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Thread: How i have managed to royally screw up motherhood

  1. #1

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    Unhappy How i have managed to royally screw up motherhood

    i have posted in the past hoping for a smidge of reassurance or maybe guidance i'm not quite sure why but here goes again i am truly nearly at my wits end i don't know how to fix what i have helped create i have a 15 year DD who thinks that she is 18 and speaks to me like i am dirt apon her feet yet not her father i have a 12 year that has anger issues and it feels like living in the swirling pits of hell and i have a almost 4 year old who was the sweetest little boy until 6 months ago now he won't sleep in his bed we have had one night in 6 months of unbroken sleep he wakes up screaming to come to our bed his overall behavour is absolutley disgusting and is becoming down right naughty and distructive he has been going to day care since he was a baby yet he crys every single day when you drop him off that i nearly got used too but now he has resorted to punching the day care staff as they try to console him i am so embarassed we don't hit in our house as a general rule though the 12 year old and and the 4 year old have altercations daily lately and i can't seem to get it through the bigger ones head that every thing he does and says at the moment is being absorbed the 4year old has been swearing throwing things and thats all if you don't get him what he wants straight away it is a 1000 times worse if you put him in time out or take some thing from him as punishment ...... i know this is all over the place but if you got this far well done any advice greatly appreciated i'm actully dreading going to pick him today i feel broken and extremely sad for feeling this way in the first place


  2. #2

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    I dont have any advice but I hope that some one here in BB land has some.

    Kate

  3. #3

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    You sound so overwhelmed.
    I won't pretend I have answers - I only have a nearly 2 year old - but, do you have time for some reading?
    One thing that comes to mind is PET - at its heart is better, more open communication within families. (some PET articles from Kelly in here)
    One book I read that was very interesting (and in a similiar vein) was "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk"

    But... I'm guessing you probably don't have a lot of time to curl up with a book. For what it's worth, I don't think you've screwed up, I think you're just in a difficult place right now. Hopefully something will change that.

  4. #4

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    Big - you sound totally and utterly overwhelmed.

    I have had my overwhelmed moments too - over much less - and I got support through a professional parenting program. One was run by the local govt & was fantastic - a support worker came out to our house, and worked with my child one-on-one. The other one was a class run thru a commonwealth parenting centre, and this one I dragged my DH along to - they taught positive parenting strategies & lots of tips to keep one step ahead of your kids. Maybe you would find something like that useful. What area are you in?

  5. #5

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    hunni I am so sorry you are having a really hard time at mothering atm

    You are fantastic you are just going through a shocker of a time right now. I thnk I would take Marydeans advice, nothing to lose, right?

    If its any consolation, Archie has had quite shocking behaviour for the last few months too, maybe that is an age thing? Wouldnt help Ryan having the teenagers around with their attitudes and moodiness either I guess.

    Hun please go easy on yourself, you are a great mum, thats why you are hear trying to improve things xx

  6. #6

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    Hi Shazz to you.

    I read somewhere once about 'problematic communication' which is where you have a circular repetitive dialogue with someone you are close to - this communication always goes in circles and ends up in the same mess each time. This is becasue a particular thing or way you say things sparks of a reaction in the other person (and vice versa), which therefore sparks off more of the same comments from you and so it goes on. The first step is recognising that it is a two way street, and blaming yourself is pointless. You have your hands full and you are doing a great job.

    The trick is breaking this cycle of communication. One of you has to do something different to therefore change the way the other person responds.

    If that makes any sense (feel like I'm waffling). What I really mean to say is that one of the courses the PP have mentioned would be ideal.

    Remember, it is not like you have failed and need to 'learn' how to parent, it is just that we ALL get stuck in ruts and do the same things over and over out of frustration knowing full well that it won't work!

    You can definitely make your situation better, hang in there

  7. #7

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    You haven't it just feels like it. Seriously, there are challenges that sometimes feel overwhelming for everyone. I dread the thought of teenagers as I am struggling with Miss 3.5 going on 13. We have had similiar issues with her behaviour as she is outright defiant, clearly misbehaving and hitting etc when she knows it is not on. She also crys etc at childcare and is having issues sleeping (she has never been great). I wonder if there is a stage/adjustment they go through at this age? It seems to be a very common comment amongst my MG.
    I had a big bawl at DH a few weeks ago as it was all getting too much, so you are not on your own.
    I did some reading and found some alternative options that seem to have helped in regards to DD1. But most of all I have cut myself some slack. Trying really hard to acknowledge what is working and be a little kinder to myself. Also trying to be more consistent/calm rather than as reactive (I was letting the sleep deprivation etc really wind me up). Not much help really am I!
    Hang in there - your 'job' is to be tested and challenged and put up the boundaries and rules for your kids. It is a pretty thankless task and often takes some time to see the goods! xxxx

  8. #8

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    Thanks Ladies i feel so better from your responses and reading a few links (thanks marcellus )
    xox

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