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Thread: who would allow this ?

  1. #19

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    ok i hear you all and i wont be worrying about it from now on

    Just to add ' if i wanted to really fight on this i wouldnt have allowed it but i didnt say a word except is she ok and he said she is fine so i left it '



    Thanks for the replies and yes it is probably me being a tad over sensative but thats why i come here to get myself smacked back into reality so to speak !

  2. #20

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    Glad you've taken it the right way. I don't blame you for your reaction... you are a loving protective mother just like all of us! But sometimes it clouds how we look at situations and that's where the village can help.

  3. #21

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    oh and i do give her credit and i havent a bad thing to say about her actually and i thank her for looking after my boys when its their week ....

  4. #22

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    I think it's nice of you to be concerned about what she may or may not be able to cope with, but remember she's not doing something that no other mother has to do when they care for more than one child. Myself included

  5. #23

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    xxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by bubno.3; August 8th, 2012 at 02:07 PM.

  6. #24

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    I guess that does put a different perspective on it too. But then maybe she's the type of person who wouldn't take that from him kwim? Not saying that you would/did, but maybe she's a 'dont mess with me' type and just wont put up with it? Glad you're feeling OK about it now though.

  7. #25

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    she must be committed to your son to want to volunteer for that! :-) if its the swimming thing maybe you could suggest that they take him to music or gymnastics or some other extra curricular where it wouldnt be as hard for her to look after bub and him and say that you would like to take care of the swimming lessons?

  8. #26

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    I think it's all well and good that it's what mothers do and what we could do etc. but I know I wouldn't be too fussed to do it with my first child. I'm concerned for her tbh. Unless you've been through the first child with a blended family it's all well and good to say its fine but this is the woman's first child. I know 3 weeks into my first child I was still a mess and still sleeping till 10 some days if I could. I think it's presumptuous of your DH. Let alone inconsiderate. Its not like that time of day is the only time there are swimming lessons. And if I were him I would WANT to take my child on the weekend when I was available. Yes she's a part of the child's life. But it would be like DH dropping a current activity that he takes the kids to now, and passing the ball to someone else. I think the woman is lovely for offering but I hope that she's being expected to take on his duties with his own child.

  9. #27

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    I'd never leave the house if that was an issue

  10. #28

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    Yeah I just think its not live or die. And those first weeks with your first new bub are precious. Maybe I'm a weirdo. I mean if it had to be done I'd do it. But it's swimming lessons not school. It's not the only time it can be done. Maybe her baby is perfect. Maybe she's a super mum. But I'm assuming that bubno3 knows her ex pretty well. Maybe I wasn't a great first time mum

  11. #29

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    Yeah, I have to say, I find it weird that she is doing it. I know I wouldn't be - not with my first baby still only 3 weeks old! Stuff the tired issue, I want to be with my baby, not taking someone else's to swimming lessons. I find it odd that she is willing to do it, but more odd that he is going to a swimming lesson at least ONE of his parents can't attend.
    What is she going to do with her baby while she is doing the lesson with your son?

  12. #30

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    I was back at swimming lessons after the post partum bleeding stopped with dd2 and ds in tow. They were either in a pram or carrier and slept when ds was older the receptionist watched him.

    I understand it's probably hard for you given you have said he is not your so dear ex dh, but its not a big deal and as others have said lots of mum's do it. You are lucky that she wants to be so involved and hands on.

  13. #31

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    Quote Originally Posted by LimeSlice View Post
    Yeah, I have to say, I find it weird that she is doing it. I know I wouldn't be - not with my first baby still only 3 weeks old! Stuff the tired issue, I want to be with my baby, not taking someone else's to swimming lessons. I find it odd that she is willing to do it, but more odd that he is going to a swimming lesson at least ONE of his parents can't attend.
    What is she going to do with her baby while she is doing the lesson with your son?
    Have you ever been a step parent Lime?

    Don't want to offend, but your post is a little offputting. The lady is not taking "someone else's kid" she's taking her step-son, who lives with her 50 percent of the time. It's not odd at all that she's willing to do it. And also, the child is 3, she doesn't need to be in the water with him.

  14. #32

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    I think I read the first post differently to everyone else. I took it as she was concerned for the step mum because her husband is manipulative. I've got friends who are step parents and friends who are separated. And I know the parents would want to be a part of extra curricular activities, not to exclude the step parents. Not because they love the child more or anything horrible. And not expect the step parent to do it, it's not offensive to the step parents unless either parent is incapable. No one is suggesting that. I asked DH and he said that if it was him he wouldn't want her to do it so she could enjoy that special time. Not because she's an invalid. But because it's a special time. His second comment is he'd want to be at the lessons himself. If it were unavoidable sure. But in all the shared care situations we are privvy to unless it can't happen both parents prefer to be a part of these situations. It's not to be offensive, they are their parents. Why wouldn't they want to be there?

  15. #33

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    Leaving the whole sleep deprivation/newborn thing aside, I know how terribly difficult it was for me to have another woman 'parent' my daughter. Especially early on. I felt really threatened (and still do sometimes) that maybe "my" baby would form a bond with another woman that would somehow lessen the mother/daughter bond we have. To top that of, there can be acrimony based on what your ex has told her about the relationship, she can have a very different parenting style to you, your child may not like her, she may feel threatened by you/your child....

    It is an emotional minefield which is extremely difficult to navigate, especially in the early days.

    It gets easier sometimes but the hardest thing is letting go and realise you have no control of who is actually parenting your child. If your ex is not known for his wise decision making, this makes it even more of a worry.
    Just because a woman has given birth to her own child doesn't mean she will be a good mother to her own, let alone yours.
    Last edited by nothing2lose; August 6th, 2012 at 05:31 PM.

  16. #34

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    thank you to the last few women as you got what i meant in my original post

    i will be back just getting my 4 yr out of bath

  17. #35

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    Quote Originally Posted by black_rose View Post
    I was back at swimming lessons after the post partum bleeding stopped with dd2 and ds in tow. They were either in a pram or carrier and slept when ds was older the receptionist watched him.

    I understand it's probably hard for you given you have said he is not your so dear ex dh, but its not a big deal and as others have said lots of mum's do it. You are lucky that she wants to be so involved and hands on.
    hey thanks for this but she hasnt much of a choice ....

  18. #36

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    [QUOTE=Rouge;3170411]I think I read the first post differently to everyone else. I took it as she was concerned for the step mum because her husband is manipulative. I've got friends who are step parents and friends who are separated. And I know the parents would want to be a part of extra curricular activities, not to exclude the step parents. Not because they love the child more or anything horrible. And not expect the step parent to do it, it's not offensive to the step parents unless either parent is incapable. No one is suggesting that. I asked DH and he said that if it was him he wouldn't want her to do it so she could enjoy that special time. Not because she's an invalid. But because it's a special time. His second comment is he'd want to be at the lessons himself. If it were unavoidable sure. But in all the shared care situations we are privvy to unless it can't happen both parents prefer to be a part of these situations. It's not to be offensive, they are their parents. Why wouldn't they want to be there?[/QUOT

    sorry had to delete
    Last edited by bubno.3; August 8th, 2012 at 02:09 PM.

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