thread: My 3yr old and things he does. WWYD?

  1. #1
    Registered User
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    Feb 2010
    NSW, Australia

    My 3yr old and things he does. WWYD?

    Hi Everyone my DS is showing some behaviour and I'm not to sure where to go from here its not causing any problems I'm just wanting to know if anyone has been in this situation or thinks I should investigate further help, change things or just see how it plays out.

    He loves routine thrives on it actually but when something isnt the same it throws him out for the whole day. Once he gets up he immediately wants to get changed into what his wearing for the day. If he spills any tiny bit on him he has to change.
    He goes out to check if there's puddles so he can dress according to weather. If he gets mud on him walking to the car he throws a tantrum until he has clean hands shoes or clothes.
    I should also add I am in no way a clean freak I dont even wash my hands regularly, I have no idea where he has this need to be clean.
    He wants to know what were doing for the day and its a thorough talk through he has to list them all and if I do something in the way we had not planned such as park before shops vice versa its a problem.
    Most recently I give him jobs to do when we leave like turn off the tv he turns it off and now has to turn it back on and then off again, this is not an isolated incident he has done this all this week and to be honest its the first time alarm bells have gone off. Today I let him turn it off then quickly changed his train of thought to helping me close the door which he did but then realised and threw a tantrum at the top of the stairs wanting to go back in.
    I didnt let him go back in and ended up having to go get him and carry him to the car. So what do you think should I just keep on going ignoring the behaviour and mostly give in to what he needs to get him through the day, maybe change the routine daily or do you think I should go talk to a doctor or something?
    Dont get me wrong he is incredibly intelligent and an amazing three year old who leaves me in awe everyday I just want to know if I should be doing something different.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Jun 2012

    Hi OP

    I'm not sure if this could be classed as advice, I'm just suggesting what I would do in the same situation. I'd just ask him why he needed to change clothes/turn the telly on and off again/whatever and go from there. It might be an assurance thing (and I feel as though you're a bit worried about OCD, anxiety or similar?). Perhaps prime him with discussions like, "we're going to go and play in some puddles. We'll probably get a bit dirty, and after we've finished playing we can come inside and change out clothes." This gives him parameters and something to focus on, rather than freakin out as soon as he's dirty (and not knowing how long he will be dirty for).

    Regarding the schedule: it might be that he feels more confident when he knows what's going to happen. Perhaps talk to him about what is planned for the day, but also talk about how you can deal with change if that happens too.

    Hope this helps

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Add Butterfly Dawn on Facebook

    Aug 2008
    Climbing Mt foldmore

    Perhaps you could work out a chart for your major routine, you can use little pictures for things- a plate for meals, shopping carts etc. Then he can see what's happening, that might lossen him up little. i always tell the kids-if we get time i want to ... Checking the weather is smart cookie stuff
    I like the idea of priming him for things and questioning him, but at 3 he may have trouble verbalising it totally.

    Sorry if it doesn't make sense, the barefoot princess is covering me with kisses

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Feb 2006

    Darl I'd definately have him assessed, it may be OCD or he could be on the spectrum.
    At the very least I'd get in contact with a paed OT

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jan 2006

    I'm thinking he sounds a little like my darling boy who is on the spectrum too.

    DS has a few obsessions, so I play to those. Counting always seems to distract him, as do counting games. (My DS is 5 and sums work brilliantly.) He likes Angry Birds, so I tell him that "Angry Birds like..." or "Angry Birds don't like..." or "XYZ is a green piggy thing" and that seems to make him fairly biddable. Superheroes also work wonders.

    At age 3, I did expect my DS to verbalise everything because I do not deal with tantrums. He can tell me what the problem is. It may involve calming him down a little first, but it stands him in good stead for later in life. A lot of DS's trigger points I don't understand, but I do know that saying "s'okay mate, doesn't matter" doesn't make sense to him either. So I promise him that everything is OK (ie he's turned the TV off, he has done what I asked him to, life is good) and then start talking about the next activity, usually something he will enjoy (I fail to see the point of activities he won't!) and let him know about expected behaviour in that situation, if appropriate. If DS cannot move on with me after an appropriate amount of time, he will not get to do the next activity and we will go inside and calm down - he will not be allowed to do the activity he has tantrummed about, however.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Jan 2009

    Yes I agree it sounds in the spectrum to me too - I have a little boy at work just like that who is.

  7. #7
    Registered User
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    Feb 2010
    NSW, Australia

    Thankyou lady's I have to organise an appointment