discipline? yes. punish? no.
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discipline? yes. punish? no.
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yeah, that. Well said :)
I have no problem with someone saying to my DD " don't do xyz, because it's dangerous, not nice' etc....
I wouldn't expect anyone to yell though.
My family know how we parent and follow the same 'rules' that we do.
Which is good, because they often have DD for the day/night.
However, I would never allow another person to smack or even touch my child, unless they were doing so to push/pull them out of danger or a dangerous situation.
I think that under no circumstances should anyone EVER lay a hand on another child. Personally I think it is best to parent without ever using smacking but there's a gap between my philosophy and my practice: I confess that I have smacked on occasion and I'm not proud of it and wouldn't recommend it - it's a really ineffective parenting technique and there are heaps more better ones. But no way should we ever lay a hand on other people's children - even if smacking is something we allow in our own parenting tool box.
I absolutely hated and sexism and racism that oozed between every line of the book "The Slap" - how that author annoyed me! (I'm his worst natural enemy: white, Christian, a home-birther, a mother, a woman, a breast-feeder, against domestic violence, against subordination of women, for women having the choice to gain higher education and work outside the home ...) But how annoying that the point of the story became "to slap or not to slap" and the obnoxious little boy's behaviour, and "who's side are you on" rubbish - when the glaring point to me was: the man who slapped the child also hits his wife. He feels he is entitled to violence. Never mind the boy's behaviours and all the "society is going to wrack and ruin" angst - look at the man's behaviour. Look at his entitlement and how his violence is condoned and excused. There's your wrack and ruin - not the stupid homebirthing breastfeeder pre-occupied with an alcoholic narcissistic husband who is not enforcing boundaries consistently enough!
But I digress ... :lol:
However I don't have a problem with people asserting their boundaries in a reasonable way, which may sometimes involve chastening for my children. Like an irate shopper who says somewhat testily, "EXCUSE ME!" when my children are blocking the way. Or if someone shushes them during a movie or concert. That's just natural consequences.
One time a young boy barrelled into my daughter and deliberately pushed her over. I saw the whole thing - he did not know I was watching. I knelt right down in front of him, looked him in the eye and said, "That is my daughter and she is precious to me. If you ever touch her again, you will be in big trouble with ME!" Boy he got a shock. But I did not lay a hand on him of course.
If I do speak to other people's children, I tone it down and keep it brief - it's not my right to discipline them, I only say just enough to uphold my/our boundaries.
I agree. I don't see the problem with others teaching my child social norms and considerate behaviour. I send my son to preschool so I expect him to be taught by others.:
But some of the examples such as time out etc are punishments and I don't believe in adult directed "consequences" so I would not be happy for someone else to do that to my child.
I comfortably comment on other children's behaviour if I feel it's needed, such as "He had that toy, I can see another one over there you can have" if I see a child snatch something off another child and upset them and I'm more than happy for others to do the same with my children.
Yep that ^^:
I have no issue with other telling my children to stop a behaviour which is dangerous or harmful to others. If my child is in someone else's home, I expect them to abide by their rules and I expect the same of children visiting my home. It might be ok to jump on the couch at your place but it's not ok at mine. However, i do 'tone it down' if I am enforcing a rule in my home with someone else's child, as a PP said. I would never yell at someone else's kid and I expect the same of other parent's towards my own children. A simple 'please don't do that, we don't jump on the couches here' is fine. I would never punish someone else's child and I would be horrified if someone punished mine. I would also expect to be given the opportunity to discipline my own children if I am present. However, if a kid is at my house, jumping on my couch and the parent says nothing (maybe it's ok at their house!) I will still speak up. If my children misbehave at someone else's home, I'll be right onto it. I dislike strangers in public places disciplining my children unless the issue is a safety one. I would have no problem with someone at the park saying 'You need to share the swing, could this little boy have a turn now' if my kids are hogging the equipment, but I would not like someone to tell my child in a cafe 'you shouldn't slurp your milkshake, it's very bad manners'.
A lot of posters have said that they are fine with other people disciplining their children as long as it falls within the bounds of their own parenting philosophies, but how does a stranger have any idea what your philosophies are??