thread: Sad, angry, over it.

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Dec 2007

    Sad, angry, over it.

    I am so sick and tired of being angry, and yelling, and being ignored, and backchatted to by a 4 year old.
    I am sick and tired of every thing I say being ignored. I am sick of her turning around and saying "I love you" every. single. time. she is in trouble or done something wrong. I am sick of her screaming that she hates me, that I am poo head or any other name she can come up with at the time.
    I am at a loss, I am too angry and too short tempered at the moment to deal with her properly. Every day is a battle, I am drained and overwhelmed, I have nothing left.
    Nothing I do seems to work for longer than an hour, and the next day we get up and it all goes back to the beginning again.
    It has been going on for so long now that I am really beginning to wish I was anywhere else but here. I am over having a 4 year old that spends half her day in her room because I have no idea what else to do anymore. I am sick of feeling every day like I am a failure and that she is the saddest little girl in the world because of it.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Jul 2009

    You're an awesome mum. I have no answers for you limey but wanted to say you do an amazing job and I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is!

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006

    You're probably being harsher on yourself than you should, but still, you certainly sound like a mum in need of help. Getting some time to step away and revive yourself can make a huge difference to how you cope and how well you can manage yourself.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jul 2008
    summer street

    Firstly I think you need to look for some activities that help you let off steam. Does your local YMCA have a crèche? Could you do Zumba or aerobics or swimming or spinning? I'm a hot head and I need to let off steam regularly otherwise I yell.

    I would also look at ways you can bond with your dd. would you consider cosleeping? Or at least sitting and watching her sleep. When I went through a tough time with Dd after ds was born, I used to watch her sleeping and try and remember how young she really was.

    As for the behaviour, I think it must be related to the upheaval in all your lives in general, but of course you can alter any behaviour that isn't acceptable. Perhaps you could try having an arrangement with her, where certain behaviour is rewarded, while other results in time out. Make it clear and even make a drawing or a chart so she can see what the agreement is...house rules as such.

    Thinking of you

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Add aussienic on Facebook

    Feb 2005
    Boyne Island

    I cop the same crap here. Except it is my 6 and 4 yr olds. So over it. DD is shocking at listening lately screaming at us all the time..

    One thing that did work for a while is the traffic light system. but now she is too smart for it and doesn't care but we had some good weeks there..

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Apr 2008

    Couldnt read and not post.

    Hope you can get some help and advice on how to improve her behaviour

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jul 2008

    I couldn't just read and move on without sending you huge hugs...

    I have nothing to offer but I truely hope you find some answer to help you through this...

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Add No.5 on Facebook

    Jan 2007

    Lots of

    My DS is EXACTLY the same at the moment. Don't know where this back chatting came from all of a sudden but it does my head in! I'm over it so I ignore him most of the day because nothing works.

    I'm hoping it's a phase (fingers crossed!!) because it came out of nowhere

    Hope you find something that works for you and your DD soon.

  9. #9

    Mar 2008
    Where dreams are now reality

    I wish I had more to offer than just a virtual hug but I couldnt read and not post

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Mar 2007

    That is such a tough time you are having there.
    Is it possible she is acting out and really testing the boundaries? Is it worth considering an Occupational Therapist?
    I have a GF who had the same issues as you, her DD ended up seeing an OT and it helped alot, the OT helped them both.
    You are by no means a failure, you are Mum doing her best with a trying situation.

  11. #11

    May 2008
    Melbourne, Vic

    Ah hun. I get a bit the same with my DD (3.5). I hate hate hate being ignored.

    I find getting back to basics sometimes helps with my DD.
    - Eye contact. Not yelling at her from the other side of the house. Getting down at her level.
    - Clear, concise directions. "DD, please put your shoes on. It is time to go."
    - Giving her credit for her intelligence. Often when I say "Please put your shoes on." she will ask "Why?" so I explain what I am trying to achieve. "We need to get ready so we can go to the shops. If we do not have shoes on, we cannot go to the shops. We need to go to the shops so we can XYZ."

    Same when she is misbehaving. "DD, do not use that tone of voice. Speak to mummy nicely. Mummy will not answer you until you speak to mummy nicely." And then ignore her until she speaks nicely. Failing that - she goes to the thinking spot.

    I also second what Arcadia says - can you get some time out?

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Add Butterfly Dawn on Facebook

    Aug 2008
    Climbing Mt foldmore

    I hate the "I love you mummy" when they are being naughty cheek monkeys. It feels so manipulating.

    Sorry but Im so glad somebody else is going through this.

    I find when the monkey comes out we need directed activities- coloring, play doh, craft, baking. Or to get outside for a bit.

    We have a star chart in action and helpfulness and good listening are two of the subjects.

    Hugs hun. You aren't alone and your doing a super job

    Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes

  13. #13
    Registered User
    Add fionas on Facebook

    Apr 2007
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC

    I wouldn't even think about techniques for the 'naughty' behaviour at the moment.

    I would think about what would make a great day(s) - going to the zoo, beach, wherever and focus on doing something fun and fantastic.

    I'd also try and get some time to yourself regroup and refocus. Does she go to kinder/childcare at all? If not, maybe occasional care would be good. We all need to recharge.

    Then, when you get some you time, start thinking about some of the other things people have mentioned on here and decide which ones you think you'd like to try.

    Sounds like you have so much on your plate right now, it really sounds very tough.

  14. #14

    Dec 2006

    You and your DD's have been through a huge upheaval. I am not beginning to imagine how hard that is.
    I just wanted to say that when DS (4yo) and i seemed to be at loggerheads a lot, i always put him to bed and sat or lay with him for 10/15 mins and we had this ritual where he would tell me what fun things happened that day. We rarely did anything amazing, just swings, a slice of fairy bread, finding an odd mushroom etc, but it helped me not feel like the whole day was a failure - he still had fun even if it was small. ANd i felt like we went to bed on a good note, itms?

  15. #15
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Sep 2011

    We're struggling with our 4 yr old and nearly 3 year old boys, however, we don't get the backchat...yet.
    DS1 didn't even want a kiss goodnight from me the other night As I type this, he's doing my head in, he won't leave his younger brother alone...

    I second what some of the others have suggested and try to schedule some fun activities for you both.
    I also find chucking them into a warm bath in the afternoon when feral hour hits, can work wonders and just sitting quietly, reading some books can settle them a bit.
    Our boys have the selective hearing too, but I'm getting the eldest one to do a few things while I'm feeding DD, by playing on the 'big helper' thing and giving him special jobs.

    I can't remember where I read/heard it lately, but instead of asking them to put their shoes on before we go out/go to the toilet or take their shoes off before sitting on the couch, I ask them 'what do we need to do before we head out?' and get them to answer the shoes part and make a big deal out of it. What are our rules about sitting on the couch? (shoes off). For some reason, this works better than just asking them to do something.

    I hope things improve for you soon. I really don't think you're a 'poo head'! Hang in there and ...how long until she starts school?

  16. #16
    Registered User
    Add Butterfly Dawn on Facebook

    Aug 2008
    Climbing Mt foldmore

    Ohh that's a good idea. I'll start asking rather then telling them to put shoes on.

    Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Dec 2007

    Thank you everyone

    I agree Fiona - I think a lot the problem is mine. Most of it really. It is how I am (not) coping with everything and this is where I am falling short of the mark with keeping it together. Her behaviour has been like this for a good while, but I suspect worse lately due to her own emotions and as a response to my reactions to her behaviour, itms.

    We do things together regularly, she loves cooking and baking with me and so do I, although these activities are getting more painful as her inability to listen attentively and follow instructions gets worse, which leads to more frustration and less fun all round.
    I am having trouble doing things with her like colouring, as DD2 is full on wanting to be involved in everything, and this makes DD1 frustrated so I tend to let her do her thing and I manage DD2 so she can do it in peace. DD1 EATS every thing - I can't give her a crayon to participate because she eats it - literally, bites chews and swallows it. Text tips, pencil leads, crayons, everything is eaten! PMSL

    I do/did co-sleep part of the night with both girls, but this s part of the problem actually - I am never alone, I have no space to myself. They are on me all day, around them all day, being asked to do things and all that all day, then kept awake by them all night, kicked and pushed in her sleep all night, and woken up by DD1 in the morning, who then wakes DD2 up too early every morning and it is too much. So I am putting my foot down and keepng DD1 in her own bed over night so I can at least go to my bed alone and have some space.

    So, I am setting about trying to find some more activities that we can all do together, and once the house is fully unpacked and there isn't so much clutter around, I hope things will settle down. I am going to ask my sister to watch the girls for a few hours next weekend and hopefully then I can just get out with a girlfriend, and go to the Gallery or out for lunch or something just me and recharge a bit, clear my head.

  18. #18
    Registered User

    Oct 2005
    North Queensland

    We are living the very same battle here.

    It's been a long 2 weeks holiday! Bring on Mondays return to school!!

    Big hugs!