How to tell my MIL that I dont want my DD leaving me overnight yet.

You do need to say something that will stop them from pushing you for a couple of years... But maybe it has to come from DH for them to listen? I absolutely hate leaving my little ones! The first time I ever left them was for four nights and I cried on the plane lol. That was 6 years ago... I went away 3 months ago and cried again, this time it was for three nights haha. Hubby & I are going away for our ten year wedding anniversary in December & leaving the kids with the grandparents for four nights... Any longer & I wouldn't survive. You're not overprotective, you're just a mum who wants to be a mum all the time - simple! Be firm and say "no!" Lol

I dislike your mil a lot. I feel upsrt reading what she is saying. It must be five thousand times worse for you.

You need neither reason nor excuse. You are Mama and they play by your rules or not at all. Perspnally, I would (and have) just said no when she starts up, then hang up. Don't let her push or ask why. Just "no" and hang up. Not like she hadn't been told no before, she's just too selfish to consider your feelings valid. And to laugh at them! Aaagh.

No and hang up. Not even goodbye. Then don't pick up the phone when she calls back.

No way would i let even my 4 year old fly anywhere without us at this point - it's not over protective, it's just knowing myself and knowing my daughter! Even though she may be fine, there is no way to know that - and being that far away with no way to get to her - no WAY! DD knows my parents very well (she sees them at least once a week) - and even when she asked to stay with mum one night, she ended up not being able to settle (she has had naps at mum's a squillion times as she goes there at least one day a week so i KNOW mum was doing the same things we do) - and mum ended up needing to bring her home to us. Mum is 25k's away, and we COULD do that - a plane flight, no matter how short (and two hours, IMO, is NOT a short distance at all) - nup, no way

there are lots of factors your IL's need to understand - the distance may not seem much, but you are uncomfortable with it. If they live a 2 hour plane flight away, i would suspect your DD doesn't really KNOW them to the point where they would have unconditional trust from her and it could be quite distressing for her. when they visit, she has her safe place - so they are fun and exciting and awesome - and she is likely she is comfortable with them because she knows she has the safety of YOU.

I'd be telling her unconditionally that it won't be happening any time soon, it's upsetting you and you want her to stop suggesting it. when you feel the time is right, you will broach it with them.

Hello, I think over time I have become more assertive to people when it comes to my kids. I saw that everyone else does whatever pleases them so I should too. I think if you don't want to send your kids (which I think is very reasonable, I wouldn't either!) then you shouldn't.

I'd be polite but firm. I'd say my kids aren't up for it and we will visit you .... Don't give excuses or justify your decision as I find it doesn't make much difference any way.

One thing to think about, would you let your mother in law tell you how to feed your kids or where to send them to school or how to put them to sleep. This is another decision amongst the millions we make and it isn't up to her. Don't feel bad and stand strong. It would help if your DH agrees then he could just say no also. After time hopefully she will just pester someone else!

I absolutely, no way, no chance, would not happen, wouldn't let any of my children be a plane ride away from me and their dad simply because the in laws wanted a visit. My eldest is 10. Certainly not at 2.5!! I have been a plane ride away when I went away with girlfriends, but my kids were with their daddy, in their own home, with their normal routine and with my mum staying for extra help. If DH and I go away, the kids come with us.

I understand that not everyone feels the way DH and I do, and that's ok - but if you and your Dh aren't comfortable with your child being away from you, the answer is simple. No. No explanation is necessary.

I am actually dumbfounded that she thinks putting a 2 1/2 year old on a plane with a 15 yo is appropriate!! A 15 yo abysitting in the child's own house is one thing - but taking them on a plane is a WHOLE different story!!

I think its unanimous here.... We all seem to agree with you!

There's too many posts for me to comment individually now but THANKYOU so much for your replies!
Yay I am normal!!! ;) I am so glad that my feelings are valid.

My MIL ended up calling my DH today and saying that she had spoken to me about sending DD to them and what does he think? Straight away DH reckons he said 'no' She tried saying 'oh its not in the next few days, it will be in a weeks time' He just told her its not necessary, she then said she thought I wld like the break. His reply was 'from what? Shes a stay at home Mum!' Cheeky bugger... cos ofcourse us SAHM mums dont do anything hey ;) She then said how about when you go to Hamilton Island to work and he said 'Ill be working'. (its so silly she even came up with this plan cos all dh had said to her was that he was going there for work, nothing at all about me going)
I called him and found all this out before I spoke to MIL thank goodness, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders!
So when I spoke to her she said 'oh I thought u wld like to go to H. Island' and I said I wld but IF it was going to happen then we would want to bring DD and then made a little joke that DH would prefer her over me anyday!' Luckily that was enough and the subject was changed... I think that will be it for a while now... Its quite obvious we're not ready. I know they don't and wont understand what the problem is and will probably feel a bit sorry for DD having such 'crazy' parents but that's ok, I know the truth ;) I sometimes wish I was still breastfeeding DD so I cld use that as my reason, but then again from the time she turned 1 til I weaned at 2 MIL was always saying to send her there to wean her because thats how my SIL weaned all her 1 year olds and it worked really well. (she has 5 kids) I think it wld have been a horrible way to wean for her and me!!

DD does surprisingly have a special bond with her grandparents and cousins etc, considering she only sees them 4-5 times a year, and she wld have an absolute ball visiting but im sure it wld be a different story with no mum and dad... You have all helped me to see that the bond she has with them wldnt he enough, especially for a long period of time. She wld definitely need to do a sleep over first... and I cant see that happening for ATLEAST another year... and I wld have to be a small car trip away. (gosh I havent even wanted her to sleep in their bed with them when theyve asked and theyve been staying at our place because I wld find it hard her not having dh or myself in with her.. luckily she has always said no! ;) )

So thankyou all once again for helping to make my reasons more clearer and also for making me realise this is a normal way to be and to be stronger in the future and just say no!! :) xxx

Wowsers no way!!!
My DS1 is nearly 5 and 1/2 and only time he slept away from me was when I was I. Hospital having DS2 and he was at our house my DH and my mum!!!
I could not let him sleep over anywhere!!! He still frequently comes to our bed over night!!!!

I am also very fussy and picky with who we let look after the kids. And you know what if people get annoyed too bad my kids I decide!!!

My eldest is 7 and has been on one holiday with my parents for 2 nights. They trialled sleepovers for a year before taking him away. Even then, they were a 1.5 hr drive away.

My youngest is 5 and he has never slept away from home. He has always refused.

I turned down an invitation from my mum to have them for a week before Christmas. We are in Queensland and they are in Victoria. My youngest wouldn't cope and honestly, neither would I. They are my babies and are not ready for a holiday of that duration away from me ( DH is deployed in Darwin at the moment for work).

Now you have stood up to your MIL it will be easier next time. Also never give her an age where you think it would be good for them to go

Just remember.......our children, our rules.

That's great that you've both told her no and she's dropped it. If she does continue to ask though, I wouldn't make excused - when that one thing is no longer relevant she'll ask again and you'll need to come up with something else. My only reason would be "I'm not ready and she's not ready, especially to be so far away. We'll let you know when we're ready, but don't expect it any time soon".

I'm very happy I'm not getting the same questions, because there is no way DD would be staying anywhere overnight without me! She's 2.5 too, and my parents are a 2 hour drive away, ILs are a 3 hour drive. They've never even babysat her during the day, she's just not comfortable enough to be completely on her own yet. And I'm certainly not comfortable with it yet lol. There have been allusions by some that I'm overprotective, but I take the same tack as OP - I'm the parent, and if that's how I want to parent then it's my choice.

Hopefully it's easier in future!