No respite until next year.....

Just throwing a :hug: your way hun! I think you're amazing :D

Ah thanks Sam - loving that ticker pic!

Fi - I think our houses were built about the same time too ;). I'm glad your DH can learn to listen....

For ages I thought I just wasn't used to co-parenting. Its a new concept to me! I'm used to running the show totally and not having to consider anyone else.....oh I dunno.

Sounds like he's a decent 'parent' as long as someone else takes on the responsibility and duties of being a parent and he's allowed to do the fun stuff.

Sounds more like an uncle than a parent to me, but at least in that kind of a role his kids will know him and he can have a positive impact on their lives. Sucks for you, but at least you KNOW how to do this parenting thing on your own. Just sucks, that's all.

PS At least you don't have to parent him when he's not around now...

There you go Jen - hitting the nail on the head again! He just wants to be King of the Kids....

But then again, he does try to discipline them. Which is much harder for him because they can never really tell if he is joking or not. Then he gets angry because they don't take him seriously. His 'discipline and guidance' mean BELLOWING at them and lecturing them. He talks over the top of DS constantly, then gets angry when DS throws himself to the floor in frustration.

Again, the noise level when he is here :doh:.
The other day I asked him to see what would happen if he lowered his voice and took a kinder tone when talking to DS.
DS sat back, looked at him and asked "are you being a real daddy?" :ROFL:

Out of the mouths of babes...!

I don't want to sound too flippant about the brain damage comment, but there is a real problem there. In actual fact I stumbled over the information about adult ADD when I was searching for what could possibly be responsible for DS's behaviour. He has been a 'hard' baby since birth, but those days are nearly over now.

I did sit down with DP and showed him some info, he was quite shocked but admitted he always felt he there was something going on with his brain, that he was wired wrong somehow. He didn't want his behaviour to cripple his son and frankly thats what was happening. BUT with that information he has done absolutely nothing about it. We had an excellent session with a councellor we saw to get some in home help regarding DS. DS never got discussed, the councellor went straight to the family dynamics and showed Dp how that carries through generations. How they are a chaotic family and SEEK it out. He took everything in and pondered it on the way home. Then has done nothing since and has not called for another appointment. And continued right on the way he has done - a few times he does try, lowers his voice, listens to the kids etc - but he always defaults back to yelling again.

I kept DS in CC even after I stopped work because of the effect it had on him. CC couldn't believe we were having such trouble with him at home, although he goes batty if someone interferes with his lego buildings he fitted straight in. Because there is structure, activities and firm gentle guidance.

Now I've been home for awhile, he is a different boy. He is still on a hair trigger with his temper sometimes but nothing like a year ago.

Then DD starts - it has nearly killed me with lack of sleep and stress. The teenrager has been rancid too lately and I was starting to think I had no right to be a mother :redface: because I wasn't coping. 4 Days of NO daddy and super-confident mummy, and my faerie babe has returned in all her sunny smiles :dance:.

Dp was pretty good last night. I made it quietly clear that he was risking bodily harm if he disrupted the new routine. Although he promised not to stir DS up, I still found him giving DS shoulder rides up and down the hall. At least he did it quietly I suppose :doh:.

Its a crappy situation that we can all only handle small doses of Dp right now, I can't see that changing until he does something about it. Its ok that he is only here at weekends, its managable. They are all off now on some adventure....giving mummy time to be in here instead of pegging out more washing ;)

Have you told him that until he changes there's going to be less 'drop in' time? I know you say you've been waiting for him to make a move to see the counsellor, etc, but that's a BIG step, even if he recognises there's a problem. There's no harm with a little pushing from your end. Highlight the benefits of him going along and how things are so much better when he does behave the way you would like him to. Stay away from the negative stuff.

My DP does not have the kind of brain mis-wiring that you speak of and still getting him to see a counsellor for the emotional things that are wrong in his mind is quite confronting. In fact, he's much happier if we go along together to see a counsellor, even if it then means he has individual sessions here and there. I know I've had to 'lead the horse to water', so to speak, but it is him who still makes the changes and we all benefit from that (hallelujah!).

Super-confident mummy, even with demented daddy around, will still bring out the best in your kids - don't doubt yourself because he has the ability to turn your world upside down!

Oh firstly big :hug: for you hun. Some kids are tough but you are doing a wonderful job because you are doing all you can for her ok.. dont ever forget that.

Not sure if anyones mensioned this or not, but is she old enough you can maybe try a reward system with her? Even maybe (if you havent and can afford to), let her pick out some new bedding.. maybe do her room up.. put some of those glow in the dark stars on her roof.. i know you can get some pretty good ones these days. Does she like massages? DS doesnt as hes too ticklish but i know they can put me to sleep.

Otherwise im not much help hun other than to offer your a big :hug: and pray for you that things start to pick up soon. :hug:

How are things going, Lulu? Hope you had a good Xmas!!

Well since I'm home alone with only Beth for company...its been peaceful today!

It's been up and down, had a great week (HIM away of course), then he was here for Xmas, we had extra DD and it started to fall apart. Dp wasn't supposed to be here that long, but his dad got sick and couldn't handle the kids there, then he got better and wanted to tile the lounge room.....then Beth got Measles...does it ever end??? Nah, it doesn't!

However, its slowly starting to stick. I have let her off the hook a bit since she has been ill, but when she comes out of her room, she runs back in. She seems to be settling a bit better at the end of the day. I hope Dp keeps DS with him a few more days, we both need the respite, and DS is a nightmare without the routine and activity of Kinder.

It's so totally clear that I cannot cope with dp here, and now its clear to him too. There will be NO MORE drop ins. I don't give a rats if its fathers day lol.

Life is so much easier when you have SLEEP!

Glad that there's light at the end of the tunnel Lulu (even though Dp needs to stay out of the tunnel sometimes).

Up and down sounds like how it usually goes, or maybe that's just our household as well!

Hope Beth gets over the measles quickly. Sounds like she has the idea of staying in her room though, good on you! ;) I knew you could do it...!

you are doing a amazing job huni.
my sis has 2 babies 1& 2 an they wont go to bed before 1am and she cant change it...tried routine etc.
hope you are feeling better huni.
love rach xxxx