i feel like i am being manipulated what would u do?

[bubno.3]

If this is in the wrong spot please move it....

I have 3 kids with 2 dads.... I was married to one of the dads (we had the two youngest)

My ex husband very quickly re 'defacto'd' after i left and the women brought a 10 yr old into my two boys life... 12 months on and behaviour from my 4 yr old was getting very violent and i was thinking he had something majorily wrong psychologically..... anyway it was brought to my attentention from my ex that the new womens child has severe behavoural and psych problems...my ex wanted to swap the 50 50 weeks around as then all the kids wouldbt be together etc etc.... i have another child whos father doesnt co operate much anyway and i happened to take him to court for a court order for every second weekend school holidday and easter etc.....

When i heard about what happened to my two little ones on xmas day night i was adament and said move the weeks as im sure one single bloke could and would agree to re arrange the weekednds if i explain.... mmmm NOT happening at all...

i was told today by my 12 yr old gma .. obviously your ex husband didnt think about the up heaval of 3 kids and he expected you to 'ignore' your court oders but his new women son got no reprimand and the court order they have on him wasnt altered or questioned....

I said yes i agree

Now did i do the right or wrong thing here...... the ten yr boy has severe behaviour problems and since the moving the weeks and my ds doesnt see the 10 yr old the behaviour of mine has turned around bigtime.... so why do i feel like the biggest ***** or record atm....


ps it means for the time being i have two little boys one weekend and the 12 yr the other ...and it used to be all in sinc

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't see what the problem is. There was one, with this other child and his behaviour, but now your children don't see the other child and are behaving normally again. I would maybe consider getting some sort of written agreement (court backed if needed) that these children do not see each other until the other child has had counselling or something to sort out his issues. I would ensure his issues are highlighted to some relevant authority as it isn't fun being a 10-year-old with problems.

You have your 3 children Mon-Fri (I believe, do correct me if I'm wrong), then weekends is one-on-one time with your eldest or time for you to focus just on your younger boys. Your children see each other a lot in the week, and get some extra time just with you on the weekends. How is that a bad thing if you look at it and pitch it like that?

[bubno.3]

my 'issue' was the fact that the three boys wouldnt be with me on the same weekend...therefore i didnt have a free weekend to work or play.

My other issue was that the oldest plays sport ever weekend so there for fo his dad to agree to swap the weekends around would be a no brainer.....

BUT im also thinking you know what i can handle 2 -3 -6 months worth of no weekends to get the other child sorted in the other household..... i will be attending a child psych next wed with my ex husband .....

[*Efjay*]

I have agree that the dad to your older boy doesn't have to agree. I might suck not having those free weekends but he may also have other commitments that you dont know about?

[bubno.3]

i hear you and i agree with you .... i did have my 'blinkers' on as i was protecting the youngest two and just assumed the oldes childs dad would get it ....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Wow, child free weekends? I didn't think of that one, I figured you wanted the children to all be around at the same time, family dynamic wise. I'd be gutted if I lost child-free weekends too, they sound like bliss.

[bubno.3]

yes for the last 12 months or so it was the same weekend i had all my children all together and all children gone ...

[bubno.3]

i dont know what this post was in the first place obvioulsy a vent a whinge and whatever...

Yes im annoyed that my weekends are screwed up but then again my oldest has lots of friends and some of the parents do help me out alot...so if need be and if i give them enough time i will still get some weekends for me .....

Im more frustrated that this father yet again isnt thinking outside the square (as he hasnt ever so why start now )...

Im also frustated that i was told today that 'my ex husband only thought of himself and stuff the rest of us' um he didnt and i didnt either i reacted to an emergency in the environment for our little two hense why i changes the weeks around in a split second....

Dont mind me im really venting here.... it just seems sometimes your damned if you do and damned if you dont.

[Catastrophic]

I think the 12 yo's father has every right not to swap weekends just because your scenario has changed... Yes you did the right thing by swapping the weekend with your ex to solve the problem but the other one shouldn't have to cater for it...

[bubno.3]

yes i know so thats when i rememebered when the other little boy (with the issues) has been dealt with ... then we could re introduce the children and go back or whatever ........