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Thread: I want to cry

  1. #1

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    Default I want to cry

    In fact, I did on the way home today.

    DS (6) is horrible. I love him to bits. I was so excited that school holidays were coming and now I'm finding myself dreading that I took them off to spend extra time with him because he is so horrible. His attitude, in short, stinks. He doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself. I'm fairly sure its an age thing, but so help us if its not.

    Its at the point that I dont want to take him into town with me any more because of his terrible attitude and performances. I don't generally give in and get him what he wants but it doesn't matter, he doesn't care anyway.

    I was recently quite unwell, so had a family member come watch him while I slept, I don't know why I bothered and he wouldn't listen to them. He just kept on being horrible. I initially called on them to help as I had tried sleeping while he was with me and he would constantly push me and wake me up knowing full well that I was sick and needed sleep. They have actually said to me that they don't really want to watch him any more because of it.

    I've failed, my child is a brat and I don't know what I did or how to overcome this.

    Time out doesn't work, he doesnt care. Taking away rewards, games and things also doesn't work he doesnt care. And counting, well that's just a couple more free hits before time out any way right? *sigh* There is no point smacking him, I don't even know if there is a point to talking things through with him. I broke down today and made us both cry, he stopped everything immediately, was a lovely caring polite boy that I once knew, ten minutes later back to his old self.

    I think he also may be having issues with friends at school because of this too by a few things he has said where people no longer wish to play with him any more.



    What did I do to make him like this? He is not particularly fun to be around. :'(

  2. #2

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Just offering some sympathy..

    Not sure if it helps, but I think it is an age thing.. I have just posted on fb about attitude these holidays 1st real day, and that I am learning to ignore and pick my battles, otherwise I am sure I would be feeling the exact way you are regarding not enjoying it.

  3. #3

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Please don't be too hard on yourself. I have two boys, aged 6 and 7 - they are like chalk and cheese. They have been raised pretty much the same way, there is only 11.5 months between them so I don't believe my parenting style would have changed too dramatically. If I had answers, I'd willingly share them. We've been to the GP a few times, and we're currently seeking help through the school psychologist.

  4. #4

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    My boy is like this at the moment. Similar age. I have cried in front of the kids several days running now. He is just so nasty to everyone! I understand we have had a big move and he is trying to find his balance, but it is making life just plain horrible. I am dreading the school holidays. And what is worse is that the younger two girls are exposed to him all the time and are copying his behaviour when I am trying so hard to teach them to resolve issues by talking and compromise and there he is throwing a whopper tantrum at the drop of a hat! Sorry for the hijack. I want my nice boy back

    Have you tried active listening? It helped us quite a bit and let him talk about what was actually making him feel bad, but then we hit a wall because he won't even acknowledge his behaviour isn't that great and he just blames everyone else instead. It may help you out a bit though - it is quite amazing how much they will talk if you are listening the right way.

    I hope it gets better soon for you
    xx

  5. #5

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    Default Re: I want to cry


  6. #6

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Hug. I wonder what he needs right now? Is he actually seeking closeness and connection with you or is he expressing some other need?
    Could he be being bullied?

  7. #7

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    Default Re: I want to cry


    I think we all have times like this. Hope things improve for you and your DS soon!

  8. #8

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Please read the Fed Up website. Many food chemicals, both added and natural, can trigger behaviour like you describe. The website will help you understand the process of finding out which ones are affecting your child .

  9. #9

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    I think 6 is a particularly crap time, going by lots of other mums I know.

    At times like this I try and take myself out of the situation and acknowledge they are going through something. Yes it is impacting you all, but he is clearly struggling with something. Lower expectations and hold him closer. Treat him as you would a child of a younger age. Really lower those expectations around everything and then praise him for any progress. You might want to consider curling up next to him while he is sleeping just to reignite some of those love hormones between you.

    Hang in there.

  10. #10

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    I am sorry to hear things are not fun.
    Here are a couple of things parents I know have found work
    Get a card of stickers, and every time your DS does something good give him or a special chart a sticker. Even little stuff like smiling at a sibling, following a simple direction you give etc.
    The aim is not to reward the child but to get rid of your stickers in as short a time as possible. The first time it may take all day but if you try it a few times you'll get better at finding the positives.
    This sort of turns the table on bad behaviour. It makes you look t the good things about your kid and if you explain your challenge you might even find your DS trying to help you get ride of your stickers......

    The other idea is set an alarm to go off every 15 mins to 1/2 hr. Each time it bips you HAVE to write down a good thing your DS has done in that time. Even if all you can think of is "he didn't yell" or "He refrained from leaping on furniture". At the end of the day or even by lunch time read him all the good things you wrote ........
    This can also help turn the tables and start to focus on the positive....
    Good luck and I hope things improve

  11. #11

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Sounds the same as my ds - he is 7.

    The only time he is happy at home is if things are going his way. Or he is playing computer games. The moment we tell him to stop, he is chucking a hissy fit and then going and antagonising his sisters. But he is an angel at everyone else's place!

    He told us last night that he didn't want to live here any more because of his sisters and he hates them. Its a jealousy thing here for him though, he has to share us with 4 others and hates it. Too bad for him I suppose, we can't do much about his siblings because I'd rather he live somewhere else than the other kids to be honest lol

    so you are definitely not alone in this xx

  12. #12

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Thanks for the ideas Kateo - we're having similar "fun" with DS1 at the moment and your ideas look like they could help turn things around a bit.

  13. #13

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    OMG Arimeh, that is exactly us atm!! He is just so horrible to his sisters and when we problem solve what is bothering him is only answer is to send them away.

    That said, last night he had a complete turn around and has been 95% back to his old self today. I have no idea why and I suspect it won't last but far out it is so nice to have him speak to me normally instead of yelling and ranting everything. He even joined in a sing along with the girls and I tonight - turns out he secretly knows all the words to 'Let it go' lmao.

  14. #14

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    Wow! Thank you for all the replies

    Artechim - talking is one of our issues in that he never stops talking. Ever. He even talks in his sleep. I'm happy to listen to what he has to say but sometimes (like when I'm on the phone or talking to someone else) he needs to be polite. Ha. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? I've tried talking it out with him but we always come back to the 'I won't do it again' and 'I don't know' as to why he is doing it. It stops for a short while and then back to it.

    FL - I don't know. If I knew I would aim to solve it in a heart beat for him but this has been getting progressively worse. I don't believe he is being bullied, but I do think some of his friends have called him on his atrocious behaviour too. He tells me that he cries at school because he misses me, yet, he has my full undivided attention these holidays and if anything, he is much worse.

    Pholi - thanks for the suggestion, I've only had a quick look online as the book is out at the library (which I'll have a proper look at), but it looks to be quite difficult if you have other dietary restrictions

    Arcadia - thank you I think I will do that tonight

    Kateo - I didnt get the stickers but my Lord did I praise him today. I made sure I really focused in on his good behaviours, even if they were hard to find at some stages. We had a huge chat this morning about everything and laid down some basic expectations (like please and thank you!) and I made a real effort today to praise him over and over for the little things, even if he wasn't doing the big things. I also made a point of 'shaking our sillies out' before we went into the store to get the milk. Best shop in years!

    Arimeh - I hope it passes soon for everyone.

  15. #15

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    I hope the praise works. If you try that for a whole week, just finding anything good then the next week decide with him on a few really important things and praise those.
    Good luck. It's so hard to change behaviours and it's so hard to stick to a new system.
    You will have ups and downs. Another thing that is great to do is to give the overall day a score out of ten and write it down. You might get the odd 3 or 4 day but if you stick to your guns you'll notice a general upward slide into 8's 9's and 10's. You can even ask DS to score his behaviour for that day. Once you've got the praise thing going on try this after a week or so.......
    Good luck.

  16. #16

    Default Re: I want to cry

    It's just brutal when they are being unrelentingly awful.

    In the short term I find that taking the whole show outdoors can help. Not to the shops but to a park or for a swim or a bush walk. It gives me some breathing space and the ratty one something else to focus on.

    DS2 was so awful last year after we moved that we ended up going to a pediatrician and a psychologist. It has helped so much.

  17. #17

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    Default Re: I want to cry

    I just wanted to add that it's not you. There is something going on with your kid. He's that lovely, wonderful boy, but there's something (or things) happening that he doesn't know how to deal with.
    My son is like this too. We've also sought professional advice. He's been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum and sensory processing disorder... he's seeing a pych for anxiety. We are making progress. He's slowly learning to self manage, and though he still gets angry and violent, it is getting a bit better overall.
    Getting out of the rut - go outside, add water, something different - does help in the moment. We can easily get stuck in the habit of fighting with our kids. It is hard, though, when they are so unrelenting like this.

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