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Thread: Are you more strict with your younger kids?

  1. #1

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    Question Are you more strict with your younger kids?

    I am just curious. Are you more or less strict with your oldest child compared with the younger ones?

    I had some old bat tell me that I was too strict with DS2 who is 11 months old. I simply said "no, we don't hit" and "please keep your hands to yourself" when he hit his older brother on the head while we were out. It was a gentle hit and DS1 didn't care but I believe in setting boundaries early. She then went on to say that I must have been a nightmare when DS1 was younger as you are always harder on the older kids. I don't think I am any different in my discipline between the 2 boys. Both my boys are fairly placid so I don't have a huge amount of trouble with them other than the usual.



    In my opinion, I do the hard yards in the first 3 years to give them a good basic understanding of boundaries and then reinforce or negiotate as they get older. We shall shall see how that goes as my eldest is almost 3 but it sounds good in theory

  2. #2

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    I'm waaay waaay softer with DS (12 yrs in between), even though I feel my parenting ideals are much the same all the same.

    It's just that DS was a very difficult unsettled baby and it took so much of our energy to keep him settled and relatively happy that I don't feel like I had the time to 'teach' him. A lot of things I just had to let go and unfortunately I feel it's showing a bit. DS needs really firm boundaries and it's only now (he's 5, dd 3), that he is older than I have the time and clarity of mind to do so .

    But that's just my experience. I daresay that many of us relax somewhat in our parenting with the later children because you realize how to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff so much.

  3. #3

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    What is with people that think they can interfere in other peoples parenting?? Its not like you were giving him the strap like she probably did in her day.

    In regards to your question, I think I an as strict my kids the same, but sometimes come down harder on my first because she should know better IYKWIM. She is 8, DS is 3.

  4. #4

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    You know the times that I stop and chat with the older lot (and likely telling ds off for being rude), is that so many of them make a point in saying "they are only little once, it's ok" if I look embarrassed. I like to take it on board though, they might know what they are talking about...!

  5. #5

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    I do that with my DS and he's the eldest (and only). Doesn't sound harsh to me!

    From seeing other parents through my entire life, the youngest always gets their own way and the eldest is expected to shoulder more responsibilty because they "should know better" - irrespective of the fact the younger child should have known better for years! (Bitter oldest child side coming out!)

    But I have seen the oldest child having chores from age 7... fast forward 7 years, the oldest child is expected to do chores but the youngest, now 10, doesn't lift a finger still.

  6. #6

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    Wow Ryn, I must be an absolute cow because DS1 has "chores" already (according to some friends of mine). They are just basic stuff like helping keep his room tidy, putting away toys, helping me pack the forks/spoons in the dishwasher etc. They are not really chores to me as he is a part of the family so should help out. He actually volunteers for them and gets upset if I start without him.

    I think I was the same with DS1 as I am with DS2. DS2 is only young so the discipline hasn't really started yet as he does not get into things he shouldn't etc.

  7. #7

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    I was much stricter on my first child, I have got more relaxed over the years and as Lulu says stopped sweating the small stuff. I think too cause mine are so far apart I am just more tired LOL

  8. #8

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    Bit of both here I think. I think sometimes we forget DD is younger and expect a bit more of her than we did of DS at her age. But then like Lulu said, you relax somewhat with knowing how to choose your battles a bit more, so could seem more lax with the 2nd.

    I dunno really! hehe

  9. #9

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    I"m the same with all of them. I do expect a fair bit more responsibility from DS1 though, being the eldest and all, but hes the type of kid where you don't need to be on his back all the time kwim? the girls are different, They need to be kept in line or otherwise they can get pretty slack at stuff - like every two days I make them do a quick tidy up of their room cause otherwise if I don't it will end up looking like a tip. Obviously DS2 is too little yet to worry about too much, just as it were for the older 3 when they were the same age, but telling them from the very start that xyz isn't OK, or we don't do this or that helps reinforce that for when they are older, as it is easier to get them used to family rules from the outset than try to do it when they are older and are pretty used to getting away with it kwim?

  10. #10

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    My children are different so I parent them differently. Same ideals just different techniques. But I am not softer, not by a long shot. DD is a lot more emotional than DS so she needs a lot more talking and listening. DS doesn't cope well with over assertive requests (I'm sure in his little head he sees them as demands LOL) and doesn't listen to raised voices or short commands (but he still has consequences for his actions) so with him I need to talk calmly and discuss personal rewards when asking to pack up, or to explain to him that he wouldn't like xyz if it was done to him. DD just gets everything, she understands on a higher emotional level (not to say DS isn't emotional) they just operate for the most part differently. But rules are rules, they apply to all as do boundaries but they are just enforced differently. And I get the same results from both techniques with both children.

    It really is none of anyone's business how you parent your children, and I'm sure some people (at different times) would think I am softer on one or the other depending on the situation. But I know I'm not and I see two happy well adjusted kids (who have their quirks but don't we all!) and I know I'm doing something right. I don't take much stock in what someone thinks after seeing our parenting for 5 minutes, come live with me for a few months and then you can comments (doesn't mean I'd listen though LMAO!).

    And children's needs besides personality change with age, DS is still extremely demanding in comparison to DD so I try really hard to show her that her needs are just as important as his, but at the same time I know in a few years the tables will turn and she'll be more demanding as a teenager and he will coast for a little while. There is never an exact way we do things we mould to the situation and to our children.

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