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Thread: Screaming bad mummy :(

  1. #1

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    Default Screaming bad mummy :(

    I feel like I'm just not cut out to be a mum. I try so hard but every day I feel like I've failed. I struggle so much with everything. I can't keep on top of it all. I want to be a fun mum. DS is especially jealous & possessive & it's driving me nuts. DD is starting to show signs of jealousy too. So basically if I'm holding one or paying attention to one, the other starts screaming (DD) or being deliberately naughty (DS). DS hits DD & pushes her. He gathers all his toys (& hers) in a huddle so "DD no touch em". I have no idea how to encourage him to share. DD is a very generous little soul & readily hands over anything she has. When DS won't play with her she gets so upset. I realise all this is probably very normal behaviour for a 3yo so I'm not too worried. I just don't know how to encourage the "right" behaviour. DD is teething & is constantly standing at my legs to be picked up. Which I do as often as I can but it's not always possible. She screams if I move away. DS has to be constantly attached to me too. I have to do everything, not daddy & if DH tries, it ends in a tantrum. If DS wants to do something himself & I don't anticipate it & do it for him, it's a tantrum. I'm so sick of the screaming! I realise it's probably all normal but I'm so sick of feeling useless. I am a good mum I know, because my kids are happy (usually), well fed, active, polite & clearly love me lol. When does it end! Please don't say when they move out. I always thought having little kids would be more fun. It feels like nothing but constant hard work ATM. Sorry this is so jumbled, I'm writing down my thoughts as they occur to me.


  2. #2

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    I can't tell you when it ends cause my 4 yr old DD and 2.5 yr old DS are just as you describe. Only now, DS is big enough to push and hit back, so there are more tears..

    But I can sympathise with the way you are feeling.. I have been and am there often.

  3. #3

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    Things may get better when DD is big enough to (I don't want to use the word fight but it is Sunday evening and the best I can do ATM) fight back in a way that your DS can't get away with it and he may realise it is time to share. My DD2 went through extreme clingyness around the age of 11months to 13 months. Made it very hard at Christmas time when everyone wanted to have some of her attention. I hope it eases for you soon.

    Also, before DD2 could crawl or walk we would always ask DD1 to get her a toy when she was getting one for herself and give it to her. This could be something you could try as a way of showing sharing.

  4. #4

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    Thanks DMB. I'm just having one of those days I guess. You know - washing got rained on, head cracked on freezer door, kids going crazy being inside due to rain & not enough sleep, DH played golf this morning so I'm a bit jealous, etc etc. Would really like to have a few drinks right about now but can't because I'm BF still. Oh well. Probably a good thing lol!

    ETA: Thanks Kazzo. Hugs most appreciated. I do try that with DS & sometimes it works but usually not.

  5. #5

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    First up - you are a great mum. Clearly, from what I saw yesterday, even if you don't think you are doing a great job, you really ARE.

    I've had a couple of cling-ons out of my lot, and it is hard. That's when I first got into babywearing with DS - he was 14 months old and super super clingy and I couldn't do anything - and I only had one of them at that stage!! Now, he was my worst, although DD2 was pretty close, I couldn't walk 2 metres without her screaming, so I just picked her up when I was leaving to not give her the chance to get upset. It was a pain in the butt, and it took a good 6 months for her to grow out of it, and now she is 2, she is much better with me (but still basically the same with DH! haha!)

    So thats my only solution to the problem of clingyness - take them before the whinging takes hold! LOL I absolutely CANNOT stand whinging, it infuriates me straight away - and sometimes I have 4 whinging all at the same time!!!!! So I definitely understand where you are coming from, and it does truly suck.

    Being a mum is fun - just not ALL the time.

    Much love xxxxx

  6. #6

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    Thanks Mel. I have thought of babywearing but just can't stand the thought of it. Probably my carrier's not the best (I have an ergo) but I can't afford anything else ATM. Even that was exxy. I hear ya re the whinging. It sometimes starts even before I'm out of bed. They're the really bad days. I was doing so well today until the **** rain. I was dealing with the kids issues without getting cranky. Then it all went downhill! Serves me right for doing 2 loads of washing last night when we don't have a dryer. Without a doubt it would rain. Anyway back to work for 3 days from tomorrow so we'll see how we go next weekend. FX for a good one.

  7. #7

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    Do you put her on your back? I find that easier to still do things

  8. #8

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    Oh the rain and washing scenario is enough to drive anyone bonkers!

    My ds is the same age as your dd and I think it's just a whingy clingy stage. I snapped at ds twice today because he wouldn't let up!

    Dd is also constantly hoarding toys from ds. I tell her she has to play at the big table or somewhere he can't reach. I don't enforce sharing. Lavishing attention on younger child seems to encourage older child out of their hidey hole too.

    Can you plan a fun day this week? Museum or build a cubby or go walking in the rain and rolling in wet grass. I find we all need days to just make mess and let it all go. I think I need to take my own advice!

    You're not alone

  9. #9

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    Hugs for you - we've had a period of time like this recently and my 2 are 5.5 and 3. I think it happens to most of us, life can be a bit full on and then add competing needs and it can all be a bit much. Hope you have a better week. xxx

  10. #10

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    The only answer I have for you is to do nothing. By that I mean, don't worry about the house work, cooking gormet food, trying to be super mum. When both want to be picked up, sit on the floor instead. When DS can't share, noone gets to play with the toys, so I will ask DS1 which toy DS2 can play with and reluctently one will be shared. I have found counting to 3 very helpful, these days I only have to count to 1 before I get the response I want. As DS1 knows her will end up in his room. hope this helps you.

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