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Thread: Smug & Crap

  1. #1

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    Red face Smug & Crap

    I got this idea from a friend who is reading "MamaMia" by Mia Freedman.

    So what is on your list of things you are most proud of and things you are not so much as a parent... Here's mine:

    Smug

    1. I taught my children to self settle without Crying It Out.
    2. I breastfed my son till 12 months
    3. I realised when the LC told me that it was best to switch to formula she was right - and eventually I was ok with that.
    4. I have always talked to my children about their emotions and mine.
    5. I have never smacked my kids
    6. DD did Ballet & Swimming before she started Kinder
    7. I chose a school for my children that follows my parenting style.
    8. I am responsible for the way I react to their behaviour. And they know this. If I yell I have to apologise and it's up to me to reassure them if they are hurt by my reaction. In turn this has shown them they too have to be responsible for their own reactions and they also like to reassure and show affection when they have hurt others through their reactions.
    9. As siblings my children do not be violent towards each other. They do not swear or try to hurt each other with words.
    10. I have taught my children to have good manners.
    11. I like that we have special time. After a bad day I might wake them up and we'll have cuddles in my bed with a hot chocolate or hot milk and honey and we'll reflect on the day and end the day on a happier note.
    12. I/DH read to DD every night until she could read to herself.
    13. I have protected my children from toxic people even if it means family.
    14. I try to be consistant and parent at all times even if I'm tired or sick.
    15. My kids prefer sushi/sashimi over McDonalds or junk take out.
    16. My children have never had coke, and they think it's evil LOL!


    Crap

    1. At 4 days old we tried to CIO our DD thinking thats what we had to do so she wouldn't "wrap us round her little finger". It lasted one day... and never happened again.
    2. I put rice cereal in DD's bottle as I was told it would help her sleep.
    3. Screaming at my kids. Even though I don't smack I think yelling can be just as damaging and painful to a child as any smack. And even though I'm working on this I'm still not perfect.
    4. I was impatient with my first pregnancy. I wonder if I had not gone to the hospital because I wanted any reason to give birth, that maybe I wouldn't have ended up with a c/s. I wish I had researched birth as much as I had with DS and that I had the patience and calm I had with his pregnancy.
    5. DS has never done any extra curricular activities.
    6. I hate pretend play. I feel I don't play enough with my kids. But honestly I'd rather go through sleep deprivation again than do pretend play. It's my own personal hell. I feel bad because I'm always thinking about what I could be doing instead. So in turn I try and pick activites to do with them that I'll enjoy instead of what I know they want to do.
    7. In most cases my children self regulate their tv, technology time. I feel like because of this they don't play with their toys as much as other kids.
    8. I have been known to give my kids 2 minute noodles for dinner. And then once they are in bed order thai or indian and justify it because they wouldn't eat it as it has Chilli in it.
    9. I don't care about sugars, numbers or additives. I know I am lucky to have children who don't get sugar highs or are allergic to preservatives but I feel bad I don't take more of a conscious effort to minimise this.
    10. I hate the memories I have of getting angry with my children because as babies they didn't sleep.
    11. I haven't read hardly as much to DS as I did to DD.
    12. Sometimes I rush bedtime because I know I'll have some free time. Then 15 minutes later I'll realise how crappy that was and want to wake them up for cuddles.
    13. The broken promises of "We'll go to the park today" "I'll get you a new xxx next week" etc etc
    14. Toast for dinner.
    15. Not acknowledging my own PND with DD and in turn suffering and knowing that she probably suffered too.
    16. Being messy or lazy at times and still expecting the kids to keep their rooms tidy.
    17. Letting the kids get up before us and watching TV with a snack from the snackbox so we can get an extra 30 minutes sleep.
    18. I don't walk to school enough.
    19. I don't have playdates here enough.
    20. Some days I might spend all morning on the phone instead of spending quality time with DS.


    I'll add to this list probably as I see other people's lists that are the same as mine LOL!

    Now just as a disclaimer these are things I think are good or crap for me... this does not mean that I am judging anyone else for their choices just as I'm sure there will be things that I think are good that other's may not. These lists are our own personal lists. They are not meant to be compared negatively.


  2. #2

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    Great idea Rouge!

    SMUG

    * I stuck with my plan and had drug free labours with both girls
    * Neither of my girls have ever cried themselves to sleep (without me holding them!)
    * DD#1 would prefer sushi over donuts, and salad over hot chips!
    * DD#2 has never had chocolate or lollies, and DD#1 didnt until her second birthday!
    * I try to put the girls needs before my own wants
    * DD#1 was breastfed till she was 14mths old, I'm still bf-ing DD#2 at 12mths
    * DD#1 was toilet trained not long after her 2nd bday

    CRAP

    * Ive never done kindermusic/gym or swimming lessons with them
    * I put DD#1 in the pram more than I let her walk at the shopping centre
    * I don't do enough fun/creative stuff with the girls at home (painting/craft etc)
    * I've hardly read to DD#2 - whereas I read to DD#1 from day 1!
    * Raisin toast for lunch or dinner
    * I put a DVD on so I can sit on the net sometimes
    * I haven't even thought about kindy for DD#1 yet
    * not keeping my cool all the time. I scream sometimes

  3. #3

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    I love your list, both the Smug & the Crap .

    Here's mine:

    Smug

    1.I'm still BFing DS, even though it now hurts like crazy for the 1st minute or so due to preggie bbs. Smug, cos I was just aiming for 12 months
    2.I've resisted all pressure to succumb to controlled crying, even though DS still doesn't sleep through the night
    3.I didn't let outside pressure worry me about DS's lack of interest in solids before 12-13 months
    4.I cuddle & kiss DS all the time, and he is a really affectionate kid back
    5.I read lots of books to DS* (but see Crap list Item 1)
    6.I cook plenty of vegies for DS, and don't stress when he doesn't eat them cos I figure he eventually will
    7.DS doesn't know what McDonalds is - or KFC, or HJ etc
    8.I always say sorry when I've reacted inappropriately
    9.I spend lots of time just playing with him, and letting him lead the games
    10.Virtually no chocolate, lollies or biscuits have crossed his lips, only on really special treat occasions. And he doesn't even like them that much.
    11.I can mostly tell the difference between an "emotional" tantrum & a power tantrum, and I don't give in to the power trips.
    12.Teaching DS to say hello & goodbye to people, even if he does say "goodbye Man/Lady"
    13.Listening with interest to all his stories & observations. Being excited about the things that make him excited.
    14. I rarely get stressed about any mess he creates, we either clean it up together, or I do it when he goes to bed.


    Crap.

    1.*I hid the set of Thomas books, so I get a break from reading them all the time
    2.I let DS watch Thomas/WotWots/Night Garden most afternoons for an hour or so, mostly when I'm too tired to fight the constant nagging for them.
    3.Sometimes I get really angry in the middle of the night, when I'm up for the 15th time, and he still isn't going to sleep.
    4.Baked beans are my fall-back meal. I jazz them up with sausages if I'm feeling creative
    5.I've fallen off the wholegrain bread wagon, now he mostly gets white bread cos that's what I like
    6.Vegemite Sandwiches for dinner if he hasn't eaten anything else
    7.I haven't started swimming lessons for him
    8.All the other future ways I'm bound to ruin his life & make him emotionally stunted..
    9.Not feeling as excited about No 2 as I was with DS, although this is possible due to feeling way more tired all the time.
    10.Worrying how I'm going to possibly love & nurture no 2 in the same way that I've been able to with DS. Poor 2nd kid.

  4. #4

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    i think this is really great!

    Smug
    1. i havent given into pressure to give DD2 formula yet
    2.DD1 is using the toilet without being pressured
    3. i dont yell at DD1 when she has an accident(like some ppl told me i should)
    4.DD1 always has weetbix and museli for breakfast
    5.DD1 doesnt know what softdrink is
    6.dd1 would rather a banana over lollies-most days
    7.DD1 has never had a screaming fit when i drop her off at day care
    8.DD1 has impecable manners, something i'm very very proud of
    9. it doesnt bother me that my girls might be 'behind' in their developments at points in their lives
    10. DD1's transition into big sister went incredibly well

    Crap
    1. i sometimes use the telly as a babysitter
    2. bribing to get DD1 to do something
    3. yelling at DD1 purely because i cant be bothered with her
    4. not giving DD1 enough of my time and playing with her as much as possible
    5. DD1 knows exactly what mc d's and all other takeaways are
    6. DD1 has been known to repeat dirty words
    7. Putting a toy box into DD1's room so she could get up and play so we could get more of a sleep in
    8. Readily palming DD1 off to the grandparents so we can have some peace and quiet, then feeling guilty and wanting her back.
    9. Closing the door on DD1 when she's crying inconsolobly(sp?) in bed, instead of sitting with her and working out why she's crying

  5. #5
    rhyb Guest

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    Posting to subscribe. Im on my way out soon and this will take me forever

  6. #6

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    You dont need to post to subscribe You subscribe in the thread tools! If you can do that it will help keep the thread free of clutter
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  7. #7

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    hmmm can't think of to much "smug" plenty of "crap" though LOL

    Smug
    1. Lachlan is on "Green words" at school almost to "Orange" surpassing even some grade 1 students I know. He is only in reception.
    2. Lachlan does so well at school that if he wasn't already going into Grade 1 next year, the teacher was going to put in a request for him to move to Grade 1 as he would find doing reception again boring. She is already giving him some Grade 1 work as he completes Reception work to fast.
    3. Was proud of my achievement of breastfeeding Ashton for 8mths.
    4. Having a drug free labour with Ashton, and knowing afterwards it was the best labour out of all

    Crap
    1. Yelling at the kids. Usually every morning prior to school, and usually at Lachlan who is always to busy doing "other stuff" to get ready
    2. Forgetting to make sure Kameron does his homework.
    3. Not reading to my kids enough at home
    4. Not reading to Kameron at all in school, now that Lachlan has started.
    5. Having to drop my kids off at the gate for the next 5 mths, so I can pick up another Mum's kids as well (don't all fit in one car inc a 7 seater -- Long story). I go back but only get time to sort Lachlan out.
    6. Not having any kids interested in activities outside of school ie. football/cricket/swimming etc
    7. Knowing Kameron wants a Nitendo DS for Christmas as all his other friends have one, and knowing Kameron will be disappointed Christmas morning when he doesn't' get one.

  8. #8

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    What a great thread! I just wanted to say thank you to those contributing - as a mother-to-be, I cannot tell you how wonderful and helpful it is to read these lists. I worry so much about whether I am going to be a 'good mother' and I see now that ultimately, you can be a fantastic mother and still stuff up heaps along the way.

    So far I am smug about avoiding all alcohol, passive smoke and about our decision to HB. I am feeling crap about my inability to resist sushi (my main food group pre-preg) and about not doing ANY exercise. At all.

  9. #9

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    I think I get the idea of this so here goes:

    Smug:
    1. I managed to labour for 24 hours before asking for an epidural (and then went on for about another 12 hours after that with the epidural).

    2. Returning to full-time work when my daughter was 4.5 months old was the best thing I ever did for myself and my family

    3. I was lucky enough not to miss out on any "firsts" even though I work full-time

    4. DD could count to 10 from the age of 13 months

    5. Now at 20 months, DD is starting to want to help with chores a little (still gets in the way a little though).

    That's all the smug I can think of right now.

    Crap:

    1. I didn't put my foot down and refuse to be discharged without my baby

    2. I didn't ask for help as much as I needed to when DD was new born

    3. I tried to do it all and didn't cope with that

    4. I really enjoy going out by my self at night and on weekends sometimes even though those are the times I should be spending with DD

    5. DD eats too much mcdonalds and kfc because both DH & I are too exhausted and lazy to make dinner when we get home from work.

  10. #10

    Default

    I try not to over-analyse what I've done wrong, so I'll make my lists short:

    Smug:
    1. I am letting my DD self-wean from bfing.
    2. I resolved not to smack, shout, or use time out, but try to use gentler techniques and understand her frustration/emotions.
    3. I let DD come into bed with us whenever she wants.
    4. I spend enough time with DD on activities to encourage her to learn new skills and enough time on myself to keep my sanity.
    5. I always listen to DD and involve her in conversation.
    6. She's very responsible and mature for her age, with a great ability to articulate and use good manners.

    Crap:
    1. I wish my DD would hurry up and self-wean. I had no idea she'd go this long!
    2. I slipped up and smacked her once when she kicked me in the mouth while throwing a car seat tantrum, I shout at her more than I should (but we've made a new no-shouting pact and it's working) and I've used time out recently when she hit me because I couldn't think of any other appropriate discipline.
    3. I have been known to put on Play School so I can spend some quality time with BB. (Not doing that now, right now I'm supposed to be working!)
    4. I don't always set a good example of a sound relationship with DP.
    5. I need to remind myself she's only three because sometimes I expect better behaviour from her than she's capable of.

  11. #11

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    Smug

    * I breastfed ds for 14 months. and dd is bf'ing too.

    * I simply did a kick ass, awesome job with dd's birth. no other way to put it

    * Ds is a happy, pleasent, friendly little boy (and I take a lot of credit for that )

    * Most of the time, i'm consistent and firm without yelling.

    * I don't smack, even when I want to.

    * We do lots of fun stuff, and spend lots of time outdoors.

    * I love them. I know that's hardly unique to me, as a mum, but I feel it's the most important part of my parenting. I love them to the stars and back.

    Crap.

    * The tv babysitter (Nanny Panasonic, in Snugglybean speak).

    * It took me months to properley bond with ds, and he suffered because of it.

    * Ds eats junk every now and then.

    * I get cranky at 4am when i've been up half the night and noone's sleeping any time soon.

    * Some days I am bored breathless, and that in turn means I'm apathetic and on line too much

    The worst part about this is I could probably go on for hours witht he crap list, but was having trouble filling the smug one. Oh dear

    ETA- jen, you just amde me think of an important one for the crap list. Since dd has come along, I've been expecting ds to act much older than he is. The other day I caught myself saying to him "Stop acting like a two year old!". ummm... he's not even two yet

  12. #12

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    ok here's mine...so far LOL!

    Smug:

    1. my DDs default setting is happy
    2. DD has a healthy approach to food and will try and persist with everything we offer her (including sambal LOL!)
    3. I was blessed with being able to BF DD for 16 months before she decided that that journey had come to an end.
    4. We play ALOT. lots of dollies, painting and messy play...the latter much to DHs dismay LOL!
    5. we read loads and DD is beginning to memorise and 'act out' her fave bits
    6. DD is a confident girl and has loads of love to give
    7. She is learning 2 languages and doing brilliantly!

    Crap:

    1. PND is a drain on the family...
    2. Listening to the LC who told me to keep feeding DD and ended up with her being taken to SCN severe digestive issues
    3. watching my 2 baby be resuscitated in front of me and being taken away from me without any warning for HOURS.
    4. Letting exhaustion burn the candle at both ends with both of us tired and cranky.
    5. still trying to learn how to deal with tantrums in a less panicky and angry way.
    6. not having the strength to be a SAHM
    7. letting the ILs give DD 'fanta' while visiting them in italy...ok, i didnt 'let' them, but i didnt feel confident enough to ask them not to...ITMS

  13. #13

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    What a great thread Rouge!

    SMUG:
    1) I have a happy and healthy DD and DS
    2) DD lights up any room she walks into with her infectious smile and laugh (clearly due to MY genes )
    3) My DD has healthy eating habits
    4) I actually like waking up in the middle of the night to DS needing a bottle, it helps me sleep better
    5) DD has had no sleep issues at all
    6) DD never had any health complications from being born prem @ 31 wks
    7) I am strong as I had to wait 7 weeks before being able to take DD home from hospital
    8) Our family attends church each Sunday morning - which I'm very proud of
    9) I B/F until my supply ceased, (which in length of time is nothing compared to most other women), but I didn't beat myself up over it
    10) My DD climbs the tallest obstacles at Kindergym, which astounds the group leader (although that could be a bad thing in the near future )
    11) I'm proud to be a full time working mumma!
    12) My time management skills are sooo much better now than BC (before children).
    13) We read each night at least to DD

    CRAP:
    1) I haven't quite got a hold on taking a deep breath and counting to 10 before reacting to something DD has done, but that is a work in progress
    2) DH and I handle the kids 'wrong doings' differently and I fear this may confuse the kids in the next few years
    3) I probably spend too much time online
    4) I don't use the MCN's as often as I should
    5) We haven't started reading to DS
    6) DS probably doesn't get as much tummy time as he should
    7) The times I have gotten so frustrated with DS when he hasn't gone straight to sleep - it really bugs me
    8) I always wish I had other things for DD to do to curb her boredom
    9) DD probably watches too much TV - but its during playtime and honestly, I don't think its all that bad (but the media tells me it is...)

  14. #14

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    This is a great thread.. My lists will be so eneven today (bad day!) but I'll give it a shot anyway..

    SMUG:
    1. DS is still demand feeding (even though I've had enough)
    2. We co-sleep (& love it!)
    3. DS knows he is loved and is very loving in return
    4. DS loves reading because we've always read to him
    5. I spend most of the day playing/talking with DS

    CRAP
    1. DS eats way too much chocolate
    2. DS loves to watch tv way too much
    3. I let DS watch tv to fall asleep if I'm too tired to bother
    4. DS has been smacked too many times for my liking
    5. DS is a very anti-social child and I blame myself for not "socialising" him younger (even though I think thats just him and it wouldn't have changed him)
    6. Not being able to deal with DS tantrums in a calm manner
    7. I yell at DS too much
    8. I spend too much time online

    I know there's a lot more but I've got a headache so Ill come back if I can think of anything else..

  15. #15

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    I'm only six months into it but lets see how we do

    SMUG

    DS has never had any issues with sleeping
    He can self settle
    I have never let him CIO
    His needs are always met no matter how tired i am or how crap i feel
    He's in cloth nappies full time after 5 months of ummming and ahhhing

    CRAP
    I gave up on BF when he was 5 days old when i wasn't having any issues except for a little pain
    I put him on the floor a bit more than i would like
    I dont play with him as much as i should
    I dont read to him often enough
    We dont go outside enough

    I'm sure i'll have more to add as he gets older

  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by JwithJ View Post
    I put him on the floor a bit more than i would like
    J, my mchn tells me the absolute best place for bubs to spend most of their awake time is flat out on the floor. Good for their developement and motor skills

  17. #17

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    Only 8.5 months of experience, but so far...

    SMUG
    - BF in the beginning was horrendous and painful but I never realistically entertained the thought of FF, it just wasn't an option for me and now we are still going strong I'm proud of myself for that.
    - Most of my choices in parenting so far are different than what everyone else in my family has done and I am always getting the impression they think I'm crap and doing everything wrong. But I have stuck to my guns bc I think I'm doing what is best for DD.
    - I don't let DD CIO.
    - DD wouldn't sleep on her own during the day for the first 6 months of her life so I wore her in the HAB for every sleep, it frustrated me to tears but she needed it so I did it and now she has grown out of it by herself
    - I don't sleep very well when co-sleeping but DD likes it so most nights I let her co-sleep for some of the night.
    - I am doing BLS and letting DD set her own pace with eating even though I've been told it's stupid. DD is a fantastic eater so far and has never refused a food.
    - I am using cloth nappies and actually keeping up with the washing, pmsl.
    - I try to treat DD like a little person and respect her needs and feelings.
    - And most of all my DD is incredibly happy so I must be doing something right.

    CRAP
    - Getting so frustrated and angry about her sleep
    - Being so sore and miserable in the first couple of wks from a long labour, emergency c/s, and BF probs. DH had to do everything and I felt useless. It was hard to bond with DD properly bc I felt so crap like my only experience of her so far was pain. I never knew I'd love her as much as I do now.
    - Being too lazy to go out and do much during the day.
    - Not going outside enough.
    - One time when I was home by myself at night and she wouldn't sleep, letting her cry in her cot for about 15 mins bc I needed a break and she went to sleep upset
    - Not going to playgroup/mother's groups etc bc it makes me stressed out with her playing with other babies bc she might catch something bc I STILL haven't decided what to do about vaccination so I feel like if she got sick it would be my fault

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