Olive, may I borrow DD? My skirting boards are VERY dusty LOL :ROFL::
I'll lend you my DS in return - he is fantastic at putting things away into boxes, baskets etc hehehehe
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Olive, may I borrow DD? My skirting boards are VERY dusty LOL :ROFL::
I'll lend you my DS in return - he is fantastic at putting things away into boxes, baskets etc hehehehe
LZ don't worry hon I know exactly what you mean.
This is why I don't remake my kids beds after they make them, or tell them they are doing it WRONG or too slow etc. I might say "Do you want me to offer a suggestion to make it easier?" Sometimes they say yes and sometimes they say no, but often after they get frustrated they ask. But I never say anything negative, and I am sure to let them know how much I appreciate their help or let them know when they are getting better at something iykwim?
I got my kids to do my skirting boards during the week as well LOL. They also loved it cause they got to play in water at the same time.:
My DD is around the same age as your DD Rouge, and every morning she gets up on her own (usually before me) get breakfast, packs her lunch box, gets dressed, makes her bed, does her hair most mornings, checks her reader is filled out, feeds ger guniea pigs and is ready to go to school before me! She never complains about doing it, its just the done thing. She cooks dinner once a week basically on her own (with whatever adult help is needed) she unpacks the dishwashing when asked, wipes down the tables, puts clothes away and often helps clean the bathroom, vacuum etc. She gets pocket money, but doesn't expect it. Eg if i don't have change on me one week to give her she wont even question it.
Sure every now and then she complains about it, but she also sees that together, with some music pumping, we can have fun doing house work and that if we do it together, we have more time later for other stuff
I'm hoping she grows up being house proud and appreciated what she has. I see too many staff at work come along after finishing school and can't even work the washing machine! Its a joke!
its a deal :lol::
ohhhh DD makes her bed too! as long as shes happy with the end result, so am i!:
:lol: i just used those static cloths! dont trust her just yet with water!!:
Great thread!!
I can't wait to have missy helping round the house. I already take her round with me when I do housework and tidying etc and tell her what I'm doing. I have a bouncy chair in each main area and she sits and watches me and "chats".
Sue x
As an only child I had loads of chores as a little kid. I probably did more than twice what any of my friends did, and at times I did resent it because there were times when I would spent the majority of a saturday doing jobs. I want DS to learn to be responsible for his own space/belongings and to contribute to the running of the house without it being a negative experience for him like it often was for me.
A friend of mine has 17 & 18 year old boys. Their mum has always done everything for them. Absolutely everything. She does all their washing/ironing/cleans their rooms. They don't even put their dishes in the dishwasher. They don't know how to use a single appliance in the house except for the TV, computer and xbox. They don't even know how to cook a frozen pizza. She can ask them for an hour to put their pizza in the oven and they say they don't know how so they won't do it, so she just gets up and does it. To make matters worse, they have just allowed the girlfriend of the 18 year old to move in about 6 months ago. She started out being helpful but has ended up being just like the boys. Don't know about you, but I could never imagine moving in with my boyfriends family and having them do my washing and clean up after me. There's nurturing your babies and then there's babying your babies. I just can't see them ever moving out of home, and if they did they wouldn't last 5 minutes on their own.
My DS isn't at the age for chores just yet, but (and I'm not lying here) DS actually helps me with changing his nappy. He'll crawl to get his nappy out of the bag or packet and crawl back with it and lay down. He'll then hold onto the nappy until I need it. And he's only 9 and half months old!!
When he's older, I will be getting him to do plenty of chores. When I was younger (from 8 onwards) I cooked dinner (the basic stuff though, until I got older and learnt at cooking in school different recipes), did the dishes + dried them, did my homework, helped my brother with his, cleaned up the lounge room + the coffee table, and did just basic general tidy ups.
To me, it shows independance and willingness - Your definitely not the only one :)
In my opinion, kids should be kids. So while they are young (ie under 18) they will not 'have' to do housework unless they want to. I will expect them to clean their rooms, make their beds each day and look after their belongings. But I certainly wont be requiring them to vaccum, mop or clean bathrooms. I would like to see them wash the dishes and unload the dishwasher, but only if they choose to.
When I grew up my mum did it all. I never ironed a single shirt until the day I moved out, never cooked on my own (but did help mum in the kitchen) and had never once mopped or vaccumed. And guess what? I turned out ok. I learnt how to do it pretty quickly. My house now is very clean and well organised. I didnt become 'useless' because I didnt do these chores and I have always been very responsible for my age especially as I got my first part time job at 14 and worked my way through Uni. So I dont think my kids will be missing out.
I just want my kids to enjoy being kids, because they will be adults for such a long time. I want them to enjoy learning and playing, not worrying about housework and chores. Id rather them do 1/2hr maths practice questions than 1/2 housework. My kids will become responsible when the time comes, I know because I was. Of course once they turn 18 I will be requiring them to help around the house.
Just my opinion :hide:
Diamond Girl, we are of similar minds. We expect our girls to help pick up their room, clean up a bit after themselves. I don't expect them to do too many household chores but if they ask to do something, I will give them a spray bottle of vinegar and ask them to clean the windows ;)
I want my girls to understand what it takes to keep a house, but I also want them to know that its not the most important thing in life. I want them to love life, and not stress too much about how to keep the house clean.
My job, IMO, is to help them learn how to be healthy adults. To keep themselves clean and keep themselves happy. How to tie their shoes, how to brush their hair, how to laugh.... those are life lessons I want them to learn.
I'm not sure why it's not part of a kid's normal life to not take some responsibility around the house? Kids have to take responsibility for many parts of their lives... why not bit of the house maintenance as well? I'm not saying you are wrong, just wondering what your thinking is. Also, you are female and have internalised your mother's role and methods - I notice you have two boys. I wonder how their future partners will feel about your boys growing up not having to do housework unless they want to? ;):
I don't have any choice but to get the kids to pull their weight. With both of us working full time and five kids living at home, if it were all down to me, or even me and dh, the house would be a tip. The kids have responsibility for their rooms, although I *do* help out when it gets overwhelming. Dh and I don't do dinner dishes any more - the kids all share that responsibility, unless they cook. (The chef never does the dishes in this house.) Eldest dd is responsible for her own washing (she's 19 and I think that's more than fair) and I've also started paying her for three hours' heavy cleaning a week. Between 5-6 every week day evening, it is tidy up time and the kids all get a room to put away (not that it takes the full hour, of course!). I also expect the older girls to assist me with the baby from time to time, or do the odd chore for Clare if I am busy with the baby.
They all love cooking, so helping me make dinner or do the baking isn't seen as a chore. The same with the gardening.
My kid is still a 'kid' even if she helps out around the house. Sometimes it sucks to do housework for any of us, other times we have a ball. Dancing around like idiots with the music playing and cleaning as we go isn't robbing her of her childhood at all!
Plus I like her to understand that when we help each other out (eg mum is flat out busy and has a headache and needs to get a few things done, which would be quicker and easier with a bit of a hand) that we are doing something considerate for someone else. There are times her room is a disaster and we go and clean it together and its not a chore anymore.
I've never demanded DD to pack her lunch box and get ready for school and feed her pets and make her bed... she started packing her own lunch box in prep cause she loves doing it, knows she'll like whats in it and is just that kind of kid. She's got a basket in the fridge and one in the cupboard of school snacks to pick from so its easy for her to do. And i rarely ever have to nag her to get ready for school, she just gets up and does it all
Ugh just lost a big post.
I think children who have chores still enjoy their household and their childhood. Responsibility is not depriving them of anything. And just because I encourage my children to have responsibility doesn't mean I'm sipping mojito's in the sun whilst they run around as my minions.
I also don't think that my children are going to develop any unhealthy perceptions of housekeeping. Why? Because I have an unhealthy perception of housecleaning, and it stems from the plates thrown that were "not clean enough" or the army inspections when my room wasn't clean. It had nothing to do with the responsibility of the chores I had as a child, but how it was "enforced". And most people I know who have similar anxieties or OCD also had a similar upbringing where nothing they did was good enough, or they were told they weren't clean etc.
I think you can create an environment where there is a healthy balance between fun and responsibility.
Diamond Girl, The way I see it, we're parents. As parents we teach our children how to do things and teaching them what it takes to keep a house somewhat tidy is one of those things I think it is our responsibility to teach them and they are life skills as far as I'm concerned. I don't think any of us that support this idea are working our kids the bone, we've all found the happy medium where the kids are able to help to the best of their abilities. Plus I don't think it is too much to expect that everyone who lives in a household contribute to the maintenance and upkeep of it. And it's not like they aren't rewarded for it either - helping DH and I is how our kids earn pocket money because we want to instill in them that if you want money then you have to earn it, because when they are out in the big wide world on their own, no one gives you free money. I think it is a real shock to the system for many kids who never do anything around the house while they are at home to have to learn how to do all these things for themselves, and if the bit of tidying or even cooking they do while at home has made that transition a bit easier, then that can't be a bad thing is it? I don't want my kids to be the ones that their housemates plot to evict because they are slobs and don't do their fair share of the housework because they just don't feel like doing it, because it is exactly the same situation as living at home - you have a group of people in a communal household so everyone is expected to chip in and clean it.
And what if our kids stay living with us once they are adults? Are any of us that don't make them help if they don't want to as kids going to be happy to still be picking up after our adult kids and not getting any help? I know I sure wont be happy!
My OH never had to do any housework at home, and when he left home he still took his laundry home for his mum to deal with and cooked from packets or frozen food. After I moved in with him and we started doing all the housework ourselves he actually became quite resentful of the way he never had to lift a finger, and how his brother continued to treat his mum like an unpaid servant. His mum used to try and come into our house and clean it (when we weren't there), and we both had to tell her to stop. Aged 25 he finally realised he had to do it himself.
At the end of the day, as parents, we are raising the next generation of adults, so we need to teach our kids adult skills. After having read this thread I asked DS1 if he wanted to help pack his lunch, and he was delighted to help. He even made his own sandwich this morning and is so proud of himself. I fully intend for all my kids to be able to cook any recipe, as well as handle the laundry and all the housework, by the time they leave home. Otherwise when at uni or working they are going to have a whole bunch of things to learn when they should be concentrating on work or study. And when better to start this training than when they are young and enthusiastic?
I am trying to get DD1 to help out a bit more around the house and she enjoys helping me so it works well. She helps hang out the washing (sometimes I have to re-do it but not while she is helping), put the clothes away, pack up her toys, helps cook dinner and helps put away some dishes.
I believe that I should be raising a child who will eventually learn to be independant of me and if they achieve that then I have done a good job. I had to do things when I was growing up and when I moved into a shared house at 18 to go to uni, I was able to pull my weight and live well. DP on the other hand stayed at home until he was 27 and never had to do anything. As a consequence he is pretty domestically crippled and it has taken a lot of work from me to get him up to speed.
By giving chores or letting them help you are teaching them about life and survival. I see it as empowering them and providing them with the life skills they will need in the future - it is not a punishment, but a gift.
DG & Christy I can see your perspective also & it's one that I vascillate between also so I really get what you're saying... What I think is great is that so many of us actually think about this rather than just work on auto pilot.
With my oldest daughter I did everything for her & I have to say it has produced a bit of a monster (that clearly can't just be put down to that!) She however does believe that she is entitled to have things done for her - and I find that a bit difficult... :wall:
For me personally working as a democratic team is what I want to model foremost. That each child has a right to state their feelings, their attitude and their ehtos that may actually be different from mine. I never remake beds or redo things as that is disrespectful. However I will try and say: this is how I pack the dishwasher and I find things wash better... etc etc etc.
I think we each have differing backgrounds and that affects how we see things. I do know that having lots of kids it's impossible to be it all on my own or do it all. So team work is necessary in our home. :hug:
I completely agree with this. DD has to help pick up her toys each night and puts her dirty clothes in the hamper. She also helps me clean, sweep and mop when I do it. She also loves to do some cooking with me. DH is in the process of teaching her to set the table and she is loving it. DS is also learning by watching DD and is starting to do everything too. They are so cute doing it together. They also feed the dog and if we are doing any chores outside they both love to help us.
I think it is fantastic for them to learn responsiblity and to chip in to household chores.