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Thread: I've lost patience.

  1. #1

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    Angry I've lost patience.

    Yup its gone. Flown the coop.

    Its fair to say that I hate my DD1's behaviour. For the last few months it has gone from bad to worse. The hitting, the complete viciousness towards her siblings - and I'm over it. All she does all day is make the other two kids suffer because she is a bully. And I'm over it, over consoling either the 3 year old or the 1 year old because their sister is mean. Even DS asked the other day why his sister is so mean to him - how the hell do you answer that?



    For the third time now, she is currently locked outside with the dog. Its either that or flog the crap outta her (which I definitely don't want to do) but I am so ANGRY with her. I'm sick of her hitting her sister - for no reason. I'm sick of her lying on top of her sister and listening to her scream until I come over and yank her off her - she won't get off no matter how many times I tell her to, I actually have to go and physically get her off DD2. Every time I turn my back, she's laying into the other two, hitting, pinching - you name it she does it.

    And I'm over it. I have no idea how to handle the situation bar put her up for adoption because I don't like her anymore I'm sick of her making my days hell because she's so cruel to others.

  2. #2

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    Hugs Hun that sounds awful I've had a gutful of jamies behavior at the moment but at least he's not being violent hope u can find a way to get her to stop

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    oh my gosh, Mel - I don't know what to say ...

    I've got no idea how you're managing to cope, and I'm not surprised you're losing patience!!

    Particularly with 2 other tinks to look after, and being 6 months preggers to boot ...

    I wish I could give you some advice, or even a hug in real life ...

    Is there anyone at all you can get to take either your DD1 or your other two off your hands for a bit, so you can get some quality one-on-one attention with the others? Or even (heaven forbid ...) to lie down by yourself somewhere sunny and read/listen to music/ scream for a wee while ... ?

    It probably sounds a bit trite, but I truly hope your DD1 grows/snaps out of this stage soon (like, at 2.30pm today) and starts being a help around the house, and the great big sister you'd like her to be ...


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    Oh hugs, Mel.
    I know the feeling. DS1 was like that with DS2, just so rough all the time and it felt like all I was ever doing was breaking up fights. He would shove other kids for no apparent reason too, but mostly his brother. Do other people look at you like you should be doing something about it? I really hated the looks like I could somehow fix my son who just seemed to want to hurt his little brother at every opportunity, that I was being a terrible parent for letting it happen. I smacked, I gave countless time outs, I spoke to him in a rational manner, as did everyone else I know, but it didn't make a scrap of difference.
    It isn't your fault. She will grow out of it and you will start to like her again, but it could be a while. I am not really sure when the violence stopped, but it did, and now they get along really well (most of the time). Good luck trying not to strangle her or give her away.

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    Hugs. I know these days. We had one on Friday!

    It's good that you took charge and put her outside. She needs to know your limits and what you will not put up with.

    They really try to test us don't they?!?

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    I'm hearing ya Mel! DD is driving me nutty atm but at least she doesn't have anyone to beat up! My friend you are either a saint or crazy, or perhaps a bit of both.

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    Big hugs you poor thing .

    What is it about the second child??? My DS2 sounds very similar to your DD1! He is so MEAN sometimes. As soon as I'm out of the room he's hurting DD or snatching something from her. He can be so mean to his big brother too. Last night DS1 made a tower out of blocks, held it up and said "Look Mum..", before he could finish his sentence, DS2 ran straight past him and knocked it out of his hands making it fall apart all over the floor. When I told him off, all he did was SMILE! Grrrrrrr.....

    I don't have anything to offer but sympathy .

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    Mel

    I can totally relate to losing patience and most things you have written about your situation except my patience has been lost over DS (he is always pushing DD2 over, throws a tantrum about just about anything). I feel like I could tear my hair out.

    I don't have any advice for you but please know you are not alone

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    Oh hun, big hugs

    I've got an almost 2yo who is physical with other kids and it often almost reduces me to tears... I cannot imagine the gibbering mess I would be if she were hurting her brother like that... Your poor DS, asking why she's mean to him...

    I can't remember how old she is - but have you tried asking her why she is doing it? Her answer may surprise you...

    Another suggestion - call your community health service (you must have one) and ask if they have a parenting support worker. We have one in my council who does home visits - sounds like it might be time to reach out and get some help on this one.

    More big hugs to you. At least she is outside where she can't hurt anyone and you can calm down a bit.

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    That must be so hard to deal with when you have 2 other kids to look after too, and being pregnant! How exhausting

    Is she bored? I know my DD gets into mischief if she is not kept entertained with something to do constantly!! LOL!! Can you get out the paints outside for her to paint all over herself with instead of hitting her siblings?

    Does she need more one-on-one time with Mum? Sounds like she's got some attention seeking behaviours there and maybe she just needs that extra time with Mum some days?

    Have you used consequences on her? I find consequences with my DD really helps if she's doing something that is not desirable..... like I will take away her favourite doll that she's been playing with or take off her amber necklace and she HATES that.

    Good luck chick you're doing a great job

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    Hugs hun i hope her behaviour improves soon. DS1 behaviour can be bad, he sits or lies on DS2 takes things off him etc.

    I am here if you want to *****, talk, cry etc.

    xoxo

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    Oh big Mel, I don't have any suggestions as I haven't been there...yet! I hope she grows out of it soon!!

  13. #13

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    Mel. I don't have any advice but I feel for you. DS has started hitting, biting & kicking and I don't know what to do about it either. DH's solution is to shut him in the laundry but I don't think it works. I think he does it in frustration and that only makes it worse IYKWIM. If you find a solution - please share In the meantime here's another . Here's hoping the phase passes quickly.

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    I know this isn't actually advice or anything, but maybe she's jealous? A is a big boy, old enought o be of help to you whne you need it, and E is a baby, need ing help and your attention, but she's in the middle, not quite big enough to do it herself or really be helpful (just a pita, I know I have one of those too!) but also not so small she really needs your help all the time like E does. So to get more attention she's doing naughty things cause she doesn't know how else to do it, kwim?
    If it helps any, my kids are getting really rough and physical with each other too. Generally I send them to their room, or tell them to sort it out! I'm over running to them to help when they're just egging eachother on to do dumb things that gets the other one hurt. Though for you with E, she's too little to do that with. Sorry babe, no ideas. But will a do?

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    Quote Originally Posted by *TripleJ* View Post
    Hugs Hun that sounds awful I've had a gutful of jamies behavior at the moment but at least he's not being violent hope u can find a way to get her to stop
    Yeah I hope so too

    Quote Originally Posted by peanutter View Post
    Is there anyone at all you can get to take either your DD1 or your other two off your hands for a bit, so you can get some quality one-on-one attention with the others? Or even (heaven forbid ...) to lie down by yourself somewhere sunny and read/listen to music/ scream for a wee while ... ?
    DS goes to daycare on a wed and fri and DD1 goes on a friday. So thats my peaceful day.

    Quote Originally Posted by berrme View Post
    I know the feeling. DS1 was like that with DS2, just so rough all the time and it felt like all I was ever doing was breaking up fights. He would shove other kids for no apparent reason too, but mostly his brother. Do other people look at you like you should be doing something about it? I really hated the looks like I could somehow fix my son who just seemed to want to hurt his little brother at every opportunity, that I was being a terrible parent for letting it happen. I smacked, I gave countless time outs, I spoke to him in a rational manner, as did everyone else I know, but it didn't make a scrap of difference.
    It isn't your fault. She will grow out of it and you will start to like her again, but it could be a while. I am not really sure when the violence stopped, but it did, and now they get along really well (most of the time). Good luck trying not to strangle her or give her away.
    She doesn't seem to do it to others - just her siblings

    Quote Originally Posted by hipmummy View Post
    They really try to test us don't they?!?
    Yes. Yes they most certainly do!

    Quote Originally Posted by thepixie View Post
    I'm hearing ya Mel! DD is driving me nutty atm but at least she doesn't have anyone to beat up! My friend you are either a saint or crazy, or perhaps a bit of both.
    Dunno bout the saint part - but the crazy is true.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~Trish~ View Post
    What is it about the second child??? My DS2 sounds very similar to your DD1! He is so MEAN sometimes. As soon as I'm out of the room he's hurting DD or snatching something from her. He can be so mean to his big brother too. Last night DS1 made a tower out of blocks, held it up and said "Look Mum..", before he could finish his sentence, DS2 ran straight past him and knocked it out of his hands making it fall apart all over the floor. When I told him off, all he did was SMILE! Grrrrrrr.....
    Urgh that sounds exactly like DD1... sooo frustrating. Must be a second child thing cos my sister was really mean to me, and DH's sister was really mean to him!

    Quote Originally Posted by Just Me View Post
    I can totally relate to losing patience and most things you have written about your situation except my patience has been lost over DS (he is always pushing DD2 over, throws a tantrum about just about anything). I feel like I could tear my hair out.

    I don't have any advice for you but please know you are not alone
    Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by OceanPrincess View Post
    I can't remember how old she is - but have you tried asking her why she is doing it? Her answer may surprise you...

    Another suggestion - call your community health service (you must have one) and ask if they have a parenting support worker. We have one in my council who does home visits - sounds like it might be time to reach out and get some help on this one.

    More big hugs to you. At least she is outside where she can't hurt anyone and you can calm down a bit.
    She is 2. She wouldn't understand enough to give me an answer if I asked her I don't think. She has a pretty good vocab but not really good with expressing her feelings yet. I'm not sure about the parenting worker - might have to look around a bit. And yes, the only person she can hurt outside is our dog, and she trashes everything out there, but I don't care, cos at least its not her siblings.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shanti View Post
    Is she bored? I know my DD gets into mischief if she is not kept entertained with something to do constantly!! LOL!! Can you get out the paints outside for her to paint all over herself with instead of hitting her siblings?

    Does she need more one-on-one time with Mum? Sounds like she's got some attention seeking behaviours there and maybe she just needs that extra time with Mum some days?
    one on one time? Hmm.. hard with the other two, but we do the best we can here. She gets my attention on a wednesday when DD2 is sleeping and DS is at daycare. I put her to bed every night now by sitting next to her bed and stroking her hair - never had to do that before, but we've started doing it now in the hope it would help - it hasn't. DH feeds her her dinner every night because she refuses to eat unless its fed to her - never had to do that before, she always fed herself. We don't even do these things for DD1 - so she does get special attention (as much as we can give, we're only human after all).

    Quote Originally Posted by feeb View Post
    Hugs hun i hope her behaviour improves soon. DS1 behaviour can be bad, he sits or lies on DS2 takes things off him etc.

    I am here if you want to *****, talk, cry etc.

    xoxo
    Thanks mate

    Quote Originally Posted by Heaven View Post
    Oh big Mel, I don't have any suggestions as I haven't been there...yet! I hope she grows out of it soon!!
    Same here, or else she may not survive till 3!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rowellen View Post
    Mel. I don't have any advice but I feel for you. DS has started hitting, biting & kicking and I don't know what to do about it either. DH's solution is to shut him in the laundry but I don't think it works. I think he does it in frustration and that only makes it worse IYKWIM. If you find a solution - please share In the meantime here's another . Here's hoping the phase passes quickly.
    We used to put her in the corner for time out - did nothing. We put her in her bedroom - did nothing, she played with her toys quite happily. So now she has to go outside because if she can't play nicely, then she can't play with us at all - thats the rule.

    Thanks guys, I've calmed down a bit, and will probably get her inside now - a brief shower went through just before so she got a bit rained on... lol

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    I hope my comments didn't upset you Mel, was just trying to offer suggestions and support. I know you do the best you can by all of your kids, I can only imagine how much work it all is. I'm exhausted with just one toddler and being pregnant!
    Sounds like you are giving your DD plenty of one-on-one time....so it mustn't be that then.

  17. #17

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    has she ever had a hearing test????? or ears checked for fluid/glue ear??

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arimeh's Eden View Post
    one on one time? Hmm.. hard with the other two, but we do the best we can here. She gets my attention on a wednesday when DD2 is sleeping and DS is at daycare. I put her to bed every night now by sitting next to her bed and stroking her hair - never had to do that before, but we've started doing it now in the hope it would help - it hasn't. DH feeds her her dinner every night because she refuses to eat unless its fed to her - never had to do that before, she always fed herself. We don't even do these things for DD1 - so she does get special attention (as much as we can give, we're only human after all).


    Def sounds like attention seeking in my humble opinion babe.... and its SO hard to address with other little ones, trust me....

    Would she understand an "allocated" time? You can put a sticker on the clock at say 12pm, and tell her when the hands get there, she can pick what to do with mummy.. (doesnt matter if DS is there, but bub should b ein bed, and its her choice what you do) or pick a job, packing up, then its her turn to choose.. even pulling out paint and playdough, and saying "Your big now, you choose!"

    It got so hard with mine I started to throw their toys out... if they done something they had just been told NOT to do, i would throw out a fave toy.. tears and tantrums, but when i threatrened it again, they knew I meant it, and they'd straighten up quick smart!!

    Even just calling her a "big girl" can make a massive difference (sometimes!), and giving her a "job" when she looks bored.. even whispering that she is very big now, and ds1 cant do it, so can she please wipe the toilet.. give her a wet cloth and let her go... playing little games like this can distract from the nasty behaviour.. (again, sometimes!)

    Good luck sweets, its so hard ..xoxoxoxoxo

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