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Thread: My vent

  1. #1

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    Oct 2007
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    Default My vent

    Just needing somewhere to vent, so here goes....

    I am so over people judgeing me and how I parent my child.
    I come from an abusive childhood, I am the mother of a special needs child who looks more capable than she is in most aspects.
    I am slowly teaching her to be as independent as possible (which is very little) but when I pick her up and carry her because she is injured people think they have the right to judge me and tell me i molycoddle her and I am teaching her to be dependent on me to participate in life.

    Yes I am over protective and I will be the first to admit that and given my childhood I could be a lot more protective if I wanted to be, yes at times and in particular situations where it is not appropriate for her to have an autistic out burst I do baby her but after saying all of that I am the first to encourage her to learn and be independent and I am doing everything in my power to help her reach her full potential. I give her every opportunity available, at times more than any mainstream kid could get.

    If it where not for my persistance she would be peg feed to this day instead of eating, if it where not for my persistance she would still not be able to walk, if not for my persistance she would never have been toilet trained. Many people have given up on her in her short life, many people have said she is too hard and have walked away including her birth parents, But I stick it through no matter how hard things get, no matter what hurdles I come across on our journey through life.

    The way I mother may not be perfect and if someone could show me the perfect way to parent I would follow it but in the meantime people do not have the right to judge how I parent unless they know what I go through every single day and what I have been through in my life.

    I am so over people who have no idea that think they have a better way of doing things, I am over people who are experienced in nothing but so called experts in everything.



    I wish people would keep there opinions to them selfs unless they have walked a day in my shoes.



    Sjl

  2. #2

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    Oh hun sending you
    I'm sorry there are people out there doing this and you have to experience this. xx

  3. #3

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    Hun, it sounds like things are very tough for you. Good on for giving so much love and care to your DD who obviously needs it so much

    I don't think you need a special needs child for people to judge and criticise, although I can imagine that it's much worse than you do. FWIW I don't think people intend to be so insensitive, they just simply understand.

    I hope that over time you get better at ignoring it all. I suspect that you have a long road ahead of you, but I'm sure that your compassion and strength will get you there.

  4. #4

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    You are doing a terrific job honey.

    Personally I would prefer to see more parents like you ( i work with children with disabilities) and less that just give up and walk away.

    You DD is blessed to have you in her life and you should be proud of your dedication to her.

    If you are ever in need of encouragement drop me a line. I am always in awe of wonderful parents like you.

  5. #5

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    Hun I just want to say - your doing an amazing job and just flip these morons the bird!!!

    My BIL is special needs and my PIL's were told he'd never eat, walk, talk etc and let me tell you - he rides a motorbike, eats us all out of house and home and can tell you to get stuffed quite clearly.....all because of MIL's persistence.

    She is so lucky to have you!

  6. #6

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    your commitment and love shines right through your words. It must be tough sometimes but you're an incredible woman and your little girl is very blessed to have such a great Mum.

  7. #7

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    you are so right you can never judge someone until you have walked a day in their shoes... it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and it is obviously working.

  8. #8

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    Darl, you're a wonderful mum and please have courage in your decisions.

    The thing is, when we feel judgement, it's because people don't know our little ones as well as we know them ourselves.

    I have an able-bodied child so I don't have anywhere near as much on my plate as you do .. but even I feel judged.

    My DD is extremely active and she will not take no for an answer. So when I use a harness to stop her running into traffic, I can feel myself judged by people who have very placid children who walk by their side, hand-in-hand. They have obviously never experienced a toddler who would run in front of a car in a blink of an eye.

    Just keep on doing what you're doing which is loving your daughter and giving her a very secure base. You're doing a great job. We all feel judged but we have to try not to let it get to us.

  9. #9

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    Hun huge you are doing a great job!!! I know just what you mean. I cannot believe how many other parents feel they have the right to comment on my parenting. Console yourself with imagining them in your shoes and how quickly they would loose it

    Have you seen this thread

  10. #10

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    Thank you for your replies. I normally dont let peoples opinions get to me, especially when I dont know them, I just say to myself 'they have no idea' and then I carry on.

    The person that really pushed my buttons is my daughters scout leader (I am also a scout leader with her group) He seams to think he knows the kids so well but yet he doesnt know that my daughter cant balance properly during fast games (which he insists on running) and if she falls over it throws her body harder than the average person. The easiest way to chear her up is to pick her up and continue the game with her on my back (or anyones back, I just happened to be working with her team yesterday)laughing all the way to distract her from what upset her. Although yesterday she injured her knee (so I found out latter, and it was so badly injured the first aider questioned sending us off to hospital for xrays) which was why she didnt cheer up as fast as she would normally.

    Anyway, i have had my vent and am feeling better to hav eit out of my head. Next week I will just have to take a deep breath everytime he questions me and either ignore it or defend myself and walk away.

    Saram: I haven't seen that thread but I will have a look.


    Sjl

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by fionas View Post
    My DD is extremely active and she will not take no for an answer. So when I use a harness to stop her running into traffic, I can feel myself judged by people who have very placid children who walk by their side, hand-in-hand. They have obviously never experienced a toddler who would run in front of a car in a blink of an eye.
    When I read the op it also reminded me of something like this.

    When DH came back to pick me up from the hospital 4 hours after I had Phoebe, he had to put the baby seat back in because we havent got the extra seat put in the car yet. I was outside the car with baby and the kids and Harry went to the top of a driveway and called out that he was coming down - it was fair steep. I saw a car coming down the road and called out to him to stop. Naturally he didnt listen - so with baby in my arms I got up and run to intercept him at the bottom of the driveway, just as the car was about to drive past the driveway. He would have been under it if I hadn't moved. DH came over to grab Harry and put him in the back of the jackaroo to keep him safe while he finished putting the baby seat in, I look up and there is this guy across the road shaking his head at me..... For what I will never know. I simply can't understand what he saw. From my perspective, there was a toddler being a toddler and a mum who was doing exactly what she needs to as a mum - protecting him from danger. Apparently he saw something horrible. O.o

    That however is the clincher, isnt it? What is so normal and simple to us is distorted to them. Their own little cynical worlds dream up a more horrible version of the event that just played out in front of them... and for that, I pity them. If they can't see the true joy, harmony and beauty of situations, then they are the ones that have a problem... No - "What a good mum for being alert and quick" - its "Bad mum for having a kid running around".

    So don't let them get you down SJL, they are just dragging you into their misery and cynical existence. Live your own life the way you want to - because from what they display on the outside, their grass is brown!

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