Nearly every day is bad

Hugs xx

You should take a day off - it would do you all some good I think. And it's true, if you haven't had a non-sleeper you can't really understand.
Sleep won't solve all your issues - you still need time out to recharge yourself - but it woudl probably still help a great deal. It's hard to do anything, let alone get a bit of perspective, when youre so sleep deprived.
Have you tried any different sleep arrangements like a mattress on the floor or anythign like that? Sometimes they do just hate the cot (even if they seemed to like it before).

Firstly, huge :hugs: to you. It must have been so hard for you to be able to confess to these feelings. Everybody is always so worried about being so perfect in motherhood and its the hardest job in the entire world. Nobody can prepare you for motherhood. No amount of little sisters, nieces, nephews, babysitting can prepare you for the demands and the stress that goes with it.

I know you have probably heard it a million times before, but I could have written your post after the birth of my DD1. For 6 long months, I honestly thought I would die of exhaustion. My whole body, my mind, everything was just exhausted. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was dreadful. I honestly didn't know how people could go on & have more children. One was too much already.

But you know what, now she is 6 & she does have a sibling & she is 4 & I"m telling you honestly, it's not always a walk in the park, but it has improved beyond measure. I think back to those first 6 months & I ask myself 'was it really THAT bad?' Yes, it sure was, but it has gotten better. So much better & my world is now full of colour & sunshine. I'm SURE this is going to happen to you too.

Please, take care of yourself.

xx

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I sometimes imagine myself reaching breaking point, and taking off one day. And saying to him, I ASKED you to take a break for just one season, and you wouldn't. So now YOU deal with this.
Of course I wouldn't actually do this. Just a wild fantasy that I indulge in sometimes, when I am feeling unsupported.
i hear you

Oh and your comment about why didn't you crash the car..... guess what I did when DD was 2 months old? :) A write-off! But that's another story (we didn't tell our family - pretended that our car died and so we had to get another one) Bad times...
wow, how terrifying for you, i am glad you are hear (and your bub) to tell the tale now. i feel i was so close to that too, it was pure luck that i didn't.

Does your 4-year-old sleep through now?

I know Gigi said it is the lack of sleep and lack of support that is the cause of my difficulty, but I can't help thinking....
if I were a better mum, I would be able to handle things by now, surely!
GODDESS, my bub was doing the whole "only sleep for two hours at a time" at 16 months as well, i was a walking zombie.
And i had people around me (parenting support worker, child health nurse, playgroup mums) all tell me basically "it's all your fault cos you don't do CIO, and breastfeed, and breastfeed at night - so you get what you deserve" etc. None of which is true, but being bombarded with that, whilst being a walking zombie, you can imagine what this did to my self esteem e.g I am a bad and non-coping mother who does not deserve my baby.

Doesn't help that my 2 sister-in-laws (who I don't know at all, really) give the impression that motherhood is one constant state of easy bliss. One even said that her kids (younger than my DD) sleep through because she "put in the hard work in the early days".... what, so I didn't "work hard" enough?!!
you know that's rubbish, but SO hard to hear, when you're struggling yourself. i often wished for relatives, but maybe i was better off, if that's the kind of crap i would have had to listen to LOL.

Parenting is not a competition
Children are different
Yet some people act as if THEIR experience, SHOULD be everyone else's too
and that how THEY choose to parent, should be the way EVERYONE chooses to parent

Thanks EVERYONE for taking the time to reply to me!!

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honey, my four year old DOES sleep through the night, been happening for quite a while
we had regression in last few months, (r'ship breakup, moving home, so lots of change and upset for her - so quite understandable)
but apart from that, yes, she became a much better sleeper IN HER OWN TIME.
We tried Sleep School and it was a nightmare - very traumatic for both her and me
and CIO didn't help her sleep at all, it made her frightened and stressed out - took quite some time to "get over" the two weeks of Sleep School.

SOme things, in the hard light of day - when you are rested and thinking well - are true

we can ALL get better (at everything we do) it's possible

we all function better when we get a good night's sleep

it is easier to problem solve, make jokes, be cheerful, when you've had a good night's sleep

it is easier to function when the people around you are supportive, don't put you down (so put some space between you and the negative rellies if you can, find your support where you can, for me, it was online e.g BB. otherwise i would have gone round the bend.

you will enjoy your baby more, when you're rested. for now, remember you are doing the best you can, in teh circumstances. and it will not always be like this. you have the rest of her childhood to look forward to. Look for "right now" solutions. (i wonder if one of your "so-called perfect SIL's would take your bub for a few hours one afternoon, for you to do whatever you need to do (sleep, get a haircut, whatever you've been putting off due to the constant cycle of no sleep).

My best tip - that i learn the hard way
Try not to discuss anything negative happening with your parenting, with teh "perfect" parents. You will only cop put downs, subtle or blunt.
Find "safe places" to discuss those topics, with people who will listen, and not put you down for not being perfect.

i stopped answering "so how's she sleeping?" from all and sundry, cos i just got mown down every time - the subtext was "you're the bad mother, you're choice of parenting is what is causing the no sleep". absolute bollocks.
Whereas, when i discussed the lack of sleeping issue in my Supportive Zone e.g bb - i got helpful suggestions, support and empathy.

Repeat after me Goddess of Dawn "I am doing the best i can under the circumstances, this does not make me a bad mum".

Thanks everyone, again!

I wish I had instant access to all you guys whenever I'm having a hard time, lol. You all know just what to say.

Gigi that was all so helpful, everything you wrote. Thank you.

You know, I was considering a 'sleep consultant'. She doesn't do controlled crying where bub is left alone to cry, but says there may be crying while you are with your bub, using her techniques. I am kind of in 2 minds about it....

If anyone is still reading this thread, have you had any experience (good or bad) with sleep consultants?

"So how's he sleeping?" "Like a baby!" Perfectly true.

Sleep consultants. What I did was ask people what they felt about babies and sleep. If my baby should be crying and not in my arms then I walked away. I couldn't deal with that. No matter how tired I got, I couldn't watch my son cry and not hold him. Anyone who suggested co-sleeping, cuddling, a special lullaby or even just time, I'd listen to them. They agreed with what sat well with me.

Having said that, sometimes now I will let him cry for a bit before going to him - occasionally he goes back to sleep without me. But not for a minute, not unless I'm on the loo when he starts.

WRT sleep, best thing is to have a night in a hotel and hubby with bubby at home. I tend to sleep better if I know I can sleep and there's no chance of being woken up by Liebling! So rare, but I feel so much better for it.

WRT sleep consultants, I used one when DD was about 3 months and it DID help, but it was very against my instincts (i.e. there is some crying). It didn't make her sleep through the night though - it just meant she would sleep in a cot during the day, rather than on me all the time.

I think you need to work out first what you want to get out of it. There is no silver bullet nor guarantees...in fact the only gaurantee is you will feel more rested if you and her start sleeping together in a double bed day AND night, so you're not traipsing the hallway etc.

If you want to encourage 'independent sleeping' then a sleep consultant would be good...because they give you some energy and a strategy. I recommend your DH is there too so you can be a 'team'. In fact that was the main benefit of the whole experience for us...it became a shared problem, rather than one I alone had to deal with.

If you do decide on a sleep consultant, can I suggest you set out from the start what you are/are not willing to do. They may suggest weaning, or leaving the room with her crying or waiting before returning. You need to decide if any of those sit well with you,l because its hard to go against the advice once its underway.

HTH...and we ARE all here whenever you need :hug:

I'd sound them out first to see how it feels to you. Just from what I've herad, there are some who would say you've created terrible habits and done everything wrong, at which point I'd show them the door. Certainly lay some ground rules and make sure you're comfortable with everything you're doing. You're still her mum and you still know what's best for her.

Earplugs are also good if you're leaving baby with your hubby.

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WRT sleep, best thing is to have a night in a hotel and hubby with bubby at home.

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I was thinking of that, but I didn't think anyone actually did that :)

Thanks for all your thoughts on sleep consultants. The one I was looking at is 'lullababy' on the kidspot website.

goddess
i noticed many sleep consultants won't OWN UP to doing "cry it out", they just RE-NAME it "controlled comforting". but if it sounds like a duck, smells like a duck etc etc.

the best Sleep Consultant i found, was actually a Lactation Consultant, i didn't realise they consulted about sleep (or lack of!) as well, so there you go, i found help where i didn't expect to. (after a demoralising and traumatic fortnight of Live In SleepSchool - for both of us).

i found it hard to look for help, at a time when i was so sleep deprived, i was nearly getting "sleep drunk" and falling asleep without knowing it, when i sat down.

I can't remember if you breastfeed, if you do, it's a good idea to have a store in the freezer, of EBM, for the magical night when you DO get to sleep. i was lousy at EBM but it works for many mums.

Has you tried anything different with your bub's sleeping place lately? Cos you having to get up out of bed, go to another room, that's a huge deal too. all depends what baby agrees with too of course.

keep posting, we will support you in here.

I have to agree with Gigi - my best sleep advisors were the breastfeeding consultants. One day I was so shattered they took DS out to look at the cars, made a bed up for me and just let me sleep! (They ran a cafe-style drop in one morning a week, with a nice quiet back room for private support and SLEEP!)

DS doesn't always want to co-sleep in bed with me, but he will sleep in a bed next to my bed, which can be a big help. I can also sleep on his bedroom floor quite happily when I'm tired.