasional care for 6 hours every Thurs but the house was absolutely feral this morning and I want to start doing the baby's room tomorrow (currently our extremely messy study) so popped her in for an extra day. She cried the whole way there and then cried when I left (has only just started doing this).

    I have washed 7 loads of washing this morning, another 1 to go and the house is getting there so its been a really good thing for me, but I am feeling guilty about it. Actually, I'm feeling guilty about everything! Poor DD, how is she going to cope with a new baby?

    Just a big sooky boo-hoo from me, but feels good to talk to people who get it.

  2. #2

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    Aww Hun the uncertainty of how that new bubby will fit into your life is so big but they do fit in, the older sibling inevitably falls in love and it does work out I promise! maybe when you do have time with DD you could do some special things with her, take her to a special park or out for a baby cino so she gets that time as well as feeling special?

  3. #3

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    darl, i can assure you its a very normal 2 yr old thing this clingyness, DD is the same and i remember DD1 being the same, dont be hard on yourself ok

  4. #4

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    She will cope wonderfully. Once she see's her little Brother or sister you will know everything will be alright. I think we all have these worries when we are pregnant with #2. There will be good days, great days and then some not so good days and your DD will have to do some adjusting but she will cope, as will you.

  5. #5

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    Changes are so challenging for the little ones. It is so lovely for your DD that you are tuned in to her and her feelings about the momentous event that is unfolding around her.

    My DD1 was about the same age as yours, she was just on 2.5 when DD2 arrived and she became really clingy in the months leading up to the birth. It was exhausting as she had me getting up to her all night. I had to just go with it as I realised she was just needing the extra reassurance that I was going to always be there for her. I stocked up on lots of books about siblings and used them a lot as we got closer to the date.

    The best thing though, and something for you to keep in mind as you feel guilty is that the older sibling, more often than not, love, love, love their new sister or brother. The look on DD1's face when she met DD2, the sighs, coos and arms outstretched that she automatically came up with when she met her *swoon*. It still makes my heart sing to think of it. DD1 just LOVED having her sister around. She would constantly want to cuddle her, want to protect her etc. In all honesty, the time before DD2 was born was the worst. By the time she arrived, DD1 settled beautifully into the new situation. We often talk about how lucky we are to have DD2 choose to come to live with us and she agrees wholeheartedly!

    Also, promise yourself you will make one on one dates with your DD when things settle down with your newborn. I love investing in this and having special time with DD1.

    BTW, how are your birth preparations going?? I have been thinking of you and your VBAC!

  6. #6

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    Big I felt like this a lot when I was pregnant and have a few threads about it.

    But now I know there was nothing to worry about. It all worked out!! DD loves her little sister and isn't jealous at all!!

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    I remember sitting on the bed in hospital after having DD2 and in toddled DD1 she was only 17months old and I burst into tears I felt guilty that Id taken her babyness away from her...

    Now I sit for hours and watch them play and be silly and fight DD1 gets things when DD2 is sad or DD1 tells us off if we tell DD2 no

    I didnt take anything away from her...I gave her something she will cherish forever....a little sister

    you'll be kicking back soon watching your kids together wondering what all the fuss was about

  8. #8

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    Thanks girls!

    DD has been waking up heaps at night too, and wanting to sleep in 'mummy's bed'. I don't have a problem with this when she hops in and goes to sleep, but it takes an hour of wriggling, wanting to be patted, dictating where everyone has to sleep (generally her with most of the bed and me squished up against the side and mostly back in her bed after spending 2 hours wriggling when DH is home and we kick her out!). I know she's making sure I'm still around and that she's still important and I'm happy to have her in bed, but I wish she would sleep.

    I know we'll all be ok, we have to be. This baby is coming whether DD wants it or not! Just hope, fingers crossed, that its smooth for her.

    Thanks for asking about my VBAC JackRose, I've booked in with my Ob from DD and happy with that, but have booked a very experienced doula and am determined to get my VBAC! My ob is one of the good guys when it comes to vbac-ing and has a really good reputation for it. We have discussed it, and he is very play it by ear. Has only said that he wont induce as that 'adds layers of complexity to the situation'. I'm happy with that. With DD I saw him at 41+1 and he made absolutely no mention of induction if baby didn't come, he just said 'see you next week at normal appointment, if I don't see you before then' so I feel comfortable about him. And he certainly didn't push me into c/s, he gave me 4 more hours and my support team bailed on me...And he has made comments about the things that you can control are staying active in labour & what pain relief you choose (ie, not having epidural) to help yourself get a vbac so he seems pretty open to everything. I'm staying really fit too, figure that's got to be a plus, so doing everything I can do to get this vbac thing happening!

    Better get back into the cleaning, otherwise I feel like DD is in purgatory for nothing! (not really, occ. care is lovely, and she generally loves it, but she just wasn't keen on being there today..)

  9. #9

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    Totally understand how you're feeling hun I'm like Heaven, in that my DD1 loves her little sister to bits and isn't jealous of her at all, but DD2 is very demanding which means that DD1 is left to entertain herself sometimes, which breaks my heart as she was so used to having me do everything with her - she isn't upset or anything and will happily play with her dolls, cars and teasets on her own, but i feel guilty as i can't spend as much time with her as i used to, so its more a mummy issue than an issue for my DD1!!

  10. #10

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    Awww hun, DD never really cared to much when DS came on his way, but this time around I've noticed DS is probably experiencing similar to your DD, and it is heart breaking isn't it?

    I wish I had some advice. There is a book called 'there is a baby inside my mummy's tummy' that DD has 'mastered' lol, and its a bit too old for DS just yet, and he just doesn't have the attention span for that topic lol, typical boy! Can I send it to you hun? PM me your address :-)

  11. #11

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    Thanks Leesa, you are a gorgeous girl! But I have ordered it at the library and its just waiting for me to pick it up. I have heard its pretty good to help kids understand the whole new baby thing. We'll see...

    Hugs to your DS, my heart is breaking for both our littlies.

  12. #12

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    Yes, I wonder how they'll adapt, our babies are going to be 'big brother and big sister' soon!

    Lots of cuddles to Miss A xoxox

  13. #13

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    Have you read this??

    Loving Two

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
    Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
    I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
    You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
    But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
    But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
    More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
    I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
    I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
    And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
    I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. Author Unknown

  14. #14

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    Winter.... I know how you feel every day I think about how it soon won't be just me and DD anymore and I feel sad then I think about how wonderful it will be that she'll have her baby brother or sister to get to know and how amazing it will be once we adjust to it all!!

    Heaven, that's awesome - I've printed that out and it's near my desk to read whenever I feel a bit sad about the changes about to happen for DD!!

  15. #15

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    wow i love this going to print it out. Your post is exactly how i feel for my DD as well

  16. #16

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    I was feeling for my DD2 just today as well. She too just turned 2 and is very needy at the moment, maybe it's the age but maybe as you say she's sensing the new baby. Either way I was feeling sad for her, wondering if, as the middle child she ever really gets enough of me, i do try, but she never has me to herself really. I wonder if i will manage to give all 3 of them all equal time and love. Only that first child really gets undivided attention from Mum and Dad. How special to be first born! But then i look at my two beautiful DD's playing, or singing each other to sleep as they did tonight and my heart melts. Maybe i can't physically give DD2 the one on one time that DD1 got, but the extra love she gets from her sister more than makes up for it i think. It is so special.

    On a side note. My DD's are a nightmare to sleep with too. I've been sleeping with DD1 because she's been sick and i don't get much sleeping done! i feel your pain.

  17. #17

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    Oh Heaven, that has made me cry! Thanks for sharing it with us.

  18. #18

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    Aw, I know, it seems too sad, but soon she'll have a little brother that she absolutely adores and he will love her to bits!

    That's beautiful Heaven, so true

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