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Thread: There is no joy

  1. #1

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    Oct 2006
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    Default There is no joy

    I don't really know what I'm after, posting in here. I'm ashamed, I guess but feel I need to say that I am finding no joy in my children at the moment.
    I feel ashamed because I read every day of friends (my sister too) who would give anything to be parents. Family who have lost babies, children & would give anything to hold them one more time.
    I however, would like to tuck myself away somewhere, without my kids, without my husband and enjoy the solitude.

    I lost my mum three weeks ago yesterday. It is not my kids' fault that I am missing her. But I resent that I have to keep going with everything when I just want everything to stop. When I want everything around me to be still and to resonate with the loss I feel.

    I hope things get better soon. Because I am sure the kids can tell how little joy I am finding in caring for them. The guilt overwhelms me almost as much as my grief.


  2. #2

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    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    It must be really tough to be parent your children while you mourn your mother.

  3. #3

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    *hugs*
    it is hard when you have to keep on keeping on and people depend so much on you when all you want to do is stop and have a moment. I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your mum. take care of yourself, you need to look after yourself so you can then be the mum you need to be to your kids.

  4. #4

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    So sorry about losing your mum
    Give yourself time. The joy will come back, but naturally it's hard right now. Your kids will be ok - they do know something is up, but going through the motions can get you through for a while.
    Do you think talking with someone might help? Do you have help to get a break, just a bit of time to stop for yourself?

  5. #5

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    Grief is a terrible thing, and I cannot imagine how you must feel, but even without that, I would not resent you wanting moments without your children...no matter how much I want my own, each person is travelling a different road, and we cannot put ourselves in their shoes.

    Be kind to yourself, and allow those moments to feel sad, and resent that your children have their mother, and you do not.



    I am so so sorry you feel this way xox

  6. #6

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    Default There is no joy

    Oh sweet girl xx I wish I could whisk you off somewhere to mourn your Mum and look after the girls for you so you can have the time you need

    Grief has many stages. I'm sure you know this already. Trying to continue on with everyday life when your heart has come to a screeching halt is hard. Life seems cruel and everyday stuff seems unimportant. Your girls will be fine while you muddle through this emotional time. Really the best you can do is to get through it the best you can, and if that means you're not winning mother of the year while you navigate life without your own Mum, that's actually ok. Please tell yourself this.

    It's ok to feel all the things you are feeling. It's ok to want to be alone. It's ok to let normal life slide. As long as the kids are fed, safe and healthy, for now that's enough. Life will eventually return to some kind of normal, it won't be so hard or painful, but for now, just exist xxxx

    One day at a time babe, just take it one day at a time.

  7. #7

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    I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum I can't imagine how hard it must be to look after little ones when you just want to be

  8. #8

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    It is normal to be distressed after the passing of such a loved one. Perhaps you need to find someone that can take the kids for a week or two or you go on holidays for a week or two. That way you will get *some* time to grieve and have some time to deal with it. Especially if it is two weeks you can get away, you will likely find yourself ready to be surrounded by your family Even if finances really don't allow it, I would still suggest it as it is important and will help your family.

  9. #9

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    I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with others in saying that if you possibly can, can you get some time for yourself like you need?

  10. #10

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    Default There is no joy

    I'm so sorry for your loss xoxox
    Huge hugs!

  11. #11

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    Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Naomi has said it beautifully, and I too wish I could take the kids for a few days, or whisk you away somewhere quiet for you to reflect on your time with your Mum. Much love to you honey ♥

  12. #12

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    What they said, and then some. You are an INCREDIBLE Mum. A credit to your own Mum, I don't doubt. And you're allowed to let the wheels fall off a bit while you grieve.

    You have created two resilient little girls who have had consistent warmth, devotion and responsiveness from you and they do not doubt your love. They know that you're sad and they know why. It's ok to be transparent with them. To let them know that you're feeling so sad that it's really hard to feel fun and energetic right now. That you miss it and that you know that they do too. But to reassure them that this is a normal process and that over time, it changes. Let them know how they can help, and how they can help themselves. Who they could talk to and what they could do if they were feeling sad too.
    Where you can, make space for yourself to just sit in the hard stuff, and make space for them to go off and be silly with others who don't have to carry this burden right now. You don't have to be all the joy, all the time. Right now, you can't be.

    Know that you are loved and that, as always, you have us behind you. xoxoxox

  13. #13

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    Firstly, huge , I'm so sorry for your loss.

    You need to allow yourself time to grieve, what you are feeling right now is completely normal. You have to function physically every single day, like nothing happened, it's no wonder your headspace is a little fuzzy at the moment.

    You're a fantastic mother and your children know that.

    Be kind to yourself.

  14. #14

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    Thanks. I wish I could buzz off for a while! Had one night the week after but it hadn't really hit me then. It's in the normal comings & goings that things have gotten so much more real and just impossibly sad.
    I appreciate the support & reassurance. I know the kids will be ok, but I feel like half a person some days.

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