I feel like i'm failing

LMS maybe next time just post in the boo hoo section with the title {VENT} if you only want one type of reply?

I can see that people were only trying to help even if it doesn't feel like it to you. To be clear about what you want next time maybe it's best to post there and you won't be offended??

Or if you're happy to hear all points of view post anywhere you like. But you can't really post on a public forum and then get offended when people give advice you don't want to hear I don't think?

You also don't have to take the advice. You know yourself better than anyone and if it doesn't apply then no reason to get upset about it.

I hope you've got something valuable out of this thread anyway because it didn't sound from your first post that things were going that well.

i feel like i'm failing all the time. So when i see posts with the word "failing" in them, like this one, i relate. You're not alone LMS. Parenting is very challenging. I hope you don't think you're the only one "failing", cos truely, you're not alone. i hope you find comfort in that, that's what i see this forum is for, realising that the things we struggle with, are things that MANY people struggle with. ANd somehow, when you realise, you're not alone, that can help. In some bizarre cyberspace kind of way. Cos IRL, i go to the supermarket/school run, and see some mum dressed up all glam, with her 7 month old designer baby, and i feel mega inadequate.

i just re-read your initial post again, and had another thought, about the time out thing. In my state, the child youth health nurses protocol about "time out" is that it is most useful, AFTER a child has turned four, because it is then, that a child developmentally, can understand what TIME OUT means. I know Time Out is popular on shows like Super Nanny, although i can't remember if she advises it for kids under two or not. Just a thought. You sounded stressed out, that your DD fell asleep in Time Out. She might just be a bit young for TO to work, just yet.

I hope my comments have not upset you, i would feel horrible if they had. I put what i put, cos you sounded like you needed some ideas. And that's all they are, just ideas. Stuff for you to read (when you feel up to that), try out things that interest you, disregard what doesn't suit. Heaps of people on this site have given me ideas when i'm all spent, so if i can think of anything to help other people who post for help, i give it my best shot.

when i'm down, i can take things very much to heart - read the same thing again when i'm feeling stronger, and take the same words, in a different way.

I cannot imagine what it is like, to be in your shoes (heavily preg. and simulataneously caring for an active toddler), but my heart does go out to you, and i wish you all the best LMS. My memory is so bad, i can't really remember your posts from the last few years (well the specifics), due to my past medical history. Each time you post, i just go on, what you have posted about exactly then.

My reply has nothing to do with who you are. I would have replied to any one on the forum in the same manner that posted about her child getting into something repeatedly as I know I have done in the past.

I think Gigi has a good point about time outs - they are really REALLY ineffective at the age your DD is.
They just don't have the capacity to understand the whole concept.

I really recommend getting your hands on a book called Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, by Dr Jane Nelson. If you can't, PM me and you can borrow my copy.

I think part of the reason you are struggling is that you are trying to push the proverbial uphill and expecting much more than she is capable of presently. If you readjust your expectations and find some new tools that match and support your NEW expectations, I think you will both be a lot happier and more successful. That is not to say of course that there won;t be days you want to lock yourself in the bedroom or scream the house down with frustration, but it will give you some age and stage appropriate tools and techniques to use to combat and support behaviours and also to help you overcome your frustrations about where she is or isn't at yet with her reasoning.

Parenting is HARD. It is hard because it will challenge you in every expectation you had, every preconceived notion...You will need - NEED - to let go of all those ideas you have about what you think kids should be, how you think they should behave, because until you are in it, you have noooo idea. And THAT is when you need to ask for help - which you have done - and you need to seek some alternatives, because what you are doing now, it ain't working. So welcome to the human race J, you are totally normal and so is your DD. :)

LMS - my dd2 sounds so much like your dd. DD2 was crazy throughout my pregnancy with DD3. In the end it came down to me. I needed to be more organised. I needed to spend more 1 on 1 time with her. Trips to the park are free and do so much for your child. they run, climb, balance, make friends etc etc and best of all, they get worn out! We have gates all around our home and they're there (1) for safety - we have stairs and wide set balustrades - and (2) to keep Queen Chaos out of the areas she is not supposed to be in. If we forget to close off an area, I can guarantee she will be in there doing something destructive when my back is turned. Just a few short hours ago, DS2 went through 2 gates and didn't close them behind himself. I was cooking dinner at the time and DH was changing DD3's nappy. I asked DD1 to find Dd2 and she had got into the bathroom and tipped an 8 pack of dd1's tampons into the toilet. It's frustrating but Dd1 should have put her tampons up higher and DS should have closed the gate. Ultimately, DD2 is just inquisitive and I have been so busy lately that she is obviously plain bored and wants to find fun & interesting things to do. She finds the toilet to be the most interesting thing around! Lol.
Definitely look at getting some gates. When they're actually closed, they are fantastic. We don't close of DD's room though but we're able to have a gate closing off the hallway near the bedrooms from the rest of the house. This has been the best thing. Look at your local buy, sell swap group on FB. They're always on the local groups where I am and are pretty cheap as they're used. Good luck :-)


From my iPhone.

LMS, I totally get where you are coming from. I too have a very, very active, curious, independent child - DS2. It's felt like from the start of this pg till now, he's pushed me to my limits almost constantly. We have locks on all the cupboards, the fridge and pantry ... and he'll still find something to get into and make a complete and utter mess. Add to that the fact that he has a strong personality and cracks the goo big time when mum or DS1 do something so innocuous as dance when "his" Wiggles DVD is on, and we occasionally have fireworks. I can only put up with the combination of undesireable behaviour, whingeing and whining for so long before my blood pressure starts to rise :rolleyes: And believe it or not, pre-kids I had the patience and tolerance of a saint!

While DS2's behaviour is relatively normal for a 30-month-old, I completely understand that at 33 weeks pregnant it's harder to deal with. We're less agile, we're often uncomfortable, we're often a bit more fragile ... so it makes sense that we react more strongly than we sometimes intend. Hell yes, I think I can be mean at times too - and I DO blame it partly on being pregnant and hormonal. I have enough self-introspection to know that while I sometimes feel mean (some days it feels like I'm constantly telling them off and putting one or the other in time out), I also know I'm doing the best I can and that on the whole I'm a damn good mother. And I bet you are too.

Have confidence in yourself, and know that while you might feel like a mean mummy some days ... plenty - PLENTY - of us feel exactly the same at times. Just go through some of the posts in here from mums whose kids are driving them nuts and they feel like all they do is yell and get cranky. Not that it will necessarily help you with your DD, but it might make you feel a bit more "normal", if that makes sense.

Look after yourself hun. And don't be too hard on yourself ... oh, and bring on the next 7 weeks (or less!) :)

I think it is reasonable to be temporarily more cranky and yes, mean, when pg or super tired. But I also think that none of us here would like that to be permanent, especially LMS who is here asking for help.

When my kids are pushing alllllll my buttons at the same time, I try to do two things. Stop everything and just be with them. Play, sing, dance, craft, go to the park etc. And two, adjust my expectations. They are only little still. Even at 3.5 I have to be careful I don't expect too much from dd, especially in regards to emotional maturity.

You and your dd are in a relationship together. You both need to make compromises an understand where the other is coming from. Actions like yelling, smacking, time out create a relationship based on power struggles, fear and domination. They are destructive for both of you.

You need to slow down, find the love and really try and be in touch with where your dd is at right now. It won't last forever, and she's not trying to be naughty. She needs your guidance and assurance.

Good luck. It is hard work, but so rewarding.

find the love, i like that. its easy to forget kids don't think like us, can't think like us. the park is our place to go when we need to break the cycle.

Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes

if anyone asks me for tips on going from 1 to 2, i always recommend baby proofing as much as you can. set up safe spaces where #1 can play while you are looking after #2. Also safe places where you can put #2 that #1 can't get in to.