Parenting and 6yr olds

[beansbeans!]

I need to de-brief, but I'm also after some advice.
I am at a loss as to how to parent dd1. She has just turned 6, and at the end of kindly. She is smart, kind, intelligent, shy, proud, funny, beautiful. She is also stubborn, determined, strong willed.
This year she has grown so much, and I am so very proud of her.
But I am at my end with her. She has started lying (instead of owning mistakes she lies and blames one of her sisters, or the animals, it's anyone but her). Her tantrums are incredible, she hits, kicks, screams (yell would have been an understatement), throws things at me.
I'm sure most of her behaviour, if not all, is normal for her age. But my parenting skills are severely lacking in how to handle it. I've tried time outs, we've talked one on one at her level to work out what's going on, I've removed her from immediate environment etc. I've taken her beloved belongings.
Nothing seems to work. Dh is on the same page and he doesn't have success, with or without me by his side.
I feel so alone, BB is my village, but there is no village in real life. I don't have a 'mentor' to ask and gain advice from.
I'm tired of being in tears because I feel like I am a failure, that I am failing my children. I am tired of being constantly grumpy at the girls. I'm tired of being at a loss as to how to handle it all.
Please help me fill my toolbox full if more parenting tools to get this all back on track.
Thanks x

[Jennifer13]

Beansbeans, just a quick point from me, as I find parenting a 7 year old pretty challenging at times too.

You mention she's started kindy this year. Well, we're in Yr 2 now, and I notice towards the end of term and particularly towards the end of the year, DD1 is starting to wear out and act up more (kindy was the worst as the attitude combined with the tiredness - mentally and emotionally, not just physically - really came through!). It's been a long year, with a lot of challenges and adjustments. No matter how well they seem to cope, they are more than ready for a holiday by the end of the year. I wouldn't be surprised if you've noticed an upswing in the bad behaviour this term. For us, it did get better, year to year, but the last few weeks of term 4 are usually DD1's worst.

Go easy on yourself, you probably need a break and so does she! Unfortunately, the lead up to Xmas makes things even busier and the down time can't come soon enough.

[Astrid]

Agree with about the kindy year being a long year. DD2, who is also in kindy, is also starting to play up a lot at the moment and the same with some of her little friends.

Sorry no real advice here, it may be just a matter of surviving till the end of the year the best you can

[Tilda]

I read an amazing book recently called Children are People Too. Your DD sounds spirited which is a wonderful thing. This book explained to me why time outs, punishments and rewards don't work - especially with spirited children. The author also has a website which has heaps of stuff on it.

[bbr]

Her tantrums are incredible, she hits, kicks, screams (yell would have been an understatement), throws things at me.
I'm sure most of her behaviour, if not all, is normal for her age. But my parenting skills are severely lacking in how to handle it. I've tried time outs, we've talked one on one at her level to work out what's going on, I've removed her from immediate environment etc. I've taken her beloved belongings.
Nothing seems to work. Dh is on the same page and he doesn't have success, with or without me by his side.
Thanks x

I think hitting , kicks and screams if she's mad should be avoided. tell her its not good. Ask someone close to her, aunt / uncle to talk about her hates, dislikes it might help her as an outlet.

[emmalee86]

I'll just chuck my two cents worth in here too!

I have been experiencing the same behavior with DSD, who is also 6.. They sound exactly the same.. The lying and the tantrums and just doing things that she knows she is not allowed to do, or if we ask her to stop doing something, she will try to do it again in some form
Or another to try and get away with it. E.g she poked her tongue out at DH after he told her off for doing something, I told her to cut that out and not to do that again as it is rude, well she just HAD to do it again and when I caught her she pretended she was licking her lips!! Just these little instances and the big tantrums and really exhausting...

We keep her in a very set routine at our house, eg when she gets home from school she has to do homework straight away, then play, then dinner, shower and bed.. If this routine is disrupted or she hasn't had enough sleep the bad behaviors usually comes out..

The other thing we do is set clear boundaries and consequences... If she does this wrong then she goes to her room etc.. So she knows ahead of time what's going to happen and if she chooses to do it anyway she will have to cop the consequences..

I think the real thing is to follow through and make sure she knows the consequences of her actions.. Every single time..

My DSD knows that if she talks back or chucks a tantrum it is straight to her room and that's final, no amount of crying will change that..

With the lying if we KNOW she is lying we make her admit it, there is no blaming anything else, she has to accept responsibility for her action.. Even if it takes an hour in solitary confinement (her bedroom) she will not be allowed out until she tells the truth!

I think in the end it is just a phase, and they will keep pushing you and keep pushing you, but you have to stand strong and set your boundaries and stick to them..

Goodluck!

[bbr]

Just wanted to share , sometiimes disciplining our children is hard. There are times you can't separate your emotions from your rules and in every situation you keep questioning yourself : when do you know if ts enough and if its too harsh?

[beansbeans!]

Thanks all.

Ive been meaning to come back and respond.
Im definitely starting to think it has a lot to do with the end of year and been tired.
DD1 and I have had a few talks about school and whats going on and what triggers her tantrums. Ive asked her to come and talk to me about anything/everything, when she needs and that seems to be making a big difference. I just have to remind her daily that I am here and happy to listen.

I also worked out she was having a rough time at school with some of her 'friends' not being so nice to her. Se we've had a chat, and talked about how to handle that, and her mood seems to be changing.

With the hitting and screaming she's starting to work out that violence doesn't pay, every time any of them do it, they are removed from the situation and when they are calm we talk about it. Nothing new in this, but I must be starting to make headway with it.
Thank you all for responding