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I actually disagree that stopping a meltdown is important.
It is when you have four young children, and one sets of the next. One meltdown with one child can mean an absolute impossibility of moving on from that point with any of them. I don't have the luxury of being able to induldge a temper tantrum, one meltdown can literally impact how the rest of the day goes. Especially if they think they are going to get away with behaving like that, then they try it again at other even less convienitent times and places.
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How is a child to learn to control themselves emotionally if they don't ever explore all of their emotions?
Just because you may intervene and avoid a meltdown occaisionally doesn't mean they don't get to experience or explore their emotions?!?!? My children have enough meltdowns at home, why on earth wouldn't I want to avoid it when possible. Even when trying to avoid such, the odds of doing so aren't always in your favour. But to suggest that a parent attempting to avoid a 'meltdown' with their child might somehow be stunting their emotional development is a bit rich.
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It isn't easy to watch them kick and scream, but as long as they aren't hurting themselves, then I think they can go for it.
Personally, I actually don't have any emotional issues with watching them scream and carry on - it would be much easier for me just to let them go on a meltdown, but who does that serve? They don't feel better because of it, they don't learn how to handle their emotions by having a meltdown, they don't learn to respect others, they don't manage to express what they are actually upset about. I don't see any way in which a child reaching meltdown point actually serves anybody.
I have no problem ignoring that behaviour until they have calmed down enough to talk to, as I know that when they calm down I can then talk with / deal with the issues leading up to that point - no point letting that get under your skin. BUT I do have other issues with them thinking it is an acceptable way of behaving or expressing themselves and so I will remove them from others, or whatever set them off - this may involve strapping them in the pram or into a carseat or putting them in a quiet spot away from others. After they calm down I will express to them my disappointment in that kind of behaviour and how they are to use their words to express their emotions, and not behave like that. I don't tolerate 'kicking' or lashing out physically at all - it is NOT an appropriate method of expressing emotion or frustration under ANY circumstances with my children.
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I certainly don't judge a parent who's watching a child losing it as being any less a parent - it's just your child going through the developmental stage of not being able to completely control their emotions. It would be the same as judging the parent whose little one can't climb to the top of the slide or trips over. They'll learn, at their own pace.
I don't either. Kids have meltdowns. Even the best of them. I usually feel nothing but compassion for the parent. But I also wouldn't judge a parent who steps in early to avoid a meltdown.
It is our job as their parents to help guide them and teach them how to control those emotions in socially acceptable ways. My kids are very good at expressing their emotions, but if they do it in a manner that is not appropriate, is disrespectful of others, is disruptive of others, then no it is not OK. Yes, meltdowns happen, no I don't blame a young child for not always being able to control or reign in their emotions or behaviours, but yes, I will step in until they are at a point where they are able to control themselves.
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Outdoors in a playground and at home, I don't see the need to control them physically or emotionally. Even a shopping centre, play centre, at a friends' house is also probably acceptable. At church, or sitting at a restaurant or cafe, no, same as not letting them bounce around physically. Those are places to learn to be quiet and not make everyone else uncomfortable.
Other kids using a playground, people in a shopping center etc, deserve to be able to enjoy it too. If my kid is acting in any manner (or is about to act in any manner) that will disrupt others use of public spaces, then it is my responsibilty as a parent to step in and reign my kids in. Kids thrive on consistency. If you let them behave one way, one time and then expect them to behave another way another time, it gets confusing and is not fair on the child. My kids have higher expectations of their behaviours in places in church and resturants, yes. But those expectations, whilst loosened, do not entirely disappear when in a play area. In my house, they also have similar, but even more relaxed expectations - but they do still need to be aware of others in the house and respectful of others needs for personal space (that is a nessecity as we have a family of six in a tiny 3 bedroom house).
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So if anyone is worried about what someone else will say if their child has a meltdown, I say ignore everyone else. ;)
I absolutely agree. It is my philosophy on everything in regards to parenting. I don't care what anyone thinks of the way I parent, I don't believe anyone should care about what others think in ther 'keyhole judgement' moments. I have friends who parent very differently to me, its a non-issue. I don't intervene in my kids having a meltdown because I am worried about what others think of my parenting; I intervene because I believe it is the best thing to do for my children, and because I feel that I have a civic responsibilty to ensure that myself and my kids don't imping on others rights to public and personal space.
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(I should add, I also wouldn't stay if I thought my child was overtired, hungry, or just past being able to enjoy themselves and needed to go home. I'm talking about a meltdown because of frustration or feeling overwhelmed, not due to factors you can help them with.)
Little bit confused with this bit, because I believe that you can help them with all factors leading to a meltdown, I also think that you not be successful aot of the time. But in my experience my kids only ever reach meltdown point if there are other things going on such as hunger, tiredness, etc.
****I am not specifically having a go at you, I just disagree with what you have said and wanted to address each of the issues properly*****
